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Girlfriend detoxing off of oxycontin and its effects
Girlfriend detoxing off of oxycontin and its effects
First off this is a long distance relationship, I am in the Midwest and she is on the West Coast. We have been seeing each other for about 1 1/2 yrs, and I had flown out there about 9 times.
My girlfriend was involved in a auto accident, and eventually for the pain she took oxycontin, then was on methadone for about a month, and then went back to oxycontin. She suffered some ruptured discs, and this past Spring she went thru some injections both in and around the disk, and this has eventually eased her pain. Until this treatment and the results taking affect, the back pain gradually increased, and because of this and the body becoming tolerant of the oxy levels, her dosage gradually increased. I believe eventually that she was up to 80 mg, 3 times a day. She is now detoxing, and just recently using methadone to aide in the detox.
About a month ago, our relationship basically ended, at least in her mind. I am wondering if the oxy and detoxing might be a major influence in her rationale and way of thinking. We were so totally in love.
I along with her friends noticed prior to the detoxing that her behavior, although not terrible, had changed somewhat. My communications with her since the detox has started has basically been limited to emails, but she definitely doesn't seem herself. Almost "offish" and like she has put a shield over her heart and feelings.
I would apprecite any insight into what others have experienced, both those who have detoxed themselves and people who have had loved ones go thru the oxycontin experience.
Let me add that we used to talk on the phone daily, normally twice a day. We used to instant message almost nightly, but as her pain increased, the IMing decreased. The last instant message I did receive from her was in late April where she mentioned that she just wanted her life back and my son & I in her life. My son & I then flew out and saw her in early Summer. It just blows me away how this relationship went down the tubes so quickly.
Thank you in advance.
Lonely in the Midwest.
Last edited by okstate; 08-24-2007 at 10:41 PM.
Reason: Added info on the relationship
what up man, dont have alot of time right now, but I just went thru the opposite, detoxed myself and ended up splitting with my girl of 8 years...all I can tell you is that a person is not themselves when stopping long term use, it is an extremely hard time and all you want to do is be alone and try to deal with the pain and figure out who you are again...will tell you more later when I have more time...
she has mixed emotions right now and her mind is thinking different things and telling her different things. her body isnt used to not being on pills. things might change and they might now but its all for the best. hang in there.
Well I can say that a person while using is really a different person the while NOT using...It can go either way though...Maybe while that person is on she is more UP and open about feelings(which could be false) and then after they stop they may just want to crawl in a hole and not let anyone near them..I can tell you that Im the opposite while I was a >>>>>> addict I crawled into my peaceful hole and didnt want anyone to bother me or get near me,but now that I am clean my feelings have opened up....I suggest that you try and get the girl REALLY detoxed and on some med to keep her "clean"(suboxone,or methadone) Then you will find the true person behind the wall...You may not like her,or she could end up a great peson..Its really up to that and you to find out..I wish you good luck bro...Heartbreak really sucks,but also teaches a leason..
when i was on pain pills i was such a more open peron and very talkative and just always happy. since i have been off of them i have felt kind of sad and depressed and have diff emotions and have just felt weird. i go to NA meetings almost everyday and those really help and make me feel so much better. best wishes to you and best of luck.
Life isnt measured by the breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away..
.....cherish these moments forever.
As I look back, I think she initially started the detox from oxycontin in early July, and I am estimating that she has been on methadone to help with the detox for a little over a week.
Haven't communicated with her much if any at all since my 1st post. From reading some of the replies to my 1st message, for some that are detoxing they might prefer to be left alone.
As hard as it for me, I have decided to back off.....is that what I should do? Towards the time when she decided to call it quits on our relationship, her emails don't appear to be her normal self, instead more of a critical and agitated state of mind.
I am wondering how long it will take for her mentally to become more her normal self. The distance between us was always hard for her, and the detoxing appears to be what finally "broke the camels back" as far as the distance goes. It was not the "lack of love" that ended it.
Should I consider the relationship a lost cause, or is there still a flicker of hope?
Thanks for any input.
i think that you've made the right decision in backing off..i think that thats all you can do, at least until she stabilizes. give her some time, and after a while send her a txt, or an IM, or email, or whatever you use..make it short and sweet - but not cloying. nothing to inspire any more guilt (real or imagined/ justified or not) than shes already going thru during detox/readjustment...i can only go by my experiences- so i'm gonna say give her at least a month before you send that first msg.
good luck with this..but honestly man, don't hold your breath.
Just recently I have since emailed her, but in a supportive way, and not bringing up anything regarding the relationship. I am just trying to be supportive. Hope that wasn't too pushy.
I will try not to hold my breath. It will be tough not to, especially considering how her mental outlook changed from what it was for over a year to what it recently became during her detox.
She is currently winding down on the methadone, and soon she hopes to not be taking any meds in the next few days. From other posts that I have read, sometimes it helps later on going to group support sessions, etc. If she needs to, I hope she does do that.
Wish me luck & patience. I do love her much and miss her.
Damn...I can tell you love this girl. IMO...I think she is just feeling like hell right now and probably just hiding from the world. Some ppl are like that...when stuff happens they hide under a rock. Was she on oxycontin during the entire 1 1/2 years??
Honestly...I think you are doing the right thing by stepping back a little and just offering your support. Hopefully...she will come around and everything will work out with you two.
Also I want to commend you b/c what you are doing is pretty hard. I am in a long distance relationship so i know how difficult they can be. Throw this in and I would be going crazy.So I have to say you are alot tougher than i would be. Hang in there...it will be ok.
For a Labor Day weekend update, I think her behavior is more like a Jeckyl & Hyde. Here is an example. I had in my mind that she was for awhile at a detox facility in CA. I won't go into details of why I thought this (and was hoping she actually was in one), but when I told her why I erroneously thought this, she then has now labeled me as being a "stalker". Since when does googling a "city name + rehab" label one as a stalker? Heck, I live 1300+ miles from her.
My last email to her (which it crossed paths with her last one) stated that I am not going to be contacting her for awhile. It seems like my showing her compassion and caring is instead being viewed by her as being obsessive behavior, etc. I didn't even bother to reply back to her final email which says that I am still in her mind acting like a stalker. It seems like whatever I say is misinterpreted.
All I can say, and to also say to others is......if you are the one detoxing off of oxycontin, it isn't you that should be making a decision regarding a relationship with a person. Best to leave that up to the other person if anything is to be decided.
I feel like I am dealing with a mental case at the moment.
Thanks for listening and any advice once again. (She would really blow a fuse if she saw my posts on this site!!!!)
Last edited by okstate; 09-04-2007 at 08:48 PM.
Reason: an addition
I understand that you are hurt right now but how can you say that because a person is detoxing that they should not be allowed to make a decision about their personal life?!?!?!
Trying to free yourself of the burden of addiction is one of the hardest and most important decisions/processes that a person can go through. Yes it may seem as if we are being irrational or "crazy" at times, but you cannot understand the pain(mental and emotional, as well as physical) unless you have been through it. She has been leaving the decision making up to someone else(the drugs) for a long time and now that she is trying to regain her freedom, you would deny her the right to decide who she can or cannot be in a relationship with?!?
If you really love this girl then you will give her the time and space she needs to get right. If she really loved you or it was meant to be, it will be.
I have to agree with Butchy on this one...you are gonna have to give her the space she needs right now. Usually ppl who are detoxing don't wanna be bothered by anyone...and I think thats what is going on here. I know that it is hard to give someone you love space...trust me I feel you on this one. I know you feel like that if you just remind her how much you love her it might make things better for her...and if you give her space...she might forget about you and I know thats your fear. Trust me...if this were me...i would be going crazy right now. So my heart totally goes out to you. Like I said before...my man lives 3,000 miles away! and it totally sucks that I can't be there for him when he has hard times. Please keep us posted on this one...
My comment about a person who is going thru detox making a personal relationship changing decision is thru my own experience. The detoxing process didn't do my relationship any favors. It caused her to go from her saying while we were heading to the airport to catch my flight back home that "it is important for her to have a good relationship with my son's mother if we are going to be a family" to the building of obstacles to why the relationship should be ended. This happened rather abruptly.
I now wish that I hadn't communicated quite as much as I have recently. Also, I shouldn't have shared some of my thoughts via email with a friend of hers.....as the saying goes...."loose lips sinks ships".
Probably the only chance my relationship has is when she gets back to normal physically & mentally, that she will realize that some of her thoughts, concerns, and/or reactions were unfounded, or at the least exaggerated.
I realize that this is an old response but I just became a member and show this. I can speak from experience when I tell you that detoxing from oxy is a living hell. You absolutely cannot function. You don't won't to talk, bathe, do anything, your agitated, your skin crawls. She probably doesn't want to be around people, I don't. Its hard to act normal when you are dying inside. Once she is past the physical w/drawal she wil began to fill better. Hang in there.
Thanks Binda for the comment. Maybe you can enlighten me somewhat. How long is the detoxing process? I have read that one normally has depression, would this also include a degree of paranoia, and being agitated? I think I have experienced some of this from her in response to my emails to her, and that was not the response from her that I wanted.
I am hoping and praying that when the dust has settled and she is back to her normal self, that the feeling she had for me for over a year and up to the time of detoxing will once again be there.
after reading again, you answered most of what I had asked. My apologies. And if you are still detoxing, my heart and prayers go out to you.
My advice, coming from someone whos coming down from a year o oxy, and Im only a 5 days in, it gets easier every day. It depends on how much MG's she was doing daily and how (I personally snorted daily, never swallowing, because I couldnt bear to wait for it to digest whereas snorting is almost an instant high).
The best thing you can do is give her unconditional support, let her sleep, watch TV, eat, whatever she wants to do, just make sure shes not alone. I'm sure you feel hurt, and that you cant trust her, but coming from experience, she can't trust herself at this point. It's way to easy to say I'm just going to take one today, to feel better, but where is that going to leave her tomorrow? It may be hard, but keep her away from the OXY at ANY cost, even if she screams she hates you and never wants to see you again, its just the drugs talking. Don't mistake it, This drug owns people, heart, body, mind and soul.
I know, it own'd me, and I can say I am finally getting my freedom and life back. She will too, just give it time. And Love, I can't explain how much the love of friends and family helps. I broke down crying today because I finally felt happy, I finally am starting to feel free. She will too.
thanks and I hope each day gets easier for you!!
In my being able to be supportive of her, my hands are sort of tied as I live 1300+ miles away. She also became so upset in a recent email that she mentioned blocking future emails from me. Sadly, the relationship she has with her family isn't that great either. Had she instead had back surgery earlier, it was me that she wanted at her side.
Hopefully the friends that she trusts and are nearby will be strong and supportive. These friends didn't do me any favors though as they basically communicated some of my thoughts and concerns I had shared with them, and that didn't help things and would have been better left unsaid. I would hope that these friends would grow some guts and at least keep me somewhat informed on how she is actually doing. So far when I did receive word from her, it was a pretty watered down version of how she is doing.
I appreciate your reply, and I definitely feel for all who are going thru oxycontin detox.
I'm glad that I could help with some of your questions. I'm not detoxing but i should be. I know this because I have been thru w/drawal on several occasions and it is not fun at all. I am addicted to oxycontin so I know how she feels. I'm not strong enough to do this without something to minimize the w/drawal, way to horrible. if she can get thru it Please encourage her to never take another oxy. My addiction is running my life.
Ok, I am back
I am just wondering......
1. What is the average length of time of having to take methadone to get off of oxycontin. Does this depend on the dosage amounts and length of time that they were on oxy? If so, this person started taking oxy around June 2006, and prior to detoxing was up to 80 mg twice daily (I think).
2. How long does the anxiety, depression, etc. last. Does it end once they are off oxy & methadone altogether, or does it take awhile after they have stopped taking any drugs at all for this to end?
3. With regards to relationships, if the detox process was the main influence in a relationship ending, do they later come back to their senses and start having the same feelings that were there prior to detox?
My relationship with her started prior to her even taking oxy, think she was taking percocet in the beginning for pain......so oxy wasn't influencing her feelings for me, pro or con at the beginning.
I haven't been in contact with her since I decided to not communicate anymore (via email) for awhile after I was falsely accused of being a 1300+ miles away stalker. I will likely wait to email, etc. until I hear back from her initially. Heck, I just might never hear from her again.
Damn this is tough.....to go from visiting on the phone at least twice a day for about a year and a half to nothing is not easy. Wish there was a easy answer or solution for me.
Thanks to all.
u kinda go crazy in the initial stages of detox. what I mean the first stage could be a year. I can relate to your ex.