Have to Speak Up.

[AshamedButStillTrying]

Yes , that is like me I refuse to go without , I will only go and spend enough to get 5 of the loracets at a time but thats still almost 50 bucks a hit.. and they last a day maybe a day in a half. I go into a panic if I dont have any and I am miserable and mean to anyone I come in contact with. I always use the excuse Im sick to my family members and then lie about what I paid each week so I can have my drugs, Its a sad sad cycle but I continue to do it and I know one day it will all come to an abrubt end then there I will stand in withdrawls that Im not expecting.I want so so bad for it to all end but I am so scared of the withdrawls that I send myself into an anxeity attack that just spins itself out of control and I dont know how to end it unless I take the damn pills and it really sucks to.. I hate the life I have made for myself and I cant blame anyone but myself. its so hard to give into what I know is right and I continue to do wrong. I lay at night and pray to God to give me the strength to get through just one day at a time and not do any pills but my will power is gone, I promise him and myself if he would just help me get through it I will never pick up another one but that is a selfish request in my part to think that he will just take away the withdrawls and not let me suffer at all when I know I need to suffer so I will quit. Its so hard to admit honestly that I wont pick another one up. and yes cant no one judge me any worse then what I do myslef.. I am so hard on myself, then I get mad at myslef, then I really get angry because I want so bad for this to all go away and then what do I do.. pick up a pill and swallow it, I dont get the high no more , I do good to even know I take them except that I dont have the shakes, or the sweats and chills and I can think for the moment, does that all make sense? sometimes it does and sometimes it dont.

I have tried so many times to stop and I will get 4 days sober then back on them for months then I get 7 days sober then right back, see the cycle I am doing? it has to stop because I am slowly killing myself and it seems at times I dont care.. when I have them I dont care , when I dont have them I start caring and praying and wishing and begging to God to please help me get through all this and wham I go back to what I do best, pop a pill.. Makes me wonder if I will ever succeed at this..

My goal is to one day be clean and sober for the rest of my life and down deep I know I will .
I have hit rock bottom so many times and crawled my way back out and here I sit, on drugs, thriving through each day, broke as they come, and begging for forgiveness I dont feel like I deserve...but I keep waking up each day so I know I have a purpose and its not to be like this for the rest of my life, I keep reminding myself of that and still after 3 or 4 hrs im ready for a 5mg.. how sick is that. I am really a sick individual and dont deserve to be here but yet I am.. why?? I dont know but I pray one day I will know..

sorry for the ramble, like I said its all a long story that seems to never end, so I gave you a glimpse of a piece of me and what I deal with day end and day out.. so am I fixable?? I pray I am but honestly sometimes I dont feel I deserve to be.. thanks for being here and listening to me Cheryl you have got me to open up more then I thought I was ready for..

[melinda7.5]

Yes , that is like me I refuse to go without , I will only go and spend enough to get 5 of the loracets at a time but thats still almost 50 bucks a hit.. and they last a day maybe a day in a half. I go into a panic if I dont have any and I am miserable and mean to anyone I come in contact with. I always use the excuse Im sick to my family members and then lie about what I paid each week so I can have my drugs, Its a sad sad cycle but I continue to do it and I know one day it will all come to an abrubt end then there I will stand in withdrawls that Im not expecting.I want so so bad for it to all end but I am so scared of the withdrawls that I send myself into an anxeity attack that just spins itself out of control and I dont know how to end it unless I take the damn pills and it really sucks to.. I hate the life I have made for myself and I cant blame anyone but myself. its so hard to give into what I know is right and I continue to do wrong. I lay at night and pray to God to give me the strength to get through just one day at a time and not do any pills but my will power is gone, I promise him and myself if he would just help me get through it I will never pick up another one but that is a selfish request in my part to think that he will just take away the withdrawls and not let me suffer at all when I know I need to suffer so I will quit. Its so hard to admit honestly that I wont pick another one up. and yes cant no one judge me any worse then what I do myslef.. I am so hard on myself, then I get mad at myslef, then I really get angry because I want so bad for this to all go away and then what do I do.. pick up a pill and swallow it, I dont get the high no more , I do good to even know I take them except that I dont have the shakes, or the sweats and chills and I can think for the moment, does that all make sense? sometimes it does and sometimes it dont.

I have tried so many times to stop and I will get 4 days sober then back on them for months then I get 7 days sober then right back, see the cycle I am doing? it has to stop because I am slowly killing myself and it seems at times I dont care.. when I have them I dont care , when I dont have them I start caring and praying and wishing and begging to God to please help me get through all this and wham I go back to what I do best, pop a pill.. Makes me wonder if I will ever succeed at this..

My goal is to one day be clean and sober for the rest of my life and down deep I know I will .
I have hit rock bottom so many times and crawled my way back out and here I sit, on drugs, thriving through each day, broke as they come, and begging for forgiveness I dont feel like I deserve...but I keep waking up each day so I know I have a purpose and its not to be like this for the rest of my life, I keep reminding myself of that and still after 3 or 4 hrs im ready for a 5mg.. how sick is that. I am really a sick individual and dont deserve to be here but yet I am.. why?? I dont know but I pray one day I will know..

sorry for the ramble, like I said its all a long story that seems to never end, so I gave you a glimpse of a piece of me and what I deal with day end and day out.. so am I fixable?? I pray I am but honestly sometimes I dont feel I deserve to be.. thanks for being here and listening to me Cheryl you have got me to open up more then I thought I was ready for..

Hi Ashamed
I was addicted for 3 years to oxycontin and vics.The first year I was just getting good and addicted,The second year I was freaking out because I was addicted,The third year I worked on getting off of them,I would try and fail,I did that so many times its not even funny,But every day I woke up I told myself I would do better today than I did yesterday,I didn't matter if I screwed up because the next day I would try again.So don't beat yourself up Its a learning experience and you will get it,I can see how bad you want it.
Just have some faith in yourself.
Have a good night, Talk to you soon Melinda

[AshamedButStillTrying]

Yes I am very hard on myself but I need to be harder then maybe I can stop fighting myself and get off this stuff but I dont, One day soon I hope as I gradually feel better about telling my story all the way though I will seek and recieve the help I so desperately want and need.. I have always been a private person and would never share my feelings with anyone and alot has to do with drugs and my past and if I can ever actually open up and talk and seek out what I should do then I wont be so hard on myself. one of my fears is rejection so thats why im so hesitant about asking for something I know I need but thinks I wont get it. thank you for saying you will be there when Im ready and I know its getting closer and it actually scares the hell out of me.. God Bless..

[Phoebe_Twayblade]

Cheryl - That is an amazing story. Thanks a lot for sharing it. I finally threw away all the prescription pain pills in my medicine chest. Yesterday I cleaned out my whole house top to bottom and threw out pills. I even went through all my coat pockets and all my old pocket books. It's a great feeling to flush those pills.


If I had not spent some time lurking here I wouldn't have realized how important it is to remove all temptation.

[icandoitin08]

Yes , that is like me I refuse to go without , I will only go and spend enough to get 5 of the loracets at a time but thats still almost 50 bucks a hit.. and they last a day maybe a day in a half. I go into a panic if I dont have any and I am miserable and mean to anyone I come in contact with. I always use the excuse Im sick to my family members and then lie about what I paid each week so I can have my drugs, Its a sad sad cycle but I continue to do it and I know one day it will all come to an abrubt end then there I will stand in withdrawls that Im not expecting.I want so so bad for it to all end but I am so scared of the withdrawls that I send myself into an anxeity attack that just spins itself out of control and I dont know how to end it unless I take the damn pills and it really sucks to.. I hate the life I have made for myself and I cant blame anyone but myself. its so hard to give into what I know is right and I continue to do wrong. I lay at night and pray to God to give me the strength to get through just one day at a time and not do any pills but my will power is gone, I promise him and myself if he would just help me get through it I will never pick up another one but that is a selfish request in my part to think that he will just take away the withdrawls and not let me suffer at all when I know I need to suffer so I will quit. Its so hard to admit honestly that I wont pick another one up. and yes cant no one judge me any worse then what I do myslef.. I am so hard on myself, then I get mad at myslef, then I really get angry because I want so bad for this to all go away and then what do I do.. pick up a pill and swallow it, I dont get the high no more , I do good to even know I take them except that I dont have the shakes, or the sweats and chills and I can think for the moment, does that all make sense? sometimes it does and sometimes it dont.

I have tried so many times to stop and I will get 4 days sober then back on them for months then I get 7 days sober then right back, see the cycle I am doing? it has to stop because I am slowly killing myself and it seems at times I dont care.. when I have them I dont care , when I dont have them I start caring and praying and wishing and begging to God to please help me get through all this and wham I go back to what I do best, pop a pill.. Makes me wonder if I will ever succeed at this..

My goal is to one day be clean and sober for the rest of my life and down deep I know I will .
I have hit rock bottom so many times and crawled my way back out and here I sit, on drugs, thriving through each day, broke as they come, and begging for forgiveness I dont feel like I deserve...but I keep waking up each day so I know I have a purpose and its not to be like this for the rest of my life, I keep reminding myself of that and still after 3 or 4 hrs im ready for a 5mg.. how sick is that. I am really a sick individual and dont deserve to be here but yet I am.. why?? I dont know but I pray one day I will know..

sorry for the ramble, like I said its all a long story that seems to never end, so I gave you a glimpse of a piece of me and what I deal with day end and day out.. so am I fixable?? I pray I am but honestly sometimes I dont feel I deserve to be.. thanks for being here and listening to me Cheryl you have got me to open up more then I thought I was ready for..

Don't you fell a little better now that you got so much off your chest? I am very proud of you. I really sounds like you are working at cutting down. That is geat. You can do this! I feel like if I can do it anyone can do it!

Please keep me posted!

[AshamedButStillTrying]

Yeah I fell a little better. Still just wish for once when I wake up in the morning that all this would just go away. I cried myself to sleep last night because in a way I felt some better about talking and also felt ashamed that I wrote it down and read responses and that someone besides me and the ones I deal with knows. does that even make any sense. and of course my regular routine in the morning, sit there and look at the clock and see how long I can sit there before I reach for that freaking bottle.. I took one last night at 5:15 pm and didnt take another till 4:50 am this morning so I almost went 12 hours in between.. and that alone was pure hell, and sick in the same... I try so hard to stretch it out and never suceed. I want to so bad that I would give up everything just to be free of drugs, I really want this but like I said my brain is rewired for these things and I dont like it at all but I continue to do it.. the cycle has to end and end soon, Im driving myself insane from fighting myself.. sometimes all this makes sense to me then at times I absolutely think I am insane. thanks for listening Cheryl.. I wish you the best of luck.. and God Bless

[pbs8218]

Yeah I fell a little better. Still just wish for once when I wake up in the morning that all this would just go away. I cried myself to sleep last night because in a way I felt some better about talking and also felt ashamed that I wrote it down and read responses and that someone besides me and the ones I deal with knows. does that even make any sense. and of course my regular routine in the morning, sit there and look at the clock and see how long I can sit there before I reach for that freaking bottle.. I took one last night at 5:15 pm and didnt take another till 4:50 am this morning so I almost went 12 hours in between.. and that alone was pure hell, and sick in the same... I try so hard to stretch it out and never suceed. I want to so bad that I would give up everything just to be free of drugs, I really want this but like I said my brain is rewired for these things and I dont like it at all but I continue to do it.. the cycle has to end and end soon, Im driving myself insane from fighting myself.. sometimes all this makes sense to me then at times I absolutely think I am insane. thanks for listening Cheryl.. I wish you the best of luck.. and God Bless

Ashamed, and I wish you wouldn't call yourself that. We all have felt that. How are you doing? Peggy

[AshamedButStillTrying]

actually I need to feel ashamed... for everything I have put my family through and they dont have a clue, and everything I have put myself through. I honestly dont feel like I even deserve to be on this earth for what I have done to myself and others. If they ever do find it all out ashamed wont even touch how they will feel or myself.. I actually talked myself out of going to get the usual 5 loracets today, I have 2 halves for tomorrow and that is going to be it. or at least I hope it will be.. I am going to hang onto them so if I get to the point of spasing out and cant handle it anymore I will only take a 5mg.. I want to quit so bad and I want to try. I am going to give it my best shot that I have. I dont have any of the stuff I need for the Thomas reciepe that I need..I have the immodium and I have all the fluids I will need.. I dont have any xanax or valium but I seen on here that valerian root helps some so I went today and got some.. I have tylenol pm for rest hopefully.. thats another of my fear is no rest.. I can handle the shakes to a point but not resting 4 or 5 hrs a night gets the best of me..and thats when I cave when I am walking the floors crying and hurting so bad and the legs feel like they are going to jump off my body but I am going to try to give this my best shot ever.. I know I have to do this, I want to do this, I need to do this, I am just so scared that its not even funny..thanks for asking about me.. Keep me in your prayers as I am going to be doing alot of it myself.. Thanks for listening..

[icandoitin08]

actually I need to feel ashamed... for everything I have put my family through and they dont have a clue, and everything I have put myself through. I honestly dont feel like I even deserve to be on this earth for what I have done to myself and others. If they ever do find it all out ashamed wont even touch how they will feel or myself.. I actually talked myself out of going to get the usual 5 loracets today, I have 2 halves for tomorrow and that is going to be it. or at least I hope it will be.. I am going to hang onto them so if I get to the point of spasing out and cant handle it anymore I will only take a 5mg.. I want to quit so bad and I want to try. I am going to give it my best shot that I have. I dont have any of the stuff I need for the Thomas reciepe that I need..I have the immodium and I have all the fluids I will need.. I dont have any xanax or valium but I seen on here that valerian root helps some so I went today and got some.. I have tylenol pm for rest hopefully.. thats another of my fear is no rest.. I can handle the shakes to a point but not resting 4 or 5 hrs a night gets the best of me..and thats when I cave when I am walking the floors crying and hurting so bad and the legs feel like they are going to jump off my body but I am going to try to give this my best shot ever.. I know I have to do this, I want to do this, I need to do this, I am just so scared that its not even funny..thanks for asking about me.. Keep me in your prayers as I am going to be doing alot of it myself.. Thanks for listening..

I can tell how bad you really do want to do this. I honestly believe that you can do it. You need to cut yoursel a little slack. Dont beat your self up so much. I cant comment on your familys reactions if they found out. I dont know anything about you in that sense. Do you think you could get any support form them? I am sure they know that something is different about you. As my addiction went on and on people knew, they just never said anything. I saw a very close cousin last night and I have known that she has been avoiding me. I told her about the suboxone and she almost cried. She said she had written me a letter but never sent it, and that she has been very mad at me for a long time because she could tell I was using again. So even though we may think people dont know some may already know. I am so proud of you! You did not go buying any today, that in its self is HUGE!

Please keep posting and letting me know what is going on. And again, you can e mail me stronger09@gmail.com If you ever want to actually talk e mail me at that address and I will give you my number.

I will be anxious to hear from you!

[Robert_325]

actually I need to feel ashamed... for everything I have put my family through and they dont have a clue, and everything I have put myself through. I honestly dont feel like I even deserve to be on this earth for what I have done to myself and others. If they ever do find it all out ashamed wont even touch how they will feel or myself.. I actually talked myself out of going to get the usual 5 loracets today, I have 2 halves for tomorrow and that is going to be it. or at least I hope it will be.. I am going to hang onto them so if I get to the point of spasing out and cant handle it anymore I will only take a 5mg.. I want to quit so bad and I want to try. I am going to give it my best shot that I have. I dont have any of the stuff I need for the Thomas reciepe that I need..I have the immodium and I have all the fluids I will need.. I dont have any xanax or valium but I seen on here that valerian root helps some so I went today and got some.. I have tylenol pm for rest hopefully.. thats another of my fear is no rest.. I can handle the shakes to a point but not resting 4 or 5 hrs a night gets the best of me..and thats when I cave when I am walking the floors crying and hurting so bad and the legs feel like they are going to jump off my body but I am going to try to give this my best shot ever.. I know I have to do this, I want to do this, I need to do this, I am just so scared that its not even funny..thanks for asking about me.. Keep me in your prayers as I am going to be doing alot of it myself.. Thanks for listening..

You are chomping at the bits to do this it's so obvious. I am really glad that you are feeling all of the emotional things you're describing. You are finally starting to sound like someone who is ready to take the next step forward and go for it.

I think you are totally prepared mentally, emotionally, everything you need to do to prepare is done from what I've observed from your posts changing over the last couple days. You're shaking in your pants with fear just like you should be. If people don't understand this is life and death they won't likely be successful. I can't think of ANYTHING that you need to do that you haven't done.

The valerian root can be a good substitute for the benzos. Just remember that it's only a substitute though it won't work quite as well. Use it as needed I wouldn't be afraid of it. I took like four of them at once when I used it .. seems like it was 1600mg or something like that. I'm not that knowledgeable about all the supplements. I used it from a suggestion I got here too.

The most important thing I would suggest though is to quit worrying about not getting rest or anything else. This is not supposed to be pleasant. We don't even deserve for it to be pleasant. So just suck it up and go for it. I promise I will be here to help and so will some of the others. But the most important person is you. And this has to be more important than anything else in the world for you. Then you are just about guaranteed success if you just follow some simple steps. I hope you will just make the decision and get up in the morning clean and choose to stay that way. Good luck and God bless.

[AshamedButStillTrying]

Ok.. here is what I have done today I took a 7.5 and halfed it and took them a half at a time (didnt really know I took anything ) and I just took a half of a 10 which makes a 5mg so total mg today is 12.5 and that is a MAJOR cut down from 40-60 mg a day.. I have the same amount for tomorrow but I am going to try my darnest to cut back a half of either the 7.5 or not take the 5mg. My anxiety is through the roof but I am trying really hard to try and stay calm, watch more tv movies, I even went to my parents and done a load of laundry (that was misery) but I did get it done. My washer decided it would play out on me 3 days ago.. anyways. I know I am trying to quit and I have proved to myself that I may have to suffer but I can cut back to nothing and thats how it has felt today even though it totals to 12.5 mg..Anyways I was just posting to make myself feel better so when I go back and read it helps some.. thanks for listening and God Bless

[pbs8218]

You are chomping at the bits to do this it's so obvious. I am really glad that you are feeling all of the emotional things you're describing. You are finally starting to sound like someone who is ready to take the next step forward and go for it.

I think you are totally prepared mentally, emotionally, everything you need to do to prepare is done from what I've observed from your posts changing over the last couple days. You're shaking in your pants with fear just like you should be. If people don't understand this is life and death they won't likely be successful. I can't think of ANYTHING that you need to do that you haven't done.

The valerian root can be a good substitute for the benzos. Just remember that it's only a substitute though it won't work quite as well. Use it as needed I wouldn't be afraid of it. I took like four of them at once when I used it .. seems like it was 1600mg or something like that. I'm not that knowledgeable about all the supplements. I used it from a suggestion I got here too.

The most important thing I would suggest though is to quit worrying about not getting rest or anything else. This is not supposed to be pleasant. We don't even deserve for it to be pleasant. So just suck it up and go for it. I promise I will be here to help and so will some of the others. But the most important person is you. And this has to be more important than anything else in the world for you. Then you are just about guaranteed success if you just follow some simple steps. I hope you will just make the decision and get up in the morning clean and choose to stay that way. Good luck and God bless.

Robert, havent heard from you in awhile. Did you ever find out anything about that "Fifth Row" song? Also, are klonopins and valiums "benzos"? I'm kind of naive in that department, but wondered if that would help my anxiety which is really putting a damper on this journey for now. Is that what valerian root is? Where can it be found if that's what it's for? And do you think it would help me get through this awful period? Send me a line when you can. You are awsome. Peg

[melinda7.5]

actually I need to feel ashamed... for everything I have put my family through and they dont have a clue, and everything I have put myself through. I honestly dont feel like I even deserve to be on this earth for what I have done to myself and others. If they ever do find it all out ashamed wont even touch how they will feel or myself.. I actually talked myself out of going to get the usual 5 loracets today, I have 2 halves for tomorrow and that is going to be it. or at least I hope it will be.. I am going to hang onto them so if I get to the point of spasing out and cant handle it anymore I will only take a 5mg.. I want to quit so bad and I want to try. I am going to give it my best shot that I have. I dont have any of the stuff I need for the Thomas reciepe that I need..I have the immodium and I have all the fluids I will need.. I dont have any xanax or valium but I seen on here that valerian root helps some so I went today and got some.. I have tylenol pm for rest hopefully.. thats another of my fear is no rest.. I can handle the shakes to a point but not resting 4 or 5 hrs a night gets the best of me..and thats when I cave when I am walking the floors crying and hurting so bad and the legs feel like they are going to jump off my body but I am going to try to give this my best shot ever.. I know I have to do this, I want to do this, I need to do this, I am just so scared that its not even funny..thanks for asking about me.. Keep me in your prayers as I am going to be doing alot of it myself.. Thanks for listening..

Hi Ashamed
Your going to be OK,I know its not easy,I went through this a couple of months ago.You will be sick for about a week and then you will start to feel better.
Then you will be so proud of yourself,and you can be the person you want to be.
It is scary, but just get up and face it down.just tell yourself this is not the life you want and change it.
I know you can do this.
Let us know how you are doing.
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[icandoitin08]

Ok.. here is what I have done today I took a 7.5 and halfed it and took them a half at a time (didnt really know I took anything ) and I just took a half of a 10 which makes a 5mg so total mg today is 12.5 and that is a MAJOR cut down from 40-60 mg a day.. I have the same amount for tomorrow but I am going to try my darnest to cut back a half of either the 7.5 or not take the 5mg. My anxiety is through the roof but I am trying really hard to try and stay calm, watch more tv movies, I even went to my parents and done a load of laundry (that was misery) but I did get it done. My washer decided it would play out on me 3 days ago.. anyways. I know I am trying to quit and I have proved to myself that I may have to suffer but I can cut back to nothing and thats how it has felt today even though it totals to 12.5 mg..Anyways I was just posting to make myself feel better so when I go back and read it helps some.. thanks for listening and God Bless

That is a huge cut back today, Good for you! And, you are still here. Quitting the pills isn't going to kill you, hopefully it will make you stronger than ever. I can tell that you really do want to do this and I believe that you are going to succeed!

[OXYmom]

Ok.. here is what I have done today I took a 7.5 and halfed it and took them a half at a time (didnt really know I took anything ) and I just took a half of a 10 which makes a 5mg so total mg today is 12.5 and that is a MAJOR cut down from 40-60 mg a day.. I have the same amount for tomorrow but I am going to try my darnest to cut back a half of either the 7.5 or not take the 5mg. My anxiety is through the roof but I am trying really hard to try and stay calm, watch more tv movies, I even went to my parents and done a load of laundry (that was misery) but I did get it done. My washer decided it would play out on me 3 days ago.. anyways. I know I am trying to quit and I have proved to myself that I may have to suffer but I can cut back to nothing and thats how it has felt today even though it totals to 12.5 mg..Anyways I was just posting to make myself feel better so when I go back and read it helps some.. thanks for listening and God Bless

You are getting there. I have been reading your posts and I am so happy for you. I have been off my 120-240mg/day oxys for 12 days now! I am on suboxone. But, I want to encourage you by telling you that you can do this! I went on and off for a few years cold turkey. I was on my way to going cold turkey this last time doing the Thomas Recipe. But, I was in moderate-severe w/d and happened to find a sub doctor 45 miles away who would take me that day.

I knew I was done with the pills. As I have read many people say that they were not even getting a buzz anymore, that is what scared me so much. I was in a car accident on October 24. I was not "on" any oxys or anything else, I had been clean for about 2 weeks. But, when I went to the hospital, they gave me a shot of Morphine. I could not even tell! And that was when I was clean! WTH? So, of course I got some Flexiril and percocets from the ER. Then when they ran out, I went right back to my doctor to get my monthly refill. Cycle began again. But, I guess what I am getting at is that I was having to take more and more. I was at the end of my rope. So, I did it. You can do this, too.

We will all be here for you whenever you need us. You are stronger than the pills. Please check in with us when you can. I was wondering how you are doing today? I am praying for you.

[AshamedButStillTrying]

Im really stuggling today.. If i could find one spot on my body that was cramping up or hurting so bad I would be happy. It took everything I had to come over to the computer and check my email and check the forum. I have only had a half of a 7.5 and its not even helping with the skin crawling and the shakes and the sweats and colds, I ache so bad and I know its withdrawls and not "real" pain..but I am so miserable, my mind is so fogged that I cant even think straight. age is sure showing now. when Im on the "pills" like I use to be I felt 18 again, I could do anything then it started getting harder and harder to get the energy.. Im showing my true age now plus 20 yrs.and Im far from 18 anymore.. add 27 yrs to it.. but i feel older as I am really fighting the urge to take another half but I know it wont help is what I keep telling myself. I didnt even get maybe an hour sleep last night. I cried to God in hopes he hears my cries and knows Im serious this time, I guess thats why I havent given in and took more..I made a promise to myself I would do this and I want this more then I want anything..I want my life back, I want to Live again, I want to think on my own again and not "drugged up", I want to enjoy my family and family gatherings and not be thinking in the back of my head when I can take the next pill or where the next one is comming from.. Im killing myslef with this..again thanks for asking about me and keep me in your prayers.. God Bless

[pbs8218]

Im really stuggling today.. If i could find one spot on my body that was cramping up or hurting so bad I would be happy. It took everything I had to come over to the computer and check my email and check the forum. I have only had a half of a 7.5 and its not even helping with the skin crawling and the shakes and the sweats and colds, I ache so bad and I know its withdrawls and not "real" pain..but I am so miserable, my mind is so fogged that I cant even think straight. age is sure showing now. when Im on the "pills" like I use to be I felt 18 again, I could do anything then it started getting harder and harder to get the energy.. Im showing my true age now plus 20 yrs.and Im far from 18 anymore.. add 27 yrs to it.. but i feel older as I am really fighting the urge to take another half but I know it wont help is what I keep telling myself. I didnt even get maybe an hour sleep last night. I cried to God in hopes he hears my cries and knows Im serious this time, I guess thats why I havent given in and took more..I made a promise to myself I would do this and I want this more then I want anything..I want my life back, I want to Live again, I want to think on my own again and not "drugged up", I want to enjoy my family and family gatherings and not be thinking in the back of my head when I can take the next pill or where the next one is comming from.. Im killing myslef with this..again thanks for asking about me and keep me in your prayers.. God Bless

Ashamed-hold on. are you taking all the thomas recipe stuff? I know everyone says get it over and over again, but it helps. I also take b-12 tabs which gives a little boost. And I can't say enough about valerian root. I think it chased my MENTALS away. I know its hard to hang on, quicker you get off altogether, the better. From reading alot of posts, it seems cold turkey brings less physical w/ds, but maybe more mentals. Does your family know? Aleve, tylenol arthritis, pm, and valerian root have been my lifesavers. And this forum. good luck and keep posting. we're all rooting and praying for you. pbs

[money_chick]

I know how awful what you are going through is. I know how bad your bones ache and hurt and how hard it is to just NOT take ONE to make it stop. We say this all the time, but you only have to do thisone time. ONCE. Thats all.

Get through it once, and its all over.

If you dont have valerian root, get some. Its available at walmart. Also, Hylands Leg Cramp pills in a red box on the vitamin isly will help so much with twitchy cramoy muscles. I took three at a time, and they are very safe.

Please, stay away from benedryl or its active ingredient. It tends to make RLS and twitching worse.

Lets seee......

Listen, anyone here will tell you I am a pro at wds. For years I just couldnt STAY stopped. Trust me when I say I know what I'm talking about.

No the hard part= the mental stuff. UGH. For me, I read my bible constantly, especially the book of Psalms, 51 to be exact. Oh and Ps 91 too.... I held onto those promises.

We have to get through this, and you will be so proud when you prove to yurself you can do it. Try to stay busy, doing something. Organize your photo albums, anything that keeps you fro thinking.


DO NOT LOOK AROUND YOUR HOUSE, CAR OR PURSES FOR PILLS. ITS MAKES CRAVINGS WORSE. Trust me on that one.

I'm pulling for you. I think you can do it.

[pbs8218]

I know how awful what you are going through is. I know how bad your bones ache and hurt and how hard it is to just NOT take ONE to make it stop. We say this all the time, but you only have to do thisone time. ONCE. Thats all.

Get through it once, and its all over.

If you dont have valerian root, get some. Its available at walmart. Also, Hylands Leg Cramp pills in a red box on the vitamin isly will help so much with twitchy cramoy muscles. I took three at a time, and they are very safe.

Please, stay away from benedryl or its active ingredient. It tends to make RLS and twitching worse.

Lets seee......

Listen, anyone here will tell you I am a pro at wds. For years I just couldnt STAY stopped. Trust me when I say I know what I'm talking about.

No the hard part= the mental stuff. UGH. For me, I read my bible constantly, especially the book of Psalms, 51 to be exact. Oh and Ps 91 too.... I held onto those promises.

We have to get through this, and you will be so proud when you prove to yurself you can do it. Try to stay busy, doing something. Organize your photo albums, anything that keeps you fro thinking.


DO NOT LOOK AROUND YOUR HOUSE, CAR OR PURSES FOR PILLS. ITS MAKES CRAVINGS WORSE. Trust me on that one.

I'm pulling for you. I think you can do it.

money- don't ever stop posting. You are a wealth of info. pbs

[Anonymous]

I have to agree the muscle aches and spasms and the overall body pain was the worst of it all. I took a mild muscle relaxer (Flexril) and Tylenol PM at night to help sleep. It did have some effect, made it a little more tolerable. You have nothing to be ashamed of we have all got a similar story to tell you are among friends here all of us went through it.

I promise it gets better I am at day nine and fell 90% better, the world will become clearer and you will start to feel yourself again.

Hang in there and be strong you will make it.