Going from daily opiate use to just rec use?

[FrustratedAndTired]

Don't apologize bro. It seems that the mental part got the better of you. I'm still here for you. If you were to not take anymore the w/d shouldn't be as bad as the first time around. As far as being 22 and should be able to have self control.... we are addicts! If we had that self control we wouldn't be talking here on a site about addiction. Just because you slipped doesn't mean you've failed. Get back in there and fight your addiction! Stay strong and let's get your recovery started again.

[Selfishself]

Thanks for the support. It's odd, I felt so bad taking the Oxy that I have not been getting the cravings I normally get from it. Oddly I felt better today before the Oxy for some reason. I just hope this does not throw off my 5 days of W/D.

[FrustratedAndTired]

Thanks for the support. It's odd, I felt so bad taking the Oxy that I have not been getting the cravings I normally get from it. Oddly I felt better today before the Oxy for some reason. I just hope this does not throw off my 5 days of W/D.

I slipped many times in trying to get clean bud. Like I said just because you've slipped doesn't mean you've failed. So give the pills to your parent or in my opinion flush them and get back in there and fight this disease and not only tell yourself but know that your want to be clean is stronger than the want for the pills. I know you can do it and I'll be here with you to beat this thing. I'm no expert and don't have a long time clean but hopefully I'll be able to help you with others on this forum to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong bro and I'll check on you in the morning.

[moon6748]

Don't apologize, just get back into the fight and we will all still be here for you. This is a long fight...if everyone won it on the first try there wouldn't be a need for a board like this!

Oddly I felt better today before the Oxy for some reason

Cannot tell you how many times I've lasted a day or two, then taken something and felt the exact same thing. All that craving and thinking the pill would solve everything, and we felt better before taking it!

A slip is a slip....the important thing is that you don't wake up from it 5 or 6 months from now. It's that you wake up now, today. My problem was that I would always slip, and then I would conveniently manage to push all of the reasons I wanted to quit in the first place out of my mind for many months...and my addiction would grow and grow. Not this time....we can do this and everyone is still here for you...

[FrustratedAndTired]

How are you feeling bro?

[Selfishself]

Hey everyone,

Im feeling much better today. I think yesterday may have been the wake up call I needed to stop eating my OC's like M&M's.

My first interview for a big web production job is in a couple hours and boy I do feel like I want to escape into the calm collected me on Oxy but I know people do this stuff everyday without having to get a buzz.

Thanks Everyone!

- Selfish

[shrimpboat 1942]

Good luck with you BIG interview! You're a good guy--let that shine right on through!

NO OXYs now and you can still claim some good from the 5 days cleanish you had. We're on YOUR side.

[moon6748]

Good luck on your interview!

[Selfishself]

Hey all,

Interview went great. Company is flying me out to their HQ for a final sit down. Have another big interview tomorrow though as well.

Now back to the hard part of getting off Oxy and keeping up the energy levels to do all this.

Some major cravings for celebratory Oxy sure is tempting.

My dr mentioned phetamine ( I believe that is what is was called) to keep my head clear and stay motivated for the next month or so.

I might check that out. Anyone have experience with it?

[manwhosoldtheworld]

Oh cum dude just remember "never give up" on the cap and t shirt people loves them its just a game of 3 months but dont prolong with oxycontin thats a friends advice you can say you will ruin it all man

[manwhosoldtheworld]

hey man congrats n best of luck for the next level Phentermine yup my aunt was took that for 8 months last years but it was related to her diet n workout stuff i don't think it will work for anxiety... keep posted bro

[shrimpboat 1942]

Yes, it'll give you energy, but for a month? Then you'll crash and have another drug withdrawal to continue. I'd just use plain old coffee to get by.

Makes me wonder about your doctor. If all you have it a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

PS congratulations on your interview--I knew you'd do well. Keep on doing well and you'l be fine in a month without another addicting drug to contend with.

[Selfishself]

Thanks for the advice guys. Feeling much better about my little mess up yesterday. Im still just trying to wrap my head around how it will impact the rest of my W/D symptoms as today I felt pretty good. I guess its just best to just stop dwelling on it and continue on.

thank you all for the continued support it means so much to me.

- selfish

[moon6748]

Hi Selfish, I think you need to just move on from the slip, and deal with whatever comes your way. I think in the grand scheme of things, if you don't use anything else it's not going to set you back to square 1. But if you continue to use on and off it's just going to be an endless cycle of square 1's. I spent WAY too much time today living outside of the moment I was in, and it made for a depressing day. Let's not live in the past, or even a moment in the future. How are you doing now? Let's stay focused on the moment we are in, because it's truly all we can control...

[Selfishself]

I forgot to add this to my list of interesting events I have experienced this past week. Two or three nights ago prior to my slip up I was getting so sleep deprived and the sleeping pills were not working at all.

As most of you know taking Ambien and not sleeping can lead to some weird stuff. Anyhow it must have been three or four in the morning and I didn't realize it at the time but I was standing over my sink trying to pee. Luckily I wasnt able to urinate and moments later realized I was trying to piss in my sink.

It gave me a much needed chuckle thinking about it today.

[Selfishself]

Just wanted to add that I believe the W/D's have returned. Knee pain is pretty intense and for the first time Im getting pretty bad back pain. Hope I can get some sleep tonight and have another clean day tomorrow.

[Catrina]

Good Morning Self,

That physical stuff you're feeling just might be a little reminder that we addicts can't take just one! Remember it. You won't be back at Day 1 and starting all over but seriously, do you want to have a bad day for every good one by taking that just one that will always, always get you back to a real Day 1. Don't go there. I highly suspect that your body and addict thinking is telling you, "see, you do need opiates!". Well we all know that you don't. You're stronger and better than that. Consider this slip a lesson learned. I have a whole volume of them and I can tell you that those slips are NEVER good. I'm glad you shook yourself awake before you slipped too much. You may have an achy day and then you'll be back on track. Suck it up. That comment is pretty harsh but do it anyway.

Congrats on your so-far successful interviewing process. Really, by the time you start your new job you want this detox/withdrawal stuff behind you so that you can concentrate on being excellent. I'm betting that your mind is pretty clear at this point and if you still have some anxiety it won't be long before that's gone too (except for the stuff that humans experience and well, that's life). The sleep/no sleep. Only time is going to take care of that and everyone is different. Be content with what you get and refuse to obsess about it, that will only make things worse. For some odd reason, even on nights that I wasn't able to sleep one stinkin wink, I was still able to get thru the day and really not feel tired. I know that that can't be good for the body, but geez after all the junk I poured into it for years, I should worry about not enough rest?? Really??? LOL

Have a good, clean day. Chin up and think only about making it thru today.

Peace,

Cat

[Selfishself]

Thanks for the pep talk Cat; I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and your post gave me a much needed smile.

Does anyone want to comment on when I might expect the return of my libido?

[FrustratedAndTired]

After my first week of w/d mine jumped thru the roof and now like the rest of my mind/body is trying to find it's even level. Keep it up! You're doing great!

[MetalDuckMFC]

[delted - swearing]

[Selfishself]

Thanks for the post man it is great to have all the support.

I am going on a year dry spell which has been a major reason for taking pills in the first place. I left all my friends and girls back in the states to come to Costa Rica and "Recover" from my shoulder injury. I spend the majority of my time in bed high. So Im excited to get off these pills and get a years worth of pent up sexual frustration out.

[TRON]

[deleted - swearing]

[Selfishself]

I am a very stubborn and proud person but I think I have to throw in the flag today. The past two days have been just like the past year. There is no way in hell I can have Oxy around me and not find a reason to do it.

Im handing my pills over to my dad when he gets back. I have tried to hide them from myself thinking I might forget they were there, but I know damn well where that bottle is sitting.

I should have never filled that damn script. I am glad I have no more to fill this time.

[moon6748]

Selfish, that's awesome that you are handing them over. Honestly, if I had a bottle of them (or any of them) sitting here the past few days, I really think I would have caved already. That would have just been too hard. It's made it easier that I have no access to anything. So as miserable as I can be, I really don't have a choice in the matter anyways.

I don't know how long it would ever be before I could have a bottle of something sitting in front of me. Maybe never?

You are taking a great step though....and once that whole mental struggle of having them there is over, I think you'll find it's a bit easier.

[Selfishself]

Selfish, that's awesome that you are handing them over. Honestly, if I had a bottle of them (or any of them) sitting here the past few days, I really think I would have caved already. That would have just been too hard. It's made it easier that I have no access to anything. So as miserable as I can be, I really don't have a choice in the matter anyways.

I don't know how long it would ever be before I could have a bottle of something sitting in front of me. Maybe never?

You are taking a great step though....and once that whole mental struggle of having them there is over, I think you'll find it's a bit easier.

Its just so mind boggling to me. I feel SO good at least one minute after taking my OC so I know it has to be mostly mental as there is no way one would feel the effects so quickly.

Keep it up Moon you are doing so great.

[TRON]

It really is mental as well as physical Selfishself. I know there would be times when I thought I couldn't score and my body would be going crazy. Then I'd get a call back or something would be in the works and I'd total be calm and fine. Funny how you go crazy when you don't have it around but as soon as you know it's coming you can survive fine for even a few hours...

You are a trooper partna! Keep it up. Only positive things are coming your way. There is nothing negative about getting clean and living life the way it's supposed to be lived! PEACE & LOVE

[moon6748]

I know there would be times when I thought I couldn't score and my body would be going crazy. Then I'd get a call back or something would be in the works and I'd total be calm and fine. Funny how you go crazy when you don't have it around but as soon as you know it's coming you can survive fine for even a few hours...

Oh ya, this was totally me. I would think that I couldn't possibly survive the day without them....I'd be going nuts. But then I'd get the call...and even if the call was at 9 a.m. to say "I can meet you at 5 p.m.", all of a sudden the day would get better. Our minds are powerful things!

[GretelJones]

Such a good point. I would check the pharm website obsessively at work and feel elated to have a script again. 6 days no hydros, Feeling great. Attribute this to "faking it till I make it".

Moon and Self, this has been an incredibly inspiring thread. Well done.