Finally Done!!!

[dago77]

..Hi everyone, im new to this. WOW i cant belive im finally typing something on here. I have been reading these posts on here for probally two years. I feelfor everyone on hear, and hope u all can beat this! Well, I guess I will tell u the story. I started using vics probally 8 years ago pretty much just on the weekends for a buzz. Im 31 now, i think i was around 22 when it all began. I always worked a lot and was usually never partied during the week, more like the weekend warrior. Usually just alcohal, every once in a while a line or two. Once i caught the first buzz off a vic, that was it for me! That was the best buzz ever. So when the weekend came around it was a vic or two a night on fri and sat night instead of alcohal. Really i havnt drank much sense. Again this was only on the weekends, and really had not become a problem yet. If anything, i quit drinking and couldnt get a DUI from a few vics. Well, to make this short, yrs went by, things changed for me. I ended up in the real estate biz, and found out i could pop pills everyday sell houses like a mad man , and love it! The short version, got up to 10 750's a day at one point, just for a short time. A lot had happend, bad break up, juat livin crazy. Anyways, I will never forget running out on a wednesday afternoon and no one had anymore. By midnight, i found out what w/d was all about. I toughed it out for two days, and ended up at a detox center. They put me on Suboxone, felt fine within a hour, and was on my way. About an hour later, I felt so sick, dizzy, just horible from the subox. I calle the doc and told her forgrt it! Stayed clean for about 2 months, then back at it. I would go on for maybe a few months then detox myself C/T, over and over. Basically to this day! I guess for some people on here this may sound a little weird but, when I am on i only take maybe 1 to 1 1/2 pills a day. I do have buddies that take up to 20 to 30 a day, and they all laugh. First of all, they dont get how i even feel anything, and why i cant just quit at that low of a dose. I have learned from this site a lot of people were on different amounts. And the amount only u were taking only really matters when it comes down to W/D's ur gonna feel. U could b hooked on a half a pill, if ur hooked ur an addict, and u still have to b able to stay away from whatever dose u were taking. So a few months ago i tried suboxone again and it did help. But i only took a small piece off of an 8mg. It was still strong, made me feel kinda weird, lasted for ever, but no bad w/d. If i started to feel bad id just take a little more. But thats what put me in my latest problem. If I took the subox later in the day i could not sleep at all. So sometimes I would just take alittle peice of a vic once the sub wore off so i was comfortable to sleep. Then after a while, I pretty much quit taking it, and im back at sq 1. Back on 1 1/2 a day, with 2 left, and one 8mg sub ready to start over and get it right for good. I did stay off everything for about 4 months. Like everyone on here says, w/d's r tough, but staying off is the hardest part. Once u feel good again, u can take a vic sometimes. That does not work! My days r super busy again, wich for me, makes kicking easier. Things r going well for me in a lot of ways, except this f-ing issue with ********. The slow times r the hardest. I want it gone for good! So, my question would b for Robert or anyone really that would b willing to help. I think the right sub plan would b great. I know u need a lot more than that, like a complete life change!!! I apreciate anyone who takes the time to read this. Any reply would b great. Sorry so long! Thx

Dago

[hopeandstrength]

I'm sure MusicMan or Robert will chime in...but I thought I'd mention something from my own experience.

I'm down to .5mg a dose (1mg a day) for suboxone...I was taking 10+ lortabs (strong type of vicodin) a day, and ended up being perfectly fine with 3mg of suboxone. So your bad suboxone experience is likely due to too much. My doc had me on the 2mg pills to start....I didn't even know about the 8mg one's until I came to this board.

I wish you the best and believe you're on the right track!

[dago77]

..Hi, thx for responding! I do know about loratabs. I actually think that is what i have two left of. Are they the blue ones? Anyway, I do think the first time i used the sub they put me one way to high of a dose. I guess what im wondering is if i take such a small amount of the sub, how long should i stay on, and how will i taper off such a small amount? Also, im not sure how to get my posts on the main page that pops up when i log in. Any advice on either subject would b great! thx ..Dago

[Robert_325]

..Hi, thx for responding! I do know about loratabs. I actually think that is what i have two left of. Are they the blue ones? Anyway, I do think the first time i used the sub they put me one way to high of a dose. I guess what im wondering is if i take such a small amount of the sub, how long should i stay on, and how will i taper off such a small amount? Also, im not sure how to get my posts on the main page that pops up when i log in. Any advice on either subject would b great! thx ..Dago

I will be happy to help you, but I'm on my way out the door for church. Need you to tell me how much suboxone you were taking before. What dose? Can you obtain subutex instead of suboxone? Honestly you aren't taking enough to really require that you use subs but that is your call. I just need to know the specifics of what they prescribed for you before. You should only need a very minimal amount of sub for this and for a very short time. I also need to walk you through the induction myself so that I know you're on the right dose when you begin. I will look for your reply when I get back from church.

If you want to see when a reply is posted on this thread just go to the options under the box when you reply and you will see where you can subscribe to a particular thread. Then you receive an email from drugs.com when a reply comes up. The replies shown on the main page when you login are only the most recent replies in each forum category.

In the meantime read the following link. God bless.

http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...apy-50887.html

[dago77]

...Hey Robert, thanks for responding. Also, I think its great that u r taking the time to help all these people on here. Myself included! Anyway, like i said ihave been reading up on here for close to two years, and last night was the first time i posted. I do follow a lot of yours and musicmans posts often. Im not sure if u had the chance to read my first post last night, so i will break it down short as possible. Ive been on and off vics, and some of the other watson blue pills, i think they r 1000mg, but mainly white 750's for about 4 yrs. It started out only on weekends, switched jobs around and found out i could take them everyday and funtion fine. Went through some tough times and ended up at 10 a day for about a week. That was the first time i quit. B ecause i ran out, and couldnt get more. Went 2 days c/t, then went to a detox center, im not sure of the mg of the subs they gave me, but i do know it was a smaller pill. Iknow that because I can get the 8mg on the street and they r much bigger than at the detox. So they monitered me for about an hour and i was on my way. About another hour later, i felt horrible, could not even see straight. Called the doc and told her i was out, already going on day 4 and i would just tough it out. I did, stayed clean for a few months, back on and off for the next few years. That was probally 3 yeas ago. Ive have not used the sub until a few months ago, just been quitting on my own. Problem is that once i start feeling good, and things r better, for some reason, the sun will b shining, or something comes up, and i end up taking a vic. Before i know it, im in the same pattern. I dont know if u caught this from earlier post but, since the first detox, i never take more than 2 pills a day. usually its a half in the morning w some coffee, than another half a few hours later, then maybe one more peice arounnd earlier evening. If i take it to late, im not sleeping well. I have taken xanax for periods of time to help with sleep. That never really became to big of a problem. So around six months ago, i did use small peices of sub to help the first few days. it did make me feel a little off, but it worked. problem i had with it was if i took to much i was way to out of it to do a lot of stuff. But towards the end of the day i would feel like ********, like it was wearing off, and some nights i would take a small eice of a vic just to keep me going so i could sleep. If i take subox anytime before the AM, im not sleeping. So that went on for a while, i quit taking both and would just take a small peice of a vic every once and a while for about 4 months. Now i ended up back in the same boat again taking about 1 1/2 vics a day. Actually, they might even b loratabs, they r blue? I can pretty much get anything i need on the street, I am also from Mi. like some others on here, and bro these pills r everywhere. I have one 8mg sub pill, and 2 blues left. Im sure if i went to the doc i could get subtex. Itry to stay away from the docs office. I do have a lot of great people in my life to support me, but somehow i always end up giving in for the buzz. I do have some friends who take up to 20-30 a day. So i know my prob sounds small, but trust me ive been telling myself that and trying to b 100% done, going on years now. So i guess im just asking for help somewhere besides myself, because that works but only until i f up and try to just take one! With the low dose i take, im not sure if its a bad addiction, or a bad habbit, or what the hell it is? All i know is the guilt of not being able to b done with even the small amount, almost makes it even worse. Thx again

[Robert_325]

I think you are reacting adversely to the naloxone in the suboxone. You should get some subutex, then you could start on a very small dose if that is what you want to do. It just seems apparent to me that you are not doing well with the suboxone even at a small dose. The pills you got in the rehab were only 2mg. So you should try to get some 2mg subutex if you want to do this and then we can do the induction. I bet you can stabilize on a max of 2mg of subutex. Let me know. God bless.

[dago77]

I will look into the Subtex. I have a few more questions if u dont mind? Since u have been on here, have u came across a lot of people who have used a smaller amount like I do? I have been trying to find some people w similar problems. Im pretty sure this is about 95% mental for me. I have locked myself up in my house for how ever long it took to go through w/d's probally 5 times. So this is not a thing of me being scared to bite the bullet. Any isite on my situation from someone with the knowledge about it would b great. Also, i know u say u partied pretty hard for a loong time, how long have u been off? This site is great, and it helps me a lot. It seems i am constantly looking through here to find people with 6months, or a year or two clean. Not that hearing about people going through the first month doesnt make me happy for them. It would just give me a lot of hope to hear about someone beating it with a long time under thier belt. If u happen to know of any sites or stories on that itself, that would help me so much. Back to the beginning of this message, i guess im looking for someone to read what im writing and kind of access it. I mean, i know its not a 50 a day habbit, but its still a problem to me. Well, i know u have a lot of messages to answer, so thx again.

[Robert_325]

I will look into the Subtex. I have a few more questions if u dont mind? Since u have been on here, have u came across a lot of people who have used a smaller amount like I do? I have been trying to find some people w similar problems. Im pretty sure this is about 95% mental for me. I have locked myself up in my house for how ever long it took to go through w/d's probally 5 times. So this is not a thing of me being scared to bite the bullet. Any isite on my situation from someone with the knowledge about it would b great. Also, i know u say u partied pretty hard for a loong time, how long have u been off? This site is great, and it helps me a lot. It seems i am constantly looking through here to find people with 6months, or a year or two clean. Not that hearing about people going through the first month doesnt make me happy for them. It would just give me a lot of hope to hear about someone beating it with a long time under thier belt. If u happen to know of any sites or stories on that itself, that would help me so much. Back to the beginning of this message, i guess im looking for someone to read what im writing and kind of access it. I mean, i know its not a 50 a day habbit, but its still a problem to me. Well, i know u have a lot of messages to answer, so thx again.

Yes I partied hard for over 35 years, was a gangster, was a scumbag for a long time. I got clean in June of 2002, so it's been a while now. Recovery works if you work it, it has to be the most important thing there is to you for it to be successful. And there are several others on this forum who have multiple years clean. They just don't make a habit of talking about themselves as I don't tell my story often. We are here to help others.

If you are willing to go to the extremes to stay clean that you went to in order to score drugs you can make it. Plus I've repeated often that in order to STAY clean I totally believe a real addict has to have a spiritual awakening, an experience if you will. After working the 12 steps almost through the fourth time I was still missing something. It was my relationship with Jesus Christ that finally solidified things for me. Without that I would still be the same person I was many years ago even if I was not using. Most people with many years of clean time have developed their spiritual side.

Yes I see people all the time who use small amounts of drugs like you mention. To be honest I always suggest doing a cold turkey detox with the Thomas Recipe for minimizing the w/d symptoms. You would be done with your detox in a matter of days and with minimal discomfort using the Thomas Recipe. I agree to help people with subutex/suboxone as it isn't my place to judge. But since you asked I think you should do a detox with the Thomas Recipe and forget investing the time and money of subutex. I don't think it's necessary for your situation.

If you google the Thomas Recipe it will come up. I have it saved but I'm not on my personal computer right now so I don't have the link handy. IT WORKS though and I know it would be better for your situation. God bless.

[hopeandstrength]

Hey dago...

Your recap post struck a chord with me...you mentioned you're in Michigan and said there are a lot of pills around here. I'm another michigander.... and I never really thought about it before - but you are absolutely right. It seems that getting pills around here is a easier then....'average' I guess. Not sure how to put it.

I had a script every month from a pain clinic due to back issues - but that was only for 4 pills a day (yep, the blue ones are probably Lortabs)...a friend ended up noticing what I was taking, and offered if I needed more to let him know...well, two years later and I was 10+ a day.

Now that I've been clean for a month (still on suboxone, but tapering off completely as of tomorrow!)....I have three 'friends' who are finding their own lives harder - because they don't get my money anymore. It's wild how my decision to get clean affected the economy of so many others...I'm including their family/kids etc, because my addiction paid for christmas/b-day presents for some of their children.

Anyways - just felt I should post this out.

Cheers!

[dago77]

Robert, how do u feel about me using the 8mg sub just for a few days, maybe a week or so? Just to get by the worst of the w/d. Then maybe adding some of the Thomas recipe after that. I know id probally feel like ******** a little when im done w the sub. I guess it would just get me through the toughest part of wd. I know that the hardest part for me is completley staying away form the pills, and will have to fight that one on my own and make it stick for good. I know ur about the c/t, and a part of me is also. I just wonder what ur thoughts r on a very short term, low dose of sub. I mean, eventually i wont b on anything, but wouldnt the sub knock out most of the vic w/d. And not being on the sub for long, i probally wouldnt feel bad cutting it out in the end?

[Robert_325]

That would be fine. Only thing is you talked about the suboxone making you sick, so you need to take a very small amount even if you do it for a week. I just can't tell you what that amount is with what I know. You would have to just wing it. That would get you past the early part of opiate w/d. Then you could cold turkey and wouldn't feel the suboxone when you stop. That can work for you if you keep your sub use really short term. Good luck.

[angela30]

I just started reading these pages tonight. Thank you all for sharing your stories and "adventures" in suboxone w/d. I've been on Sub. for over 3 years. Started at about 12mgs, but have been at or under 1mg for the past year. Actually, plateaued at 0.5mg for the past 9 mos or so. My husband and I just moved, so I don't have a doc yet. My old doc neglected to send a refill for Sub, so I had to taper and quit sooner than I expected.

I took my last 0.5mg this past Tuesday. I'd only been down to a half mg for about a week. Luckily, my old doc gave me clonazepam and clondidine to help with the tapering and w/ds. I take 0.05mg clondidine (for blood pressure) 4x daily and 0.5 clonazepam 4x as well. I'm worried about the klonopin, but trying not to think about THAT yet.

Right now my pupils are so dilated I can barely type, so please excuse any typing errors. lol I was really sore and achy the first 2 and a half days, then the pain came back today. I was taking Aleve, but tried tylenol, which actually helps me more. (And keeps my stomach as settled as can be expected.) I've been really tired the whole time. I've been taking two or three benadryls at night and slept 8!!! hours last night! The shaky legs haven't been too bad. I've been hungry, but too tired to do much. Luckily, my husband took a few days off work to help me out. I felt almost great when I woke up today (5:30 AM-stupid cat), but by noon I was terrible.
I've had a few crying and freaking out episodes, but not as intense as oxys and dope. Today (Day 5) has been the worse so far. All those sneaky little addict thoughts creeping in, sweats just started today, big pupils, etc.

I just wanted to say that I'm making it! It sucks a bunch sometimes, but I am ready to quit. Did drugs for my whole life, then got on Suboxone and into NA. I've been trying to be brave enough to quit for a while. I had a great doc for 2 years-who did NOT put me on Sub - I was already on it. My husband is not one of us (an addict), but he's very supportive. I do wish I would have been able to go down a bit slower, but I think it was meant to be. It's such a hard drug to quit, such a scary thing to do. But I've been off Sub five days now. Not pleasant at all, but I've felt much worse. I just hope my w/ds don't last too long.

Good luck to all of you who are doing this as well!

Robert, thanks so much for your help and positive words and esp for the opiate detox recovery page my husband found! I took some imodium a few hours ago. My chills calmed down, but my stomach is still jumping around. And, besides the Sub, I'll be clean 2 YEARS in April. I'll let you know how it goes.

[Robert_325]

Angela ..... You are doing surprisingly well. I'm proud of you, you've got some persistence. And congratulations on the clean time other than the subs. You're going to be fine I'm sure. Stay in touch. I'll keep you in my prayers. God bless.

[melinda7.5]

Hi Angela
I just wanted to tell you...
You are one tough girl...Job well done.
I never went the sub route,But when I quit all my drugs I can remember my eyes being dialted... I hated it, just freaked me out...
Anyway, welcome glad you found us..
Talk to you later, Melinda

[dago77]

..Hey, i was wondering if anyone from Michigan would catch that. Yeah it is crazy how many people I know who r messed up these things. Im not sure where u r near in Mi? Im near Novi area, and they r everywhere. And they do not come with a script! So i have my plan in my head, i have 1 vic left, gonna flush it. Tomorrow start small dose of sub, maybe for a week. Stay away from anything that could possibly b a trigger, delete phone numbers, get back in the gym, and constantly think that a lot of people beat this, and it can b done! I mentioned in my earlier post that slow times were always the worst for me. And being from Mi, u know that this whole state is pretty much at a stand still! Im very lucky to have a ton of work out in front of me to keep me busy. So tomorrow will b the first day of my new life!!! Thx

[dago77]

..Wow that is great! That is exactly the kind of stuff I need to hear! Thx

[angela30]

Thank you guys so much for your support. I made a slight mistake in my first post: I was on 1mg (or .5 of a pill) for the last 9 months or so. Then I went down to .5 mg 2 weeks ago.

I made it through the whole night AGAIN and without the benadryl! This makes me so hopeful. My cat waited until 6:30 AM to wake me up today. I want to wring her neck! lol

It's weird how almost normal I feel in the mornings. I have some slight chills already today and I just got up. I remember feeling awful 1st thing when on dope and stuff.

I see a new doc tomorrow. Hopefully he'll give me more clondidine. And more klonopin. I hate to think about getting off another drug after this, but the klon helps and I'm taking as little as I can and definitely not more than prescribed. I'm amazed at myself for that! And for all of this. I'm such a baby. It's amazing what hell we put ourselves thru with drugs and then cry at the first sign of discomfort. I do, anyway.

I am so glad to be a part of this. It's so helpful to hear all of you. I'm also terrified that, because I've had a relatively easy first 5 days, things are going to get worse. And I'll turn 30 Sunday and my mom and stepdad are gonna come visit (a first!) I haven't seen them for over a year. I want to be in a good state when they get here. I've told them what's going on and they said they just want to see me. So, I'm a little anxious.

Does anyone know if this is going to get worse? I know everyone's different, but I'm just scared I'll be thrashing around and miserable later this week. Or, do the w/ds stay about the same? I know it's supposed to be different from dope sickness, without the peaks of agony, just longer. Thanks again. A

[Robert_325]

The bad w/d symptoms from stopping cold start about the third day, then can last for a few weeks realistically. That is why I would have had you skip one day, take .5mg, skip two days, take a dose, skip three days, take a dose, and then jump. That would make it easier on you physically. I can't guarantee you will be all excited when they get here as everyone reacts a little differently especially after being on them so long. But if you've been in NA for a while you know that you'll be fine as long as you don't use no matter what. Hang in there. God bless.

[angela30]

Yes, that is the way I planned on doing it, Robert, but I had no idea I didn't have a another Sub script coming. That's why I jumped down for a week and then stopped. I ran out.

Today's been very up and down. Started out smiley and giggling this morning. Ate breakfast and lunch, then took the lovely shower. The shower's been the best part of my days this week, but today and yesterday I felt awful once I got out. Maybe because I don't take hot showers and have been this week. I don't know.

I also had sex today, taking advantage of my husband being at home. I just got super-aroused all of a sudden-took me by surprise. Much better than on opiates or Sub! Afterwards, however, I immediately got a HUGE headache with ringing in my ears that stuck around for over an hour. And started crying and all. I felt NORMAL during sex, better than usual, but so bad after I'm not sure either me or my husband felt it was worth it. And, of course, neither of us expected any playing during this time.

I've been pretty shaky since noon or so. Can feel all the blood running thru my veins, twitchy knees. Afternoons just suck for me. I used to take the Sub around 1 PM daily. Not sure if that has anything to do with it, but nothing seems like a coincidence just now. I napped for about an hour, but it seems like I'm just waiting for bedtime by 3.

I'm still watering my (many) plants and feeding all of my animals, even the outdoor wild ones. I've made it through another day. Probably just a tiny bit worse than yesterday. I'm still eating and have periods of "normalcy". I feel like the benadryl may come in handy tonight. I'm still just anxious. When's it gonna end, is it gonna get worse, why the hell do my parents have to come THIS week, etc.

I see a new (not a Suboxone!) doc tomorrow morning. He's an "addictions specialist", so we'll see how that goes. I know I'm not as chipper as yesterday, but I'm hanging in there. I knew this wouldn't be a piece of cake, but I've been ready. And I know it will be so worth it by mid-spring. We just moved to Knoxville, so we're near the Smoky Mtns. So, I just gotta keep in mind that I'll be hiking some trails and seeing new wildflowers by the time it's warm enough for me to go out. And I won't have to carry the blue pill case around with me in the mountains....

[Robert_325]

I totally understand that you pretty much have had to make the best of the situation with the sub detox. I just hate to see anyone forced into doing something in a way that causes unnecessary discomfort. It sounds like you're doing better with this than some others I've seen forced into a sudden detox though.

Give yourself a little time off the subs and lots of things will get better. I also had sex today. I think that I had some ringing in my ears too but it wasn't afterwards. And I definitely didn't cry afterwards. My girlfriend and I both agreed that it was worth it ... a very good two hour investment of time. She took the afternoon off and I retired a few years ago. Seemed like a pretty good way to spend the day. Hang in there, everything gets better with a little time.

Hopefully your new dr will be able to make some suggestions that will make this go a little easier for you. I see nothing wrong with taking something to make this a little more tolerable whether it's a klonopin or whatever as long as you keep it to a minimum. I know what you mean about family showing up at the wrong time. They really mean well but just don't realize how much you need this time for yourself.

I think you're showing a great attitude through all this. Just keep focused on the end of the tape. You will finally be totally clean of everything and you'll be so happy with yourself. Keep your chin up. God bless.

[dago77]

..Hey Robert, thanks again for taking the time to help answering my questions. I just wanted to let u know, i flushed the last of the pills i had. Started on a very small peice of sub this morning. I felt pretty good most of the day besides a slight headache, wich i remember getting the first few days from the sub. Took another small peice around six. Do u think maybe tomorrow just do the same, and then just try for one peice on the 3rd day, and ride that out for a day or two? Then maybe start skipping days and just cut it? Also, i did take one peice of a xanny bar around 8 so i would fall asleep at a decent time. I will not take that unless i have to. Only problem with that is, if i wait to find out i cant sleep until its like 1am, then crack a peice of xanny i cant wake up late and i get pissed off. I know this sounds like such a small problem, and u get slammed with questions all day. So im really just trying to ask u questins only when i really need to. Thats one good thing about quitting c/t, at least u know what ur getting. The subs almost make getting off to good to b true. But it seems like ur constantly waiting for some ********ty feeling to happen. It just seems to easy with subs sometimes. I dont know, mybe its cuz the low dose of vics i was on. Thx bro ...Ryan

[dago77]

..by the way, my last vic was at 6pm sunday night. Its now about 11pm monday.

[Robert_325]

..by the way, my last vic was at 6pm sunday night. Its now about 11pm monday.

Ryan ... since you're doing this for just a matter of a very short number of days I would just try to stretch the subs out as far as I can. It's really hard to make a plan for the way you're doing this. I would take the very minimum amount of subs I could take where I get some relief from them. Then take them until you are out whenever that is. Then you'll just stop. It should get you past the very worst days of your opiate detox as that is your goal.

As far as the benzos go all I can tell you is I would not take the benzo after a certain time in the evening. If you know it will make you trashed out the next morning then I would just as soon stay up if it was me. It would be a rough day but you would for sure sleep the next night at least. It sucks being dinged out from having benzos in your system just like it sucks being dinged out from no sleep. So you're really not accomplishing anything taking something for sleep if it's so late that you can't hardly get up. You've just got to use your head on that part yourself. You know if it's too late to be taking them or not. If it's too late then don't take them. This is going to get harder before it gets easier. God bless.

[melinda7.5]

Yes, that is the way I planned on doing it, Robert, but I had no idea I didn't have a another Sub script coming. That's why I jumped down for a week and then stopped. I ran out.

Today's been very up and down. Started out smiley and giggling this morning. Ate breakfast and lunch, then took the lovely shower. The shower's been the best part of my days this week, but today and yesterday I felt awful once I got out. Maybe because I don't take hot showers and have been this week. I don't know.

I also had sex today, taking advantage of my husband being at home. I just got super-aroused all of a sudden-took me by surprise. Much better than on opiates or Sub! Afterwards, however, I immediately got a HUGE headache with ringing in my ears that stuck around for over an hour. And started crying and all. I felt NORMAL during sex, better than usual, but so bad after I'm not sure either me or my husband felt it was worth it. And, of course, neither of us expected any playing during this time.

I've been pretty shaky since noon or so. Can feel all the blood running thru my veins, twitchy knees. Afternoons just suck for me. I used to take the Sub around 1 PM daily. Not sure if that has anything to do with it, but nothing seems like a coincidence just now. I napped for about an hour, but it seems like I'm just waiting for bedtime by 3.

I'm still watering my (many) plants and feeding all of my animals, even the outdoor wild ones. I've made it through another day. Probably just a tiny bit worse than yesterday. I'm still eating and have periods of "normalcy". I feel like the benadryl may come in handy tonight. I'm still just anxious. When's it gonna end, is it gonna get worse, why the hell do my parents have to come THIS week, etc.

I see a new (not a Suboxone!) doc tomorrow morning. He's an "addictions specialist", so we'll see how that goes. I know I'm not as chipper as yesterday, but I'm hanging in there. I knew this wouldn't be a piece of cake, but I've been ready. And I know it will be so worth it by mid-spring. We just moved to Knoxville, so we're near the Smoky Mtns. So, I just gotta keep in mind that I'll be hiking some trails and seeing new wildflowers by the time it's warm enough for me to go out. And I won't have to carry the blue pill case around with me in the mountains....

Hi Angela
Sometimes when your a little stressed you can have ringing in your ears.
I'm sure the reason you were feeling good when you were having sex was because that is all you were thinking about...The power of the mind.... but when you were done the anxiety came back.
Anyway I so enjoyed your post...your doing great...
Melinda

[melinda7.5]

I totally understand that you pretty much have had to make the best of the situation with the sub detox. I just hate to see anyone forced into doing something in a way that causes unnecessary discomfort. It sounds like you're doing better with this than some others I've seen forced into a sudden detox though.

Give yourself a little time off the subs and lots of things will get better. I also had sex today. I think that I had some ringing in my ears too but it wasn't afterwards. And I definitely didn't cry afterwards. My girlfriend and I both agreed that it was worth it ... a very good two hour investment of time. She took the afternoon off and I retired a few years ago. Seemed like a pretty good way to spend the day. Hang in there, everything gets better with a little time.

Hopefully your new dr will be able to make some suggestions that will make this go a little easier for you. I see nothing wrong with taking something to make this a little more tolerable whether it's a klonopin or whatever as long as you keep it to a minimum. I know what you mean about family showing up at the wrong time. They really mean well but just don't realize how much you need this time for yourself.

I think you're showing a great attitude through all this. Just keep focused on the end of the tape. You will finally be totally clean of everything and you'll be so happy with yourself. Keep your chin up. God bless.

It must have been a good day for sex today...
I took the afternoon off today and had sex with my boyfriend too...
Im glad you had a nice time I did too...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[dago77]

..Ok cool, thx brother! I know im a stubborn Italian with my own ideas! Your right, big deal if u dont sleep a night or two. U will eventually b tired if u dont sleep. I think i know the answers to a lot of my questions. But is nice to b able to talk about this stuff w someone. As ive done it all on my own in the past only to end up in the same place. I really want to do the life change. And for me this is something new and is for sure making me feel like a step in a new/right direction. Something different this time around besides just going through the w/d's and toughing the rest out on my own. Your story u let me in on was pretty killer by the way. Thx again for ur help, I will keep reading on hear everyday, and let u know in a few days how things r working out.

[the pillfree life]

Just wanted to chime in and give a pat on the back to Dago and Angela for making the initial effort, which is always the hardest part. Although there may not be a lot of people posting on this thread, please know that there are people like myself that are rooting and praying for you both.

Good luck, keep communicating with Robert, he will guide you through this....he is definitely a godsend. Take Care and hang in there.

[angela30]

Just wanted to chime in and give a pat on the back to Dago and Angela for making the initial effort, which is always the hardest part. Although there may not be a lot of people posting on this thread, please know that there are people like myself that are rooting and praying for you both.

Good luck, keep communicating with Robert, he will guide you through this....he is definitely a godsend. Take Care and hang in there.

Melinda, Dago, pillfree, Robert, Thank you AGAIN for your replies! It is so helpful to have this place to talk. Those "pats on the back" mean so much to me. I am in NA, but any type of medication is always a tricky subject, so I haven't brought it up in a meeting. This site is very similar as far as that goes, with everyone knowing how I feel.

Dago, I agree that the sleeplessness sucks, but you are right-you will get some in when you get tired enough. Last night was a little rough, couldn't sleep until after 1, but I got about 6 hours straight once I fell asleep. Just keep on hanging in there and listen to Robert. You will be fine. Just don't use. It won't help. I'm proud of you for flushing your pills! I know how tough that is. I used 80mg oxys iv-style, so I'd often throw my "gear" away and then just get more. At least I'm in a new town and have ZERO connections. But I really don't want to use. It's just not an option anymore. I spent 17 years of my life messed up, and I'm only 29 (well quite close to 30 now).

I've been taking Immodium at night, because it makes me sleepy, but just the past 3 nites. It seems to help with the withdrawals a tiny bit, just enough to calm me down and let me get semi-comfortable. I read on the opiate detox recovery site about it and it can be addictive, so I'm taking as little as possible. How awful would that be? after being a junkie for years, then stuck on Suboxone, only to get addicted to THAT! Not a chance. But I am going to take a little as it helps.

So, I meet my new doc in a few hours. I hope he's a good one. My doc in Memphis was amazing-he'd been treating addicts for over 45 years when I started seeing him. We had such a good relationship. We'd swap dirty jokes and smoke in his office, just like the movies. And, we'd seen each other so long that we had a great amount of trust in one another. Sigh. The only thing I miss about Memphis.

Today is my ONE WEEK mark! I hope it goes well. Good luck to all of you and thanks for the kind words and encouragement and prayers. I'm not religious, but I'll take whatever I can get! Thanks.

[dago77]

I'm sure MusicMan or Robert will chime in...but I thought I'd mention something from my own experience.

I'm down to .5mg a dose (1mg a day) for suboxone...I was taking 10+ lortabs (strong type of vicodin) a day, and ended up being perfectly fine with 3mg of suboxone. So your bad suboxone experience is likely due to too much. My doc had me on the 2mg pills to start....I didn't even know about the 8mg one's until I came to this board.

I wish you the best and believe you're on the right track!

...Hey where did you go guy? How r u donig with coming off the sub?

[the pillfree life]

Angela,

I do not wish to get into a discussion about religion...nor do I intend to try and convince you to go to church. But what I would like to say is that I think there is a difference between religion and spirituality and for me it comes down to a personal relationship with a higher power...period. However you wish to define that and practice it, it not up for analysis and discussion to me. The difference is that to me religion is an institution to reaks of man-made rituals and stuff, but true spirituality involves a search deep within your self to become a better person for yourself and those that love and need you.

Spirituality has helped me get here...which so far is only a little over a month clean with nothing but tea and exercise. I feel that it is going to keep me here because I am becoming aware of my role and impact in this life and also having a chance to see that I can do the things I once did with the help of pills...it is a slow awakening, but one that I know is the right path.

I hope this helps....take care and hang in there....you are helping a lot more people than you know, including me.