Getting there slowly!! Need support...

[daryl512]

I posted a while back that I was ready to admit I had a problem. I was planning on going cold turkey and could do it while taking care of my two kiddos, so I called my doctor and told him I wanted to try and ween off. He was supportive. (He doesn't know I was abusing them.) So, I have slowly weened down to nothing. I feel great, but the problem is I have had a true test of my strength here. My doctor ordered an MRI, and when I got to the imaging center, they offered me a big juicy shot of demerol since I was going to have to be lying right on the spot that hurts for 30 whole minutes. Of course I said yes. (and boy did it feel awesome!!) Well, then I got this major throat infection and my ENT prescribed Lortab elixir. So far I have taken as prescribed, and he only prescribed a little. I can't swallow pills, so it really has come in handy to have a liquid pain reducer. Well tomorrow he scheduled me for a endoscopy of the throat which requires sedation with a IV pain med. I'm just afraid all of this is going to kick me straight off the wagon. So far so good, I just needed to check in to make myself accountable. I'll check back in next week and let you know how I'm doing!!

[Robert_325]

Daryl . . . remember that your body can't tell the difference when you are using because it's necessary vs using because you want to get high. LOL It doesn't know the difference, just knows it feels good. Your soul knows, your heart knows, but your body doesn't. Sometimes that is enough, sometimes it isn't. You have to watch it at times like this, especially with a very short time clean. There are times when we have absolutely no choice ... we have to take meds. But there are also times when we could get away with no pain meds. Drs can even do some procedures differently if they know you can't take opiate medication. Believe me there are people who can't take opiates for whatever reason. You wouldn't be the first.

It sounds like you are doing as you are told, but think about the big picture if you will. I know in my case if I am given a choice whether to take an opiate or not take it I am going to choose to not take it if at all possible. My dr would not have offered me that shot of demerol because he knows how much I would have loved it. The reason I don't use opiates is that if I use them again I will probably die. It's a miracle I am alive anyway. So I choose to deal with a little pain even when pain medication is available. Even if I use and don't instantly die, it will eventually destroy me just like it will most all of us I think.

I can carry my medical records into just about any dr office and they will give me pain meds with my medical history. But I just can't do that. Done lots of things with no pain meds. I have also taken them when I had to, we just have to make sure that we really do need them when we take them.

When you finish with this upcoming procedure I would explain the situation if they want to do anything else. I have told my drs that I am in recovery, don't give me opiates unless there is NO choice. It works well if they know you are in recovery. Most drs respect that and will order your meds accordingly. I think this would probably be a good time for you to talk to your dr and tell him you are in recovery and that you really want him to watch it with the drugs. He will do it I promise. By closing the door on this thing, telling your dr not to give you drugs, you are guaranteeing you are done with opiates. Good luck.

[spinerval]

I spent two decades on high doses of opiates. Twenty years. How many times did I taper/go CT? Ten to the sixth...maybe. Each time, I found an excuse to go back within weeks of being opiate-free.

I'm finally clean. Squeaky. Robert offers sage, even brilliant advice. Listen to him.

Here's how I did it.
1) I destroyed all of my sources--as Robert suggests.
2) I figured out WHY I was using opiates, exactly what triggered useage; in my case, it wasn't to get high. Rather, it was sheer habit combined w/rx. to stress. Problem? Pop a pill. Flat tire? There's strong medicine for that. I started, well, role-playing w/myself, thinking out-of-the-box in which the box was contained. What would I do if, say, I was sued? How would I handle that wo/drugs? If I hit a child w/my car? If I lost everything? I went step-by-step through the problem solving process I watched other, drug-free people respond to problems and slowly applied their logical, calm methods to my own life, realizing, ironically, that my biggest stress was opiate-related.
3) I did a very fast taper--high doses of opiates to nothing wi/10 days. I needed to feel the withdrawal. A slow taper, although it works for some people, keeps your source alive and the temptation in the picture.
4) This was CRITICAL to my success: I had to force my brain to produce those "feel-good" chemicals on its own. How? I exercised like a fanatic. It hurt. It made me want to vomit. But, afterwards, I didn't crave opiates, and it made me recover faster. I have substituted high interval exercise for opiates, and it has worked. I've coached numerous people through slow tapers/"safe" CT/and fast tapers. The only people who have stayed clean substituted exercise-addiction (producing endorphins) for the drugs that once controlled them.
5) Eat well. Learn about nutrition and start taking care of your body. You've been destroying it for long enough.
6) An absolute: Hate, Hate, Hate your drug of choice. Hate it. Hate what it took from you. Hate what it forced you to become. Hate what it did to your relationships.
7) Remember: The feeling of drug-freedom, the feeling of not having to chase the next high, the next doc...whatever, is far superior to the temporary effects from Demerol...or any drug.
8) You not only owe this to yourself. You owe this to the people who love you.

Listen to Robert. But I'm around if you need me.

Spinerval