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have husband w/ opiate addiction
  1. #1
    motherof5 is offline Junior Member
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    Default have husband w/ opiate addiction

    My husband just left yesterday morning to go to Dallas for treatment at that Meditox Of Palm Beach program. while we have been together for five years now and I can now identify when he is abusing drugs I still feel like I am so new to this. I don't have a very good understanding (really not much at all!) of addiction and really need someone to talk to to help me thru all this. I am very dedicated to my husband and want/ need to help him and be as strong as I can for him, but I really don't have friends to shed light on the subject and am sick of hearing my parents tell me that I should leave him, I won't do that. I did just get the list of Alanon mtgs and plan on attending some I would really appreciate anything somebody else would like to contribute! Thank You for listening!

  2. #2
    tigerman is offline Junior Member
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    I hope he lets it work for him since he has 5 children and a great wife.
    Just curious,how long has he had this problem?Something tells me you don't really know.When i figured out I was hooked I told my wife & I don't think she had a clue.I'm sure she knew there was a problem,but couldnt put her finger on it

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    BigJohn is offline Member
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    hey mother...
    You need to find an AlaNon group. It's a group of people who are in your position. It's like Alcoholics Anonymous but for people who have loved ones thAt are addicts or addicts in treatment. Even though you are not the one using, you have issues too that need to be resolved. You've taken the first step by coming here. You're looking for support and you'll find that in AlaNon...I promise. Just look in your phone book or google "Alanon and your home town" Good luck. I wish I had someone like you by my side when I went through my "tough times"

    Peace and all that,

    John

  4. #4
    motherof5 is offline Junior Member
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    his addiction problem started as a teenager with alchohol and escaladed to narcotics following knee surgery. his former wife and him would abuse many prescription drugs including overdosing on soma more than once- but once it stopped his heart. he's lucky to be alive. i now know the extent of his addiction but it was not revealed to me early on, and even when he was abusing i didn't recognize the syptoms. I do now! And I vow to do whatever it takes to help him recover for himself and this family we've created.
    I am actually attending my first alanon mtg. in the morning. I am such an emotional mess though it will be a miracle if I don't break down crying in front of all these people I don't even know! But I do know it's my first step to understanding and helping him and myself cope with this.
    Any other words of wisdom or encouragement is greatly appreciated!!!

  5. #5
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Learn as much as you can about addiction.Going to Alanon is a great way as you will meet all kinds of gals with the same problem at home as you.Listen and ask any question that pops into your head.Hang in there because your husband is going to need you when he gets back......Dave

  6. #6
    motherof5 is offline Junior Member
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    I pick up my husband from the airport this afternoon. I sure hope it's the last time too. This new program we are hoping is a big part of him staying clean in the future and I hope it works. I did attend my first al-anon mtg today. Honestly- I felt a little odd, everyone there was older- I happen to be pretty young- but I do also believe that atleast it will give me a place to vent and discuss and learn so I do promise to continue going.

  7. #7
    abey042000 is offline Member
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    Mother~
    Ive been following your story. Your husband was only in for 2 days? I figured for inhouse detox they would keep someone longer. How's he doing? How are you doing? Also, i want you to know and remember that even though it may seem like you dont have alot of responders to your post, alot of people lurk around and just read, read, and read some more. So, I'm sure alot of people will learn from your postings and experiences! Thank you for sharing this with us!

  8. #8
    motherof5 is offline Junior Member
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    it wasnt an in house detox program- he's done that before and hasnt worked for him. this was a different program , to get him and keep him off of narcotics, with subutex- suboxone. they have one here where we live but there was a 3 week waiting list to get in. we couldnt put up with him using for another 3 days much less 3 weeks! so we borrowed the money from his mom to go to dallas for this treatment program- the majority of it consists of the proper medication, counselling, and his own will to stay clean and get involved in NA. at the moment he is so foggy, tired,and irretable all I want is for him to go to bed. and then I want him to wake up as the person I married- I know I am dreaming, but I know it will get better! One Day At A Time....

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    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Is he taking suboxone(buprenorphene)???......Dave

  10. #10
    motherof5 is offline Junior Member
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    yes he is.

  11. #11
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    This drug is helping so many addicts.I suggest it to anyone who comes here looking for help.It takes away all of the withdrawls and cravings while leaving the patient feeling normal and not stoned in the least.The patients are then able to work on getting themselves back on track and starting there lives over again.This is a miracle drug for alot of people.Good luck and try and get him to come on here and talk to us.......Dave

  12. #12
    motherof5 is offline Junior Member
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    I sure hope it's the miracle drug for him! I have read alot of positive things about it- but then again I have read alot of negative things about it too! like people having to take it for years or the withdrawls from comming off of it also! But this place he went to- thats all they do is treat opiate withdrawls and work with this medicaton. The doctors who run it were the doctors that were involved in the clinical trials to get it approved. I just hope this path works for him, he is working on getting into NA and getting an NA sponsor instead of AA- since he just couldn't stick with that program. I think it's because alchohal wasn't the problem and some of the people there couldn't relate. I am sure it's all just excuses but we are working on getting away from the excuses and down to the truth! and working out all his demons!
    Thanks so much for your feedback! I always appreciate it!

  13. #13
    stickyfingers is offline Junior Member
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    Best of luck mother of 5. I'm a recovering addict who has loved ones who had no clue about addiction but wanted desperately to help, like yourself. Definitely continue going to the Alanon meetings, maybe even going with your husband to an Open NA meeting... open meaning that you don't have to be an addict to attend. Do as much research as possible. Don't take his progression or relapses personally. Unfortunately as much as this addiction affects you there is really little you can say that will make your husband stop. He's the only one that controls that. Be supportive, but try not to rationalize the why's? Addiction lives on a plane that's light years from rationality. And don't be afraid to cry in front of the strangers at these meetings. They know exactly what you're going through and will not think your a flake for crying. It's really not a NA meeting without atleast one person crying. I've seen hardened motorcycle gang members ball their eyes out. This will be one of the hardest exeperiences you ever go through, but with compassion and persistence things will get better. But if he keeps relapsing and doesn't take recovery seriously, you also need to consider PLAN B. There's no sense in you living the rest of your life miserably because of an outside factor that you can't control. I know it's harder with kids involved, but ultimately you need to take care of yourself first.

  14. #14
    motherof5 is offline Junior Member
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    I will always promise to be as supportive as possible- he is my husband and and i vowed to love him in both sickness and health. I know he will succeed, though it's hard to get thru the tough time I realize that his recovery is a long process- lifetime actually- and yes I am aware as well as he is that there is a plan B that is out there- for the time being I believe our family will hold together. He has been "different" however, since he came home from the Meditox clinic. I actually kicked him out of our bedroom the other night and made him sleep on the couch (something I have never done before). Does this Subutox have any wierd side affects?

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    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Are you talking about sexual side effects???Buprenorphene can cause men to have a hard time achieving an erection or losing one at the worst time.I'm not sure if this is what you meant so excuse me if you didn't but this is a fact actually with all opiates.....Dave[:I]

  16. #16
    motherof5 is offline Junior Member
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    no, not sexual side affects- i am aware of those! no, I just meant him being a total dikhead! The subtox is helping with his withdrawl symptoms, but, they also have him on all these other medications for anxiety, stomach cramps, ans to help him sleep at night- it's mainly the going to sleep at night- he is so exhausted and dopey after taking the medicine that he needs to go in and go to bed but he refuses- just one more cigarette he says- but he sits there and burns the carpet- couch- me- or himself! and refuses to just go to sleep- is that just part of the addict's mindset? does trying to fight the medication to help you sleep give him some kind of kick? I just want to smack him!
    Also- not just sexually but emotionally he seams so withdrawn. I don't get it, yes we have not had sex for such a long timebecause of his usage before but now it seams as though he just isn't interested in being intimate at all. Don't know, maybe I am expecting too much. I just want him back to normall so WE can get back to normall- whatever that is.
    He went to his first NA meeting yesterday- I asked him how it went when he got home and all he could say is "nobody seams happy to be there- no one has a good attitude or demeaner there- at AA the people were more upbeat" all I could think was that he must fit right in! But I do understand that- he needs positivity around him and AA gives that off. (I have been to a few of those mtgs with him)
    Maybe things will start to get better soon- I sure hope so.

  17. #17
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    It sounds like he's trying to pull the high out of the meds he has.I don't understand why they have him on these other drugs.The suboxone should be more then enough.All these other drugs are going to do is cloud him up and make him dopey.Can you get ahold of his doctor and explain whats happening.Remember to,he just might not be ready to quit.I know that's not what you want to hear but until it snaps in his brain that he can't take drugs anymore then he may not be able to stay clean.I hope I'm wrong but you need to be aware of that.....Dave

  18. #18
    motherof5 is offline Junior Member
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    I blew up at my husband a few nights ago- maybe last thursday night, really let him know how I was feeling about everything, since then I think he has really put an effort into our relationship. I know he's trying to get better and I agreed to work with him and stick by his side as long as he agreed to be a little more- attentive- to me and the children.
    He has also been attending a meeting every day. So I will keep my fingers crossed that we will continue to progress in the direction we're going from now on. Thanks to everyone for your comments!

  19. #19
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Good luck to both of you.....Dave

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