Help,my husband is addicted to pain pills

[Lizzi]

I don't know what to do anymore. He pops pills like M&M's and has terrible moodswings. He treats me and our son like strangers and refers to our house as mine and my sons home.........not his which is ridiculous. He refuses to eat,he wishes himself dead and is angry because he has waken up each day. He seems so full of anger and depression. I also get the feeling he thinks I cheat on him,(which I absolutely DO NOT!!!) Our son and I walk around on eggshells trying not to disturb him,(he sleeps all day and is up almost all night.) Yesterday he made me take him to work 2 hours early,(which he wasn't getting paid for) because he said he felt being here at the house "bothered" myself and my son.................WTF?! He also drinks and has been to rehab 3 times in his life for drinking. Is it the pills causing him to think irrationally? He's paranoid,depressed,and angry and I don't know what to do about it. He won't get help. Can anyone offer me any advice at all?

[Lizzi]

I also notice that if a friend of his stops by or calls he completely changes. It's almost as if he intentionally just wants to treat ME badly. He's not physically abusive or anything,it's the head games.And I don't know what to do about it.

[DawnLB]

I'm so scared that my husband might be using painkillers. It all started this past April when he had a seizure at work. While at the hospital, the doctor asked if he had any ideas what may have caused it and he said he had taken 3 or 4 pain pills that he 'found in the bathroom at a client site'. It just seems like a bogus excuse and my husband isn't dumb enough to just take pills he finds in a random bathroom (at least I didn't think he would). Everything checked out ok at the hospital - and he didn't test for any substance. But ever since then I've had trust issues about whether or not he is taking pills. He's the same guy personality wise. No change in sleep patterns and he's never eaten a lot. But some days I do think I notice changes - dark purple circles under his eyes, he's lost weight and he has no interest in sex whatsoever. Also, the past 3 weekends, has made excuses to stop at his office on the weekend. I've gone with him and I sense he's hiding something when we are there. I could be making it up just because I'm suspicious and untrusting right now, but maybe there is more to it and he really does have a stash at his office? I keep trying to find ways to get in there and look. When I remark about it, he gets very defensive. Is this all in my mind or do you think my husband may be at the beginning of a problem? If I never see/find any pills, how else can I find out? I just don't believe his story about finding a bottle of pills in the bathroom at a client site. HELP me - my heart hurts and stomach aches from stressing over what if....

[ymccormack]

Lizzi: Some pain killers have the unfortunate side effect of short tempered crankiness/paranoia/depression....but how can you and your son live like this? It sounds like your husband has some mental issues combined with addiction....or the addiction is causing his mental deterioration- maybe yes. Either way...it's not normal to tell your family you want to die or that you are disappointed when you wake up to find yourself still alive. You are going to have to make some hard decisions here.

DawnLB: The story of taking some pills he found in a public restroom is very, very fishy....but he didn't test positive in what was basically a random drug test...you may be making yourself crazy for nothing. Just make sure he knows you support him...that way if there ever is an issue - he'll feel OK about telling you.

Good Luck
YM

[DawnLB]

Thanks YM - I just don't want to be wrong and miss something, you know. I'm so worried about the "what if he is and I don't see it". That, and the fact that if he hadn't had a seizure, I would never have known in the first place about him 'finding pills in the bathroom.' I know I can't agonize all day about whether or not he is taking them at work, but it sure crosses my mind a lot. And at the same time I am counting my blessings that we don't have a confirmed case of drug abuse such as Lizzie's with kids, etc. Anyway, thanks again!

[DawnLB]

Lizzie - you definitely don't deserve such treatment. Are there any steps to take to keep the 'friends' out of your home and away from your family? It's so hard when the influence is a constant part of your husband's life, and maybe he would change if the influences weren't there?

[ymccormack]

Lizzie:

I'm not saying that for sure you husband doesn't have a problem....but I think you have minimal evidence here that it is drug related. You even have some evidence that it is NOT drug related (drug screening).

Although....claiming to have ingested unidentified pills abandoned in a public restroom is odd?

His odd behavior could be stress, depression, anxiety....maybe just have a general heart to heart with him and try to figure out what's wrong. Marriage counseling? A visit to the family doctor? Priest/pastor/rabbi? Anything to get him to open up.

Good Luck
YM

[Robert_325]

Dawn ... YM is right. Don't over-react. I know you are concerned about your husband but he did pass what amounted to a random drug test. I would try to not make things worse by dwelling on this. Wait until you have proof that your suspicions are right. Then act accordingly and hope it doesn't happen.

I would refrain from searching his office. I would go ballistic if my wife "searched" anything of mine. He is your spouse, not your child. Tell him what is on your mind or let it go. I agree that the bathroom thing was kind of suspicious, but its not enough to ruin a marriage over. At least not in my opinion.

Lizzi ... your husband sounds like a turkey to me. Sounds like he is probably suffering from depression from the drugs and booze too. And he is taking it all out on those closest to him ... his family. I don't want to be a doomsayer, but sometimes guys who don't have backbone will ignore females rather than confront them. Has anything happened to cause problems between you two besides the drugs? Is he blaming the drug problems on you? I am just thinking ... this is hard to make a really solid determination. Sounds like he is blaming you for all of his shortcomings ... at least in his mind. That is typical addict behavior.

Don't allow his drugs to drag you down. Saying you and your son don't want him there just supports his feeling sorry for himself in his mind. What BS! I wouldn't stand for that if it were me. Sounds like you have been dealing with this for a long time. You're eventually going to have to blow him off or he is going to have to get real with himself and get help. You can't do that for him. Good luck.

[fcred22@gmail.com]

I don't know what to do anymore. He pops pills like M&M's and has terrible moodswings. He treats me and our son like strangers and refers to our house as mine and my sons home.........not his which is ridiculous. He refuses to eat,he wishes himself dead and is angry because he has waken up each day. He seems so full of anger and depression. I also get the feeling he thinks I cheat on him,(which I absolutely DO NOT!!!) Our son and I walk around on eggshells trying not to disturb him,(he sleeps all day and is up almost all night.) Yesterday he made me take him to work 2 hours early,(which he wasn't getting paid for) because he said he felt being here at the house "bothered" myself and my son.................WTF?! He also drinks and has been to rehab 3 times in his life for drinking. Is it the pills causing him to think irrationally? He's paranoid,depressed,and angry and I don't know what to do about it. He won't get help. Can anyone offer me any advice at all?

Hello lizzi i know what you mean my husband is the same way
our marriage is ending because of his actions.

[Lost83]

fcred22,

Hi! This thread is older, but I am here almost daily and am going through something similar with my husband. I'm here if you wanna chat.