[babidolli22]

Hello. If you read anything I've posted before then you kn ow that i'm a recovering addict in mmt for a year now and while i'm going through my own personal issues, there is one thing that worries the hell outta me yet is out of my control. My mother is an addict for over 12 yrs now and I am scared for her life. I rarely ever see her sober and usually she is so messed up that she just sits on the couch,nodding in and out for an hour or so. She is well aware of my situation and how good I am doing yet she sometimes has the nerve to ask me if I can get her drugs. I never do anymore for many reasons but mainly because I don't want to be an enabler but my brother and father help her in anyway they can(money wise or personally getting the drugs) so they don't have to see her in pain and eventhough they know she is addicted to pain pills and fetenol patches,they still don't believe that she has a problem. It's sad to know that my dad is so brain washed by his wife because he loves her so much that he is in denial as well and I can't stand it anymore.
I'm so glad that isn't me anymore but it is my mother and it hurts so bad. I can't even talk to her without her flipping out,we have no relationship anymore and she doesn't even play with her grandson (my son) which I know hurts him too. I don't know what to do,I just want my family back.

BTW.I currently live w/my mom so just imagine how hard that makes it on me.

[htoth19]

Originally Posted by babidolli22

Hello. If you read anything I've posted before then you kn ow that i'm a recovering addict in mmt for a year now and while i'm going through my own personal issues, there is one thing that worries the hell outta me yet is out of my control. My mother is an addict for over 12 yrs now and I am scared for her life. I rarely ever see her sober and usually she is so messed up that she just sits on the couch,nodding in and out for an hour or so. She is well aware of my situation and how good I am doing yet she sometimes has the nerve to ask me if I can get her drugs. I never do anymore for many reasons but mainly because I don't want to be an enabler but my brother and father help her in anyway they can(money wise or personally getting the drugs) so they don't have to see her in pain and eventhough they know she is addicted to pain pills and fetenol patches,they still don't believe that she has a problem. It's sad to know that my dad is so brain washed by his wife because he loves her so much that he is in denial as well and I can't stand it anymore.
I'm so glad that isn't me anymore but it is my mother and it hurts so bad. I can't even talk to her without her flipping out,we have no relationship anymore and she doesn't even play with her grandson (my son) which I know hurts him too. I don't know what to do,I just want my family back.

I've been there, girl. I've gone through exactly that. Actually still going through it. And my dad was the one who got me hooked on methadone, and I am currently tapering off of the 7mgs I am finally down to. I feel like myself again. I'm so happy to hear, that even with the sh!tty situation at home you still are doing right by yourself. That takes a lot of strength, I know this first hand.
It's horrible to have to sit back and watch this happen to the family, but I haven't figured a way make it better in my own family.
So even though I can't give you much advice on this, since I am going through it myself, I can tell you that you are not alone. And the best thing to do is what you're already doing. Do right by you and your son. CONGRATULATIONS on taking that step. I can't tell you enough how wonderful and important that is.

~Heather

[babidolli22]

Thanks Heather, that means alot coming from someone who understands and is going thru a similar situation. Yea, my mom is the one who got me hooked on pain pills. She used to have me go to the dr and get a script every month that i'd give to her but then after doing it for a while I wanted to know what the big deal was so I tried them and long and behold, a new addict was born but after 2 years of addiction and getting into heroin I made the decision to get help unlike her. But what can you do really,as long as you help you rite. trying to save the world can't be done by one person and I have to realize that.
Thanks for your reply and good luck to you also.

[kathleen5hockey]

Hang in there girl. You can only take care of you and your child. I am really proud of you!

[ARTIST658]

Hi Babidolli22,

I'm sorry to hear about your living situation, as I'm sure it is terribly difficult, especially when you're trying to stay clean, yourself. I give you the utmost praise for staying committed to your own recovery, in the midst of insanity around you. I don't know if I could do that, and I've been clean a long while now.

Having been an addict yourself, I am sure you are aware that this is a DISEASE, and it comes hand-in-hand with a lot of denial and justification - not just by the addict themself, but by the loved ones around them. Many times, the behavior of the (sober!) ones around the addict appear to be even crazier than the addict themself! That's what this disease does - it affects everyone around it.

Your situation comes down to the Serenity Prayer, as most things in life do, anyway. You have basically 2 choices: You can either accept it, as it is - even if you don't LIKE it, even if you don't APPROVE of it, just accept that 'it is what it is," -- OR -- change what you can.

Can you change your mother? No.
Can you change your family members? No.
Can you change YOU? Yes!

You can change your location - move elsewhere. That is an option, even if it's a difficult one.

You can attend regular meetings of Narcanon or Alanon and gain infinite help in dealing with an intolerable situation. That's why it's there - to help the loved ones around the addict or alcoholic. With the help you receive, you can change your thoughts about the situation. You can change your attitude about it. You can change your way of dealing with your feelings. You can change how you act toward the active addict in your life - and from there, things just may change, in and of themself.

In much the same way as the NA step one say, "We are powerless over our addictions and our lives have become unmanageable" - is this step one, "I am powerless over (MOM'S addiction - and my family's denial of it) and my life has become unmanageable." From there, the other 11 steps take you further, into recovery from HER addiction and how it's affecting you.

Although no one wants to hear this, and I certainly didn't like it when I heard it for the first time... I've come to learn, "There are few true victims in this life - most of the time, we're volunteers." Ouch. When we find ourselves feeling victimized, we need to look within, honestly, and ask ourselves, "What's MY role in this?" Well, you've made the CHOICE to live there! Honesty can be painful - but it may help us OUT of the "victim" role, and into a pro-active role in making our life better. No one is going to do it for us - and sitting back and feeling victimized never helps anyone.

In fact, for us addicts, the all-too-familiar role of "feeling victimized" can often lead us back to a drink or a drug. It's a dangerous spot to allow yourself to stay stuck in. I hope you'll keep posting, as there is a lot of support here - but I do believe you will need more than this forum.

God bless,
Ruth

When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.

[babidolli22]

You are so rite in many ways and although i tend to say things about where I live and what I deal with ,it is my choice to be here around my mother and I can move out and get away from her but the thing is I feel like I have to be here to watch her and take care of her. I know she's grown and does what she wants to do but in the back of my mind I think that maybe oneday she will realize that i am trying to help her and she will change. I also rwalize that I can't make her change nor anyone else and it's just a loosing battle for me so I should just stop before I get too involved.