Feeling Like a Walking Zombie Please Help

[KicknTheAddiction]

I know many people on this board have gone through what I'm going through and it sucks! I was on Lortab 750's for years and not getting the relief that I was when I started and my PM doctor switched me over to Methadone @ just 10 mgs per day. I felt good for a while, but then my back started hurting bad again as I have a cracked L4-l5 L5-S1. He then added another 5 mg per day and I have been at this dose now for almost 2 years. I became very lazy/unmotivated and my test levels have dropped dramatically. I decided I am sick of this feeling and wanted off for good. The doc said at this low of a dose I could just quit cold turkey, so I did just that. I am now in day 4 and have slept a couple of hours in the whole 4 days and my knees hurt down to my ankles. I also have a serious feeling of discomfort all the time and feel quite agitated. I have to get up and walk around all day long and can't sit long at all. It's killing me to type this, but I'm making myself do it without getting up. I am tired and my body is craving sleep something fierce, but my brain won't let me sleep. This totally sucks! I have tried Tylenol PM's, and Melatonin with no help at all. In fact I keep getting less sleep every night.

Do you guys recommend that I see a doctor tomorrow for some sleeping pills? I don't want to trade one addiction for another, but at this point I feel like I'm going to die from sleep deprivation. My reaction time is very slow and I can't concentrate on anything. At this low of a dose how long do you guys/gals feel I will go through this withdrawal? I want SLEEP in a bad way, but will not take another Methadone for anything. I have read some people were up for around 10 days and I just don't think I can make it that long without going nuts. I try like heck to be as nice to my wife as I can, but sometimes I am a jerk. She doesn't know what to do for me and I tell her that there really isn't anything that can be done since my PM doc didn't give me anything to help me through this. He just said it's going to suck for me. What a nice guy huh? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. I just need people to talk to that have had sleep deprivation and want to know how they finally got over it. Does your body just fall asleep after a while or what? Please HELP me???

[Catrina]

Hi Kickin,

Good for you for making it this far. Stay determined. Your physical symptoms will be gone is a couple more days (aches, RLS, etc.). I'm sorry to say that normal sleep patterns take longer to return and everyone is different but it always takes time.

I don't think that your doc was totally off base by just telling you to suck it up. There's only a few ways to get clean and in my opinion, cold turkey is the way to go....rip the bandaid right off. That's the way I did it exactly one year ago today. As far as the sleep is concerned, while you really, really don't want to swap one addiction for another it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask the help of your doc right now for a FEW benzos like valium. Just be careful and don't use them for more than a few days so just ask him to prescribe like 10 or so. Resist them during the day....I know that when I was withdrawing although I was determined not to use I would have given my first born to just escape for a few hours and that's what leads us to relapse. I got ahold of 3 Zanex (not from a doc, surprise, surprise) and they were like gold to me. I didn't use them every night. I went as long as possible like three nights before I just had to use one. When those 3 were gone, I was over the physical symptoms and toughed it out. For me, I found it was really a mind set. I would not allow the lack of sleep to frustrate me but instead just gave into it. I watched more old movies and read more books in the first weeks of being clean than I had in the previous 5 years! It was a whole lot better than tossing and turning and getting pissed because I couldn't fall asleep. If I was watching a movie or reading, the hrs passed and I told myself I wasn't trying to sleep...just resting and enjoying the movie. By 5am, I simply forced myself to get up, get showered and start my day. I can remember my Day 6. It was such a wonderful feeling...no sleep but that day I was driving and it was as though someone had washed my windshield. For the first time in a very long time my mind was clear and I was beginning to think. I mean really think about my life, my family about everything. I became angry about what I had done to myself and it was exilerating! Feelings that had been suppressed by opiates for so long I'd forgotten what it felt like to be angry. I know that sounds wierd, but it was an incredible feeling. Look forward to that.

Unfortunately, sleep and agitation take a bit of time to get over but just mark those days off. Our bodies have an amazing ability to heal itself and it will. Be patient with yourself and again, the best advice on the no-sleep issue is to just give yourself over to it. Accept it and just stop trying so hard. It'll happen soon. At first you'll notice you actually slept for 2 or 3 hrs uninterrupted and that will grow into longer lengths but only with time. Sorry I know that's not the news you wanted to hear but is almost always the case.

Good luck, stay strong and stay in touch here. It helped me for sure. Without this forum I know I would not have made it. Even when others tell you something you don't want to hear for some reason it makes it better just knowing what to expect.

Peace,

Cat

[BTexas2010]

Kickin,
I'm on day 21 off Norco's and I so know how you feel. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and now we know why. But as I learned from here, no one has ever dies from it, and I had to remind myself that a lot. Everyone is different, but for me the turning point came on about day 5-6 when I was really feeling bad, sitting in a tub in tears in the middle of the evening and trying to get my legs to quiet down. I hadn't hardly moved out of bed in days and while it was not easy I forced myself to go to the gym. All I did was jog 10 minutes, lift (real lightly) for 15 minutes, shot baskets for 10 minutes, went to the sauna for 10 minutes and then the hot tub for about 5. All in all it was one hour, but between my heart beating a little, getting some blood moving through the muscles and that sauna making me sweat like I had run a marathon made me tired! That night I slept 6 hours straight!! Now I hadn't slept much at all in the previous nights, so my body was exhausted I'm sure but pressing just that little bit really helped me to feel tired and not just weak, which you know is a big difference. Of course the next day I couldn't wait to get back, particularly to that sauna. I read that the skin is like the 3rd kidney when it comes to expelling toxins. I have no idea where you are located, but gyms are desperate to sign up new members, they will gladly give you a week free, the one I went to gave me a month! You got this now!! -BTex

[SeekinSober]

Nobody ever died from sleep deprivation due to detoxing from opiates. I thought would once, so I know what you mean, you start stressing after 4 nights no sleep.
Al i can tell you is that soon you will sleep, a couple hours here, couple hours there, and it will then slowly improve.

Hang in there, Methadone has a looooong half life and even thouh you were on a low dose, it's going to be a couple more days.

But you will make it.

[KicknTheAddiction]

It's amazing how awesome the people on this forum are. I am so glad that I found this place. It's so releiving to hear others stories and how they coped with it and are now well again. It doesn't do much for the anxiety or sleep deprivation, but it does in fact give me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. How long would you guys say before a person is back to around 8 hours sleep like normal? Are we talking years, months, or a month? I just want my life back so bad. I can't lie, I have had many times so far that I just wanted to pop another methadone and end this ******** as fast as it started, but then I would just be fighting this battle another day and I have gone too far now to give up.

It's just so difficult for me to believe that a small white pill could run a life like it does. How many of you are now sober and back to sleeping well? I just like to know how long it takes is all. I know it's different from person to person, but I just like to hear it. Last night was horrible as I only slept for 10 minutes and my wife is so upset because she can't help me. She thinks I'm slowly dying here. From what I have read on here that's not the case at all, you just feel like you are. I have never gone through something so hard in all my life and hope I never have to go through anything this tough ever again. My wife actually said if I don't sleep tonight that I should just take the methadone again. I think I may be scaring her a little with how much I'm freaking out. I'm the tough one here even though I'm the one going through the battle, so I need to be tougher for her I guess, but I have cried quite a bit over the last few days. I tell her that no matter what happens to me to remember that I have always loved her and that I am so sorry for any wrong that I have done in our marriage. I guess if I think I'm going to die she is naturally going to think the same. God, I love her more than I can even show her and hate to think about the depressed state she would be in if I left this earth this early. Thanks for all of your responses and the wisdom you share with everyone going through this living hell.

I'm sure you all know how it is though. One minute you are positive and the very next second you are thinking it's all over with. The anxiety is severe and controlling me quite a bit. Well, I'll quit babbling, but it sure is nice to get this stuff off of my chest. God bless you all!!!!!

[KicknTheAddiction]

Cat, you are correct that it's not quite what I wanted to hear, but then again I want the truth so I know what is in store. Do you guys think I'm close to kicking it? I have had diarrhea for two days and felt nautious, but didn't throw up yet. Someone was saying once the diahrreah is over that you are nearing the end of a lot of the symptoms. Is there any truth to this? I will have to give the gym a try. I have been a member of mine for over 13 years, but didn't want to go because I feel so horrible, but I guess making myself more tired will only help. I was actually thinking that it would hurt me to make myself more tired and it would make the recovery take even longer.

[newyorkgal]

Did you kick methadone cold turkey at 15 mgs? While 15 is a low dose, it's high enough to cause tons of misery. But look where you're at now!! You are definittely on the way to feeling much better. Going to the job is a great idea. Not only will it make you more tired, but excersise causes the brain to release endorphins which will make you feel better. It's hard to push but pushing to the gym would be so beneficial. Do give up now, you've come so far !!

[KicknTheAddiction]

Did you kick methadone cold turkey at 15 mgs? While 15 is a low dose, it's high enough to cause tons of misery. But look where you're at now!! You are definittely on the way to feeling much better. Going to the job is a great idea. Not only will it make you more tired, but excersise causes the brain to release endorphins which will make you feel better. It's hard to push but pushing to the gym would be so beneficial. Do give up now, you've come so far !!

NYGal, yes I quit cold turkey. My PM doc told me I would be fine at that dose and he was nuts to say the least. If I don't get some sleeping pills today I'm going to lose it. I have 3 calls into them and they keep saying they are going to get on it, but still haven't and it's been 2 days. I can't afford to go to the ER to get the sleeping pills, so I don't know what to do. I don't need them long, I just want a good nights rest since I haven't had more than 6 hours in the last 5 nights. It's ridiculous. I'm going to try to go to the gym tonight and do a light workout and sit in the sauna and jog for a bit. Hopefully that helps and then if I have the pills, I'm going to come home and take one and sit in the hot tub until I get tired and take a shower and go to bed. I hope like heck I can get some sleep as this is the 6th night. I don't plan on giving up and I don't even plan on going on a maintenance dose of any narcotic pain killer again in my life. When I used to take Lortab as needed I was fine, I don't know why I ever let my doc talk me into taking Methadone. It was one of the stupidest mistakes I have ever made in my life. He said I would feel great and that I would be happier. He couldn't have been further from the truth. Thanks for your reply and I will keep it up and will keep giving updates on the withdrawal symptoms. It's tough, but doable for me, I just know it. I am so far into this that I have to sleep sometime don't I?

[SomeDay]

The first 4 days or so I slept a total of about 3-4 hours. On about day 5 I slept maybe 2-3 hours. This continued for probably 3-4 more days. Now on Day 20 i'm sleeping probably 6-7 hours. So it does progressively get better, but it just takes some time. I also obstained from sleeping pills because it was delaying my recovery in my opinion. This is definitely a tough time, but there are no easy ways out. I looked for years and never found them. Cold turkey off of everything, including sleeping pills, is the only thing that is working for me this time. I'm still battling, but am hanging in there.

[KicknTheAddiction]

SomeDay, I wish I could do it without sleeping pills, but I'm not going to spend another night with 10 minutes of sleep. My doc finally gave me a script for 10 days of 10 mg Ambien for the insomnia, and a Clonidine patch for the anxiety. I hope this stuff helps me get through the recovery quicker. I need some relief as it has been horrible so far, but I still wouldn't take the Methadone no matter what. The only way I would take it is if it were truly a life and death situation and that will never happen, so it looks like Methadone is going to be in my rearview mirror forever. I truly mean every word of that!

SomeDay, how does it delay your recovery? I would think sleeping would help a lot since that's when the body heals itself the best. I guess I'm so new to this that I don't know what I'm talking about.

If anyone has any bad things to say about Ambien or Clonidine patches please let me know. The doc only gave me a one week patch and 10 Ambien so I would not get addicted to either of them. Please if you have any info regarding these two scripts let me know.

[jboss10]

Hey Buddy! Man, everyone knows what grueling battle you're putting yourself up too! It is probably one of the hardest things for anyone to go through, obviously only the people who go through know what I mean. It does get better! Time is slow, but goodness, it's a wonderful thing. I'm creeping on 11 days off my Subs and let me tell you, I WAS a walking zombie for probably the first 5-6 days. Days 7,8 were sorta just blah. You will have you're good days and bad days. Honestly, try to stay strong and heal for the first week. On day 9, I made it out for a few errands, although it was hard and was nervous to be out in public in was invigorating! The feeling of being back in society and not cooped up is awesome. I still have a LONG road ahead of me because this whole thing came with some police trouble on New Year's Eve. New Year's Day I stopped taking my Subs and NEVER looked back! I had to spend my 21st birthday strapped down to my couch while feeling like ******** but you know, every day got better.

TIPS:
1. Plenty of vitamins..Multi, Vitamin C, B-Complex (helps nervous system), Magnesium Oxide/Calcium (helps with the RLS, and promotes your muscles), 5-HTP (serotonin booster which makes you have a sense of "well-being"
2. Stay hydrated, I never got the ********s when I came off the subs, only once or twice, took one Immodium and that was it. It's not normal yet, but no diahrea.
3. Try to exercise, releases the endorphins and man you will feel good for a bit.
4. Proteins are good. Try to eat good things.
5. Heating Pad/Blanket helps for the legs, it soothed me.
6. Stay positive, and keep your mind active! I currently have my licensed revoked from new yrs eve incident so it made it hard for me to get out, but try your best!
7. Hot Baths/Showers
8. Clonidine, although you may not notice a difference, it will keep your heart rate steady. I'm on a patch still and I'm sure it's helping.


I still don't get much sleep, BUT, it will come. I still have tons of anxiety while I'm watching T.V. I don't know why, but it will go away, and I try to stay positive. One foot in front, and before you know it you will be back to your normal sense. It's a process, but I have so much faith in you man. If I made it this far, ANYONE can pull through. Be good on yourself. You're doing great. I didn't mean to ramble, but I know how painful it is, I wanted to help you out. Good Luck Man & Stay Strong!!!

-jBoss

[KicknTheAddiction]

Jboss, thanks a lot for your response buddy. Today has been my best day yet and I don't know how or why. I think it's because I'm about to take an Ambien for the first time and I think I will get some sleep. I'm exhausted, but can't sleep by myself, so I'm giving in and taking the sleeping pill. As I said, I have only had about 6 hours of sleep in the past 5 nights and last night only 10 minutes and that's not a joke. I fell asleep real fast and before I knew it I was up asking my wife what was going on. I looked at the clock and about flipped out that it was still so early and when I asked her how long I was asleep for, she said it was only like 10 minutes. When I talked to the nurse today she told me that I may only get 3 to 4 hours of sleep and I told her that if I got 4 hours of sleep that I would wake up and throw a frigging party at this point. Heck that would be 2/3 of what I have gotten in the last 5 nights together.

Today I was out shoveling the driveway and the back deck off, did a few loads of laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, cleaned up around the house, went out to pick up my scripts for the Clonidine and the Ambien, and then tonight I went down and worked out in the basement with my wife. I ran a mile, walked a mile, and lifted a little bit of weights. I about passed out when I was done. I guess that lack of sleep really messed me up. I made sure I ran with a lot of clothes on and a trash bag under everything to sweat as much as I could and that I did.

I really wanted to know if taking the Ambien will set me back with my recovery, but at this point I really need the sleep. Also the Clonidine patch is supposed to help a lot with anxiety and like you said to keep your heart rate steady. My heart rate was through the roof when I got off of the treadmill. I have never felt it beat so fast. It kind of made me nervous.

Thanks for the tips Jboss, I'm doing everything you posted along with vitamin-B12, folic acid, daily multivitamins, amino acids, protein drinks, 3600 mg of fish oil, 3000 mg of milk thistle, 3 packets of Emergen-C and was taking melatonin with no results for sleep. I'm doing whatever I can to help kick this. I forgot to pick up some 5-HTP today and will have to put that on my list for tomorrow. I knew I was forgetting something. Thanks again for the input and congrats on your 11 days of sobriety. I can't wait to hit day 11. I'm thinking I will feel great after two weeks, but then again who knows with this stuff. It's my first time detoxing, so I don't know what to expect and that's what freaked me out until I found this site. The first few days I thought I was going to die for sure. I about made out my will and all and was getting ready to tell the wife goodbye, but then I found you guys and the hope came back to me. There are so many great people on this site and I commend each and every one of you for what you are doing. Stay strong and kick it right where it counts!

[jboss10]

You are taking all the correct steps in your forward movement to kicking it. It's not easy. It WILL be the hardest thing to do probably in your entire lifetime. I'm thankful for so much! I have a HUGE family that has been behind me every step of the way and I'm so glad for my parents who have been helping me out during this process. It's hard for people to understand what you go through but I try my best to explain all the things to them so they do know what I'm going through.

Finding/doing something about yourself will help out mentally in the months ahead. I have a awesome part-time job with great/caring people, I go to a wonderful university (which I had to take the semester off for do deal with this), and the one thing that keeps me centered is my music and guitar. All of which make my future light up!

You will prevail! Like my Dad told me, you will have some good days and you will have some bad ones. But, you got to deal with it in the right manner to become stronger! You will be just fine. Keep me updated on the next few days to come! Keep pushing man!

-jboss

[KicknTheAddiction]

I took my first Ambien tonight and it knocked me out for one frigging hour. i was at least thinking I would get 4 hours and only got one. Is this common? I guess if a prescriptoin can't make me sleep then nothing can. How long can I continue to go through with this? Will I ever sleep again? Night 6 with only 7 hours of sleep so far through this ordeal. I don't know how my body keeps staying up. I won't quit, but this is getting out of hand for sure. I'm quite upset tonight!

[Catrina]

Hey Kickin',

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY! You have my heartfelt sympathy as I had exactly the same experience as you with the lack of sleep. I wish that I could direct you to my thread of one year ago when I was at my computer in the middle of the night bemoaning the fact that I hadn't slept in four straight days. I do know the feeling and it sucks! I did my best to avoid taking anything for the first 8 or 9 nights of not sleeping and finally gave into a fairly high dose of Zanex that I "was able to lay on hands on" I won't explain that, read between the lines. Now, in a normal woman who weighed at that time 115 lbs, it should have induced coma sleep for several hours at least. Hmmmm gave me 2. At that point, I'm telling you I reconciled with the fact that the lack of sleep was not going to kill me and I was psyching myself out with it and causing more anxiety than I already had. I simply stopped fighting it and stayed up..I mean outta bed and did anything to keep my interest. I found that the frustration of not being able to sleep compounds the inability to sleep. When I got up, put an old movie into the DVD player I would sometimes dose off for a little bit. It was better than nothing but proved to me that if I just stopped trying so hard it helped. Your sleep will come back but it takes time. Don't let this destroy your progress. Please, I beg you to try and come to terms with it and know that in time it will pass and I promise...you will sleep again.

The plus side, if you calm down about this, that wife you love so much will feel alot better too. Be kind to yourself.

Peace,

Cat

[jboss10]

Just like posted above, don't push it! I'm still on day 11 and slept from maybe 11:30 till 2:30 then up and down then maybe 4:00-6:30. I mean it is what it is. I know it's annoying tossing and turning but it will come! It's just playing the waiting game. Just come to terms with it like said, I know it's hard but it will be just fine. In a few weeks you will be your normal self doing and picking up the pieces a day at a time. Just take it one foot in front and learn from the experience. You're doing great buddy!

-jboss

[KicknTheAddiction]

Cat and Jboss, thanks you again for posting. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that it's in my head and that this is a normal thing that many go through coming off of the pills. It's just hard has hell as you both know when you yourself are going through it.

I called a methadone clinic and was able to talk with a clinician and he basically told me what you are telling me Cat. I asked him if everyone he has treated is cured and he said yes, that in the end they are all better. He said the pain will still be in my back of course, but the sleeping pattern and brain function will come back to normal with time. He advised me to take Methadone again and drop down until I get to 1mg. I said sir, I respect your opinion as you are a professional, but I am too far into this to do such a thing. He said that's great if I can handle it, but if not to do what he said. He told me in about another week that I should start feeling quite a bit better and that within 3 months I should be totally back to normal. Wow that seems like forever, but right now a little bit of improvement would be great.

I was on the Methadone for around 2 years, so I have to understand it will take time. He thought my doctor was a total fool to tell me to quit cold turkey. He also said that there isn't much if any difference with someone coming off of a dose as low as mine and somone coming off from 80 mg. His patients that he drops down to 1 mg even have a very tough time with withdrawals. From what he said Methadone is the worst of drugs to come off of since it's synthetic and has such a long half life. Great news, NOT! My doctor is a fool for putting me on this medicine and I'm quite upset with him, but will let it go. I will continue to post and keep everyone updated of my progress. It's awesome to have you guys on here supporting me.

Cat, you are totally correct my AWESOME wife will feel better too if I can come to terms with this and just give my body/mind the time that it needs to heal. I will try my best to calm down a little. I'm sure I will be upset with the lack of sleep though, but will try to do stuff to keep myself occupied and quit worrying about sleep. I will sleep like a hybernating bear when this is over and will love sleep forever. LOL!!

Good job to you as well Jboss, 11 days is great and I will be there soon! We're in this together bro, lets beat it down!

[shadowwally]

kickiin',
i just got finished posting on your newer thread. don't want you to think i don't care or aren't responding.
good idea calling the clinic for information. informtion take away alot of fear.
Pretty cool, not sure i ever would have thought of calling them.
Vaya con Dios,
Marian