Help, I'm really confused (drug addiction)

[Retrouser]

Okay, here's my story:

It all started when I was 17 (presently 23). My mom gave me a single 5 mg Vicodin and I blanked out. The most powerful thing I ever took before that was 800mg Ibuprofen. So, I was like, "Holy cow". That started my love for pain pills. I'd go a couple days here and there without them, I'd suffer from chills, cold sweats, and bad feelings and I then realized I was going through withdrawal...which I've now done a lot in my past. I then started becoming more tolerant to Vicodin and started doing harder meds. Up to when I was 20, I did Oxycottin, Morphine, and Methadome.

Then one day, I awoke with horrible back pain. After a few months of figuring out what was going on, I got a Myleogram and found out I've got Spinal Stenosis.

Basically, what I'm trying to ask/query everyone about is, I've done a lot of pain killers in the past, but, now I really need them. And now since I have no documented cases of getting any other pain killers, doctors wonder why Vicodin and Percocet and such do not work for me. I've got a tolerance like what. Luckily, somehow, Ultram (if I take 8-12/day) work for me, but, not greatly, but if I take 5 5mg Vicodins, I think my pinky finger may tingle. What should I tell doctors? What should I do? I'm 23 and really don't wanna have to deal with back surgery, but, to go without having to be addicted(?) to pain pills anymore or having to take them everyday, I'm willing to do a lot!

This may sound bad, but, I wanna go back to just having good ol' fun with them! I'd snort 200mg Morphine in a day and go for a week without anything, or I'd get 12 Vikes and take them all and then have, like I said, the very little problems with withdrawals.

I hope yall don't mind about my rant, but, my god, my insurance doesn't pay for a counselor and maybe some stranger that may have experience may know something and give me advice! Sorry if I said anything that may not be acceptable in the forums. I just really want help.

[Cats Meow]

You need to bite the bullet and take what's prescribed to you, and the way it's prescribed, no more snorting! Your tolerance may be high, but it will go down, and the meds will be effective once you're at your prescribed dose for awhile. Your doc is not going to sympathize with you because your tolerance is high from abusing pain meds in the past, you could probably expect to be cut off for good. It's time to be mature and quit chasing euphoria, it's not something you're entitled to. Either take your meds the way they're prescribed or learn to live with the pain and don't take anything at all. Look at it from the doctors perspective, would you Rx stronger meds to a kid that snorts? That's the major reason chronic pain patients are under medicated today, thank drug abusers like yourself. Maybe it's karma? Some people deserve pain!

[Robert_325]

Cat is right in that the dr is not going to have sympathy for you because you have abused pain meds in the past. Telling the dr so he will hopefully give you stronger medication is insane. You need to take the prescribed dose and it will start working again eventually. Now you need to pay the price for your actions and stick this out. You are going to end up totally screwed if you don't knock off this foolishness with the pain meds. Even now in the situation you are in you're still trying to figure out a way to get high!

I was somewhat sympathetic to your story until you said you still, " ..... wanna go back to having good 'ol fun with them!" If that is the way you feel then you still have some growing up to do before you are going to be ready to stop this insanity. And snorting your pain meds is not smart. I am not judging, just stating a fact. You are playing with fire. Take it from someone who was doing what you are doing before you were born. Good luck.

[kayakotto]

Painkiller addiction can be a tough addiction to break. One of the problems is the tendancy of the substance and its metabolites to lodge in the fat tissues of the body, sometimes for years, creating unusual cravings that may not even be recognizable as such. This says nothing of the endocrine imbalances and others that can result from the toxins (painkillers) remaining in the body. You might want to check out www.stopaddiction.com for a free booklet entitled "Guide to Addiction Recovery for a Lifetime" as a place to start in understanding this phenomena and the handling for it. Hope this offers some help.

[Robert_325]

Painkiller addiction can be a tough addiction to break. One of the problems is the tendancy of the substance and its metabolites to lodge in the fat tissues of the body, sometimes for years, creating unusual cravings that may not even be recognizable as such. This says nothing of the endocrine imbalances and others that can result from the toxins (painkillers) remaining in the body. You might want to check out www.stopaddiction.com for a free booklet entitled "Guide to Addiction Recovery for a Lifetime" as a place to start in understanding this phenomena and the handling for it. Hope this offers some help.

This is nothing but Narconon garbage, and Narconon is nothing but Scientology .... Do a google research on Narconon and it's all right there in print. If you want scientology beliefs crammed down your throat I guess this is fine. I will pass thank you.

http://www.shipbrook.com/jeff/CoS/narconon/

The place you are talking about is in Oklahoma. The State Board of Health of OK has even stated that narconon methods are "less than admirable" and haven't changed in over 20 years. We have had people try to spam us with scientology centers before unsuccessfully.

[Retrouser]

I apologize because I was probably very vague with my...question I guess, or my point. I don't want the doctor to increase my medication, I don't want to be on medication at all in fact. That's why I said I wish i could go back to abuseing them...so I didn't need them anymore (not that I would actually) I guess my main question was, if I need pain killers and I used to abuse, does that make me an addict now? I take my medication as prescribed now and I have one doctor. I just don't wanna be on this ******************** anymore because, since I'm only 23, presciptions, doctor visits, getting my body's tolerance up to pain killers so early, and even having the stigma of pain killers around me makes me want off the stuff!
I can go 24 hours + without pain killers but as soon as I do, my back pain starts up again and I'm in misery. And all I take now is Tramadol.

[Robert_325]

I apologize because I was probably very vague with my...question I guess, or my point. I don't want the doctor to increase my medication, I don't want to be on medication at all in fact. That's why I said I wish i could go back to abuseing them...so I didn't need them anymore (not that I would actually) I guess my main question was, if I need pain killers and I used to abuse, does that make me an addict now? I take my medication as prescribed now and I have one doctor. I just don't wanna be on this ******************** anymore because, since I'm only 23, presciptions, doctor visits, getting my body's tolerance up to pain killers so early, and even having the stigma of pain killers around me makes me want off the stuff!
I can go 24 hours + without pain killers but as soon as I do, my back pain starts up again and I'm in misery. And all I take now is Tramadol.

I personally think the term "addict" is way over-used. I would say you have a dependency but addict is permanent. I would suggest that you don't minimize the addictive nature of tramadol. It is a nasty detox as well. Don't kid yourself that it's not addictive. I don't care what the drs tell you, read from others on this forum who have tried to kick tramadol. Taking 12 a day can get you in trouble. Tramadol can cause seizures when used in high doses.

We get in a bind when we have pain, but we have a difficult time controlling ourselves with pain killers. That is a tough dilemna. You are going to have to learn to handle this better, and as long as you are dependent on the opiates, you will not make logical and rational decisions where this subject is concerned. I still say you need to kick everything, including the tramadol, then re-assess your pain and move forward accordingly. If your dr says you need some temporary pain medication that is something different. Do what your dr says then get back after the detox. That is just my opinion. You said it yourself ... you are 23 years old and don't need to be dealing with all this. Throw the damn stuff down and clean up. Pay the price with a detox now and get it over with. Then deal with your pain when you have your head screwed on straight. Yes you might be in some pain during this process. But if you want to get well and get past the opiate dependency then you will follow some suggestions....and tramadol is included in my suggestion for what it's worth. Good luck.

[Retrouser]

It's really weird on this part. For instance, I had the bariatric surgery 'cause I was 410lbs. I've lost 120lbs so far since March. Now I can't have anything but Tylenol, anyway After the surgery, my doctor put me on liquid Roxicodone 5mg/5ml. (It doesn't have anything else but just the opiate) Anyway, I have never, ever, ever had this happen before. My pain doctor, with me helping, gave me 1050ml (so basically 210 Percs) for a month. I killed it in a week. Like, it had me. I had my bottle in the kitchen, just where our medicine cabinet is. Every time I went in the kitchen to get a drink, my mind was like, "Oh, you're in pain, you need some medication". I'd be in the living room or bedroom and my mind would say, "You need something to drink/eat....or go feed the cats...or give them water; which really meant, go get some medication". It freakin' had me. That's why I went back to Tramadol. I've taken a lot of Tramadol now for a long time. When I was heavy, I was taking 900mg (18 Trams) a day. Now since I've lost the weight and my stomach is smaller, 8-12 work fine. And that's the thing that weirds me out. Since I don't really get "high" or get....anything I guess from Tramadol, I don't abuse it. That's why I love Tramadol so much and always suggest taking it. It's bad for my stomach now, but, hell, I bet 12 Tramadol is not nearly as bad as 210 Percs in a week.
My previous pain doctor used to give me 120 Percs and 300mg/ER Tramadol. I'd take the 120 Percs in like a week, not using the Tramadol. I'd abuse it slightly, but, mainly, I'd use it and only that to get rid of my pain. Then, because, like I said, I don't abuse my Tramadol, I'd use the 30 300mg/ER Tramadol for the rest of the month and repeat.
My doctor also wants to put me on the Fentanyl patches. 'Cause he said that if I can handle the Roxicodone like that, and since I abuse it, and I can't abuse the Fentanyl...er...I don't wanna abuse the Fentanyl. But, after reading a lot on it....should I take it if an increased dose of Tramadol gets rid of 80% of the pain! Plus, since I admitted to him that I abused the Roxicodone, he said either to give me Tramadol only or the 50mcg patch with nothing for break-through. Do you guys think if I tell him that I'll give my whole script to my g/f, he might give me pills again? 'Cause I don't wanna start the patches! Can anybody, specifically you Robert, think of anything else to ask him for? My mom gave me a Talwin back in the day (with the antagonist(?), the thing that blocks opiate neurons) but it gave me such a horrible headache and eye ache that I couldn't take it anymore. So any help is appreciative!!

And Robert, you're the man. I appreciate everything you've said to me and to everybody else on this forum. And don't worry, I used to be a "druggie" in High School for my senior year. You know, coke, pot, alcohol, ritalin, adderall, pain pills, did some LSD/Shrooms) then got out, went away, stopped everything. Been clean from actually abusing other drugs minus the opiates for 3+ years now.