Going CT to get off of Percs - day 3 and feel like HELL help!!!!!!!

[percodeath]

I never imagined I'd be a pill addict, after all it's pills and booze that killed my mom a few years ago when she was only 47 years old. I swore I'd never go down the same path. Well I don't drink but I have developed quite the addiction to percs (5 mg) and during the last few months have started getting oxys every now and then and snorting them. I love the energy and euphoria I get from them. Unlike most people I've read about here, I never had a script from the doc for them. My husband broke and had to have pins put in his ankle a few years ago and has a regular script from his doctor. He gets 70 a month and is pretty good at taking them as prescribed. Me on the other hand has lowered myself to stealing from his script (he does give me pills from his script but when he tells me no, I find his hiding spot and take them) I'm not proud of this. Nor am I proud that I spend a lot of money on buying them off the street. Probably a couple hundred bucks already this month.. On Tuesday I decided enough was enough and went cold turkey. I am too scared to tell my doctor about my addiction. You see I have two babies, a 16 month old and a 5 month old and I'm terrified if I tell my doc I'm a pill addict he will call Childrens Aid and have my kids taken from me. I love my kids more then anything in this world and they are the reason I have chose to stop the bull******** and get clean. They deserve a sober mommy, something I never had. I don't want them going through what I did with my own mom. That was hell and I cannot ever put them through that. I am on day 3 cold turkey and feeling like hell. I am sweating like crazy, then chills, extremely depressed and crying a lot. (I go into the bedroom when I need to cry, I don't want my babies seeing me cry) God, how the hell did I end up like this?? I swore I never would and look, here I am shaking, crying and feeling like death coming off of percs. I have NO ENERGY! My house is a mess and I can't find the motivation to clean up. This withdrawal ******** is also causing me to act nutty. I started a huge fight with my husband yesterday over nothing really. How long will this last?? I'm afraid of having a heart attack because I've read going cold turkey can do that but since I have no script to ''Taper'' down from, wtf do I do?? I live in Canada so coverage isn,t a problem but like I said..what would the doc do if I walked in and asked him for some percs to taper off because I'm an addict. Would he call Childrens Aid on me? That's what I'm scared of. My kids are very well taken care of even though I am a pill addict but even still, a junkie is a junkie in their eyes. So I want some advice and tell me, how long will these withdrawal symptoms last and when will I get my own ''real'' energy back?? At 34 years old I feel a 100 years old right now. I ache like crazy and have zero energy. I look at my babies and see them so happy and innocent and I think, I was like that once - what happened? I have to force myself to be happy around them even though I am constantly on the verge of tears. What a mess I am!!

[melinda7.5]

Hi percodeath
I'm really sorry to hear about your mom...Im 49 and that could have been me two years ago...
Feel very lucky that you realized you have a problem when you are so young.
Your just about thru the toughest part of the detox now things will turn around for you very soon.
No one is going to take your kids away from you...I think you learned your lesson and wont use again..Right...
Don't worry your not going to have a heart attack and your nerves will settle down...sorry to scold you but you were taking these pills for months you need to give it a few days to heal...but I promise you are going to be OK.
Be proud of yourself you have been very brave to tackle this all by yourself...
I seen Robert got you the Thomas Recipe on your other post.
I'm sure that will help you...
let us know if you need some help..
and keep posting and let us know how you are doing...

Talk to you soon, Melinda

[percodeath]

Thanks Melinda, I'm trying to keep the brave happy face for my kids but inside I am falling apart. I have never felt so awful. I just wonder when I'll ever get my real energy back and when these horrible wd's will subside. I feel like a failure, my house is a mess and I've had to force myself to do some dishes, laundry and just doing a few little things around here has drained me, never mind trying to take care of two babies. It's overwhelming but I know I got to do this no matter how much I am suffering now, I know it will get better but it's getting harder to keep convincing myself of this. Just trying to hang in there and be a good mom even though I'm a mess.

[melinda7.5]

Hi percodeath
Just take it ten minutes at a time...I know it's hard with your kids being so small...but you can do this...
And don't worry about your house...LOL
You got better things to fix right now...
I had to work when I went thru my w/d...OMG...I thought I was going to DIE ...
As soon as you can you need to start exerciseing...LOL...I know your saying WHAT !!!...But it will help with getting your energy back and your endorphins working again...
Your doing GREAT...be tough you sound like your a good mom and you really love your kids...so if you don't do it for yourself do it for them...
Hang in there...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[money_chick]

You must have posted more than one thread. I think I answered in the other.... I'm confused.

[percodeath]

I'm sorry, I did post this a few times because I didn't get much response and I wasn't really sure where exactly it belonged. i am also desperate for answers.

To top everything off, me and my husband are fighting tonight. I get very little in the way of help or support around here and I'm sick of it. Tonight all I wanted to do was have a hot bath and go to sleep early (which I never do) and a half hour after I crawled into bed he comes in the room and says ''so how long are you going to be asleep? I need to go out so I guess I'll put Johnny in the room with you'' (my 5 month old). even now, when I'm at my worst he is too selfish to think that I might need a little break to try and get through this. So ******** it, I got up, came out, took a perc and told him to go ******** himself. No wonder I need percs to function, I'm expected to be frickin superwoman!!!!!! I just think he doesn't love me anymore.

[melinda7.5]

Hi percodeath
Then if that is the case it's all the more reason for you to get clean and take care of business...
You need to love yourself so you can take care of your kids they need you to be strong...
It doesn't matter where you post, we see them no matter where there at so don't worry about that...
That one perc wont matter just don't take anymore...
you can still do this..
Melinda

[percodeath]

You have a very good point Melinda, I'm going to try and give it 100% and do this for my kids and for me. I wish I never started taking them, but it's too late to change that. All I can do now is get off them and try to find a way to be superwoman without the percs. I do finally feel better today and managed to clean most of my house that fell apart while I was detoxing. I had a talk with my husband and told him that for me to get off these things he has to step up and help out a lot more and not just leav it all for me. He agreed so we'll see.. thanks for your advice. I really appreciate you (and others) taking the time to help me.

[MidnightDevil]

It's great when our partners help us going through this isnt it? wish u the best supermom

[melinda7.5]

Hi percodeath
I'm glad you came back...also when your in w/d your nerves feel like they are shattered...so I'm glad he said he will help you more...
I'm still not super mom..but I sure wasn't supermom when I was taking 2 hundred dollars worth of pills a day either...
Life really is good now...hang in there..things will get better...
talk to you soon, Melinda

[powerless]

Percodeath,
I replied to your other thread and then found you here. I've been thinking of you. I hope that you are doing okay today and so glad your husband said he would step it up. It's hard. When you are in withdrawls it's so very very hard. If you can stay clean a couple of more days and try to fit in some exercise you'll notice a HUGE difference. Also, get some supplements in, they majorly helped me.

My husband is a wonderful father so I'm lucky, he is normally running around with my son anyway. I didn't realize that you have a five month old also. That's tuff really really tuff. You can't be super woman and your husband needs to realize that.

I really thought the first week that things were NEVER going to feel better but they do, each day they do. If you can get past day five you'll notice a huge difference. I remember just changing my son's diaper the first couple of days felt like a freakin chore. I cried when my husband wasn't around and took lots of hot baths as my body had the chills all the time. It's hideous. I never want to feel like that again. And then for a couple of days I was kind fo numb and bored with life, like what's the purpose? I was so use to being high in the evenings..

I feel like the exercise is what brought the "good feelings" back for me. So maybe if you can't make it to the gym you can pack the children in the strollers and get a good brisk walk in. Or if you have any home exercise videos, pop one in when the kids are a sleep and make yourself do it!

Thinking of you...