help i caught my boyfriend using heroine..

[lexi14311]

HEY EVERYONE... I AM HOPING SOMEONE CAN GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. I RECENTLY THOUGHT MY BOYFRIEND WAS USING HEROINE BUT I WASNT SURE UNTIL THE OTHER DAY. HIS MOTHER FOUND ALL OF HIS DRUGS IN HIS ROOM. HE CONFESSED TO ME THAT HE STARTED USING HEROINE AGAIN FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS NOW AND I HAD NO IDEA. I THOUGHT HE WAS TAKING XANAX STICKS.. WHICH I WASNT SO HAPPY ABOUT BUT TO FIND OUT IT WAS HEROINE WHICH WAS EVEN WORSE. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO STOP USING HEROINE BUT HE HAD TO DO IT GRADUALLY CAUSE THE WITHDRAWL SYMPTOMS ARE TO HARD TO DEAL WITH. HE SAID HE HAS TO WEEN HIMSELF OFF OF HEROINE.. MY BOYFRIEND SAID IT SHOULD TAKE FOUR DAYS. HE SAID HE HAS BEEN USING XANAX TO HELP HIM OFF HEROINE. ITS NOW BEEN 6 DAYS AND HE IS STILL TAKING SOMETHING. I DONT KNOW IF ITS STILL HEROINE OR WHAT. I NOTICED EVERYTIME HE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM HE TAKES A WATER BOTTLE. I ALSO NOTICED THAT HIS TRACK MARKS FROM WHEN HE USED TO USE HEROINE AWHILE AGO ARE IRRITATED AND RED. HE TOLD ME ANDHIS PARENTS HE HAS BEEN SNIFFING IT BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING. I DONT THINK SOMEONE CAN WEEN THEMSELVES OFF SUCH A POWERFUL DRUG. I DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE OR HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE WITHDRAWLS BECAUSEI DONT DO ANY TYPE OF DRUG NOR DO I DRINK. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT OR HOWTHIS IS GOING TO TURN OUT .. I JUST WISH SOMEONE CAN GIVE ME ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO OR WHAT MIGHT BE GOING ON. AFTER HE COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM HIS VOICE CHANGES AND HIS EYES ARE VERY GLASSY. HIS PUPILS ARE LIKE PINS.. AND HE IS ALWAYS NODDING OFF. IF ANYONE HAS INFO PLEASE SHARE IT WITH ME ... THANKS

[Robert_325]

HEY EVERYONE... I AM HOPING SOMEONE CAN GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. I RECENTLY THOUGHT MY BOYFRIEND WAS USING HEROINE BUT I WASNT SURE UNTIL THE OTHER DAY. HIS MOTHER FOUND ALL OF HIS DRUGS IN HIS ROOM. HE CONFESSED TO ME THAT HE STARTED USING HEROINE AGAIN FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS NOW AND I HAD NO IDEA. I THOUGHT HE WAS TAKING XANAX STICKS.. WHICH I WASNT SO HAPPY ABOUT BUT TO FIND OUT IT WAS HEROINE WHICH WAS EVEN WORSE. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO STOP USING HEROINE BUT HE HAD TO DO IT GRADUALLY CAUSE THE WITHDRAWL SYMPTOMS ARE TO HARD TO DEAL WITH. HE SAID HE HAS TO WEEN HIMSELF OFF OF HEROINE.. MY BOYFRIEND SAID IT SHOULD TAKE FOUR DAYS. HE SAID HE HAS BEEN USING XANAX TO HELP HIM OFF HEROINE. ITS NOW BEEN 6 DAYS AND HE IS STILL TAKING SOMETHING. I DONT KNOW IF ITS STILL HEROINE OR WHAT. I NOTICED EVERYTIME HE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM HE TAKES A WATER BOTTLE. I ALSO NOTICED THAT HIS TRACK MARKS FROM WHEN HE USED TO USE HEROINE AWHILE AGO ARE IRRITATED AND RED. HE TOLD ME ANDHIS PARENTS HE HAS BEEN SNIFFING IT BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING. I DONT THINK SOMEONE CAN WEEN THEMSELVES OFF SUCH A POWERFUL DRUG. I DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE OR HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE WITHDRAWLS BECAUSEI DONT DO ANY TYPE OF DRUG NOR DO I DRINK. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT OR HOWTHIS IS GOING TO TURN OUT .. I JUST WISH SOMEONE CAN GIVE ME ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO OR WHAT MIGHT BE GOING ON. AFTER HE COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM HIS VOICE CHANGES AND HIS EYES ARE VERY GLASSY. HIS PUPILS ARE LIKE PINS.. AND HE IS ALWAYS NODDING OFF. IF ANYONE HAS INFO PLEASE SHARE IT WITH ME ... THANKS

Lexi ... sorry to confirm this but your boyfriend is shooting dope in the bathroom. Don't let him do this to you. You are obviously young. I don't doubt that you have strong feelings about him from the way you talk. But you are being lied to, conned, being taken advantage of. You know it deep down inside if you really think about everything happening around you. You just described someone shooting dope to the letter.

It's possible to taper off this drug but it's rather unlikely in this case to be happening. Sure doesn't sound like he is tapering to me. The four day thing is fairly accurate for the really awful part of the w/d. Could last longer though depending on how bad he really is into the drugs. From what you say it sounds like this has progressed pretty far along.

You need to set some limits as to what you are willing to tolerate. Don't give in. He needs to clean up and now before this gets worse. Please don't allow him to drag you down. Unless he stops doing heroin you are setting yourself up for nothing but grief. I hope you will have enough self-respect to not allow him to manipulate and BS you like this. Good luck and God bless.

[Marou]

Hi Lexi...

Since 6 years I am married with someone using drugs... I love him really deeply, and I have tried everything to make him stop... the only thing I know now is that he will not stop unless HE wants to stop...

If you are not married with him, even if your feelings are very strong for him, I suggest that you do like Robert said, you set your limits, and you stick to it... Dont give him too many chances... you will only get caught in his despair and fall with him....

If you are young, you have time to find someone else.... I know this his hard, but I just dont wants somebody else to suffer like me....

And if he his living with his parents, you should talk with them,,, is he older that 21 ? so maybe his parents can do something to help him....

Heroin is a very strong drugs, and he will do anything to go on on this if he doesnt want to stop... if you want to stay beside him and try to help him, be prepare to be lied to, to be stolen maybe, to see him having a overdose , all kind of stuff....

I think you should talk about this problem with someone you trust around you, dont kept it to your self especially if you are young... this is a very big problem and him you want to stay with him in this you need help....

God help you...

Marou

[Lost83]

Hi Lexi,

Sounds like he is just spiraling out of control, from your previous thread you mentioned heroine was his drug of choice before you met him. Well he slipped down the slope and is back in the same spot he was before. Honestly, I know you love him, but in my opinion the best thing to do is let him be, don't risk your career and waste what is supposed to be a good time in your life on someone who doesn't want help. Maybe if you break it off with him, that will be a reality check for him. As much as it hurts you, if he doesn't come back around, then it's for the best. You don't need to subject yourself to the lies and manipulation. He has been here before and knows what it takes to get clean. If he does come back around and is clean, than maybe give it another go.

Addiction is so hard to deal with because it takes the ones we love and turns them into someone else. We try so hard to hang on in hopes we can pull the person back down to earth. I know for a while I was down on myself because I thought my husband was using because I lacked something. Then I started to wonder why I wasn't important enough for him to stop using not realizing that he didn't care about himself much less his family. It's an awful feeling but we have to choose not to let them bring us down with them. Unless we as the friends and family of the addict realize this, it becomes impossible to lead a productive and healthy lifestyle. Our lives become consumed with their addiction and we find ourselves actually hindering their recovery rather than helping because we are enabling them.

Are you still taking him to buy drugs? Whatever you do, please do not take him to buy drugs. This is so dangerous and it is enabling him, regardless of what drug he claims he is buying.

You seem like a smart person caught up in a bad relationship, I am not suggesting you abandon him or write him off, just give him space and allow him to travel this road alone as it is the only way he is going to WANT to get clean, if he does ever decide that he wants to. Continue with your desire to become a nurse, lead a happy and productive life, maybe he will see you are doing well and want it for himself. Maybe he won't, I don't mean to sound negative, I just don't want you to set yourself up for disappointment. Keep us posted

[Cats Meow]

I will suggest you abandon him, leave and don't look back, it's the right thing to do. The odds that he'll clean up are not in your favor, your love will not save him, you have better things to do in your life then put up with a drug addict. Tell him he can contact you again after he has a years sobriety, by then you'll be in your 50's. Heroin addicts relapse hundreds of times. You can do better, but he can't, he'd rather be with Miss H anyway.

[lmadler]

If I only knew then what I know now. You will be saying that.
If you want to fill your life with this kind of drama, then you will stay.
If you want to have a life filled with the things you deserve, you will go.
Unlike buying a bottle of asprin, heroin, doesn't come with a lable. Don't know how strong this one will be, don't know where this one has been, hidding in someones bowels? Not to mention HEP. C.
There isn't a thing that you can do at this point, except say, the gig is up, I'm no fool. Wanna have a baby with a guy like that? Chances are good, he won't change anytime soon, no matter how much you love him, or how much you are willing to do.
It's not your will.
I;m sorry to say, it's his, and you are having one pulled over on you.
I am sure he doesn't really want to, it's just the sickness of the mind. Live it enough and you will understand. You are needlessly exposing yourself to dramatics and trama that you don't need to. The pull of the urge is larger than the love he could ever have for anyone els. You sound nice and like your catching on. Think about it, take a walk, can you change him, should you, why, is he the one, or is he a lesson learned. Our life is made of lessons. Sounds like your right at a crossroads. Good Luck.

[lexi14311]

thanks for everyones advice. i told him he has one last chance and i am done..one more slip up and thats it.. if anyone has anymore advice please let meknow thanks..

[Marou]

Hi !

you said you gave him one last chance or you are done with him...

ok... but you must know that even if he cleans himself this time, there is a lot of chances that he will relapse... are you willing to go through the relapses over and over ? Because Heroine is a very powerful drug....

You must think bigger than this only time... before you engage yourself in a serious relationship with this guy, think about this.... you will always suspect or be afraid that he is going back or will go back... somewhere here, I read that people who have been clear for 28 years went back to heroine !!!


Do you really want to always have this fear over your head ?

Let us know how he is doing and how you feel...

Marou

[Lost83]

Hi Lexi,

Must have missed your last post. I don't want to sound judgemental, but one last chance??? Unless he is physically going through some serious withdrawls, then sadly, he is not clean and he blew his chance. I hope this is not the case but judging from what I've read the chances are slim that he would accept help at this point. Ultimately you are going to make the decision that suits you best but just remember, we cannot save anyone who doesn't want to save themself. You have alot at stake here and to throw it away for someone who doesn't even care about himself seems silly. I undestand it's confusing and we desperately want to think we can fix this, but we can't, ever. I wish you all the strength to make the decision you know deep down is the right one. Good luck, please keep us posted.

[lmadler]

I am betting you are in a situation where you have no where els to go. Or you live with him? Not being shallow about your situation, but I think you just needed to vent. Your not really looking for a solution. In your heart you know what you should do. Change is scarry, I understand that, but your in a life style of drugs, don't know if you realize this.

[lexi14311]

no i do have somewhere to go.. i live with my parents.. i am in nursing school i have a good career ahead of me and good goals in life it has nothing to do with that.

[Marou]

How are you ?

is he doing any better ? and did you thought about what we said ? I hope you are doing well...

I am happy to know that you live with your parents and that you are in a safe place... and that you have a great career ahead of you... dont let anybody no matter what let you go away from your goal..... and ambition...

take care
Marou

[lexi14311]

hey thanks.. ya i would never let anyone ruin my career. i work to hard in school and i am an a student. he called a rehab and there arnt any bed tills november so i guess we just have to wait and see what happens.. right now he doesnt want to go home so he is staying with me for a little than hopefully he will go home soon to talk it out with his parents.. thanks for the help..

[Robert_325]

hey thanks.. ya i would never let anyone ruin my career. i work to hard in school and i am an a student. he called a rehab and there arnt any bed tills november so i guess we just have to wait and see what happens.. right now he doesnt want to go home so he is staying with me for a little than hopefully he will go home soon to talk it out with his parents.. thanks for the help..

hey lexi ... I am impressed with you for staying so focused on your school. Being an A student in the midst of all this is something to be proud of. I'm sure your parents are very happy with you. I would be if I were them. There is nothing wrong with you helping your boyfriend until he can get into rehab IF HE DOESN'T BS YOU. Just don't allow it all to adversely affect you.

I don't know where you live but I will tell you this in no uncertain terms. And I have been a real addict in my life. I know what liars and schemers we can all be if cornered. If you are in a city there are numerous rehabs. NO WAY there are no rehab beds until November. Think about it logically. With it being early in October how would a rehab know they will have beds in Nov??? That doesn't even make any sense. Think. There is not any way they could know that. They don't know how many or when people will come in needing help. That just makes sense. Doesn't it to you??? You have already said he doesn't want to go home and face his parents.

I have come up with every single lie there is in my life to stay out of rehabs. My loved ones hammered me too just like I suggest dealing with others on these forums. And it saved my life. Us addicts know all the tricks to blowing smoke up a girlfriend or boyfriend or parents. We are masters of lying. Think lexi ... you have caught him shooting dope in the bathroom. You know he is a junkie. Do you think you can really trust him to find himself a rehab. Get him into recovery, tell him to go home or blow this whole thing and him off. It could take a few days, and nothing wrong with letting him stay until then, but don't listen to this story unless you check yourself and find there are not in fact any vacancies in any rehabs. But I would be shocked if that is really the case.

I suggest you take a couple hours if necessary and grab the yellow pages, get online, whatever. You can tell me where you live and I guarantee you that I can find a rehab in a matter of hours. I've found them for people all over the country. They don't know from one day to the next what their capacity will be. It really sounds like your bf is just putting this off as long as he can. I did the same thing. No one wants to go to rehab. It's just not very pleasant. But check it our yourself when he isn't looking over your shoulder. I bet you find some rehab beds available if you look. Addicts don't need to wait a month. They could OD and die in that amount of time. When an addict is ready to check themselves in they can get into a rehab even with no money or no insurance unless you live on a creekbank in the woods. If you check out what I am saying I know what you will find.

One of my very best friends from childhood shot some junk a few weeks ago and I attended his funeral recently. He OD'd on heroin. And he had been doing it for decades and knew what he was doing. He still killed himself. This is so serious lexi. Force him to take action in his own behalf. But get him into rehab first as he is not trustworthy to find his own rehab while a junkie. Good luck and God bless.

[Lost83]

Hi Lexi,

I agree with Robert, he isn't willing to find a rehab. It would be in his best interest to go now, not later. He is playing with fire and very well could lose his life. It's not easy to watch but if you are going to support him, do the leg work, find a rehab, and express your concern, tell him you love him but can't continue to watch him kill himself. He needs a reality check, let him know you will not support him while he is using. There has to be consequences that are going to affect him directly, like losing his home, friends, family etc. if he doesn't get help. These maybe the eye opener he needs to push him to want all of these things he is risking by using. Remember he doesn't necessarily care about these "things" that to us are very important so if he isn't receptive to your attempts then there is nothing more you can do but let him hit his bottom on his own. You will know in your heart that you did everything in your power to reach out to him and get him help. Good luck!

[lexi14311]

lost,

you are absolutely right. the other day i was online and found a rehab and left his number for them to call back. i didnt tell him till after i did it. they havent called yet. i know the right thing to do is to tell him to go find help and if he doesnt want to find help i am going to tell him i dont want to be a part of this. i dont want to live my life like this for the rest of my life. i am to young and deserve much more in life. i already told him i dont want to watch him kill him self. i had a night mare the other night that he overdosed in my bed.. its terrible. and he is now denying he is still using but i found needles in his bag.. i am not a stupid person. he thinks he can get over on me but he cant... enoughs enough.. i am going to talk to him one last time and give him choices.. if he doesnt like it than he can leave... i had enough.. thanks for everything...

ill keeo you posted..

[Robert_325]

lost,

you are absolutely right. the other day i was online and found a rehab and left his number for them to call back. i didnt tell him till after i did it. they havent called yet. i know the right thing to do is to tell him to go find help and if he doesnt want to find help i am going to tell him i dont want to be a part of this. i dont want to live my life like this for the rest of my life. i am to young and deserve much more in life. i already told him i dont want to watch him kill him self. i had a night mare the other night that he overdosed in my bed.. its terrible. and he is now denying he is still using but i found needles in his bag.. i am not a stupid person. he thinks he can get over on me but he cant... enoughs enough.. i am going to talk to him one last time and give him choices.. if he doesnt like it than he can leave... i had enough.. thanks for everything...

ill keeo you posted..

LEXI ... I would be very surprised if the rehab calls him back. They normally don't do that. I know that nightmare must have been tough. For your informaton I know a young lady that had that happen to her with her boyfriend. She is a friend of my niece. Her boyfriend died in bed with her from an OD. What an awful thing to have to experience.

I sincerely hope you stick to your guns here and don't give in. There is no reason for you to subject yourself to all this nonsense. It's just as easy to fall in love with someone who isn't about so much drama as someone who is such a mess. Things will work out for the best if you keep doing the next right thing. Good luck and God bless.

[lexi14311]

the first time he called a rehab they called him back but werent very cooperative.. then he called back and said he was a heroin user and left a message.. they never called back.. i just talked to his parents today.. they dont want him home. they want him to get help but honestly i dont really think he wants to go to rehab so i dont know whats going to happen next. all i know is if he keeps this up he is going to wind up dead... i feel sooo bad to just kick him to the streets. i feel like tht would be the worst thing to do because he will have nothing and prob wind up dead somewhere but i know also if he stays with me and doesnt get help he can wind up dead... idk what to do.. i wish someone had answers for me...

[Lost83]

Hi Lexi, I know it's hard and only you can make that decision, my opinion would be to let him go. He is going to continue using whether he is in your house or his parents. He has to hit his bottom to want help and obviously he hasn't yet. He still has a place to rest his head and shower so in his eyes he isn't doing that bad regardless of what others are telling him.

Unfortunately some peoples bottom is dying from an overdose, some never learn. Do what's best for you. You have things to occupy your time such as school, dedicate your passion there. Sometimes we just have to let go and let our loved ones live in the hell they created for themselves, you know you tried, that's all you can do. Good luck!

[Robert_325]

the first time he called a rehab they called him back but werent very cooperative.. then he called back and said he was a heroin user and left a message.. they never called back.. i just talked to his parents today.. they dont want him home. they want him to get help but honestly i dont really think he wants to go to rehab so i dont know whats going to happen next. all i know is if he keeps this up he is going to wind up dead... i feel sooo bad to just kick him to the streets. i feel like tht would be the worst thing to do because he will have nothing and prob wind up dead somewhere but i know also if he stays with me and doesnt get help he can wind up dead... idk what to do.. i wish someone had answers for me...

Lexi ... please listen to me. I don't want to sound like your parents but this is what I would do if you were my daughter. I would ask you if you really loved this guy. When you said yes I would ask if you really want to help him. When you said yes I would ask you if allowing him to continue what he is doing is helping him or you either one. You are NOT helping him by providing him with a place to live while he dies a slow death.

Addicts are doomed to end up in jail, institutions or else die. Those are the only choices UNLESS they get clean and change their life. TRUST ME that is not going to happen if you continue to provide him with a place to live out this fantasy world he lives in. He will still kill himself but he will take you down the tubes with him.

It isn't your responsibility in life to play nurse to the guy you are trying to have a relationship with. That is nonsense. He needs to grow up. He needs to get clean. He is an addict and the drugs may be getting him to do things he wouldn't do if he was clean. But what does that mean to you??? Are you supposed to carry him when he refuses to take care of himself?

It's one thing if a spouse develops an illness while we are married. But this guy is knowingly doing these things, he has chosen the activities, the lies, the manipulation. Get on with your life or you will be setting yourself up for a bunch of cra p in your life. IF he gets himself straightened out that is fine. But you have done your part. You can't save people. They have to take some action in their own behalf.

You need to take care of yourself. He needs to be placed into a position where he is forced to take some constructive action. Otherwise he is not going to do anything different. Why should he? He needs to be forced to sink or swim. When he reaches the real bottom then he will have no choice or very few choices anyway. You are allowing him to continue his current lifestyle unless you establish some guidelines for what is acceptable to you and you enforce those guidelines. Stand up for yourself and force him to do the same thing. God bless.

[Lost83]

Robert: You sure have a way with words, it's so true!

Lexi: Please take Robert's advice, he has been there done that and knows what addiction does to people.

You really need to let him go and get on with your life, you have exhausted all options and done everything to help him. Don't continue to enable him or your nightmare may one day soon come true. Don't allow him to hurt you or make you feel guilty, he is responsible for his actions, not you. Hang in there, stay strong, put your foot down. You have a promising future ahead of you and if it's meant to be, you will meet again down the road when and if he gets clean, if it's not, I am sure your prince charming is just waiting for you to stumble across his path.

[lexi14311]

i know robert you are absolutley right... i am just such a sucker.. i feel bad for people and thats my prob.. i am going to be a nurse because i love to help people and i want to help everyone but i am realizing i cant.. i just called a rehab place and they have beds available. he is going to call back infront of me to talk to the lady... he said he doesnt know if he wants to do a detox or stay for the whole program... im praying he will really call.. who knows so many broken promises.but this is the last promise he will break.. one person can only take soooo much.. i need to worry about myself and my career... i was perfectly fine before i met him... no drama.. i had my focus on myself... and right now thats what i think i need... atleast if he goes to rehab i wont have to worry constantly about him every day... thanks guys..

[Robert_325]

i know robert you are absolutley right... i am just such a sucker.. i feel bad for people and thats my prob.. i am going to be a nurse because i love to help people and i want to help everyone but i am realizing i cant.. i just called a rehab place and they have beds available. he is going to call back infront of me to talk to the lady... he said he doesnt know if he wants to do a detox or stay for the whole program... im praying he will really call.. who knows so many broken promises.but this is the last promise he will break.. one person can only take soooo much.. i need to worry about myself and my career... i was perfectly fine before i met him... no drama.. i had my focus on myself... and right now thats what i think i need... atleast if he goes to rehab i wont have to worry constantly about him every day... thanks guys..

Lexi ... I understand about trying to help people. I wouldn't have as many posts as I do if I didn't care too. But read my replies to people. If they blow me off and won't take my suggestions I cut if off right there. Don't have time to allow anyone to bring me down.

I have to say that this post of yours sounds like the best one you have made. You sound more grounded. See ... these rehabs have beds. That is their business. And no one wants to do rehab. That is what he needs to do. He needs the entire program not just a detox that they can do in a matter of days. He needs some damn recovery in his life.

You stay focused on yourself and your career. That will give him something to aim for if you are what he really wants. Force him to make a choice. Hang in there Lexi. God bless.

[Lost83]

I hope he goes, if not, stick to your guns, you don't have to live like this

[lexi14311]

your absolutely right.. im sure noone wants to go..people go because they need to and want to get better.. i realized it all depends on the person and if they are serious about getting there life back on track and living a normal life... some people who use drugs like the feeling of using and dont want to stop some people had enough i guess it depends if he had enough