[Araminta]

Hey Y'all,

I was on 3 Soma a day plus 3 10 mg. hydrocodone and 2 40 mg. oxycontin, and 1 mg. of klonipin for 2 years, then I had to change doctors. The new doctor took me off the Soma with no tapering (Why oh why do they do this to us?) He also cut the klonipin down to .5 mg. a day. I was sick for a week, missed work, etc. but at least I could sleep at night. This doctor did a steroid injection in my sacroilliac joint afterwhich I felt even worse: more jittery, hollow inside with rapid breathing, in a word, panic attacks.

I ended up finding another doctor who was highly recommended by Angie's List and a friend of a friend who's been seeing him for migraines. So, I had high hopes for this guy. Well, my first visit with him he put me back on the Soma, but only 1 a day, and on the condition that I stop taking the klonipin. I asked him (as I had asked the last doctor) if I could do a taper. No dice. I had to physically hand over my klonipin in order to get a script for the Soma. Which I did, willingly. Because I thought it would be easy coming off of .5 mg. of klonipin, as there had been nights when I hadn't even taken it, but had instead just taken 50 mg. of 5HTP (related to tryptophan) and not needed it at all. Mistaaake! I started having panic attacks more or less 24 hours a day, every day. A few days in I was throwing up, had the runs, felt like I was running a fever (but wasn't) and my entire gastrointestinal tract was on fire from top to bottom. I felt this intense burning and hollowness in my chest, and my heart was either beating very, very fast or it just felt like it was. I would push on my chest to make it feel better. I couldn't sleep more than an hour at a time. I went to my primary care doctor's office on a Saturday (I had to be driven, I was so out of it) and they took some blood and a stool sample (sorry) to rule out internal bleeding. They ran some tests (Yes. Right there in the office. On a Saturday. I love this place!)

They diagnosed my condition as gastritis. The doctor prescribed seroquel, ambien, and prilosec (which I had to clear with my pain doctor over the phone before I could take)
Anyway. I went back to the pain doctor a few days later and traded the Soma in to get the klonipin back. Very soon after I took a klonipin 90% of my symptoms were gone. I was finally able to sleep. I wasn't able to talk to ther Dr. about any of this in detail, and I wasn't able to mention to him that I had increased back pain, because a) he bolted from the room before I realized we were "finished" with our appointment and b)I didn't start noticing the increased pain in my back until I started being able to sleep, was able to hold food down, etc. So, now I'm going to have to call him again after the holiday weekend to request yet another appointment ASAP to deal with the pain to get it down to a manageable level so that I can go back to work. I have a very physical service industry job that doesn't allow me to sit down.

I am not quite ready for suboxone. For now I am happy that I am actually taking my medicines as prescribed, and that they are almost working. I know that I have a red flag on my medical records because 2 doctors ago I took a xanax right before an appointment and they drug tested me. (I am not prescribed it; I took it to go to sleep because I had to get up super early the next morning to deal with some car stuff before my doctor's appointment. I didn't and don't take it on a regular basis. I only have it around in case I were ever entirely cut off of opiates and I had to detox rapidly. So, yeah. That was really stupid. Anyway. To compound matters the doctor I was seeing before this doctor told me the last time I saw him that I could increase my oxycontin (40s) up from 2 to 3 pills a day. Just temporarily, until I saw him again. Which I would have to do a week or so early to get a refill. Now, instead of going back to him I went to see this new doctor, told him what the old doctor had said and also why I was leaving the old doctor. (I was leaving the old doctor because he was violently opposed to prescribing soma, which I've found very helpful in the past. Also, he did a steroid injection...6 separate needles, without putting me under and then made me out to be a big baby when I made some noises when it hurt) I'm editing this to add that the biggest problem with the old doctor who told me I could increase my oxycontin temporarily, is that when the new doctor called him to verify that, he suddenly didn't remember saying any such thing. Which makes me look very bad indeed. I wouldn't have made that up! I knew they would check. I just assumed he or his staff member that was in the room with us, would have remembered and admitted to it. Next time a doctor says something like that to me, I'm going to ask him to write it down, sign it and date it.

I've heard that doctors can only deal with one problem at a time, for insurance reasons and whatnot. So, I blew my last visit talking about wanting to sleep. Since I hadn't slept more than 2 hours a night after he took me off the klonipin with not taper, that was pretty much all I had on what was left of my mind. The guy has a great reputation but he acts like he thinks I'm scum. Admitedly, both times I've seen him I've been in so much pain and/or so sleep deprived that I was not looking or sounding my best. Last time I'd written down a list of things I wanted to discuss with him, that I think are valid concerns (liver enzyme panel anyone?) but we never got past the sleep thing. My husband advises against trying to talk to him about whatever the red flag(s) might be on my medical records and instead concentrate on conveying what is most bothersome at the time I see him. If I can get by and work on what I'm taking (2-40 mg. oxycontins and 3-10 mg. endocets a.k.a. oxycodone) that will be great. I wish that I had been more aware of what I was getting into with the klonipin and the soma because I didn't need to be taking as much of them as I did. And I somehow missed the part about klonipin, even in a smallish ammount like a milligram, being a bear to get off of.

I haven't had any soma today, and that's something to celebrate. At the moment, my pain med is working. I spent several hours feeling anxious, took some supplements (Taurine, Kava-kava, 5HTP) and waited an hour for each one to work separately, then cumulatively. When that didn't work I took I took 1/8 mg. of klonipin (I'll take the rest of the .5 mg. pill when I go to bed)

Anyway. If anyone has any advice about doctors or supplements/amino acids and such that calm you down, let me know. I've enjoyed reading all of the threads I can here and am impressed by the knowledge, wisdom and compassion of some of many of you. I pray for all of us who are still struggling. Before this whole stupid chronic pain thing I had been totally clean and sober in N.A. and then A.A. for 13 years. I still go to meetings, and I still don't drink, but I feel like a bit of a fraud sometimes.

Ara

P.S. Sorry this is such a novel!

[Araminta]

Hey all,

I'm still here on this Happy Independence Day and waiting to go see the fireworks. Right now I'm feeling that panicky breathless feeling I get when I'm coming off of benzos and not enjoying it so much. Would it be safe, do you think, to temporarily up my klonipin while I get through the Soma withdrawal? I've taken all kinds of kava-kava, L-theamine, Taurine, and 5HTP but I'm still squirming.

I'm sure a few of you read my long introductory post and are scratching your heads going "what is she asking, exactly?" and "No wonder her doctor dashed out of the room without a word!"

Ara

[melinda7.5]

Hi Ara
I was just wondering what exactly you are on now,I was on all the same meds you were, but Im not sure what you are doing...I just cant tell if you are still taking what...
I just want to help, but I dont want to tell you the wrong thing...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[Araminta]

Thanks for responding, Melinda,

Right now I'm on 3 10 mg. oxycodones, 2 40 mg. oxycontins, and .5 mg of klonipin. I know that sounds like a lot, but I've been taking opiates for pain for 2+ years. I actually do have pain. The bulging (or ruptured by now, who knows?) disc is at L-5 S-1. The first diagnosis I got said that the disc was impinging on the nerve roots that run down my legs. This seems to be the case because I have pain in both of my legs (that was never there before) I work on my feet, unfortunately.

Right now I'm trying to get my meds to a point where I can work (I've been off of work for more than a week between the klonipin w/d and the gastritis probably aggravated by that) I've been sticking to my meds as prescribed today. I even managed to not take one of my "breakthrough" meds for the last two days. My primary concern this week has been coming off of Soma without having more anxiety than I can stand. That's why I've been taking so many relaxing type supplements like the Taurine, kava-kava etc.

I hope someday to either not have this pain or to not have such a physical job. I'm not sure if I'm someone who could just "live with the pain". I don't enjoy being dependent on drugs to get through the day either though. I've gotten a lot of support and inspiration from this board. Right now I guess I'm truly trying to manage my pain, and I look forward to getting off of this stuff someday.

[melinda7.5]

Hi Araminta
I was on the same meds as you, I was just suppose to take one more oxtcontin a day,
That doctor should have never taken you off that klonopin like that,I didn't know any better at the time and quit mine cold turkey I ended up with panic attacks for a couple months ...
When I stopped my pills the soma was the easiest for me to give up to tell you the truth I had no w/d symptoms when I stopped them.
If your having a hard time I'm sure you could take another .5 mg of klonopin for a couple days and by then you should have no more w/d from the soma,If you ever try to stop the klonopin do a very slow taper off them.

Good luck to you...
Melinda

[Araminta]

Hi Melinda (and anyone else who may be reading this)

Thanks for your input. The last time I went off of Soma cold turkey was about a month ago when a doctor I'm no longer seeing stopped it abrubtly. At the same time he cut my klonipin in half. I had been taking 1 mg. and he reduced that to .5 mg overnight. I had a week long panic attack, but I could still sleep. My regular doctor gave me some 2 mg. valium, about 15 pills, to get through that. Looking back I realize now that much of what I was experiencing was probably the klonipin withdrawal. I just didn't consider it at the time because even though I had been prescribed 1 mg. a night for a year sometimes I would only take .5 mg.

In one of your old posts I was interested to read that you had a several months long panic attack going off of klonipin cold turkey. Last week (the week the doc took me off the .5 mg abruptly) was seriously one of the worst weeks of my life. It's just as well that I wasn't positive that it was klonipin withdrawal or I would've just taken one to end my misery (and then gotten drug tested and kicked out of my new doctor's practice) As it worked out, I didn't sleep for 5 days, didn't eat, lost 10 lbs. and developed gastritis. I could tell my doctor all of this, and the fact that as soon as I did take a klonipin I was able to sleep again and he still probably wouldn't be convinced.
Since the guy won't let me talk to him for more than 2 1/2 minutes, I have to keep the focus on one thing. Last appointment I had with him, since I hadn't been sleeping, I wasn't too coherent or concise I'm sure. I'm going to try to see him next week to get him to adjust my pain meds so that I can go back to work.

Although, it's possible that I might be able to work on the pain meds I'm currently taking. For the last 2 days I've skipped one of my "breakthrough pain" meds, the 10 mg. oxycodones. I've never done that before in the 2 + years I've been taking pain medication. I'm so proud of myself I'm liable to hurt my arm trying to pat myself on the back! So, when I go back to work, if I do need more pain meds I'll just resume taking 3 of the breakthrough meds a night instead of the 2 I've almost gotten used to.

I haven't had to increase the klonipin yet, thank God. I've just been taking it throughout the day in 1/8th mg. increments instead of taking the whole pill at night to go to sleep. Tryptophan, melatonin, etc. have been working ok for sleep.

2 good things that came of the klonipin withdrawals are that I've stopped drinking coffee and I've lost 10 lbs. Losing 10 lbs in a week is not very healthy, I'm sure. The coffee thing is amazing, though. I used to drink 2-3 pots of espresso a day with milk, and I've been drinking it for 30 years. The gastritis just won't let me anymore. I am drinking black tea with skim milk instead, just a few cups a day.

Phew! I can't lose too much more weight or I will disappear. If I continued to lose at the rate I have been I'd cease to exist in 11 1/2 weeks.

Ok. At least I feel fairly functional today, and I'm notovermedicated. Now I guess I'll got out and do some functioning, i.e. run some errands.

Ara

[Araminta]

So, I ran an errand. One. I went over to the restaurant where I work to pick up some food for my husband and when I got home I tried to get out of the car carrying the food, two to go cups of tea and one full of hot sauce, and of course, my purse. Just as I was deciding I needed some help with all of this stuff the antique beaded necklace I was wearing broke into a 100 separate tiny beads which mostly ran down the driveway and out into the street. Man. I really liked that necklace. It was this particular shade of light mint green, and all the beads were glass and faceted graduated in size from very tiny ones to larger ones in the center. Now We've picked up most of the beads (a surprising amount of them ended up in my bra and stuck to my stomach) and I'm trying to reconstitute what's left of my once beautiful necklace. Sob.

Yeah. I know it's not a tragedy. It's the little things that drive us over the edge sometimes though, isn't it?

Did I mention it's 105% outside?

Ara (not going back out there again until the sun goes down)

[melinda7.5]

Hi Ara
When I quit my klonopin I had a 2 month long Panic attack it was crazy, I didn't want to scare you and let you think it would happen to you.
My doctor was trying to get me to take some meds to help or taper but I was being pig headed and wanted all the drugs out of me.I could not see to drive it was like tunnel vision and my hands would sweat real bad I would wipe them and then watch them bead up again I did not sleep for about two months,I did start taking ambien it helped me sleep for about two hours a night.I was working and had to go to work and pretend I was not having a panic attack...LOL...that was trickey...I have a cleaning business and when people are home they like to talk so it was kind of tough...
But I got thru it...and I'm way stronger now than I have ever been in my life. If I could go thru that and make it I can do anything...

I lost weight also when I quit the klonopin...LOL...I loved that part it got me back in my size 4 jeans I'm 49 years old so I was pretty happy about that.

And I so sorry about your necklace I sounds like it was really nice...
And great job on cutting back on the pain meds...
It sounds like you are doing good and I'm happy for you...

I will talk to you soon, Melinda

[Araminta]

I went to an AA meeting this afternoon at my home group. I'd been missing that. I started having a lot of pain in the meeting that kind of felt like mensrtual cramps (I finished my cycle days ago) and kind of feels like a urinary tract infection or something. Just kind of burn-y. I talked to my sponsor about it and mentioned to her that I'd heard from a pain management doctor online that if you get pain in your "saddle area" and you have a bulging or ruptured disc, you should go to the ER. So, of course, she urged me to go to the ER.

The pain wasn't sudden or dramatic, not something brand new, just a symptom that's been happening on and off since this whole gastritis thing started to become evident. So I called the "on call" doc at my PCP's office and he told me that unless I was experiencing incontinence or something, it could probably wait until morning.

I was almost hoping it was a urinary tract infection. I picked up a home test for that at the supermarket, tested myself when I got home and it was negative. My husband pointed out that I've totally changed my diet in the past week from being a very acidic one (lots of coffee, lots of high acid fruit like citrus, raspberries, etc.) to a very alkaline one. So my body, especially my urinary tract, might just be freaking out or adjusting to that.

Well, I'm actually quite sleepy all of a sudden (without taking any extra klonipin today, so that's great!) so I guess I'll go to bed so I can spend half the day stalking my pain doctor and the other half getting in to see my PCP.

Ah, this is the life!

Hey, but I'm not depressed. That's the other good news.

Ara

[Araminta]

Well, it's pretty early in the a.m. here. The doctor's office should be open, but they still have that "We're closed until July 6th at 8 a.m." message on their machine. It's actually more than 10 minutes after the hour, so that's a bit frustrating. I was going to just drive up there and wait because I remember seeing another lady in the waiting room who had done that and they had her wait in the office until 11:00 a.m. to be seen. (This was at 8 a.m. She was blind, and had taken the bus!)

Well, they probably won't see me for a few hours, but I'm going to drive up there anyway. Since I've actually slept (not quite enough for me, but enough not to be a gibbering sweaty incoherent sleep-deprived maniac) maybe they'll take me more seriously this time. Also I'm dressed more respectably. Last time I was wearing work out clothes because I was just to sick to "dress".

Ara

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by Araminta

Well, it's pretty early in the a.m. here. The doctor's office should be open, but they still have that "We're closed until July 6th at 8 a.m." message on their machine. It's actually more than 10 minutes after the hour, so that's a bit frustrating. I was going to just drive up there and wait because I remember seeing another lady in the waiting room who had done that and they had her wait in the office until 11:00 a.m. to be seen. (This was at 8 a.m. She was blind, and had taken the bus!)

Well, they probably won't see me for a few hours, but I'm going to drive up there anyway. Since I've actually slept (not quite enough for me, but enough not to be a gibbering sweaty incoherent sleep-deprived maniac) maybe they'll take me more seriously this time. Also I'm dressed more respectably. Last time I was wearing work out clothes because I was just to sick to "dress".

Ara

Good Luck and let us know what he says...
Melinda

[Araminta]

I'm doing better! Not really out of the woods yet, but I had a decent day. I actually got back in to see my pain doctor, dressed decently, and for once I felt I was treated like a human being. The doc increased my percocet dosage for the time being, which unfortunately I might really need going back to work. I've actually taken less of those than are prescribed on a few days this week. I'd never done that before, I'm embarrassed to admit. Feels pretty good. I still have pain, but at home I can handle a certain amount of it. The horrible squirrley panicky feeling from reducing the klonipin/cutting out the Soma again has subsided to a somewhat manageable level. I'm taking herbal stuff like kava-kava to mellow out and then tryptophan (and a whole passel of other herbal supplements if I need to) and an antihistimine to help me sleep tonight. I'm still taking the klonipin for the time being, but I'm being very careful with it and I look forward to living without it someday soon. The herbal stuff's been helping a lot. I mean, it didn't touch the klonipin withdrawal, when that was my primary problem, but it's doubtful if thorazine would've knocked me out then.

So, in order to have my meds increased I had to sign up for a diagnositc procedure where they're going to shoot my back up with dye and a local anasthetic to see where it goes so they can pinpoint my problem for future procedures. Also to see if anesthetizing that area is effective. If it is, they may do a nerve burn there. (Sounds awful, but my best friend swears by those; They give him months on end of relief in his neck) It's not going to be pretty, either financially or physically, but I think this is a good diagnostic test. I was also glad to hear that the doctor actually did look at my x-rays and he thinks they show that actual surgery is not an option. Also, he understands why I don't want steroids or NSAIDs shot in there, what with the gastritis and all. I'm glad there's another option. I only wish it didn't have the words "nerve" and "burn" in it.

In order to see the doctor I had to drag my respectably dressed ass up there at 9 a.m. and cool my heels until someone else blew their appointment. Surprisingly easy. It only took about an hour to get seen.

I'll see my PCP tomorrow about the mystery bladder pain. I checked my liver enzyme test results out online and they were normal! I guess I just ruined my stomach lining but not my liver yet. Man. I am so grateful for that.

It means a lot that you are watching my thread, Melinda. When I've had a day like today I drive my husband and friends nuts, I'm sure, with the nonstop talking, worrying, trying to plan, etc. I don't know how soon I'll get off of pain meds entirely, but today it feels good just to have them down to the level they're supposed to be at. If I can sleep on 1/4 mg. of klonipin tonight and keep that up, that'd be great too. Then again, I guess the way to do it would be take 25% less than I have been taking, and only start that when I feel more stable.

I was trying to explain to a friend who'd on methadone Robert's system for tapering. I have all ready warned her that going on suboxone while still on 20 mg. of methadone is an incredibly bad idea and why. That's how they try and get people on the methadone clinic here onto suboxone. They start them on it while they're still at 20 mg. of methadone. That. Can't. Be. Right! My friend was saying that a lot of people seem to fail that way and just end up out on the street again. I've explained to her about the C.O.W.S. worksheet, precipitated withdrawals and all that. I wish she had a computer. Another mutual friend of the both of us, I'll call her Connie, has such a bad opiate and benzo habit that she can't even detox in a treatment center. My friend was asking about what I knew that could help her. I told her about the 25%, wait until you're stabilized and cut down again method. I need to find something I can print out about detoxing off of both of those things.

Well, I must be doing better, if I'm thinking about trying to help other people already. People worse off than me are....really bad off.

Hoping for an even better day tomorrow. If I can just get through a shift waiting tables without having to go home from the pain...I'll know I'm nearly out of this particular part of the woods.

Best,

Ara

[melinda7.5]

Hi Ara
It sounds like your doing great,you have to tell me if you get that nerve burned...if it works I might try that...

I think it's great that you trying to drop a bit on your pills just take it slow.
It took me a year of trying till I got it right.

good luck at work tomorrow...
Let us know how it goes...
Talk to you later, Melinda

[Araminta]

Hey Melinda,

Again, thanks for reading. I imagine there are a few other people looking at this thread. If any of you can relate, feel free to say something.

Last night I was able to fall asleep with just the tryptophan, kava-kava, and melatonin. I had had 1/4 mg. of klonipin earlier in the evening to calm down, and meant to take the other 1/4 mg. at bedtime, but I got cocky and skipped it.
I slept well, but when I woke up I started having an anxiety attack. I wasn't even full-blown fretting about anything that I was aware of. I had to take 1/4 mg. just to get my heart to stop racing. Ah well. Easy does it. I could have taken a 4th endocet (oxycodone 10 mg.) yesterday since I've gotten permission to increase the dosage if I need to, but I didn't need to. Tonight when I go to work I may have to do that, because by the time I get home and go to bed, I will have been up for 21 hours. Again, just making it through work will be a major victory. I've been putting the groceries on the credit card (when I'm working I pay cash for most things) and just generally hemoraging money.

Ok, I'm off to the PCP to tell him all those symptoms the pain doc never has time to listen to.

Ara

[Araminta]

Hi all,

Well, I made it through work last night, although I did have to take a bit more medication than I'd hoped. The pain in my knees and back just did not subside until I had. Then, I finally reached the point where the pain was no longer bothering me, but honestly, I was a Bit High. Tonight should be easier as I won't have been up for 20+ hours by the time I'm done with my shift, and with the 4 endocets I'm now allowed to take per day, I shouldn't have to go over the prescribed amount. I may even stay a bit under it, which is my goal.

I need to try and do my PT exercises today, which I haven't done since I got sick. I don't know if they'll help, but they can't hurt. (For at least a year I was doing them every day for about an hour)

My PCP was so sweet yesterday. He's glad I'm off the Soma. Ultimately, he wishes I'd get off of all the drugs so I can see where my pain is really at and how much of it's just withdrawal pains. His idea about the bladder pain was that it could be a side effect of the Prilosec, and directed me to reduce my dose of that. He also found the last sample of blood that I'd given and ordered the test for the bacteria that causes ulcers to be done (Which no other doctor had thought to do) He also wants to give me Lexapro to help with the pain and the anxiety. He wanted me to look into it first and discuss it with my husband, who, having had health problems since he was a child, knows and can find out more about prescription drugs than a lot of doctors. I'm considering it, but I'm not eager to add yet another medication to the mix. I know that some of the supplements I take say "Do not take if you are taking SSRIs", so there's that to consider.

He calls me "kiddo", and gives me a hug when I'm leaving. (Not in a creepy way) It's nice to have One doctor who knows what's going on and actually has my best interests at heart. He wants me to stop waiting tables at night, too. So do I, but right now it's my job and we need to income. I can't do it for the rest of my life, however, and need to figure out an alternate career path soon. No idea how to do that.

Just wanted to check in and let you all know how last night went.

Ara

[Araminta]

I had a just awful night at work. By the time it was over I was ready to walk out for good, and I've been there 14 years. My PCP wants to put me on Lexapro. I'm concerned it might be bad for the stomach condition. Does anyone have any experiences with it, good or bad, they'd like to share?

Ara

[Araminta]

Hey all,

Well, I won't go into the details of last night, suffice to say that when anything goes wrong in a restaurant, it is the waitress or waiter's fault. We say "I'm sorry" 100 times a night, not always for things that we have any control over. And, I'm ok with that, for the most part. I know it may not sound like it, but I'm actually a very good waitress, and most people are glad when they find out I'm their server. Having a lot of real problems to worry about means that, to some extent, I'm less bothered by angry cooks, unreasonable customers, hypercritical managers, etc. I really was not bothered by a lot of the baloney launched in my direction last night until my manager, who I also consider a friend, felt compelled to give me a bunch of "constructive criticism" at the end of the night. It was the proverbial last straw, and I cried all the way home in the car (although not in front of anyone at work)

So, yeah. Maybe a real low dose of Lexapro would be in order. It's apparently helpful in getting people off of benzos, and it can be helpful for anxiety. It would be better if I could see a shrink about all this, but I have a therapist, and my PCP is willing to just give me the stuff. I'll give a look see at the appropriate thread about Lexapro on this website when I get home.

For so long, my pain management regimen was working, sometimes a little too well, to keep me functional and working. Now, without the Soma, it is just...not. I'm drinking a kambucha tea, which my chiropractor recommended for the stomach issues. Maybe it's the .5% alchohol, or maybe it's all the alkaline, but it does help. A dubious choice for a recovering alcoholic, but it's a temporary measure. (They don't get me drunk or anything, and my PCP said they should be harmless)

Ok, off to try and be a productive member of society, and not be bothered by whatever slings and arrows outrageous fortune decides to sling at me tonight.

I'm running a slight fever, and have been for days---thus the hypochondria reference.

Ara

[melinda7.5]

Hi ara
Just do me one favor before you start taking the Lexapro....read some of the threads on here about it that can give you some of the info you are looking for and maybe some you didn't want...but you will know what you are getting into at least...
When I was in my teens i was a waitress I feel for you, I still say it is the hardest job in the world, I would cry if I had to do it again...it's not you that needs the lexapro it's the crabby people...
I hope you have a better day tomorrow
Melinda

[Araminta]

Hey Melinda,

I was planning on checking the Lexapro threads on this site, but thanks for reminding me. All I can say is...Geez, don't doctors know anything? I'm sure there are quite a lot of people who've taken Lexapro for depression and/or anxiety with minimal side effects either getting on it or coming off it. It's interesting that NONE of them has chosen to share their experience on the internet. I know that people usually don't go to the trouble of posting online about a drug that doesn't cause them hideous problems, but I've seen zero completely positive reviews of this drug. The people who actually liked it still mentioned that they'd gained a bunch of weight and some other horrific symptom that I can't remember right now. They were ok with that because they'd been so bad off prior to taking the drug. If I were still having 24 hour anxiety attacks, I'd consider it if it were my only option. I'm not and it isn't, however. I'm not even That Depressed or That Anxious. My moods are a response to my life's conditions, which need to be changed. There's got to be a better way!

So. Yeah. Perhaps I'll just resume taking my St. John's Wort more regularly again (now that I can hold food down again), talk to my darn therapist, and learn some real relaxation techniques finally. Because, if I haven't mentioned it? I'm a Total Wimp about pain AND withdrawals. I've all ready got enough joy to look forward to when I eventually get off of the pain meds and that .5 mg. of benzo. No need to add "brain zaps" to the fun and games.

Work was challenging but not the total nightmare it was Wednesday night. I'm going in for my last night of the week. Friday's are always a bit of a nightmare, but I'm heckbound to make it through this week!

Thanks again,

Ara

[Araminta]

I don't know what's going on exactly, but I am not feeling too good today. I'm taking my meds as directed, but I'm still having a fair amount of pain and nausea. I just took .25 mg of Klonipin because I realized it had been about 18 hours since I'd done that and thought the nausea might have been a withdrawal reaction. The pain I don't understand, though, because it's only been 6 hours since I took a 40 mg. oxycontin, and 2 1/2 hours since I took a 10 mg. percacet (oxycodone). I've been trying to eat decent food and drink water and I still just feel yucky.

Oh well. At least I was able to work this week, and I'll see my therapist tomorrow. I hope it's not the St. John's Wort upsetting my stomach, as I really need to start taking it regularly again now that I'm holding food down.

I'm grateful for so much: my ever loving husband, the roof over my head, the job I can still barely do, my folks, good books to read...

I still can't believe I'm in this pickle after being sober for so long. Chronic pain is a drag. If I were just a regular ol' drug addict, I could just quit all this stuff and feel pretty good after a while. Maybe I can still get out of this after a while, learn to live with the pain (or not) and have a happy, productive existence.

Ara

[Araminta]

Hi all,
Well, I am going in to a surgical center today to be poked full of holes and fluoroscopic dye along with a local anesthetic. They are going to put me out, whether I'll be all the way out, I don't know. I'm enjoying my last cup of tea with milk in it before the cut-off time after which I can only drink clear liquids.

I decided to go ahead and get the night off tonight after seeing how my husband felt yesterday after his procedure. He had the nerves in one side of his neck "burned", a procedure that has helped him in the past. He opted not to be put under, and was joking with the doctors and nurses throughout. A few hours after he came home the local anesthetic started to wear off and he was feeling pretty rough. That's why I decided to skip work tonight. A lot of things can hurt pretty bad for about 24 hours and then be fine the next day, in my experience. He's gone to work today, and left a note saying he feels pretty good for a guy with a bunch of holes in his neck.

If this goes well, the next step is for them to actually do a "nerve burn" on my lower back. If this works, I'll let you all know. I can't take any more steroids, so I'm glad this is an option. The old pain clinic I was going to never offered this procedure: Just more steroids or a spinal stimulator implant. So, I'm extra glad I got away from that place. Even though this new doctor has not always treated me too well, I believe he's a good doctor and knows what he's doing. (He just doesn't know how to wean people off of benzos...but, do any of them?)

From what the doctor's people and the people at the surgery center have told me, I gather that I'm only going to have to pay a $100 co-pay today. There will be bills coming in the mail later, I'm sure. The surgery center accepts credit cards, but the doctor does not. I'm trying to avoid having to take out a bank loan to pay for this, but until I know the total cost I can't really do anything to plan for it. (It seems ridiculous to have to take out a bank loan for a medical test, but welcome to the United States health care system in 2009) This is all with "good" insurance, I should mention.

Of course I should have a savings account for these sorts of unexpected expenses. I did have one of those, but 2+ years of "procedures" and missed work ate it all up. Ok. Breathe!

Ara

[Araminta]

Hey Y'all,

I had my diagnostic thingy done today. It was long and tedious with all the waiting around, especially because I felt a bit nauseous and I couldn't eat or drink anything. My sister-in-law was a Saint for taking me and waiting in the waiting room with me the whole time I was there. (She said she got to read, so it was all worth it) I brought a book too, and was glad I had it, especially during the 45 minutes they left me sitting in a bed with an IV hanging out of my arm (with no medication in it)

The lady in the next bed talked of being very nervous, and the doctor put something in her IV. I though of asking him for the same thing, but I want him to think well of me, so I didn't. Later I walked by that lady, and she was out cold, so probably just as well. I did ask for "heavy" as opposed to "light" sedation, but I was still quite conscious when they did the actual procedure. So, I got to say "Ow!" a few times. It wasn't as unbearable as the last steroid procedure I had where they barely sedated me at all, though.

The doctor recognized my t-shirt from a local restaurant. I reminded him that I work there, and he was friendly about that, saying that I had probably waited on him and his kids. I told him that since I've been there for over a decade, and only work the graveyard shift now, he probably remembers me from when he was in school! Maybe I'll try and bring pancakes in for the staff the next time I have an appointment with him.

I was supposed to write down my pain levels at intervals after the procedure. The last one I was to write down was about 4 1/2 hours afterwards. Unfortunately, I was asleep from the anesthetic by then, and didn't wake up until about 11 p.m. (The procedure was at about 4) So, I just wrote down how I was feeling at 11. I did have less pain for a few hours after the major anesthetic wore off and before the local started to go away. So, I guess that means that doing a nerve burn in this location could be helpful. (I'll discuss it with the doctor of course in my followup)

Tonight, I am very glad I got someone to work for me. Tomorrow, I hope I'll be ok to work. Any day that I can not take all 4 of my percs, is a good day, and that is true today. Not taking the oxys is usually pretty unthinkable, but if I can ever not take one, I won't.

Reading about people snorting oxys makes me glad that at least I haven't done that! I mean, I'm in a bad way, and it's not going to be a picnic getting off of my meds (if I ever can or should) I'm glad to be on this board where I know I can get the best guidance ever if I do ever decide to detox with or without Suboxone.

Just curious. What do you all think about someone detoxing off of 4 10 mg. percs. and 2 40 mg. oxycontins (+ .5 mg. of klonopin) Would I be a good candidate for Suboxone? Or should I just try and do a taper when the time comes?

Thanks,

Ara (author of the ongoing, patented, "Most Boring Thread Evah!"

[Araminta]

Ok, so I am not taking another oxycodone tonight if I can help it. I'm going to take some Tryptophan, some 5HTP, .25 mg of Klonopin (if the aforementioned doesn't put me to sleep) and hope for a better day tomorrow.

I'm thinking of asking my doctor to put me back on Norcos, as they seemed to work better at controlling "break-though" pain than the percacets (oxycodone).
Not sure if this is a crazy idea or not. I was doing ok on the norcos when I could take Soma. Without the soma, I'm not sure if they'll work any better than the percs. Oh, well. I'm sure I'll be able to make it through the day tomorrow. And sleep tonight.

Ara

[Araminta]

Hey all,

I just wanted to check in to say that while I haven't increased my dosage of anything, I'm also still in pretty bad pain...to the point that I drove home in tears. Having mentioned that, I am a known wuss, so part of the tears thing was just that I'm sick of being in pain, not that it was incredibly intense or anything. Even though it will only have been 30 days or so when I talk to my pain doctor again, I think I will mention this. With the norcos and the soma I was doing relatively all right. Now, not so much. I know he's not going to put me back on soma, but something's gotta be done.

I did manage to go swimming today. I used to swim 3-4 times a week. I've had a hard time sleeping lately, which I know must partly be due to lack of exercise. A few nights ago after trying tryptophan, melatonin, kava-kava, 3/4 or a .5 mg. klonopin pill and still being awake, I took some extra klonopin. When that didn't work, I resorted to taking a 25 mg. seroquel that my doctor gave me a month ago. This worked (or something did) but the next day I was exhausted after being up for a few hours and had to go back to bed. So, seroquel is a last, last resort.

I'm trying to figure out what the heck to do with my life now that it's become apparent that I probably shouldn't (and can't) wait tables into my 50s. That's a bit stressful. I don't even know how to write a proper resume'.

Ok, getting ready for work now. Ow.

Best,

Ara