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Hello and thanks!
Just wanted to say hello to everyone and give thanks to you all for being here...it's funny because I feel, at the same time, like I don't "belong" here and I DEFINITELY belong right here, if that makes sense. My problem never got to the point that I was obtaining my DOC illegally, and I always stayed within the parameters of my script (Tramadol 50 3 times a day)...if I took 4 one day, I'd have to take 2 another...I know that probably doesn't sound like a whole lot, but I was taking them for about 11 (!) years (though the amount started much smaller), and I just became obsessed about fill dates, and amounts, counting, etc. Really became a slave to them. I get so angry with myself, because I was one of those people who never abused anything. I guess the pickle side of me was just lurking, lying in wait! Anyway, it's been about 37 days clean for me, and it feels great! My growing dependence had been nagging at me, though I was pushed into stopping, to be honest. I stopped once before, and even a couple of months after stopping, I would still try to search my house for a couple that I thought would be tucked away...I have had none of that this time, and haven't craved any at all, which still surprises me. I had two big events this past month that I managed wonderfully without my crutch...I keep thinking if I was still taking Tramadol, I would STILL have pain (even more pain than i have now, which is from OA), PLUS the stress of not being able to convince myself any longer that it was perfectly acceptable to be dependent on a drug to get me through the normal stresses of life. I am still taking Celebrex for the arthritis, which my cardiologist prescribes (I have MVP which is not such a huge deal, I have yearly checkups to ensure the valve has not gotten leakier), and Atenolol for occasional palpitations (no high BP, it's actually pretty low), and i do take Ambiem for sleep...I've had sleep issues most of my life, as so many of us have...I guess it would be good to stop taking that, too, though i have no issues with it (when I don't take it, I just don't sleep very well, but that's why I take it in the first place!)...anyway, thanks for indulging me if you've read through...this place has been a real help for me, I'm so glad I found my way here! I don't know how much help I could be to anyone, though you must know how BIG a help so many of you have been to me. I'm in awe of many of you for working so hard to get clean, stay clean, and offer hope and honest advice to so many...far too many people write off drug addicts as losers and dregs of society, but anyone thinking that just needs to read this board to see how many QUALITY people are suffering from this disease, trying to get well.
You do belong RIGHT here! Congrats on 37 days! Keep up the good work. The mental addiction will subside eventually and you will find yourself hunting for your car keys more than pills. Good luck, and keep posting.
Quotes that keep me going:
"Do you have another day 1 in you?"
"If not now, when?"
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”
Clean as of 02.03.2012
Thank you, Kid!! You were one of the people who inspired me, actually...you worked so hard at your recovery and boy was I rooting for you while reading through your thread...it is great to see you doing so well and enjoying your life... (also I have family in Brooklyn and I was born and raised nearby on LI-haha don't hold that against me!).
Smom you have no idea how much you have already helped. You gave me the opportunity to help some one else which is a blessing, stick around you are a hrelp to others and do belong here God Bless Surfdog
Thank you, Surfdog, that really means a lot to me! I am definitely going to stick around, that's for sure!