[No-No-Rco]

My apologies for not posting in the last seven days. I guess I'm starting to do a little more now even though the energy still decreases towards the end of the day, but I'm definitely felling better. The legs are better, but I still feel them more and more towards the evening hours. I'm able to get sleep though without the legs bothering me like they have. I have a question about that...I know the drugs are out of my system, but I still feel the legs and the energy level is still diminishing as the day progresses...my question is, how much of this is really physical (because there is no doubt that I feel this physically), or is this part of the psychosomatic effect I keep hearing about?
I totally understand about maintaining anonymity. People have to feel somewhat "Safe" on the forums. Without that, these forums wouldn't be as affective.
I remember you saying Robert, that around 30, 60, 90, days etc. that you will think about the pills again. Well my friend, you are correct. Even though it's only been 28 days (seems like 6 months), I have found myself thinking about it a lot more than I have up to this point. I'm not worrying though, I'm a hard headed bast***...(just ask my Wife of 16 years...lol). I know I can't do them, and yes, I do say...."well just 7 or 8 " but then I quickly tell myself, "you can't do that, because it won't stop there and you know it."
I know that my wife will surprise me with a home test in the future. I encourage that because it will prove to her that I'm done! It's something I almost look forward to. I know she still thinks (at times) that I'm going to use again and I can't blame her. I have lied to her once about stopping (that devastated her) and that still lingers in the back of her mind. I just need to prove to her that I am indeed done with this and it's not coming back. She's a beautiful woman (and I do mean Beautiful) that I never want to be without...Ever!
Well Robert, I guess Typical is still enjoying the outdoors...good for her. I'm sure you're chompin' at the bit...gearing up for Panama, you deserve it.
Sobriety,... it does the body good!
Peace and God Bless
God 28, Devil 0

[Robert_325]

NNR ... what I was talking about happening to some of us at 30 days, 90 days, 6 mos, is more like a relapse of going through detox almost. Not belittling thinking about the RX meds, but I'm talking about major symptoms. This is what is called PAWS, and it's very serious. PAWS can cause seizures to ocurr, all of the really bad stuff from detox.

A month clean is great. You've had a tough detox and I'm glad its finally letting up some for you. It's cool that your family has stuck by you through all of this mess. That sure makes it easier. You can imagine trying to do this had you been abandoned. That would suck for sure. Our family members trust in us returns with some time. Most all of us lied, don't feel like the lone ranger. It takes some consistent action on our part to get the trust back but it happens if we don't keep messing up. God 28, Devil 0 ... Love It!!! God bless.

[No-No-Rco]

I guess I misunderstoon that one Robert about the 30, 90, 6 mos. etc.. It's wierd that I have been thinking more about them now (31 days) almost as much as when I first quit. I'n not worried about going back to the pills though. I don't want to go through the hell that I've been through all over again. That was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but I'm still doing it and will continue to do it in the future. Personally, I think that cold turkey was the only way to go. I'm like you Robert, I wanted to tapper off the pills and even suggested that to my wife (which was shot down in a heart beat), but honestly, I'm not sure that would have happened.
Thanks for the Compliment Robert. I will agree, my detox was a living hell. The lie to my wife does still bug me (because I don't lie to here), but I have to move on. That's in the past and there is nothing I can do about that now. I just have to work on keeping up my sobriety (and yes, it is work), but in most all work, once you learn your job the work get easier.
Peace and God Bless
God 31, Devil 0

[Typical]

Hi GUYS!!

Glad to see everyone is doing so very well!!! NNR AWESOME!!! A month plus!!! That is just wonderful. It thought of you both often.

The trip was wonderful..in fact more than wonderful. Did some intense hiking while in the national parks and REALLY got the endorphins pumping away. The "road" was absolutely beautiful in the rockies and it was a real blessing to rediscover it. Riding across West Texas was as anticipated...HOT...and a little less than fragrant riding through the many, many cow towns in 100+ degree weather...but it was part of the experience

Saw so much wildlife it was amazing...one of the best things was a golden eagle hunting and a red tailed hawk with a juvenile hunting. Lots of elk in velvet as well as babies, lots of mule deer, lots of pronghorns, many, many, different birds (my personal passion)...Very cool!!

Praying that things start getting a little easier for you NNR on the mental front. Your attitude is in the right place though...getting the job done!

Glad to be back...and Robert...your trip to blue water is up soon!!!

Because of whose we are....
(And a litte road weary)
T.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by Typical

Hi GUYS!!

Glad to see everyone is doing so very well!!! NNR AWESOME!!! A month plus!!! That is just wonderful. It thought of you both often.

The trip was wonderful..in fact more than wonderful. Did some intense hiking while in the national parks and REALLY got the endorphins pumping away. The "road" was absolutely beautiful in the rockies and it was a real blessing to rediscover it. Riding across West Texas was as anticipated...HOT...and a little less than fragrant riding through the many, many cow towns in 100+ degree weather...but it was part of the experience

Saw so much wildlife it was amazing...one of the best things was a golden eagle hunting and a red tailed hawk with a juvenile hunting. Lots of elk in velvet as well as babies, lots of mule deer, lots of pronghorns, many, many, different birds (my personal passion)...Very cool!!

Praying that things start getting a little easier for you NNR on the mental front. Your attitude is in the right place though...getting the job done!

Glad to be back...and Robert...your trip to blue water is up soon!!!

Because of whose we are....
(And a litte road weary)
T.

Sounds like you guys had a blast. Cruising through the Rockies is breathtaking for sure. Riding to Sturgis and back blew me away. There is a lot to see in this country no doubt but the ride in west Texas isn't a great part of it for me. Glad you guys had fun and were safe.

[Typical]

Originally Posted by Robert_325

Sounds like you guys had a blast. Cruising through the Rockies is breathtaking for sure. Riding to Sturgis and back blew me away. There is a lot to see in this country no doubt but the ride in west Texas isn't a great part of it for me. Glad you guys had fun and were safe.

It was a blast!! More than that though, it truly closed the book on the Fentanyl chapters of my life....truly..physically and mentally. It felt plain old good. The INTENSE hiking REALLY got the endorphins going. One particular hike was a six mile hike one way with a 920' gradual climb UP...that really, really got the blood flowing. It took three and a half of hours of walking and climbing one way to do it, but, I could FEEL how good I felt, and I haven't felt like that in years made a whole day of it and the reward...a beautiful mountain lake (made by the hand of God) to catch a nap before the trek back down...it was wonderful...no matter what my upper leg and shin muscles felt like the next day. God has created the perfect working being; I don't know WHY in the H&LL I felt like I needed to mess it up with the opiates!! My back was a little "whiny" starting out on these hikes (we did a few short ones first as we went to different places to acclimate), but by the end of the trip, the exercise did wonders for that. You just have to trust your body's natural abilities and let it do its thing. I was a little road weary on the "backside" so to speak, but HEY!! that is no complaint:

The West Texas thing was a bit tongue-in-cheek It's an odor that must smell like money to the people who live in those cow towns because that is the only way I think you could handle living there...I could be wrong...since I don't live there...but WOW!!

I wish a could share two photos with you guys....one of an elk and one of a baby moose with its mother who had to be only a few days old. Maybe one day....

NNR I am so very glad that things are working out for you. The only thing I can say is that when the mental thing gets rough, turn to the people who love you and to prayer...count your blessings that you have those who love you around you...they love you and want to help. I truly hope that you reward yourself in a positive way soon for this accomplishment in your life. That is what this trip was for me...closure AND a renewal.

Talk to everyone later...

Because of whose we are!!! (every moment of every day)

T.

[No-No-Rco]

Very Cool Typical! Good to know you guys had a Great time and returned safe. I'm glad the trip did you good, especially on closing the book. I'm sure the natural high of hiking feels much better than the opiates ever did not to mention a lot cheaper. That's something a user can NEVER realize when under the influence. It's funny how the brain and body works on both sides of that fence. When using, (to be honest) a great feeling at first....when clean, a better feeling that doesn't diminish over time. It's a beautiful thing!
Would love to see the photos, just not sure how to go about that. My Wifes brother lives in Colorado, it's a beautiful state. We saw a lot of elk there also. They are much bigger in person than on the TV.
Just want to thank you for thinking about us on your vacation. I'm doing a lot better than just a week ago. Energy is slooooowly coming back. I think that is the biggest hurdle for me now. My mind is clear and the body is coming around. Thanks for hittin' me back after your R&R. Yourself and Robert.......I can't thank you both enough.
Peace and God Bless
Good 32, Devil 0

[No-No-Rco]

Well I'm pissed off big time. I have been clean for 42 days and have been voluntarily taking home drug tests to prove to my wife that I'm clean. The test includes COC, MTD, OPI, and BZO. A couple tests before the one I just took was negative but the wierd thing about it is the COC (Cocaine) was very faint, I could barely see it as was the BZO (Benzodiazepines. Now, the thing that really pisses me off is the test I just took showed positive for opiates. I'm really pissed. I have been trying so hard to prove to my wife that I'm clean, (Which I Am!!!) and not only was the second line missing on the OPI (Opiates), but the COC (Cocaine), and the BZO (Benzodiazepines), were Very faint.
I've been working so hard to prove to my wife that I'm clean and now this. I don't have another test to take to prove that I'm clean. I don't know what the chances are that the test itself is faulty and am not sure if that can happen, but I do know this, I have been Clean. Now I'm sure that my wife thinks that I'm using again, But I'm Not!!! I have taken quite a few tests and when I started testing clean (since the drugs were out of my system) it was consistent until now. Yes, the lines on some of the tests were very faint, but none the less, it was negative.
The only thing I can do is tell my wife that I've been clean, but I don't think that she believes me and that hurts. Sorry for the "poor me,"...I guess I just had to vent.

[Robert_325]

This would start bothering me too along about now! Your wife has been supportive and stuck this out with you, now you are showing dirty after well into the second month. I'm sure she is disappointed. You getting positive results after that long should not be happening.

We have talked previously about the very inexpensive test you have been using. I can't say that the test is faulty, but your results are faulty if you are shooting straight which I have no reason to doubt. That in itself would make me leary at best about the quality of the test you are using. It's good to save money, but it would be easy to verify if the test is working. Take one "good" drug test or more expensive test like at Walgreens and compare the results.

I have never recommended taking drug tests as sometimes we do show dirty on tests for a while. It's not uncommon and its very negative to see dirty results when we are clean. I have always felt that if I know I am clean that is the main thing. Your wife probably would not be doubting you if you had never done these drug tests. You started this by taking the tests in the first place, so at this point I would go get a good one and maybe check it myself in private. If it works and shows you clean then you have something you can show your wife. If it checks dirty also, then you will know that your body is just clinging on to the remnants of the opiates. Then I would stop taking the tests if it were me. Good luck.