Going crazy..

[xxJennaxx]

So the Dr prescribed 100 pills which were SUPPOSSED to last me for a month..i just picked them up like a week and 3 days ago or something and i was sharing them daily with My Bf, so now i'm left with nothing :[ maybe it's a good thing to give my body and brain a break..but i'm already freaking out fearing i cant make it thru the day w/out my drugs..i took 2..but to an addict taking 6 a day [that was down from 13] its like NOTHING..i feel so..Depressed & bored..Anyone know what i mean?

[icandoitin08]

So the Dr prescribed 100 pills which were SUPPOSSED to last me for a month..i just picked them up like a week and 3 days ago or something and i was sharing them daily with My Bf, so now i'm left with nothing :[ maybe it's a good thing to give my body and brain a break..but i'm already freaking out fearing i cant make it thru the day w/out my drugs..i took 2..but to an addict taking 6 a day [that was down from 13] its like NOTHING..i feel so..Depressed & bored..Anyone know what i mean?

Is that why you have not posted for over a week? You need to get on here before you do something so we can help you. Did you tell your dr that your an addict trying to cut down? Are you still taking six at a time? We can all help you if you really want help. But we cant help you if we don't hear from you and when you come back you tell us you got 100 pills that lasted a week. You have to remember that you are an addict. You need to tell your Dr so that he/she does not prescribe anymore narcotics to you. So are you in w/d now? Even though you "shared" the pills I am hoping that you did not take 6 at a time.
Keep posting

[xxJennaxx]

Is that why you have not posted for over a week? You need to get on here before you do something so we can help you. Did you tell your dr that your an addict trying to cut down? Are you still taking six at a time? We can all help you if you really want help. But we cant help you if we don't hear from you and when you come back you tell us you got 100 pills that lasted a week. You have to remember that you are an addict. You need to tell your Dr so that he/she does not prescribe anymore narcotics to you. So are you in w/d now? Even though you "shared" the pills I am hoping that you did not take 6 at a time.
Keep posting

Hey Cheryl..honestly..Yes, that is why i haven't posted in the past week..That and the fact i've been having alot of problems at home..but i wont lie to you either..i dont post when i have the pills.. ;/ I didn't tell my Dr i'm an addict..i said ''i didnt know what aceitiminphin was'' and played stupid as to why i almosted O'D and took the 13 in one day..he wrote a prescription for 300 more pills! i was like wtf? But i cant get them refilled and i gotta admitt..i'm craving..Here is my problem..i have severe clinical depression, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder..The opiates in the darvocets calm that..They ''fix'' it in my mind..i mean who wants to be depressed all day? I keep hearing from everyone your only 26 you should be out happy and shopping, ect..but they dont know how i feel when i wake up..i dont think i CAN be a normal girl my age. :[ I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE HAPPY WITHOUT THE PILLS. i'm saying this because i want to be completely honest and get the best help i can..

[icandoitin08]

Hey Cheryl..honestly..Yes, that is why i haven't posted in the past week..That and the fact i've been having alot of problems at home..but i wont lie to you either..i dont post when i have the pills.. ;/ I didn't tell my Dr i'm an addict..i said ''i didnt know what aceitiminphin was'' and played stupid as to why i almosted O'D and took the 13 in one day..he wrote a prescription for 300 more pills! i was like wtf? But i cant get them refilled and i gotta admitt..i'm craving..Here is my problem..i have severe clinical depression, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder..The opiates in the darvocets calm that..They ''fix'' it in my mind..i mean who wants to be depressed all day? I keep hearing from everyone your only 26 you should be out happy and shopping, ect..but they dont know how i feel when i wake up..i dont think i CAN be a normal girl my age. :[ I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE HAPPY WITHOUT THE PILLS. i'm saying this because i want to be completely honest and get the best help i can..

So you are saying that you have 2 refills on the pain meds? Call the pharmacy and tell them to cancel the refills.

Narcotics do not help depression, it makes depression worse. I too suffer from anxiety and depression. I am on zoloft 200mg per day. When I was taking 20-30 norco per day I thought I felt better. I also used to think like you, I cant be happy with out pills, every morning I woke up the first think i would think was"do I have enough pills for today?"
This is no way to live. You are young and people here DO understand how you feel and what you feel like. You need to read other threads and realize you are NO different than other addicts on here other than that you are 26 there are people on here who are younger and older than you. You need to tell your Dr and cancel the refills. Things are tough for everyone at home and pills will never help that they will only make it worse. you need to decide one thing. Do you want to continue on the path you are on, taking pills, running out, feeling like sh** . Or do you want to leave the pills behind and get clean?

[xxJennaxx]

So you are saying that you have 2 refills on the pain meds? Call the pharmacy and tell them to cancel the refills.

Narcotics do not help depression, it makes depression worse. I too suffer from anxiety and depression. I am on zoloft 200mg per day. When I was taking 20-30 norco per day I thought I felt better. I also used to think like you, I cant be happy with out pills, every morning I woke up the first think i would think was"do I have enough pills for today?"
This is no way to live. You are young and people here DO understand how you feel and what you feel like. You need to read other threads and realize you are NO different than other addicts on here other than that you are 26 there are people on here who are younger and older than you. You need to tell your Dr and cancel the refills. Things are tough for everyone at home and pills will never help that they will only make it worse. you need to decide one thing. Do you want to continue on the path you are on, taking pills, running out, feeling like sh** . Or do you want to leave the pills behind and get clean?

I really want to get clean..before i read this though, i called into my Dr and told him the darvocets weren't working and if he could call into the pharmacy and let me ''try'' vicodin..to my suprise he actually said yes..that he'd give me a weeks worth..i cant say i'm not happy about it now, but i know in the long run its not the right thing..i am thinking of finding a hobby that will occupy my mind and time and be more proactive without the pills. ppl on here give me HOPE. Can i ask you honestly tho..did the pills [what kind were you on?] make you feel HAPPY for the time you were on them?

[money_chick]

so.... you are addicted to darvocet. A weak opiate that wds arent that bad from. And scared of wds too right? And so, you asked for a stronger drug with much harsher withdrawls. Thta's not very smart.

I'm sure drugs made people happy at some point, but I sure as hell wasnt happy when I ran out so often. Or when I moved up and up on the stronger drugs.... or when I went broke.
Or my husband left.

Or my daughters had to see me in withdrawls.

Or when I was withdrawing and couldnt go to a very important presentation my daughter gave.

But aside from that stuff, I was thrilled when I was high.

Do yu realize that the high WILL go away one day, never to return?

I'll pray for you, but that was an awful, terrible mistake you made.

[money_chick]

I am copying this fromm an old post I made to someone a long time ago on this board, who was addicted to darvocet.
I hate making these long drawn out posts, but I think it may help you. aand I hope it stops you from making my mistake.

I started taking darvocet in 98 on a daily basis. It was easy to get and I was told non addictive. I took it four times a day like prescribed for a year before feeling like more would be better. I doubled, then tripled the dose.

Within two years, I couldnt go anywhere without pills in my purse. Quick run to the store? Take somme pills, and throw a few extra in my bag. Vacation? Well, I better get another script so I have plenty. Still, didn't know it was an addiction.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I stopped working out. I stopped watching what I ate. I took pills all day and food would make them not work...... I was becoming bloated and tired and looking like hell. I went from being a beautiful, healthy vibrant young woman to a bloated mess who looks at least 5 years older than I am.

Of course, darvocet wont satisfy you forever. It just won't. By 00, I was playingwith lortab, which would become my DOC in years to come. It was easier to get than the other stuff I played with. Roxicet, Oxycodone, Demerol, etc.

I even scored fentynal a few times.

Fast forward to this year. I can't get out of bed without pills. I've gained 60 pounds and lost all my non drug friends. My kids don't know wtf is wrong with me. My house is trashed. I have less money than ever. I've lost my own business, which was my lifelong dream.

Did darvocet take that from me? Yes, in a sense, it did.

I justified my use. The truith is, life is hard. I was HIDING. Just like you. And there comes a time that you have to realize a startling truth.

THE ONLY WAY AROUND HELL SOMETIMES, IS STRAIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE.

Flush the pills. Take the weekend and be sick. Hell, you've been sick before. Free yourself from this. This road has two endings and you choose which one you want.

One is a road of destruction, where children have no mothers and women are slaves to drugs.

Two is stopping.

Just stop.


I want yoou to read it, Jenna. Please, listen to me. Please. This is the wrong road you are on, and you have GOT to stop before it becomes impossible.

[xxJennaxx]

so.... you are addicted to darvocet. A weak opiate that wds arent that bad from. And scared of wds too right? And so, you asked for a stronger drug with much harsher withdrawls. Thta's not very smart.

I'm sure drugs made people happy at some point, but I sure as hell wasnt happy when I ran out so often. Or when I moved up and up on the stronger drugs.... or when I went broke.
Or my husband left.

Or my daughters had to see me in withdrawls.

Or when I was withdrawing and couldnt go to a very important presentation my daughter gave.

But aside from that stuff, I was thrilled when I was high.

Do yu realize that the high WILL go away one day, never to return?

I'll pray for you, but that was an awful, terrible mistake you made.

Wow i understand your pain and all you went thru, but i feel as tho your attacking me..i DONT WANT to be this way. No nobody does and yes i realize the high will eventually go away..i'm at a crucial point right now with them..i do want to get better. And just for imformation darvocet is the HARDEST form of w/d's..stronger than v'd or even heroin which i was suprised to learn..i did take 6 vicodins and i feel NOTHING..NO HIGH..i guess my brain is just so immune to opiates..

[money_chick]

You think I am ATTACKING YOU? Do you really think that?

And no, darv wds arent worse than herion. Thats crazy, who told you that?

I was going to edit my posts above, but I refuse. I think really what you want is what you want to hear, so here you go.

Its fine for you to take the drugs, you really really need them. I have GAD and PSSD and a broken back, so yeah, I understand you NEED the drugs.

You probably shouldnt stop them at all.

Is that better? I'll just stay off your threads from now on, unless its to give you advice on how to get more, stronger drugs from your doctor. I'm very good at that.

Hope you have a good night, Jenna. Oh, and the vicodin? May not have worked because you had taken so much. Sometimes less is more. Just drop it back to maybe 4 or so.

[xxJennaxx]

You think I am ATTACKING YOU? Do you really think that?

And no, darv wds arent worse than herion. Thats crazy, who told you that?

I was going to edit my posts above, but I refuse. I think really what you want is what you want to hear, so here you go.

Its fine for you to take the drugs, you really really need them. I have GAD and PSSD and a broken back, so yeah, I understand you NEED the drugs.

You probably shouldnt stop them at all.

Is that better? I'll just stay off your threads from now on, unless its to give you advice on how to get more, stronger drugs from your doctor. I'm very good at that.

Hope you have a good night, Jenna. Oh, and the vicodin? May not have worked because you had taken so much. Sometimes less is more. Just drop it back to maybe 4 or so.

You can that way all you want..i refuse to ''fight'' with ANYONE..i understand you were just trying to give me advice in a helping way..it was just the way you went about it..i'm sorry, i'd like to be friends..

[icandoitin08]

I really want to get clean..before i read this though, i called into my Dr and told him the darvocets weren't working and if he could call into the pharmacy and let me ''try'' vicodin..to my suprise he actually said yes..that he'd give me a weeks worth..i cant say i'm not happy about it now, but i know in the long run its not the right thing..i am thinking of finding a hobby that will occupy my mind and time and be more proactive without the pills. ppl on here give me HOPE. Can i ask you honestly tho..did the pills [what kind were you on?] make you feel HAPPY for the time you were on them?

Did pills make me happy, yes at first. Then they took over my life! Trust me the happy feelings go away. You know this, otherwise you would not be taking 6 darvocet at once. When you first got the meds you didnt pop 6 at once right off the bat, you took as ordered.The happy calm feelings wernt there anymore so you started taking more and more and more. This what will continue to happen as long as you are using. What you are not understanding is the longer you use the less effective the meds are. I am sorry, but honestly I do not think you want to get better. I think you are looking for attention. I mean come on, you were in the hospital for a darvocet overdose. If that was not enough to open your eyes than nothing is going to. Then after you overdose you start posting about wanting to quit, yet you still continue posting about taking six at a time. Then, poof, you are gone and no posts for over a week. And now you come back because you are out of pills because you went through a months supply in a week and say that you were sharing them with your bf. Pills are one thing I would NEVER share. I was an addict, I wanted them all for myself and I used by myself. This makes me wonder if you are even an addict. Then today you call the Dr and have him change you to Vicodin! That is what I started off with, trust me, vicodin is nothing to play with. Do you realize that you are killing your liver with all of the tylenol?

Have fun with your Vicodin, hope you dont overdose again, but now that you have even stronger medication I am guessing that you will.

We are all addicts here trying to get clean and stay clean. you say you want to get better but instead of posting here for help today you call the dr to get stronger medication .

[Phoebe_Twayblade]

Jenna, do you get enough exercise? I find it helpful to walk as much as I can.

It is also important to get enough sleep. Are you eating properly? Most of the young people I know don't even sit down for a meal - everything is go, go, go. I tell my nieces "Honey, if treated your car the way you treat your body you'd be taking the bus."

I'm sure this sounds old-fashioned to you!

Take care.

[xxJennaxx]

Did pills make me happy, yes at first. Then they took over my life! Trust me the happy feelings go away. You know this, otherwise you would not be taking 6 darvocet at once. When you first got the meds you didnt pop 6 at once right off the bat, you took as ordered.The happy calm feelings wernt there anymore so you started taking more and more and more. This what will continue to happen as long as you are using. What you are not understanding is the longer you use the less effective the meds are. I am sorry, but honestly I do not think you want to get better. I think you are looking for attention. I mean come on, you were in the hospital for a darvocet overdose. If that was not enough to open your eyes than nothing is going to. Then after you overdose you start posting about wanting to quit, yet you still continue posting about taking six at a time. Then, poof, you are gone and no posts for over a week. And now you come back because you are out of pills because you went through a months supply in a week and say that you were sharing them with your bf. Pills are one thing I would NEVER share. I was an addict, I wanted them all for myself and I used by myself. This makes me wonder if you are even an addict. Then today you call the Dr and have him change you to Vicodin! That is what I started off with, trust me, vicodin is nothing to play with. Do you realize that you are killing your liver with all of the tylenol?

Have fun with your Vicodin, hope you dont overdose again, but now that you have even stronger medication I am guessing that you will.

We are all addicts here trying to get clean and stay clean. you say you want to get better but instead of posting here for help today you call the dr to get stronger medication .

EXCUSE ME? Looking for attention..my life is a f*cking hell and YOUR question if I'M an addict? Oh yes..i really ''made'' that up..i'm not really an addict..i just take the darvocet everyday BY MYSELF without telling my friends or family in my room alone oh i dont know..just because! It took a LONG time for me to admitt i was an addict..i was in denial. I dont need attention..i need help..you dont even know me or my life. I post the things i do to be HONEST..i'm not going to hide and lie. I could care less if someone gives me ''attention'' i'm not looking for anyone to baby me..i'm looking for honest answers from ppl who have been there before..did it ever occur to you that being an addict and taking more and more i DO get SCARED and thats why i ask ''am i gonna die'' ''did i o'd'' cause i dont know as much information as some other ppl might..if thats the way you feel about me as a person dont respond to my posts. I dont want fighting or negativity with anyone. I have Friends on here that do understand me and why i am the way i am with my q's and posts..So Good luck

[SoMuchToBeCleanFor]

Jenna,
We are all worried about you! Are you seeing a therapist? If not, please think about calling one and seeing a psychiatrist in conjunction so they can prescribe you some meds to help you with your co-morbid psychological disorders. I understand dealing with all of them must be VERY heavy and hard to deal with, and I hear from your other posts that your environment is a stressor as well, but please think about at least getting a professional consultation. We all really care about you and want you to get well. Take care of yourself.

[xxJennaxx]

Jenna,
We are all worried about you! Are you seeing a therapist? If not, please think about calling one and seeing a psychiatrist in conjunction so they can prescribe you some meds to help you with your co-morbid psychological disorders. I understand dealing with all of them must be VERY heavy and hard to deal with, and I hear from your other posts that your environment is a stressor as well, but please think about at least getting a professional consultation. We all really care about you and want you to get well. Take care of yourself.

Aww thank you so much for your reply..and letting me know you care. I am looking for a therapist, the waiting list can be long here =/ but i will be in asap. Take care too =]

[Phoebe_Twayblade]

Take care of yourself, Jenna.

[xxJennaxx]

I went back and read all of the threads that you started. I truly do believe you have a problem after reading them all. I think you should go back and read them and you may see what I am talking about. I will stay off of your thread. However, I just read a reply from about how your b/f (fiance) would never leave you. That you have 100% support from him. Here it is:

Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 33

Extreme anxiety

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well i haven't taken any more pills..but im expieriencing such a high level of anxiety and panic attacks.. My heart is beating irregular and i'm afraid to try to sleep thinking those 6 pills +the 2 klonopin this morning will make me go to sleep and never wake up..i have horrible ocd and seperation anxiety from My Bf..he was suppossed to be home 3 days ago, but keeps making excuses even knowing i'm scared and what hell i'm going thru. Now he wont even pick up the phone at where he's staying. Knowing he's not gonna be back and im gonna be here allll night completely alone is sending me into a huge panic attack. I told him last night to just stop LYING about coming home because it affects the way i'm feeling and living..i told him that if he was just gonna keep staying at his moms and leaving me like this i wanted to admitt myself into the crisis center..but he has a way of trapping me and being very coniving..he said if you call the police and have them drive you there EVEN THO I'D BE ADMITTING MYSELF ''they'll keep you under a permant hold'' and that really scared me..now i dont know what to do..i can barely breath..

So, maybe you can see where I am coming from. I think you need to call your doctor and tell him about your drug addictions and ask him where you can go to get the help that you need. Good luck to you.

Pick pick pick away ALL YOU WANT to your hearts content..i do have support from my bf..he IS wonderful, but that doesn't mean we dont have our problems and how would you know if he wasn't coming home because of my PILL problem? it's none of your business, but his uncle died and he was having difficulty dealing with that and needed alone time..He told me that AFTER he got home. So whatever..I'm not defending myself any longer. If you dislike me..dont talk to me, dont stalk thru my old post and ect. Leave it alone. Bye and Good luck to you.

[Obscura3]

My friends, my fellow addicts--we really cannot fall into this trap of emotional instability as we all know where that leads us back to...this is about support and community and finding similar people with whom we can share our travails as well as our rebirth as sober individuals. Whether we can articulate it or now we are all here for the same reason--we are addicts, recovering addicts, friends of addicts or addicts in waiting, all of which need tremendous focus and strength to overcome or to help. Lay down the self-defensive mindsets because, remember, we are all basically naked here, exposed because we have literally or spiritually sold everything we have for a bleepin' drug. We need to conserve our strength and save our fierce words for talking each off of the relapse edge. So, stay with us, money_chick and jenna, because we are all family now (with Robert as the father, lol) and we do not need to experience any more isolation in our lives. This is about identifying the happy, sober individual that we all once were.
-J

[Robert_325]

All I did was go to a Bible study class in my living room and what happened? Come on guys! We need to stay focused on the miracle. Everyone posting here is in the process of trying to get clean in our own way whatever that might be. But everyone arrives on this forum at the place where they are.

I understand that everyone gets frustrated when things don't go as we think they should. But there is nothing we can do about it except focus on our own recovery and save our energy for things that can help us grow individually. Acceptance is a huge part of recovery. I know that I pi$$ed off a lot of people before I got clean. I still do it every day. But I try to let others be where they are and me focus on doing the best I can do for myself. I try to affect others positively but it doesn't always work.

Just think about the progress each of us are making every day. That is one thing that getting clean is about. It's also about showing tolerance though as difficult as that may be. I don't approve or condone things that go against recovery on the forum. But I am just another person here as each of us are. God bless.

[getnaðarlimur]

All in all, I think it can be highy agreed upon that much of the dialogue here , as of late, has emerged based on emotion and not experience. Otherwise, many of the "perceived attacks" would have been overlooked by the more veteran addicts, if you will. Everyone needs to step back for a bit. Go for a breather and realise that the real reason any of us is here or "lurking about" is for that some type of support you lack in the world of the mundane.

However, making that world better, less mundane even, might make the relationships here better. Do not fully rely on electronic "friendships." Take those walks and get the air needed to sort out feelings. THEN post...... IOW, please see that the feelings lately have been a result of something else......Not because of anyone here. Here, one should write of one's outside experiences to vent but one should never allow one's personal experiences kill any relationships as beneficial as I have witnessed grow here. We always hurt the ones we love. Obviously, even the ones we rely on for support.

[sisterwin2]

Aww thank you so much for your reply..and letting me know you care. I am looking for a therapist, the waiting list can be long here =/ but i will be in asap. Take care too =]

Just a though Jennaxx..... but Na and AA is free, no waiting list. There are many there that walked your shoes and willing/needing to help out to keep them focus on their recovery. Have you tried going to meetings?

You don't have to be clean to go...... you may want to try it. Listen to what is being said. You may get some wonderful in person help. I have tried my way to stay clean and failed way too many times to count. Now more then half my life has passed.....you have a full life ahead and the choices that come with it. Being addicted is a choice, though I am sure it doesn't feel like it right now.

Sister

Balls really in your court.

[icandoitin08]

Jenna, I understand that I upset you. I know your age is brought up and you dont like that. Personally, I would love to be your age again. I would do things much different, I wish I could even go back 4 years and show myself where I was heading.

I know I was harsh with you yesterday. I was fo frustrated when I read that you called the dr and asked to be changed to Vicodin. Because, just like the darvocet stopped working so will the Vicodin, then whats next, Oxys? I am very concerned.

[melinda7.5]

Jenna, I understand that I upset you. I know your age is brought up and you dont like that. Personally, I would love to be your age again. I would do things much different, I wish I could even go back 4 years and show myself where I was heading.

I know I was harsh with you yesterday. I was fo frustrated when I read that you called the dr and asked to be changed to Vicodin. Because, just like the darvocet stopped working so will the Vicodin, then whats next, Oxys? I am very concerned.

Hi All
I think we need to let this rest...
Jenna knows what she needs to do...
She is doing the best she can right now...
We all go at are own time...
She will to...
everyone have a great weekend..
Talk to you soon,Melinda