Flushed my Hydrocodone

[chucknice]

Good deal... I have had some help, because I am doing a massive project at work. It is keeping me busy. I am sleeping good as well.

Let's keep on rolling. We're only 12 days from the magic 30 number.

[flatsman444]

I hear ya Chuck . Day 30 is a good goal . Im feeling strong right now and recognize the anxiety for what it is. In the past it would trigger a relapse because I thought it was the way I would feel NORMALLY . Its not . This will pass . My brain will need more time to produce chemicals on its own. Now is when the brain does its WD thing. Its looking for that artificial feeling of wellness. I cant ever go back down that road .

[chucknice]

Flats... Good morning. Let's go. Another day. I made a date last night. I have a hell of a sex drive now that this stuff is gone.

I hope you have a great day dude. Let's keep rolling.

[flatsman444]

Today is day 19 and it feels pretty good. The only symptom that is hanging on is the anxiety . Even the anxiety seems to have subsided just a little bit. I am hopeful that when I go to Florida on Feb 1st , the anxiety will subside completely . I really dont think about the hydrocodone very much. It should get a little better with each passing day . This is now the second longest I have been clean in seven years, I made it one time for 58 days and relapsed. In defense of that relapse. I never flushed my pills or cancelled future DR. appts. I have learned from each relapse and this time I am so hopeful of STAYING clean. Its amazing how I have not even needed Advil or any other pain relievers. I was using purely for the warm fuzzy feeling and energy boost. Not even realizing how much I had lost of my old self . One more day in the books and keep going forward. What other choice is there ?

[flatsman444]

Today is Day 20 . Not many people read my thread any more ?? I know it is basically just a diary for me to keep me going at this point. Maybe its a sign that I am out of the woods now and on my way to a life free of the pills. I sure hope so. Thanks to all who have offered advice and encouragement. Still have just a bit of anxiety , but not crippling or anything. Just enough to remind me that I have been through something .

[cryin out]

Yay Flats! Anxiety is a bugger I know what you mean. I am shortly ahead of you and the anxiety thank goodness is way way less, this week that changing. My issues are weakness and still feel kinda tired but better than a week ago as well. That anxiety will get better. I am not sure if you are sleeping, but at 7 pm or so I drink a cup of herb tea with relaxing herbs in it and valerian. Something hot is nice in the cold winter and the calming herbs help me to chill. Also b vitamins may help if your anxiety is bad as well. I know that was recommended to me for stress, but sometimes anxiety leads to stress. No matter what keep plugging along. I think sometimes going through this long road of recovery helps us NEVER TO FORGET WHAT CAN HAPPEN IF WE USE AGAIN. Could we do this all over again, again? I am eagerly awaiting to be normal again and I bet you are too,but look how far you have come already. It'll happen Have a wonderful day.

[brwneydgrl2384]

Today is Day 20 . Not many people read my thread any more ?? I know it is basically just a diary for me to keep me going at this point. Maybe its a sign that I am out of the woods now and on my way to a life free of the pills. I sure hope so. Thanks to all who have offered advice and encouragement. Still have just a bit of anxiety , but not crippling or anything. Just enough to remind me that I have been through something .

Congrats on Day 20! I just wanted to let you know that your story--and your advice and support on my thread--have helped me SO MUCH. I've noticed a lot of the time when you post on my thread you end with asking "what other choice is there?", and that's helped me a lot too. I'm only on day 9, but when I'm having a "down" moment, or a particularly bad anxiety spell, I ask myself what choice do I have. For me, like you, there is NO other choice. I simply REFUSE to let these drugs steal any more of my life.

When I first decided to do this, I started reading online anything I could find on getting through opiate w/d and overcoming the actual addiction. And a lot of it was really negative stuff; like trying to do it at home on your own only has like a 4% success rate and stuff like that. I decided to turn it into a positive and prove that I can beat the odds. Sadly, 96% of opiate addicts don't have the strength or the will to do what we've done...and we're DOING IT!!!

Thanks again for sharing your story, and for all your advice and support. And CONGRATS again for making it this far. You making it as far as you have is inspiring and gives me hope.

All my best...Ava <3

[flatsman444]

DAY 21 !!!!! Three weeks . Feeling pretty good this morning. Im going to my granddaughters birthday party today. Its always good for me to get out and stay busy. Seems to cancel out the anxiety I have had lately. The single best thing I did this time was to flush that huge supply of hydro I had. If I still had it , I would think about it and have to waste precious energy . So many folks here told me the last time I got clean to flush those pills but I didn't . I didnt accept that I was an addict. It feels so good to be clean from all pills for three weeks now. I am not as aware of each passing day now. The time seems to be going by faster now because I dont crave hydrocodone . That first ten days I thought about pills a lot. What a relief not to be in that place any more. I want to once again say to the people here that are so giving to the people here . Thank You . I wont try to name everyone , there are so many . I would not have ever even had the courage to get clean without this forum . The experts that are on this site are so generous with their time. I am forever grateful. I have much work to do , but right now all is well , I have no pills . No more Dr appts till May. Then I will be at a crossroads . Its my 6 mo. routine appt.and all I have to do is ask the Dr. for a new RX and I will be back to Day 1 . Cant let that happen . So I apologize right now if I am cluttering the board with my daily updates. I know there are many here who need attention more then me . But I need to do this to keep clean. I live alone and am going through this alone. No one knows I have a problem and what I am doing. So Day 21 it is , I feel great . Working towards freedom my friends.

[need_help_plz]

I hear ya Chuck . Day 30 is a good goal . Im feeling strong right now and recognize the anxiety for what it is. In the past it would trigger a relapse because I thought it was the way I would feel NORMALLY . Its not . This will pass . My brain will need more time to produce chemicals on its own. Now is when the brain does its WD thing. Its looking for that artificial feeling of wellness. I cant ever go back down that road .

Hey m8, stay strong brother. I KNOW how hard it is, im going through the same stage of WD right now( its been 5 days since i took my last piece of subutex)

I'd like to share with you a secret recipe that helped me out TREMENDOUSLY the last time i had quit. It is this herbal suplement form the company called "Botanic/choice" and the medication:" POSINOL". It is marketed for ppl who need help elevating mood, and providing much needed energy(esp during the lethargic stage of your withdrawals. Although i havent heard anyone using this suplement for opioid detox, I HAVE PERSONALLY TRIED and would swear by it!!!!. I couldnt believe it wasnt some sort of opioid itself because the effects seem to mimic the mild euphoria associated with taking opioids. But i looked up the main ingredient of this herbal supplement and it is "Apocynum venetum L. extract. completely natural and non narcotic substance derived from a leaf of "dogbane" that grows in asia and south america.
i have also found this clinical trials paige on using Apocynum Venetum to raise seratonin levels in test subjects> http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j...vrXBdg&cad=rja
exerts of the clinical trial summary paige...

Serotonin
Further analysis revealed that 50% of subjects in the
Apocynum venetum Leaf Extract group responded to
Apocynum venetum Leaf Extract in terms of increased
serotonin levels (increase of 67%; 10.6 ± 6.3 ng/ml to
17.7 ± 7.2 ng/ml). Of the 20 subjects in the Apocynum
venetum Leaf Extract group, 35% showed an increase
of at least 20%.

thats is HUGE increase(67%)

These clinical trials also show that the supplement also effective to those who seek help with depression AND insomnia

So...i hope u give "Posinol" a tryI did, and it worked wonderfully.

good luck, and stay strong!!! Alex

[ARTIST658]

Hey m8, stay strong brother. I KNOW how hard it is, im going through the same stage of WD right now( its been 5 days since i took my last piece of subutex)

I'd like to share with you a secret recipe that helped me out TREMENDOUSLY the last time i had quit. It is this herbal suplement form the company called "Botanic/choice" and the medication:" POSINOL". It is marketed for ppl who need help elevating mood, and providing much needed energy(esp during the lethargic stage of your withdrawals. Although i havent heard anyone using this suplement for opioid detox, I HAVE PERSONALLY TRIED and would swear by it!!!!. I couldnt believe it wasnt some sort of opioid itself because the effects seem to mimic the mild euphoria associated with taking opioids. But i looked up the main ingredient of this herbal supplement and it is "Apocynum venetum L. extract. completely natural and non narcotic substance derived from a leaf of "dogbane" that grows in asia and south america.
i have also found this clinical trials paige on using Apocynum Venetum to raise seratonin levels in test subjects> http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j...vrXBdg&cad=rja
exerts of the clinical trial summary paige...

Serotonin
Further analysis revealed that 50% of subjects in the
Apocynum venetum Leaf Extract group responded to
Apocynum venetum Leaf Extract in terms of increased
serotonin levels (increase of 67%; 10.6 ± 6.3 ng/ml to
17.7 ± 7.2 ng/ml). Of the 20 subjects in the Apocynum
venetum Leaf Extract group, 35% showed an increase
of at least 20%.

thats is HUGE increase(67%)

These clinical trials also show that the supplement also effective to those who seek help with depression AND insomnia

So...i hope u give "Posinol" a tryI did, and it worked wonderfully.

good luck, and stay strong!!! Alex

Dear Alex,

I'm always wary of casual recommendations on this forum of unorthodox supplements, and this time is no exception. i work in the field of substance abuse, and have never heard of this Posinol. I looked through your link, and can't even tell who conducted this trial, as the name of the person(s) or institution(s) are not cited. That makes this suggestion even more suspect.

Most of those using this forum are addicts, including myself. Some are in recovery, some not. Most are probably somewhere in between, trying to get clean. A recommendation of a "quick fix" substance - which produces, as you say, "euphoria" is a really hazardous in this forum. All folks need when they are struggling is the mention of an easy-breezy way to feel "euphoria" and they're off and running. This is a highly dangerous thing you've done.

You are clearly quite new to recovery, and the answer to getting clean does not come in another substance, especially one that may be relatively unknown or controversial. The answer to recovery is to stop ALL mood-altering, addictive drugs, period. Lasting recovery occurs when we develop healthy, sober tools to deal with life on life's terms.

A HUGE part of recovery is learning how to deal with our emotions - that's what we used to run from! The escape we sought with drugs didn't work. In recovery, we surrender trying to find relief from our feelings in a chemical substance. Rather, we learn healthier skills to deal with unpleasant emotions, and, as a result, we become stronger. We learn those skills through working a recovery program, such as NA, AA or CR. That's how we come to deal with depression and anxiety - NOT in yet another pill.

When we seek our answers through a pill, we're continuing to think like an addict.

Flatsman, sorry to hijack your thread, but this post concerned me. And - congrats on 3 weeks!!! Your last post said it well... "This will pass . My brain will need more time to produce chemicals on its own. Now is when the brain does its WD thing. Its looking for that artificial feeling of wellness. I cant ever go back down that road." Well said.

God bless,
Ruth

[flatsman444]

Its DAY 22 . Thanks Ruth for your comment. It really helps to know peeps are reading my posts. It helps to spur me on and keeps me accountable. Yes , its funny how I can connect with people I have never met . But the more I post here and get responses , the more I feel that I can not let anyone down. I especially dont want to let me or my family down. Still get a little anxious when I have too much time on my hands . But I leave tomorrow for Florida , and I am hopeful that the anxiety will subside. When I stay busy I dont notice the anxiety. My energy level is good in the morning but get pretty tired in the late afternoon. This may be an example of something I talked about before . As I get more and more clean time in . I start looking for : NORMAL " . Well , at 63 maybe getting tired in the afternoon is " NORMAL " . But when your getting clean and relapsing every year for seven years now. How in the heck can you tell what is normal and what is a part of the getting clean process ? All I can know for sure is that clean time will bring the answers to all my questions. Guess its this simple , stay clean , get lots of clean time in. See how I feel and accept that feeling as " Normal ". Whatever I feel like is better than being addicted to narcotics. When its as simple as a choice to use or not to use . There is actually no choice at all. If I am not here for a while , its because I am getting settled in Florida. I will post as often as I can . One month in Florida will give me 53 days clean. My all time record is 58 days . Thanks again for all the support , it is needed.

[ARTIST658]

Its DAY 22 . Thanks Ruth for your comment. It really helps to know peeps are reading my posts. It helps to spur me on and keeps me accountable. Yes , its funny how I can connect with people I have never met . But the more I post here and get responses , the more I feel that I can not let anyone down. I especially dont want to let me or my family down. Still get a little anxious when I have too much time on my hands . But I leave tomorrow for Florida , and I am hopeful that the anxiety will subside. When I stay busy I dont notice the anxiety. My energy level is good in the morning but get pretty tired in the late afternoon. This may be an example of something I talked about before . As I get more and more clean time in . I start looking for : NORMAL " . Well , at 63 maybe getting tired in the afternoon is " NORMAL " . But when your getting clean and relapsing every year for seven years now. How in the heck can you tell what is normal and what is a part of the getting clean process ? All I can know for sure is that clean time will bring the answers to all my questions. Guess its this simple , stay clean , get lots of clean time in. See how I feel and accept that feeling as " Normal ". Whatever I feel like is better than being addicted to narcotics. When its as simple as a choice to use or not to use . There is actually no choice at all. If I am not here for a while , its because I am getting settled in Florida. I will post as often as I can . One month in Florida will give me 53 days clean. My all time record is 58 days . Thanks again for all the support , it is needed.

Hi Flatsman,

Just wanted to wish you well on your trip - and hope that you'll be able to continue to post from Florida, as it seems to be helping you.

Yup, sounds like you're feeling your age, tired in the afternoon - my hubby is also 63, and most days do include a nap!

Stay strong, keep the focus as you have... and post when you can. Enjoy!

God bless,
Ruth

[caughtagain]

There are no championship trophies, but there is LIFE.. the best reward of all. Go for the record FLats.... Wishing you well! Have fun in FLUUURRRRRDA.

[flatsman444]

Dayb 23 . Getting packed to leave for Florida . I will post from Florida as it does help a lot . The first 8 days I have a friend with me so might not post as he knows nothing of my struggles. After that I willl post for sure . i will never forget the people here that have offered help.

[caughtagain]

gulf side? If so... great Fishing....

[GOLDA55]

Dear Flatsman, I am a 63 year old mom and grandma, and if you read my threads you will see that even though I am over 30 days clean from percocets, exactly 43 days, it is much easier, but still not perfect..I just did not want you to get discouraged after the 30 day mark, the miracle happens in small spurts, and I do think age has a great deal to do with it. I also had the flu while going through w/d and my body took a long time to come back. I still get fatigued more easily than maybe someone in their 30's going through the same thing, thats why I am glad I found another 63year old...Luck to you Golda (grandma)

[brwneydgrl2384]

Since it's after midnight and officially Feb 7 on the east coast, and if I've done my math correctly since your last post was day 23 on Jan 31...you've made it to the 30 day mark. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Hope you're having an AMAZING time in warm, sunny Florida!

Ava <3

[flatsman444]

Thanks for all the comments and info. I am doing fine here. I have no pills and no way of getting more. I am glad I dont have any pills . It would be easy to backslide here . With new surroundings and lots of places to party. Caughtagain , I am on the Gulf side , looking out at the Gulf as I type. Beautiful sunny day 67 deg. I still miss the energy boost from the pills but I know that had to stop. I have lost track of how many days clean . I dont have any pills , so its one day at a time. Thanks for the support.

[staysober10]

Thanks for all the comments and info. I am doing fine here. I have no pills and no way of getting more. I am glad I dont have any pills . It would be easy to backslide here . With new surroundings and lots of places to party. Caughtagain , I am on the Gulf side , looking out at the Gulf as I type. Beautiful sunny day 67 deg. I still miss the energy boost from the pills but I know that had to stop. I have lost track of how many days clean . I dont have any pills , so its one day at a time. Thanks for the support.

Congrats on day 30 flats! If there a symbol on here for a coin I would totally post it here for you. Keep up the good work!

[flatsman444]

Well its day 30 and I dont think about the pills too much. But its still not easy. I am missing the energy boost and it would be easy to backslide. I also miss the way the pills made me so sociable. I dont feel like I can make conversation like I used to. Sure hope this phase passes soon. But for now I just keep going a day at a time. Its so weird how in the past I would go CT and keep my pills. If I had done that this time I would have relapsed already. This addiction thing is the hardest thing I have ever done. Seems like once you know the HIGH , it never goes away. Do we ever completely forget that high ? I dont want to forget the pain of withdrawal , just the euphoria of using.

[flatsman444]

Day 31 . My energy is still low. Dont feel very sociable. A little bit depressed maybe. Sure hope this passes or not sure I can do this. But its Day 31 and I am proud to say I dont use any drugs.

[caughtagain]

Flats... Not doing it, is simply not an option.. Are you going to have bad patches.... feelings of hopelessness.. Sure, BUT>>>> the alternative is not a good option.. Go back and read your entire thread. Look at your journey and how far you have come.. Don't recall it, READ IT... That used to help me. I get the social side of things as well., I used to worry about that and though about how I was superman fun guy on them... Truth is, that was only the first few times I took the pills. then I turned into pathetic search for pills paranoid guy.... Once that addiction switch goes off in our heads, we can never go back to superman social fun guy.... It just won;t happen. hang in there FLATS, even though at this moment you don't feel the best, as long as you are not using, you are doing great!... Get back to posting, helping and things will work out. Use and your back to square one. All my best, Reid.

[help4u]

BUT-- there is always a big huge BUT with drug addiction. I wish I had a quarter for every pain pill I flushed. You say you will be completely back to earth in 2 months but be BEWARE!! That opiate addiction doesen't let go of us that easy. It takes the rest of your life of days when it will rear its ugly head and some days will be so bad, it will take every ounce of the strength you have today to make it through one minute to the next. Then at some point you WILL tell yourself that getting off them was easy, so I can control them THIS TIME!!! I don't want to bring you down, I want you to suceed.

[cryin out]

Hi Flats, hope you are having a good time despite not feeling yourself. That is my biggest trigger right now is the same thing. I dont want to use, but when I feel blah I remember.....so it is good to stay busy. I am going to work the 12 steps through Cr starting this week and that is another tool for me. I just want you to know you are not alone in these feelings and I can bet most of our forum mentors have been there too. Keep on!!! Enjoy your time away.

[flatsman444]

Day 32 . Thanks everybody for the comments. Yes I know addiction is a life long struggle. Just wish I had never been prescribed pain pills . Because the high is still there deep in my memory banks. Im not in pain physically . Just missing the energy I used to get from them. I keep telling myself to hold on it will get better with time. I am now just getting bt a day at a time. Its not as easy to be excited about being clean as it was in the first week. But I do know I dont want to live that life of pill taking. Its a false sense of well being and it eventually fogs all your thinking and memories of who you used to be. I need this forum to vent as I cant do NA . I am thankful to you all that have offered encouragement and constructive criticism. I am going to take the time to read my entire thread today as I think it might be helpful.

[ARTIST658]

Day 32 . Thanks everybody for the comments. Yes I know addiction is a life long struggle. Just wish I had never been prescribed pain pills . Because the high is still there deep in my memory banks. Im not in pain physically . Just missing the energy I used to get from them. I keep telling myself to hold on it will get better with time. I am now just getting bt a day at a time. Its not as easy to be excited about being clean as it was in the first week. But I do know I dont want to live that life of pill taking. Its a false sense of well being and it eventually fogs all your thinking and memories of who you used to be. I need this forum to vent as I cant do NA . I am thankful to you all that have offered encouragement and constructive criticism. I am going to take the time to read my entire thread today as I think it might be helpful.

Dear Flats,

This is a really risky spot you're in right now, and it's going to take concerted effort to sit tight and not cave in.

This is not an unusual situation - early on, we're all pumped up about getting clean. Then once we get past the initial detoxing, we "plateau" and wonder, "Is this all there is?" That's why I give so much caution to folks who are new, and are expecting that their determination alone will keep them away from another pill. I know that drive and determination is going to wane, and what do we have to work with then?

THIS is where NA and AA come into play - this is where they help. Our meetings, our sponsor, and our step-work keep us focused on recovery, and strengthen us through those weak spots. This provides us with the concrete tools to keep on fighting. I know you didn't want to do meetings early on, if I remember correctly - but before you find yourself faced with the opportunity for another pill, I pray you'll reconsider. Temptation comes along from the oddest places - seeing someone else's prescription bottle, getting a tooth ache, or simply being in a doctor or dentist's office... we're going to stumble into temptation. And what can we draw on to resist that tempation? Just sheer determination? That is rarely enough.

In time, we tend to forget how "bad" it got - and can find ourself "romancing" the idea of getting high again. Our disease is still very much alive and well within us, just waiting for an opportunity to strike again. Our disease will 'talk' to us, and cajole us back into its grasp.

One thing I've mentioned on this forum in the past that helps me - is that in my morning prayers, I always ask God to "keep me as enthusiastic about my recovery today, as I'd been on the first day." I work with struggling addicts, and that helps me to keep the memory of where drugs will lead me right in my face. I need that.

I hope you'll consider some meetings... you'd be doing yourself a HUGE favor.

God bless,
Ruth

[flatsman444]

Day 33 . Thanks Ruth for your encouragement. I know NA would be helpful but its just not me. I would be back to my old self if I could just get all my energy and excitement about life back. I feel as if I am mildly depressed . But as I have said in past attempts at staying clean , it is just my brain chemistry trying to restore itself to normal . After seven years of daily use I cant expect things to be normal in 33 days. Has anyone else experienced this feeling? I almost talked myself into calling the Dr. for anti depressants . But I am 99 % sure it is just my brain chemistry repairing itself and it will require more time. I keep reminding myself that even if I am down for another month or so , its better then being addicted to narcotics . This is the part of recovery that really requires me to stay possitive . I know it will get better .

[GOLDA55]

Hi flatsman, as I have said before, I am the same age as you and I really do think that over 60 takes a little more strength than someone in their 30's, not saying that either one is easy. I was and still feeling alot of what you are saying about feeling the euphoria, (as we remember it, but wasn't always easy to get that feeling in the end), having energy, and being able to talk and feel more social when taking the drugs. I also only got mine through a Dr., and I have no choice now , cannot get them anymore legally and at my age I am not about to go to the streets, which I think makes it much better and easier to quit. No choice but to go on without. I just wanted to let you know that it does get easier and there are not so many bad days, still not that many great ones, but really good days. I find that if I try to do to much, which with 3 grandchildren living close by is not always easy, I feel better. When I push I am usually soooo fatigued by late afternoon. The anxiety goes up and down but 53 days is much better, hang in, I do have a rx for xanax that dr. gave me when I quit smoking 10 years ago, but I do not take it only when really anxious, I know that at this time thinking of the pills as a relief is normal, but think of everything else that went with it...please stay strong..Golda (grandma)

[amberwish]

Hey Flats,
My sobriety date is Jan 14th so Im right behind you. As I read your thread I quickly realized your words were describing exactly how I feel. I feel exactly the way you do and It scares me to death.

I have been contemplating using for the last week. I feel sick admitting that but its true. Im hanging on by a thread. Ive been in this mental battle numerous times and sobriety always lost. The way you explained your feelings of depression and struggling with the ability to "be social" I understand.

I feel like Im mourning the death of my best friend. So easily I forget how much I despised these pills. They ran my life. I needed them to exist and I forget how much I resented that.
I forget how much I wanted to be clean. Many times I would envy a complete stranger who appeared to have their life together. The list goes on......

I just know that I get up in the morning and I ask God to please help me stay clean and if I can help anyone along the way...great. When I go to bed I thank God for keeping me sober. Flats, thats all I say. It might sound corny. For now thats all I have in me to say. I hear people who have stayed sober say at meetings "If you want what we have you will do what we do" I know my way has not worked in a long time so Im willing to do anything, even if I feel uncomfortable doing it. Which I do feel uncomfortable doing everything right now....including being social.

Like I said, this last week I have been hanging on by a thread. Sometimes Im ready to run and I just try to get out of my own way and hang on. The obsession and anxiety has been so strong at times that I tell myself to just get though this day and maybe I will feel better tomorrow. This has been working so far.

I know you said you dont like the meetings. Maybe you can get your hands on a Big Book and read about this 3 fold disease we have.....definitely wont hurt!

Hang in there Flats!
Amber

[flatsman444]

Day 34 . Thanks Goda and Amber for your kind words, It helps so much to hear from people here and spurs me on. I just cant figure out why I am not as excited about getting clean as I was in the first week. You guys helped to explain that so well, thank you. I am taking it a day at a time .