[htoth19]

So today I go to get about 13 fillings in my teeth. I'm pretty sure she won't do them all at once. My teeth are to sensitive for that. I'm 24 years old and haven't been able to smile in 4 years. I have severe acid reflux and it tore my teeth to shreds. They are all busted, and the pain is crazy, and that's what started me on my methadone kick. On my other thread, Htoth19's new thread, most of my story is there.
I was down to 6.5mgs of methadone, and here I am back up to 9 or 10. I screwed up. I let depression get the best of me, and of course my dad is right there handin out the pills the first sign I show of anything other than happiness. And this time, like so many others, I took him up on his offer. And now my fiance says he is sick of this whole methadone thing, even though as far as he knows I am still on 6.5mg and tapering down. So there's no way I can tell him that I screwed up and I need a little extra support. And he's really all I have.
I feel more alone than ever considering Chuck and I normally tell each other everything, and as close as I am with Dad, hes the one handing out the pills.
So in a couple weeks, I will be getting 12 teeth pulled, and given a script for whatever pain killer they choose to give me. Hope I don't mess that one up.
Anyway, Chuck is basically refusing to get a job, and we are flat broke. I have a 1 year old to support. Chuck lost his job in JUNE, it's november, and with all his skills he still hasn't budged. I don't understand, I've tried talking to him. He shuts down and no response.
So here I am, up a couple mgs, and needing support

[htoth19]

I think I might have gotten through to Chuck today. I talked to him a lil bit ago, and I told him I am tired of watching him sit on his a$$ wasting himself. He has too many talents, and he can do just about anything, so sitting here jobless is just f*ed up.
Right after that he started looking online, and making a few phone calls. It's a start.
I have to leave here in a couple hours to get my fillings and my teeth sealed, and BTW I only took 9mgs of methadone today instead of 10. I have to start over tapering. But I can do this, and hopefully a few people here will be reading along as I write in this journal, and please feel free to post I need all the support I can get to stick to this taper this time. I can do this
I hope.
~Heather

[Robert_325]

Heather .... I'm not criticizing you in any way. That is not my place to do or my responsibility. I only try to make positive and encouraging suggestions when I'm able. I know that you realize that.

I really hate to see you fluctuating your methadone dose around like this. It's going to make this so very difficult for you getting off doing it like that. After reconsidering your situation it's become more obvious to me that you would probably do better making a switch over to subutex.

Subutex was previously a very expensive prescription but it's recently become available as a generic as the original Subutex patent expired. So it no longer costs like $8.50 a pill as it used to. You're currently at a perfect dose to make the switch and I think it would be much easier for you to manage than doing the rest of this with the methadone.

I would be willing to help you through the induction, make suggestions for you while you're using it and ultimately doing the taper down and off. It's a much easier taper physically than is the methadone and it's much more simple to work with. I really believe it would be in your best interest to do this. The rest of the taper would go more smoothly and you would end up being totally clean much sooner and with less pain.

I don't know what to say about Chuck's problem with finding suitable employment. I try to not get involved if possible in marriage issues unless I have to. It's something you guys have to work out between yourselves. But if you were my daughter I would suggest the same thing I've just suggested for you. I totally think it would be the best thing for you at this point. Hope the suggesion helps.

You're in Melinda's and my prayers. Hope you know that and realize we only want what is best for you. YOU is what you need to focus on at this time. The thing with Chuck has to work itself out, but it's not in your best interest to allow any of that or the dentist issues to affect your recovery. God bless.

[htoth19]

I understand your intentions, but I have told you a few times that I do not get the pills from a doctor, therefore switching to subutex or suboxone isn't an option for me. I screwed up once. I will not let my personal issues get in the way of my recovery again.
I did come clean to Chuck about the screw up. And I am using this journal as a way to hopefully get people who can relate to what I am going through with the methadone and possibly other issues to post here because I feel I could use the support.

The dentist appointment did not go as planned. I didn't get any fillings when I went in. Just in the month between appointments, the remaining teeth that didn't previously have any problems, have rotted from the inside out. I have 4 different gum diseases, and if I do not go through with a full mouth extraction I could actually DIE from this. I was able to hold my composure through the rest of the appointment, but once Chuck walked me out into the hallway I lost it. I was a mess.
I guess it is for the better. No more teeth problems after this. Dentures at age 24 isn't too appealing, but i have to do it. It isn't worth my life.
And with no more teeth pain, I have no excuses to pop the pills, so in the end this will be a good thing all the way around. I'm just scared.
~Heather

[Robert_325]

Heather .... I do recall you mentioning before that the current meds weren't coming from a dr but I thought subs might still be an option for you before reading about all this. Sounds like you've got a mess here for sure.

I hate to hear about the gum disease as that CAN be very serious as you've mentioned. There can be a lot of poisonous toxins build up in your system so this obviously has to be addressed for your own good. As you mentioned getting all the teeth out could end up being a blessing in the long run for you ultimately getting clean as well as improving your health.

Don't worry about what is "appealing" at this point. Dentures are not nearly as bad as what all you've had to deal with. Vanity only goes so far then it becomes a real negative. Take care of your health.

You can only deal with one thing at a time it sounds like here. You've got to do what you've got to do regarding the dental work. Once that is done it will be much easier to deal with tapering down on the meds.

I wish you the best of luck with all this. I am certainly not envious of what you're facing. When will you get the extractions taken care of? I'm assuming they are putting you on heavy antibiotics prior to the oral surgery.

Keep your chin up and do the best you can. But again, you've got to get the dental work taken care of with that amount of toxins in your system. Keep us posted how it goes. We will keep you in our prayers. God bless.

[newyorkgal]

Heather, if subutex or suboxone is not an option, then I have to say this. 6 1/2 mgs. and 9 mg. isn't that major of a difference so the screw up wasn't that big in my opinion. You are down to a very low dose on the methadone, you can get back to the 6ish dose pretty easily so don't be so hard on yourself and don't beat yourself up. The tooth situation can be pretty scary. I've actually been there and had a ton of teeth pulled at one time. I was given narcotic pain med but was on a methadone program at the time so the med didn't work at all. I ended up taking Motrin double strength which worked fine. I read where you said you can't take that. You need to talk to your dentist about what you can do on the day of the extractions. You MUST get the teeth pulled so you have to do whatever is necessary to get that done.
Its good Chuch is looking on the internet for jobs. All you can do at this point is keep encouraging him to keep looking.

[newyorkgal]

Another thing, I would NOT worry about the methadone dose until I fully dealt with this dental issue which is very serious. After you've had the teeth pulled, then you can worry about tapering the methadone which, by the way, can be done, slowly.

[htoth19]

Thanks nyg, that's nice to hear. I know this i scary, I don't even know how to feel right now. Its definitely NOT what I expected to hear when I went in for fillings lol. I can try to take motrin, its been 2 years since it caused me an ulcer....MaYbE it wouldnt hurt me anymore? I can ask I guess. Will methadone cause any other narcotics to not work?

[newyorkgal]

On 9-10 mgs. of meth, all pain meds WILL work. The blockage dosage is closer to 40 mgs., some say even higher than that. If it's necessary to take pain med in order to get through the tooth problem and if you can't take motrin because of the ulcer you gotta do what you gotta do. Motrin would of course be first choice. Ask the doctor. But to answer your question, 10 mgs. meth will NOT block the effect of pain meds. When I had a lot of teeth pulled I was on 80 mgs. of methadone, therefore the pain med did not work. You are not in that situation. And after the teeth are gone, you can taper off the 9 or 6 mgs. of methadone. You're almost at the end already. It can be done, I promise.

[htoth19]

Thank you. I can use all the support i can get

[doc.rose]

Hi Heather! Have you tried to call any clinics in your area that might offer you the subutex for free since you don't have any income right now? Maybe you qualify for free services. Sometimes it just takes researching places on the internet and making a few calls. I found a place in florida for my brother to go to that would offer him suboxine for free for two weeks and then he could get it discounted after that.

[htoth19]

I wont be switching to subs. I can do this just fine tapering. I will make it.

Today was a little better than yesterday. Just still in shock from what the dentist said. I hate that this happened to me.
But it's for the best. All teeth have to be removed, and after that I will get better.
Everything happens for a reason I guess.
Chuck still isn't budging. Again, playing ********** online instead of looking for a job. Wonderful. I'm dealing with too much to be up his a$$ all day I have to deal with one thing at a time.

[newyorkgal]

You can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink. That's Chuck. All you can do is keep pushing him. Right now, you have to worry about your mouth, the infections can turn serious on you. That would be first priority. After that I believe you can taper from 6 mgs. of methadone. Take care of your mouth first then talk about the taper.
Take care
NYG

[htoth19]

Thank you. I definitely will

[htoth19]

Things are really looking up.(kinda)
Chuck got a job offer from a friend, and he agreed to take him up on that so lets hope the friend is serious enough.....
But on the down side, I just found out that my uncle's stomach cancer that at first was not too bad, tests just revealed that it is MUCH worse than we all thought.
He asked my dad to take over his company...because he will be on chemo and radiation, and multiple surgery's over the next year. Chances are all of that wont work anyway, says the pessimistic doctor.
I really have grown to hate doctors lately. They have also told my mother that there isn't much more they can do for her other than keep her comfortable as possible. As far as slowing the progressing of her disease its impossible...
I have been pretty tired lately. I've been staying at my 8mg dose for the last couple days considering I am putting a halt on my tapering until my major oral surgery is all done and over with, and I have fully recovered. Not looking forward to the recovery, just looking forward to the results
Leah is napping, and Chuck basically pushed me off the couch so he can nap, lol, so here I am typing away...

~Heather

[melinda7.5]

Hi Heather
I'm glad chuck found a job ...and I will be happy for you when you get your mouth all fixed so you can continue your journey to getting well...
I just wanted you to know I have been thinking about you and wishing you well.
talk to you soon, Melinda

[newyorkgal]

hi Heather,
So glad Chuch found something. Thats so good for you. Sorry about your uncle and really sorry about your mom. Don't think about the oral surgery too much. It won't be as bad as you think. 8 mgs. of meth is so low, you'll be able to do it without a hitch I'm sure!
nyg

[cheekysod]

just so you know heather, a lot of us have teeth problems, it comes with the territory. at present i have 13 teeth left in my mouth, and WHEN i get off subs, im on 1mg now, then im going to have them all out, and falsies as well. i cant wait, coz like you i cant smile and you get all shamed by your narly teeth. so i can relate.
i was unofficially on methadone as well, but i was still able to go to a clinic and get on subs to count off. you seem kinda adamant you dont want to give them a go, but im just saying for me, after a few methadone taper failures and successes then relapses, i am finding subs a lot better. for me. just saying not trying to cause you stress.
but hell yeh i can really relate to teeth issues, abcesses, absolutely sick of toothaches, theyre gonna go when the last teeth go.
yay.
i dont even know if i can do it while on subs, thats why i might have to wait till i am off. oh well nearly there. good luck ay

oh yeah and while i was on loads of methadone, like 100+ a day, i would still have a hit of morphine and feel it. so your <10mg will be fine.
how do you divide up your dose, im curious.

p.s why are they giving you fillings, when they are coming out soon. ? that seems like double trouble.

[htoth19]

Cheekysod......They never gave me fillings. That was what the appointment was for originally, until the doc saw that after only a months time the last of teeth have rotted from the inside out, and discovered 2 new diseases she didn't see before. They are worried it will cause me a staff infection, which is why they are saying it's deadly for me to try and save them. I'll be so glad when all of this is over with. I can't wait to be able to smile again. And when I do, I will be sending everybody a picture of my face with a huge CHEESE smile <-just like that. HA

I can only get the 10mg methadones, so dividing is a challenge. But I do it. I take a knife, and make tiny equal lines in the pill, so I can be as accurate as possible with dividing mgs. It makes me feel like a junky, and I hate it. My stupid teeth, (and dad) did this to me. And when I get my teeth all out and I'm recovered from that, I'll finish my taper.
Thanks for your support. My teeth issue is due to severe acid reflux that I was diagnosed with when I was very little. My uncle has it too, and just found he has stomach cancer because of it. It's really bad too, it's spread all over...Doesn't look too good.

~Heather

[htoth19]

Well guys, remember how in my other thread I told you all about my 2 friends who died this year? They were married. The wife, Jessica, died in a parking lot, froze to death. Was found under a van froze solid.
The husband, a few months later, was found by his father, commited suicide. We still don't know how he did it, but his face was blue.
Last night, ANOTHER fried of ours died. He was the father of a couple friends of ours, but was a second father to my fiance Chuck.
I was up half the night with my 14 month old daughter. She just wouldn't sleep and I couldn't see a good reason why.
This morning when she woke up, her little nose was running so bad she could barely breathe, and has a temp of 100.8. I called her doctor and he said he doesn't need to see her unless I can't break the fever, there's just too much swine flu business at his office, and she could just end up worse. He thinks its just a cold, but I got one crabby kid.
To top all that off, Chuck took my truck to work today, and FAILED to leave the keys to his truck, with expired plates. But I could have at least snuck it up to walgreens to get Leah some tylenol and motrin since we ran out....and just hope a cop didn't see me. I mean what if I had an emergency? He needs to get those plates taken care of, I want my truck back.
Anyway this is ridiculous. One thing after another, what a sh!tty year, lemme tell ya.
My friend, is gonna stop by right after work to get the meds for my daughter, thank God, other wise my sick father was gonna have to drive out here, and nobody wants that. UGH!!!!!

LOL, anyone else having a day worth venting about?

~Heather

[htoth19]

My baby girl is feeling much better today. Still congested but nothing like yesterday. She's back to tearing up the house again. Chuck is doing well, given the circumstances. I'm proud of him. I am feeling a bit yucky today. But I am getting the house cleaned up finally.
I am still at 7mgs of methadone, and sticking there until after my surgery. Can't wait until all that is over with. The consult appointment is coming up faster than I would like. My nerves are running wild lately. Even causing me to loose sleep.

~Heather

[newyorkgal]

Heather, happy to hear the baby's feeling better. At least it wasn't the dreaded swine flu!... 8 mgs is a very managable number and once the surgery is done, you don't have that far to go. The magic word with methadone is SLOW.... Please stop worrying so much about the surgery. I know that's easier said than done but it won't be as bad as you think, I promise. Just make sure the dentist addresses the pain issues and your fear. Just remember, most people on methadone are on 10, 20 and even 30 times more than you. Fear can get to you but I am telling you, you're in a good position to do this without much of a hitch.
You just keep plugging, Heather, and you will be fine

[htoth19]

Originally Posted by newyorkgal

Heather, happy to hear the baby's feeling better. At least it wasn't the dreaded swine flu!... 8 mgs is a very managable number and once the surgery is done, you don't have that far to go. The magic word with methadone is SLOW.... Please stop worrying so much about the surgery. I know that's easier said than done but it won't be as bad as you think, I promise. Just make sure the dentist addresses the pain issues and your fear. Just remember, most people on methadone are on 10, 20 and even 30 times more than you. Fear can get to you but I am telling you, you're in a good position to do this without much of a hitch.
You just keep plugging, Heather, and you will be fine

Your right. I have had such a horrible fear of the dentist for so long, it's hard to deal. I just keep thinking, I will be asleep when they do this, and I'll have extra pain killers to get through it, nothing I'm going to get addicted to just enough to get me through recovery. I will be fine. I hope. lol

[htoth19]

Meeting with my caseworker tomorrow morning, and a funeral on friday. Not looking forward to either one. I'm still waiting to be way past this chapter in my life, time seems to be moving slower and slower.