Forum was best thing evr until Ruth chimed n on me thx n bye all

[nowrnvr]

Arrgh! My advice is apperently sick and disgusting according to Ruth so goodbye all I'm over this sick of bn told I'm an idiot bc I'm real and understand addicts more than people like Ruth yhis particulat person ate perc 5's for 5 days n then stops 10 days he was n harm of dying from my advice to not beat himself up for relapsing.? He had np with my advice Robert apologized for over reacting about that n was 5 days ago this isn't constructive for me Ruth so I'm out even tho this was only chance I had and was best thing that evr happened to me n a long time. Ruth u nothing bout me n were way l8 on ur scolding to me. Yes I'm way emotional right now so much so I'm crying over this and will prob b relapsing in 5 mins so thanks again Ruth for ruining my amazing experience here. Holier than thou who made u queen of recovery if falling down n having a 5 day lapse on perc 5's it's like y'all wanted to twist my words , whateve I went from on top of world to reading that and busting out n suicidal tears so now u can worry bout ur lethal advice I hope I die finally!

[Melissa B]

Nowrnvr,

Take a deep breath and calm down. Do not even think about taking another pill either. Is it worth it to relapse just because someone voiced their opinion? NO!!! This is a close community and it annoys people when newbies come on here and say things like "enjoy getting high". You see how easily someones comments got to you, so your comments could effect someone else just as easily is all. No one wants you to leave or die or anything else, we just want you to be constructive in your advice. Your going through a highly stressful time right now and your emotions are playing on you. That's classic opiate withdrawal. Don't let it win! Pull yourself together and everyone on here will try there best to help you. Keep posting and don't sweat it. Your heavily emotional right now so just breath and take the advice and move forward. Hang in there! We really do want to see you stay and get clean.

Melissa

[SomeDay]

Arrgh! My advice is apperently sick and disgusting according to Ruth so goodbye all I'm over this sick of bn told I'm an idiot bc I'm real and understand addicts more than people like Ruth yhis particulat person ate perc 5's for 5 days n then stops 10 days he was n harm of dying from my advice to not beat himself up for relapsing.? He had np with my advice Robert apologized for over reacting about that n was 5 days ago this isn't constructive for me Ruth so I'm out even tho this was only chance I had and was best thing that evr happened to me n a long time. Ruth u nothing bout me n were way l8 on ur scolding to me. Yes I'm way emotional right now so much so I'm crying over this and will prob b relapsing in 5 mins so thanks again Ruth for ruining my amazing experience here. Holier than thou who made u queen of recovery if falling down n having a 5 day lapse on perc 5's it's like y'all wanted to twist my words , whateve I went from on top of world to reading that and busting out n suicidal tears so now u can worry bout ur lethal advice I hope I die finally!

Recovery is going to be a longer term thing. In order to be successful, you are going to need to let some things just bounce off of you, like this particular situation. Just stay positive and keep generating good thoughts. They go a long way.

Right now (on Day 14), I feel better physically but of course still have some anxiety to deal with. I'm currently focusing on breathing deep anytime an anxious thought comes into my mind. It seems to be working. Take a step back for a moment and try to do the same. Recovery is a very serious thing. Your life depends on it. Stay strong.

[ComingHome]

Nowrnvr, Ruth never said all your advice is "sick and disgusting." She just said that telling someone to "enjoy the high" is sick thinking. I happen to agree with her. Don't take it personally though, we ALL have some sick thoughts that we don't realize are sick until we get some decent clean time behind us. I promise that you will see it if you give it a chance and try to stay clean instead of using it as an excuse to go out and use again. Nobody wants that.

Keep coming back!

CH

[SeekinSober]

You can't leave me now bro.

We started together.

We will fish this together.

I need you man. I need you to post in my thread. I like checkin in with you.

Don't do this to me

[yezdegerd]

Take some advice from me man this is a forum full of addicts. Not only that but we are all of different age, decent, religion ect you can't let what 1 person says get to you. I've had falling outs with several people on here but you know what, I've helped more people than I've fought with so I keep coming back. seeking obviously needs and wants your help and you may dislike Ruth, but she too has helped many people on her time on these forums. She's older, uses god and more of a 12 step approach and that's great for some if not most, you on the other hand are more like me, younger and different views and methods. Just keep doing what you're doing and pay no attention to people who knock you. I gotta remind myself of this all the time, trust me or check my track record. There are a few posts I wish I could take back :-)

[nowrnvr]

I am so sorry for all of that drama that was the side of me I have to destroy especially if I plan on doing this professionally I'm emabarasses and cannot believe that stuff came out of me, well yes I can truthfully I held way back thank god! I am a newb and that was my second post evr the last sentence i wrote ruined an otherwise quality n constructive post and since I have made about 50 posts that have helped me immensely and shown me I believe I'm here on earth to help addicts more like myself than Ruth.thank you yez for that perspective and thx all for ur quick replies.helping others has been the only thing working for me so I went and chopped wood instead of shooting a half gram of dope. No hope n dope right? lol I also want to apologize to Ruth I was out of line out of my head and let my ego almost destroy me. Yez ur words were exactly what I needed to hear it's almost as if u intuitively knew the most succent way to speak directly to my heart! Not that all comments weren't appreciated they r very much so it's just I don't believe I have ever been so immediately pacified in my entire life as soon as unread yeZ's reply my anger, and confusion vanished. Now I am contently staring at the fire I built contemplating not taking any more sub. I took about 8mgs total starting at 1.5 on NYE day. I just don't want anymore chemicals and I'm used to kicking retchid habits cold anyway. I can't thank all of u enuf even Ruth my incident with her has got me even mor motivated to b substance free. And yes I realize my temper is my downfall, especially the old opiate rage I used to be capable of that anger is potentially deadly. again sorry I didn't score any opies but the H man had some bars which is contributing to my desire to jump off now. So i did make the call and the trip had a bomb n hand gave it back and got the bars instead so I can get sleep, didn't even take 1 after get fuming mad earlier chopped the wood n self introspected instead thanks community. I will never tell anyway it's ok to enjoy their high instead of beating themselves up over it. I do want to clarify that my message until the last sentence was constructive and I finished the last sentence saying it mayb ur last high which I realize is confusing but if i had elaborated further I would have explained that I meant it to b inspiring to use the non sick time to mentally prepare and say goodbye to getting high 4evr. Hope I make sense I'm just a junky!

[phoenixfly]

I am so sorry for all of that drama that was the side of me I have to destroy especially if I plan on doing this professionally I'm emabarasses and cannot believe that stuff came out of me, well yes I can truthfully I held way back thank god! I am a newb and that was my second post evr the last sentence i wrote ruined an otherwise quality n constructive post and since I have made about 50 posts that have helped me immensely and shown me I believe I'm here on earth to help addicts more like myself than Ruth.thank you yez for that perspective and thx all for ur quick replies.helping others has been the only thing working for me so I went and chopped wood instead of shooting a half gram of dope. No hope n dope right? lol I also want to apologize to Ruth I was out of line out of my head and let my ego almost destroy me. Yez ur words were exactly what I needed to hear it's almost as if u intuitively knew the most succent way to speak directly to my heart! Not that all comments weren't appreciated they r very much so it's just I don't believe I have ever been so immediately pacified in my entire life as soon as unread yeZ's reply my anger, and confusion vanished. Now I am contently staring at the fire I built contemplating not taking any more sub. I took about 8mgs total starting at 1.5 on NYE day. I just don't want anymore chemicals and I'm used to kicking retchid habits cold anyway. I can't thank all of u enuf even Ruth my incident with her has got me even mor motivated to b substance free. And yes I realize my temper is my downfall, especially the old opiate rage I used to be capable of that anger is potentially deadly. again sorry I didn't score any opies but the H man had some bars which is contributing to my desire to jump off now. So i did make the call and the trip had a bomb n hand gave it back and got the bars instead so I can get sleep, didn't even take 1 after get fuming mad earlier chopped the wood n self introspected instead thanks community. I will never tell anyway it's ok to enjoy their high instead of beating themselves up over it. I do want to clarify that my message until the last sentence was constructive and I finished the last sentence saying it mayb ur last high which I realize is confusing but if i had elaborated further I would have explained that I meant it to b inspiring to use the non sick time to mentally prepare and say goodbye to getting high 4evr. Hope I make sense I'm just a junky!

I just want to let you know that I really appreciate how much time and energy you've put into helping other people get through this cr%^. It TOTALLY sucks and I understand your comment - you were just trying to tell someone else not to go way over the edge and let go forever just because they screwed up. There is always a way back - I've got to keep telling myself that too, since it's the voice of defeat and self-loathing that prevents me from staying clean. I had a pretty bad injury not that long ago, had just finished my sub taper, and am now back on the percs. I HATE myself for it, even though I'm taking less than what was prescribed (which is huge). I know I'm abusing them, since I'm taking them not just for the pain, but for the euphoria. It's that SIMPLE. Relapse doesn't HAVE to be a part of recovery, but let's face it, it often is. Unless you've been there (like us), you've got no clue what a total torment it is. And how much anger at being judged we can feel, since we're already judging ourselves SO much. But that judging/anger is often the worst trigger of all and can excuse us doing vedddy vedddy bad things to ourselves! It's not FUNNY, but god^&*(), if you can't laugh sometimes, you're just gonna cry. And I cry even in my dreams now, which sucks. So, I've got a fractured spine, fractured ego, and a big bottle of percocet I'm preparing to hand over this weekend. Without this forum, there is no way I could have gotten through the induction and the suboxone taper - it was pretty rough for me and I'm no baby. I've been back on the painkillers 3 weeks (starting at 30mg roxis/every 3 hours) down to 9 10mg percs/a day. So, at least I've reduced. It's the jumping into the abyss that's SO scary.Thank God you didn't get those bars - see how strong you are? What an achievement. Congratulations. Honestly, No, without your support and everyone else on the forum, I wouldn't be able to try again at all. I've seen treatment professionals before, and the many hours and dollars can't compare to the short time I've been a member of this forum and the love and support I've gotten unconditionally. So, don't go anywhere, ok? We all need one another! Kendra

[nowrnvr]

Thank u I read ur story last nite and ur indeed tuff as nails this is hard enuff without broken bones especially in the back ouch! I appreciate that eventually some1 caught my drift and I learned a valueable lesson about thinking b4 speaking or typing, for the 1000x n life when that lesson will take another story. Also want to clarify I was a bit confusing due to my lazy iPod puncuation, and wrote that I am sorry I didn't get any opies, of course should hav been I am sorry again forum, I didn't cop. Ok jus seemed confusing when i reread, also said unread yez's post meant I read. And I did cop the xanax bars for sleep not abuse but turned down the dope also available. Yuck nasty can't believe I injected my self with junk that I knew would giv my skin a histamine reaction! So smart to put that in my body! I even had anti itch cream knowing I was going to break out! So I can't take offense to bn called out on 1 possibly "ignorant" comment when my behavior was beyond ignorant. Thx again all I'm back on board culd dose soon but think I'm going to jump if not just skip at least skip a day I mean my god I don't have any spinal injury or disease I know of nothing that warrants the use of narcs.

[phoenixfly]

Thank u I read ur story last nite and ur indeed tuff as nails this is hard enuff without broken bones especially in the back ouch! I appreciate that eventually some1 caught my drift and I learned a valueable lesson about thinking b4 speaking or typing, for the 1000x n life when that lesson will take another story. Also want to clarify I was a bit confusing due to my lazy iPod puncuation, and wrote that I am sorry I didn't get any opies, of course should hav been I am sorry again forum, I didn't cop. Ok jus seemed confusing when i reread, also said unread yez's post meant I read. And I did cop the xanax bars for sleep not abuse but turned down the dope also available. Yuck nasty can't believe I injected my self with junk that I knew would giv my skin a histamine reaction! So smart to put that in my body! I even had anti itch cream knowing I was going to break out! So I can't take offense to bn called out on 1 possibly "ignorant" comment when my behavior was beyond ignorant. Thx again all I'm back on board culd dose soon but think I'm going to jump if not just skip at least skip a day I mean my god I don't have any spinal injury or disease I know of nothing that warrants the use of narcs.

Even without a spinal injury, you've still got a disease (I agree with ruth about this) and you deserve compassion and respect. You didn't choose it...who would? It's how you deal with the hand you've been dealt now that matters! That's totally true for me too!

[melinda7.5]

Ruth is only trying to help ..she was been around the block a few times and knows what she is talking about ..just try to learn from her...
she only wants the best for you ...
Melinda

[shadowwally]

nowrnever, i was tapering off 200patches fentanyl. Got to 125 and was already detoxing so badly just jumped off. of course haven't been sleeping. the other nite, when that person posted about the opiates and drinking, i was scared to death to post my suggestion, but was so afraid they were just sitting there in the dark, alone, waiting for a post. i was never so glad in my life to have you posting as well. it was good. Thanks.
i bet your almost tweeting style of posting confuses some. that's ok. but don't be surprised if someone misunderstands something....not that that has happened, just heads up. i know my siblings would never understand it
I really want you to stay here, because I find you very very kind.
Marian

[ARTIST658]

Whoa... I just discovered this thread when I signed on this morning - and was taken aback when I saw my name. But, I read through the posts, and have a better understanding of what's going on.

Nowrnvr, I apologize if my post was offensive to you. I was addressing your comment to 'enjoy the high,' and said that your words were "sick thinking." When I used the word "sick," I was referring to the sickness of the disease of addiction. When we are active, we are sick people. Our thinking isn't right. It was not meant as any kind of insult to you - but to point out that telling someone to 'enjoy their high' - while they are trying to recover - is thinking like an addict. Any of us in recovery has been there; the goal of this forum is to find a way out.

Last year, I was quite active on this forum, posting almost daily. I have been in recovery from addiction for most of the past 20 years, aside from a brief relapse in 2003. This is my area of expertise, as I work as a housemother in a long-term substance abuse treatment center for women. I have been well-educated, to the graduate level, on the disease of addiction. Yet, I am still like every other addict - still working a recovery program one day at a time, and I am only one pill -or one drink- away from being back into the nightmare. I understand addicts - in fact, I love my fellow addicts. I have found that, to a large extent, addicts are among the most sensitive, creative, intuitiive and loving people I've ever known! It sometimes seems to me that our highly sensitive nature lends us to want to escape from the harsh realities and emotions of life - so we're prone toward addiction.

So, even after working all day in a treatment center, still I wanted to help others, as a means of sharing what has saved my life. I am utterly passionate about recovery, and it probably shows in most of my posts! I take this so very seriously, as I have had to witness the devastating consequence of this disease countless times in my life. I have had to read the obituaries of my former clients, who were unable to attain recovery. I have attended many funerals, and tried to explain and comfort the heartbroken loved ones, as they cry out, "Why?" I have sat with the family and friends of addicts who have overdosed, while waiting in the E.R., and no one knew if they were going to survive.

And so, likewise, my posts are clear, direct, and pull no punches. I'm here to educate and encourage. I've been in your shoes, nowrnvr - and I don't forget what that feels like!! But - the flipside is, sometimes, what I post is not what people WANT to hear. It would be wonderful if just hand-holding and cheerleading would get an addict clean; sadly, that sometimes makes things worse. I speak up when I see others post with advice that is ill-advised.

At work, I can address unhealthy (i.e, "sick" or "addictive") behavior in a client, without others speaking up to disagree and offer something 'nicer or easier' as advice. But here, I'm just one voice among many, and that can make it harder. I may speak the truth, based upon my knowledge, then others can chime in with more loving and softer approaches - and my advice is completely discarded, as it is more difficult! I'm contending with the advice being given out by newcomers, who have not yet overcome their own addictions. But sometimes, it takes the more difficult steps to succeed in overcoming this disease. So I may not win any popularity contest in here, but my goal (as I said) is to educate and encourage - not necessarily to be the nicest one in the bunch!

Again, I apologize. I want you to find recovery - a lasting recovery. My intention is not to hurt you or anyone else on here. Quite the opposite. I'm grateful you decided to stay - and I wish you nothing but the best.

God bless,
Ruth

[Robert_325]

nowrnvr ....... Like Ruth people get mad at me almost daily, weekly for sure, as I tell it like it is and don't pull punches. I've buried too many life long friends from drug abuse. It's your loss if you leave, but don't blame Ruth for being honest if you choose to leave and go get high. This is life and death and patting an addict on the back saying,"It's okay, that's okay to do that" is NOT the way to help people get clean.

If people won't do what I ask I drop them plain and simple. Most don't recover so I'm trying to save as many as I can just like Ruth does. We are Christians and have all the compassion in the world for struggling addicts. Trust me you've NEVER done anything I haven't done before you were even born. But this isn't a "play" web site. It's a place where we tell it like it is.

I've got eight years plus clean after using 35 years. I almost died twice during my addiction. I had to be just as hard on myself as Ruth was on you. This isn't a game where we come here to socialize. Take that into consideration before you throw a fit and run. God bless.

[nowrnvr]

If you have time I hope you can read where I completely apologized to the forum and explained I have no intention of running and in no way am I looking to socialize. I am here to offer my very hardcore experiences in the modern world of active addiction to inspire the most apprhensive addicts into recovery.

[kookalinMD]

hey now,
haven't hear from you in a while and just wanted to check in and see how you and your lady are doing? is she finally feeling better and able to help out with your w/d? Let me know how you're doing!

[nowrnvr]

Yes she is doing better, thanks. So far I'm not feeling too bad myself I apologize for the disappearance I finally was able to get sleep probably too much! In so my waking hours were consumed by routine domestic errands and surviving the frigid cold it has been 2 days since I had a miniscule amount of sub maybye about 300 mcgs if that. I can feel the remnants of the buprenorphine leaving my system, but don't think it will be anything I can't handle. Thanks for checking in. I will look around and catch up.

[nowrnvr]

Wow, again thank you so much all of you. I just read Ruth's reply explaining genetic factors as well as THIQ I believe it is, I'm about to research that link but admit I'm scared to read about this information as my brain must be absolutely overwhelmed by this substance. But I've overcome it before and I shall do it again. Very informative though, I feel this is is information all addicts and non addicts need to be educated about. I am sure I will have some ?'s about this THIQ. Knowledge is power !

[ARTIST658]

Wow, again thank you so much all of you. I just read Ruth's reply explaining genetic factors as well as THIQ I believe it is, I'm about to research that link but admit I'm scared to read about this information as my brain must be absolutely overwhelmed by this substance. But I've overcome it before and I shall do it again. Very informative though, I feel this is is information all addicts and non addicts need to be educated about. I am sure I will have some ?'s about this THIQ. Knowledge is power !

I first heard about the "THIQ" factor when I was in long-term treatment, back in 1990. For months, my counselor tried to convince me that addiction truly is a disease - and I still didn't believe it. I still beat myself up routinely over the stupid, dangerous and hurtful things I'd done while I was using. BUT - when they showed us a video that explained this THIQ factor, I actually dissolved into tears. I got it. There is something different that goes on within us, as addicts. It is a disease, not that I'm just weak or worthless.

I explained the THIQ factor only so that others might understand more about how drug addiction actually is a disease - but NOT to discourage anyone in the process of recovery. THIQ is no excuse; it's just an explanation. It's so hard for us to grasp why we're powerless over drugs. Today, years later, I still have that THIQ factor in my brain - it is not going to vanish - but it is no longer in control. I stopped feeding it, and it lies dormant. All it needs is one pill - or one drink - and it will certainly jump back into control.

God bless,
Ruth

[Melissa B]

Nowrnvr

It's nice to see your feeling better and you sound a whole heck of a lot better too. Addiction takes us to places we thought we would never go and makes us incredibly insane at the same time. Looking back, I know I sure was a mess when I first came here, but managed to get my act together with the help from everyone on this forum. It takes time and determination to stop the cycle of abuse and the more support that you surround yourself with greatly improves your chances. Glad to see you stuck around. Hang in there and life really does get better. Take care!

Melissa

[luvy298]

Because of people like you I have been clean now for four months and one day; so thank you for being so upfront. I am a new member on this forum and I have to say that all the stories here have helped me so much. For a while I thought I was the only one going through this bad addiction, but soon discovered that there are so many like me. I am an addict and forever will be one. I do not attend church every Sunday, but I do have to say that my sobriety has a lot to do with prayers; it may work for some and not for everyone, but that is the difference of us all; we all have our own way of showing to others hope, because there is hope. I read a forum on here not too long ago of a woman who's husband died because of an overdose of Tramadol, which was my drug of choice, it really scared be straight. So to everyone here thank you so much for sharing your stories and for the advice given. I go back and read all of my post from the time I went cold turkey and it amazes me how much support I got from everyone. My family thinks of me as a the golden child so it was hard for me because I could not speak to them of this horrible addicton that was slowly killing me. So again I thank people like you and everyone else on here that can give us advice and share your experiences, Life is worth living and everyday is a struggle for me, but I know that I have to take it one day at a time.

Your friend
Luvy298

[mamuhit2010]

Hi there,
Will keep mind. When write about your problem on htis website then will write sincerely and read new thread everyday. Always follow Robert's comment. Increase your experience.
Good luck.