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Help my boyfriend is a drug addict and lying!
I HAD to respond
I met my first love when I was 12 & he was 14. I am now 38. We dated from the time I was 12 til about 17, life just took us in different directions, but no matter where we were in life we never lost contact. We ere each others first love, first EVERYTHING. Hand holding, kissing, petting, intercourse & saying I love you. He discovered cocaine after we went our different directions. When I say I loved him, I mean I would have done ANYTHING he would have asked me to do, he was my constant thought but as he grew up and got older I became less important. Of course as we got older we partied together, we drank and smoked weed (Weed is NOT a drug, plz don't anyone debate me on this, not here & I have tried coke twice, I just knew it wasn't my thing). He wasn't a fan of weed but he smoked it with me and he laughed and we had a blast laughing at just NOTHING. ALL I ever wanted in this life was to to be married to this man. He started with the snorting of the cocaine and then it became crack. EVERYTHING important in his life for 22 years was crack. He had a beautiful daughter whom is now 17 and the 2 of them had such a beautiful love, warped yes. So like I said earlier we never lost contact for very long and I knew of his addiction and just never imagined the person I feel in love with and have LOVED ALL my life is a crack head.
February 2010 this past year he told me how he had messed up and that he missed me and wanted nothing more than to marry me, he had never gotten married. We discussed his crack habit and for a few months we spoke on the phone about everyday or every other day, I wanted to see the behavior and patterns because he had said that is was just about behind him and I was his push to end his crack for good, I even talked to his mom and she said he had really cleaned up his act. I was the most excited, happy IN LOVE woman walking the earth. We made plans that I would up root my life and go be with him and we would marry 11-11-2011. I moved about 4 hours away from my family, we had not seen each other for 15 years but to each other we were the same teenagers that we were 25 years ago, it was a little awkward at first but I didn't know why......Ahhh, after a month of being there I realized this person is not the person I feel in love with, YES I was still way in love with him but he was not the original first love, it sounds strange but he was my second first love. This person talked harsh to me, this person was the MOST selfish person I had ever known and he was cold & VERY miserable in his life. Crack became the center of his world once again and to make matter 100% worse his mom started getting Darvacet and klonapin and he was popping them left & right. His mom might get 10 or 15 out of 100 for the month & she didn't take the klonapin so he took them all. I know pain meds all to well, I have taken by prescription, everything from Morphine to Dilaudid to Oxys and have taken Xanax for 20 years for severe pain attacks, 3 or 4 a day also with many different anti depressants. I had to hide my meds I quickly found out. I explained tolerance to him a zillion times as did his scummy "FRIENDS" SO I KNOW about tolerance, He just chalked it up to drama and making a big deal about nothing, to triple the hellish matter he had every sign of heart failure & he was a tall large Teddy Bear. His mom & I BEGGED him to plz go to the ER as he had no insurance and couldn't work but again it was just more drama and he was ashamed of his weight. He was gorgeous and manly he was everything in my eyes. By November his crack habit was crazy out of control but one thing that had NOT changed when he said something you could take it to the bank, not a trait a crack head usually has. At the end of the week we had a very deep conversation and he was unhappy & just plain miserable with life in general, but he was excited about Thanksgiving & Christmas and us getting married. He told me that day that today is the last day I will ever smoke crack again, I have had it and I need to be a man so we can have a good life together, he had never said that to anyone, not his daughter, his mom NO BODY. I was sorta early for me to go to sleep but I was sleepy. I would normally stay up with him because he would sleep sitting up sometime and smoke, so I would do computer things and wait for him to finally lay down, but that night I ********ed up and fell asleep early. That evening he had a cocktail of pills, some off the street and some out of the medicine cabinet and also smoked his LAST crack. I woke up a few hours later to find all the lights on and my beautiful first love laying dead on me. I knew the second I opened my eyes he was gone. I held his wonderful manly hand that once cupped my face with much love and said over & over again " I Love you "and I kissed his cheek that I had kissed a million times before - How strangely beautiful I was the first girl he ever kissed, slept with, held hands with and 25 years later I was the last, nobody can ever steal that from me & him, I mean really what are the odds of that in todays world. I was his soul mate but was he mine????? Anyway hun, all you have is 6 months invested with this person, that is nothing. PLZ don't suffer, don't allow him to lie to you, ALL he cares about is his next high, HIS NEXT HIGH. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM! YOUR LOVE CAN'T CHANGE HIM, walk away and if HE changes himself and comes back to YOU, THEN you fight for him because he fought for himself first and for you.. WE cause ourselves. YOU deserve NOT to be lied to and YOU deserve to have a piece of mind about the person you love and that loves you, YOU deserve TRUE LOVE. I pray right now that you'll listen to all the loving words that I and others have written......BIG HUGZZZZ
Last edited by ddcmod; 12-25-2010 at 11:22 PM.
I have been reading all the comments people have been writing and like most of you I am dating someone thats doing drugs. I have no idea how I got involved with him. But I have been blamed for him using, I have enabled the situation by staying with him. He doesnt do it everyday. But I know the signs by now. Staying with friends, hanging out with friends that he normally doesnt. Same ol story. We argue more. I get ignored. He does whatever he wants. Then he goes on the whole path of feeling sorry. He constantly tells me he loves me but I know this cant be love. He loves what I bring to the table. Im his security blanket. Then this past weekend he stole money from my checking account. At first he said it must have been his friends but I know it was him. Tonight he came clean about it. I was crying because I have done everything for him from letting him live with me to making sure he had everything he needed in his daily life. Never gave him money for drugs. He knew from the beginning I didnt want that lifestyle. But they are such great liars and manipulators. He told me he was sorry. I asked him why he hated me.... he said he didnt. He finally admitted he was an addict... Ive been with him for a year and tonight is the first night he has admitted it to me. He told me he loved me and I told him to prove it. I feel ashamed and betrayed and completely stupid... how could I allow myself to fall into this trap. I told him I dont think I ever want to see him again, which isnt true... I want answers of course but I just dont know what to say to him. Can someone help?
I'am an addict myself in a relationship with a person who is not an addict, The best thing for you to do to get a clear point through is to tell them you are leaving them, if they care enough for you they will want to change. IMO my other told me goodbye, so that is best answer i feel
Hey you are an addict in a relationship with someone who is not right? I really really would love to talk to you somehow if I can. I am in a relationhip with an addict. He was a big >>>>>>e user, has been lonely had noone his whole life until now. He is 26 now and in the last year he has been clean. relapsed about 3 times, but now I found pills crushed in his pocket, and he come home at 2am high as a kite, denying it. i do love him, but I have children and cannot have a user living with me and my children. Right now as we speask he is out walking the streets in this drug filled town. Please help me. I do not know where else to turn.
Originally Posted by tceastside
my boyfriend is a meth addict and i really need help
I have this bf for almost 3 months now...
i have suffered too much..emotionally...
he was a bf for 2 weeqs by my co worker/friend... after meeting me.. they broke up ik few days ..then he court me etc. ( ill make it short) then almost all my friends/co worker were not talqing to me... and some are saying bad things ... so i was suffring ...
when we started the relationship i said ...time will come they will accept me and my bf
i love him so much... and i thinq he does too.. we live in together i discovered he's taqing meth..i cried a lot but i accept him... thought tht i could stop him from using it..
but whats happening? i am using meth too im a user now... i dont cosider myself as an addict coz i always try to stop him... i use coz of him... i use to save a little money before... now i cant save money not mad at me.. i can feel it... i dont have any choice coz i love him .. when hes taqing meth i do too... which i really dont liqe to happen...
i can control myself... i always thinq of leaving him but its hard coz we live in together i love hm so much... and afraid what hes capable to do to me... i thought he wll realized tht im getting short of money and he will realize that its all wrong and stop taqing it... but it gets worst ... i am so afraid... confuse.. i cant even tell my friends... i dont qnow what to do... i want my life bacq.. i am so stressed... sad.. please give some opinion... im so tired of this.. i want a normal life
I'm "try" to keep short. I am the biggest enabler to my bf I carried the guilt of his addiction on my shoulder cause it all stemmed from pain meds i was prescribed from an accident. Gave him a couple for his back and in a blink of an eye he had a 125mg maybe more opiate a day habit. I was paying off the people he owed with my pills cause he didn't want to face them (him being this 6' lumber jack type) me all of 4.9' going into these dangerous places to protect him or get him through another week cause he vows this weekend he's done LIE. When his fam found out i convienced them that they got wrong story and that it was me I had become medically dependent on my pills (which was true but i never abused them), if i had to buy more it was cause he stole them off me. He was just this amazing guy standing by me through my wd I took blunt of everything. NO i mean my kids took the blunt I made a choice they suffered the reactions.
He would just leave when things got bad our sons is autistic and would cry that his dad had become the joker ( he's loves marvel comics) when he use to be batman, and ask me why his dad doesn't love him and is now" criminal" and my daughter 14 laying under her bed asleep after crying for hours holding His guitar pic, she use to love to hear him play. I cried for weeks lost 15lbs just from exhaustion. From being the fall guy and worring now that i'm not there to "protect" him what if he od's what if he gets shot over bad deal. I still wanted to save him crazy i know and of course i would let him back. I broke him i had to fix him.
It took him seeing me have a nervous break down to leave me when an addict leaves you cause they love you and knows they're killing you it was, thats bad. But he also new as long as he had me he would never get clean he didn't have to cause i woiuld fix everything, it wasn't just seeing me destroyed but he wanted change he wanted to get better, he knew who he was and wanted to be again. It was the best thing see me as his enabler i had hit my bottum there was nothing left i had to rebuild myself as a women from scratch. I also had to heal this family just me and the kids, THem poor babies I gave so much to him they were so neglected I'm crying now cause of what I put them through all because i couldn't let them have a broken dad.
He now is doing great we're back together he's has almosta yr clean but i was besides the drugs his worst poision. So before you think your the only one that will help him you might be the only one left thats hurting him, best wishes to all of you.
Originally Posted by littlestrength_31
I can strongly relate to part of that story. I have been with my bf for 10 years. We have 2 children together and he's helping me raise a daughter from a previous relationship. When I met my bf 10 years ago, we were both drinkers and pot smokers. He had never really done/tried any pills. I on the other hand had experience with not only drinking or pot but also coke, methadone, ecstasy and a few other random pills. I had stopped doing everything except drinking and pot by the time I met him (I never became addicted to anything...I just liked to party). We partied together a lot when we first got together (when my oldest child was with her dad...we had joint custody). When I became pregnant with our first child together the partying just stopped. That was 8 years ago. Since then, we occasionally go out and drink or buy a joint or 2. About 5 years ago my bf started hanging out and working with a guy who was addicted to percocet (never had a script, but was snorting 120+mg a day). He got my bf to try it the first time and after that it became an occasional habit for my bf (I never did it.). Then over the course of a few months I realized it wasn't an occasional habit....it was a daily habit but I didn't say anything. Then, the money problems started. He couldn't afford the pills anymore and things were rough for a few months but he kicked the habit and we started doing much better. Then 3 years ago I got really sick. I spent a month in the hospital and had my leg amputated. When I came home it was with a prescription for dilaudid. I took them as needed for pain but it didn't take long to realize there were more gone from my bottle than I was taking. When I confronted my bf he said he'd taken a few cuz his back hurt so I let it go. But it happened again and again...sometimes, I'd fill my script and it'd be gone in 2 days (there should have been enough to last 2 weeks!!) and I would have only taken 2 or 3. This went on for about six months, and too many to count fights and finally I just stopped filling the script. Then one night I went out to dinner with some friends and my debit card was declined. I knew there should have been over $500 in my account (checking my balance showed there was only $13). I checked my bank records and saw that over the past week all my money had been withdrawn from an ATM next door to where my bf worked. I asked around town (we live in a very rural area where pretty much everyone knows everyone) and found out my bf wasn't only buying pills but coke too. I was livid. It was the worst fight we had ever had. I told him if he put one more thing up his nose I would pack all his stuff and we'd be done. He quit cold turkey and paid me back every penny he took out of my account. Fast forward to a year ago. I had begun suspecting things were going on again. Then yet again my bank account was emptied, not by me. I packed my kids and myself some clothes and left. Three days and many tears later the kids and I were back home. I became one of those neurotic gf's that questioned all his friends, read through the texts and call lists of his phone, hacked his fb acct...etc. I don't believe he was a daily user again but there'd just be times when I suspected something was going on (call it womens intuition if you want). That's when I'd snoop...and not once was I wrong. Six months ago I found pills in his pocket while looking for a reciept. Again we almost split up but instead decided to move out of the area we were living in (thinking it would be harder for him to get pills). I didn't suspect anything was going on again until a few weeks ago. All of a sudden he was finding reasons to go to our old town every week (and it just so happened to coincide with his pay days). Then 2 weeks ago, while grabbing change out of his pants to give our daughters money for snack at school, I. found 3 30mg percs. I was sooo disappointed, hurt frustrated, pissed off.... I didn't know what to think or do. So I took the pills, put them in my pocket and waited for him to start freaking out cuz they were gone. But he didn't. I waited a full 24 hours and it wasn't til the end of those hours before he mentioned it. He tried to play it off as though they weren't his and were for someone else but I knew better. I called a friend of mine who does have a script for them and gave them to her. I really thought that would be the end of it for awhile....but then yesterday while checking our bank balance I noticed 2 withdrawls that can't be accounted for. So I started snooping. All the txt and call logs had been deleted from his phone, There was nothing in his pockets, so I checked the car. The first thing I noticed was his wallet in the car (somewhere he NEVER leaves it) so it was the first place I looked. And to my NON surprise I found a perc. I left it there and have still not brought it up. I don't know what to do. I love him so darn much but I'm sooo tired of the lies and drama. Everyone tells me to leave him. That I can do better. But I don't WANT to leave him. I want the pills to leave us. On the surface we have the perfect relationship. The only thing we EVER fight or argue over is pills and money. By not saying anything, I know I'm enabling him. But all saying anything is going to do is cause a fight and more lies. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place....and it's tearing my family apart. I don't want to be the paranoid snoopy girl I've become but I don't trust him. I feel myself building emotional walls between us and I hate it!! I blame myself for all of it because if I hadn't given him free access to my script it probably wouldn't have ever become an addiction....I honestly feel it would have stayed an occasional recreational habit. I have so many questions running through my mind. Do I confront him? Ignore it and let him live his own life? Leave him? Force him into rehab? Babysit him 24/7? I'm an emotional wreck and don't know how to proceed from here....