Escaping this morphine prison

TTTDogs · #1 10-13-2009, 12:26 PM

This website is a godsend - I have been reading the posts for the past 10 days while withdrawing from Roxanol - Morphine Sulphate - oral solution. I have been taking it daily for the past 10 years - after being prescribed a kidney disease with symptoms that mimic kidney stones. I also take 5 mg Percocet for break thru pain. I have had kidney disease all my life - losing one kidney to cancer at age 2 - I am now 52 years old and until 1999 worked in as a Senior Manager for a Fortune 100 Company.

I have always used these meds as prescribed but that does not change the fact that I now have a ten year usage addiction. This past spring the FDA issues a notice to all Morphine Sulphate oral solution manufacturers to cease making the concentrated solution. It appears this form of morphine has been around longer that the FDA and was grandfathered from clinical trials - until this spring - the costs of conducting clinical trials has resulted in most manufacturers discontinuing this product. For the past 6 months I have been trying to find a suitable replacement - most pharmacies have depleted their supply with no future orders on the horizon. The Hospice community has strongly protested the FDA decision - for this is the primary pain management drug - for the terminally ill. The FDA has temporarily allowed distribution to Hospice /Palliative care organizations only.

So that is a bit of the history - and the search for Roxanol has been exhausting - the thought of going on ANOTHER addictive drug haunts me - I would love to be free of my painkilling friends. Not sure what effect the kidney pain will have on this quest - but I sure would love to get clean to be able to determine what is kidney pain and what is pain med pain - not sure I am certain any longer. SO last Sunday - 10 days ago - I made a decision to give up the Roxanol - my plan was to get thru the w/d with a little help for the percocets - I have always taken percocets ONLY when the kidney pain is not helped by the Roxanol - probably 2 pills 5mg 10 days per month. During the Roxanol detox - the first 4 days were a blur - took the edge off with 4-6 percs a day - could not sleep - terrible RLS - but hung in there till Saturday - my worse day - the percs were doing nothing so took the last one at 2 pm Saturday - horrible night Saturday night and gave in to 30 mg of Roxanol liquid. Very disappointed - 7 days and I gave in - I really wanted to try the Thomas Recipe - except we are in Canada - at our summer house with no access to benzo’s or L-tryptophan - so it is really cold turkey. I expect the percs slowed the w/d process and now I was faced with a single dose of Roxanol.

After no sleep - even with the Roxanol - I spent Sunday feeling lousy but ok - knowing it was attributed to the morphine. I made a deal with myself - no more meds - and let’s give it 4 days - Well Monday was hell - Canadian Thanksgiving you know - (not much to be thankful for right now - but soon to come) took 4 long walks - I too have 3 dogs - the lights of my life - all rescues - and a wonderful loving husband. I also took 6 baths - but no sleep - not a wink. The insomnia and RLS are the hardest for me - Well this morning 4 am after the 7th bath I feel a little better - I actually dosed off for an hour - first real sleep in a week. Although as I write this I am a little shaky - but hopeful -Friday and Sat I had lost hope and thought the only answer was going to be to wait till I return to the states and go to an addiction specialist - but I so want to accomplish this before returning!:

So I am hoping I might be over the hump - not sure - after all the last opiate was injested on Sunday morning at 2am - what do you think ?
or maybe just a temporary good mood - but I am hopeful - I have to credit this group with giving me the inspiration to hold the course - you folks are brave and caring souls. My goal is to make my DR appt in early Nov and discuss pain management - narcotic free - Gosh I can’t believe I just wrote that - I really want to be free from this opiate prison - no effect from any drug can be as rewarding as looking at a empty pill bottle without anxiety.

Jacqueline_1980 · #2 10-13-2009, 01:04 PM

Way to go on the detox so far! It seems like you are over the worst of it... but I am not real sure. Robert or Melinda will probably be by soon to let you know for sure. I just wanted to offer up a congrats for making it this far. Please keep posting and let us know how it goes from here on out. I am getting ready to start a taper using the detox drug Suboxone. I am on here everyday reading and looking for those who have gone before me and made it out okay. Good job and God bless!

Jackie

TTTDogs · #3 10-13-2009, 01:54 PM

Thanks Jackie your words really help - since I did not do a complete cold turkey wd - not sure if I am thru the worst of it - hopefully - but I am coping - feeling a little rough - a little anxious - but determined. When do you start your program? - what was the drug of choice? You will succeed - just consider it a spiritual experience - a test of your very core - last night I almost felt "normal" for a few minutes - I know I can make it - and I KNOW you can too!

Thanks for the support!

TTT

cheekysod · #4 10-13-2009, 10:57 PM

i think you have broken the back of the withdrawls girl,
morphine has a more intense come down, than methadone, but doesnt last as long.
i have done both.
you have so done the right thing, as if i could have put back the clock once i came off morphine a few times, then ended up on methadone for 10 years i wish i had the guts to do cold turkey off the morphine and get it over with.
you should be really stoked with yourself, really.
the sleep will be the worst thing, that seems to last the longest,
i wish you allllll the best, keep going girl, even though you went back and had 30mg, only the once, i think still you are through the worst of it.
please know someone on this planet, relates what you are doing, and you are doing the right right thing.
good on you

TTTDogs · #5 10-14-2009, 01:48 AM

Since my last post - I realize I have not gone thru the worst of it - I just put an X on day 2 and am feeling really bad - 7 baths in the past 7 hours 0 - horrible RlS and NO signs of sleep - wide awake and very anxiuos - so mad at myself for taking that dose after 7 days - and I recognize my plan to use the percocets to ease the morphine wd was a waste of time - now 10 days into this mess - and I have to admit it is wearing me down - the only sleep was when I took the 30 mg dose Sunday - I reall want to complete this - I have so much invested at this point - but it is taking every cell in my body to see this though - I am now starting day 3 - and just hoping tomorrow night will be just a little less painful - any suggestion or words of wisdom will help - I hope I am halfway there - not sure I can stand another night like this..... cheeky - thanks for the post - it meant alot.... you guys will make the difference - thank you from the bottom of my heart

NikNak1 · #6 10-14-2009, 03:46 AM

Hi there, just wanted to applaud you on how well you have done so far. I have no words of wisdom for you I am afraid. You have shown tremendous strength to get this far. It's such a shame that you can not get access to the Thomas recipe...Is there absolutely no way? Can you not order some stuff in, or maybe have someone drive you somewhere? Just a thought but I suppose if it were possible you would have done that already. Apart from the obvious the only advice I can give is to keep posting and reading this forum...It really helps. It will get better, keep strong.

TTTDogs · #7 10-14-2009, 05:29 AM

NikNak - thank you so much for caring - this has been the longest night of my life and has tested every ounce of my constitution - but I made it - and the sun will rise soon and I will count the hours until I place my big X on the completion of the 3rd day! WOW this is not for the timid - I literally talked to myself out loud - throughout the night - repeating so many things I learned from this site - and reread and reread Turbo's "push on" comment - my poor dogs - I have 3 - 2 little rescue chihuahuas and a large 100lb mix - they seem to take turns laying by the bathtub - looking up at me as if to say " it is going to be ok Mommy" = Gosh I want to believe them - I have to make it - just hoping for any sign of relief - just a minute or two - to gather my strength - I think the only thing that kept me going last night was to try to visualize how great it will be when this nightmare is over - and I can write my - "I'm out the other side post" - wish me luck - pray for me - send healing thoughts this way - and THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR CARING

ARTIST658 · #8 10-14-2009, 05:54 AM

Hi TTTDogs,

I just found your post - and wanted to pass on my own message of hope to you. You can do this - and I can not begin to tell you how much your life is going to improve, as a result! Life spent on drugs on a daily basis is not living. You'll see - just hold onto the hope, don't despair when it gets the most bleak... as the worse it gets, the greater the reward when it all passes! You won't easily forget this detox - and the memory of it will help you to stay away from those narcotics in the future.

If you can, write - write - write - all your feelings, confusion, thoughts... it will not only help you now, but be a valuable resource later, when you think back. Our crazy addictive thinking makes us want to remember ONLY the relief that comes with a pill - I call it "euphoric recall!" BUT... we NEED to remember all the heartache and pain that will come with one single pill... that sets us back on this addictive merry-go-round.

God bless you, and know you are in my prayers. Keep posting.

Ruth

NikNak1 · #9 10-14-2009, 06:02 AM

That's the nicest thing about being here...people do genuinely care...no one wants to see anyone go through this stuff. Your dogs sound so cute. I use to know a lady who took in rescue dogs, she had two Grey hounds. I don't have any myself, got enough with my kids lol, but maybe one day when they have flown the nest I might just get one. I did however rescue a couple of Budgies a few months ago. The owner wanted rid of them because they had something called scaly mite. It's treatable and completely harmless to humans but contagious to other birds. When I got them they were in such a small cage it was so sad, so we ordered them a large one and they seem much more happy. They are still being treated for the mite at the moment but when they are better I'm thinking of seeing if I can find someone with an aviary who will take them in. I Just think it will be better for them. My 9 year old son has other ideas however, he has grown so attached to them, named them and everything.

NikNak1 · #10 10-14-2009, 06:06 AM

Just wanted to add you are in my prayers...Keep it up.
Nik x

TTTDogs · #11 10-14-2009, 08:00 AM

OK MY FRIENDS - you recommend frequent postings - so here they come - until I am through this nightmare - since writing last I took another 3 baths - hot as I could stand - somehow the different sensation on the body from hot to cold or cold to hot triggers a very slight feeling of relief - it is very short lived but welcomed - I have also seriously taken the advice of excercise - I bundled up - it is 30 degrees this morning in Canada - and headed out with my big dog for a appx 3 mile walk - the hills are killers here - even on a good day - but I charged ahead - cold - hurting - miserable - but oh so hopeful - it did help - I stood on a bluff - overlooking water - and watched the sunrise - and chanted "I CAN DO THIS - I WILL DO THIS" the sunrise was beautiful and gave me hope - another day - it has to end soon - I then took the dog home and was hesitant to go back in and wallow in self pity - so I put my coat back on and walked to the diner and had some breakfast - not hungrey at all - but it just seemed like such a normal thing to do - and normal is what I crave most.

You are all right in saying I will not forget this - there is NO drug worth this - there is nothing that could possible be worth feeling like this - my poor body has housed this soul and it is time to give it thanks - I am sobbing as I write - just so much emotion - but hopeful - really hopeful - keep those cards and letters flying - I KNOW ONE THING FOR CERTAIN - I NEVER EVER COULD HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOU FOLKS - YOU ARE SAVING LIVES AND RESCUING SOULS - I ONLY HOPE TO BE AN INSPIRATION TO OTHERS AS YOU HAVE BEEN TO ME - THANKS AGIN MY FRIENDS - I am going to go take a hot bath and I will post again soon - TTT

TTTDogs · #12 10-14-2009, 09:15 AM

OK another hot bath - another post - should you learn there is a water shortage in the Maritimes, Canada - I am most likely responsible - this wd stuff is not really good for the environment ......anyway still feeling pretty darn rough but the daylight makes things better - my husband has been incredible - something like this is so very foreign to him - he grew up in an idyllic home - well off - ivy league educated - as for me I grew up in the projects - poor - single mom - but the 4 of us crawled out of the projects and have lead successful productive lives - so my poor husband - while he is sympathetic to my situation - he doesn't quite get the scope of it - not for lack of trying - actually last night - I had him sleep in another bedroom - he woke at about 3 am after hearing me run another bath - and asked if I was OK - well - I broke down and told him about my fear of wearing down - and giving in - - bless his heart I know he felt for me - but he just sort of looked sad and said - c'mon - let's go watch the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" DVD - that will make you feel better - the last thing I really needed to hear at that particular moment was "Curb my Enthusiasm" oh well - you have to accept support from wherever you can get it - ...... I love that guy!
So I am still hurting - and it is helping to post - as promised - and right now I actually feel lucky - lucky to have found this forum and you folks - lucky that I just might beat this demon - lucky that after ten years of making sure my meds are with me at all times - I might just be able to leave the house without checking once - twice or even three times that I have the meds I need - such a simple personal freedom - but a life changing one - it is in my grasp - I HAVE TO DO THIS.... THANKS FRIENDS I LOVE YOU ALL!

mottam · #13 10-14-2009, 09:52 AM

TTTDogs:
Welcome to the forum.
You are doing great - hang in there. Take it 10 minutes at a time if you have to.
This is not a painless experience, but you WILL make it through if you stay honest, and DO NOT USE.
You are doing all the right things; post and post often.
Expect to feel nauseous, tired, depressed, anxious, diarrhea, running nose, sweats and chills, yawning, coughing, insomnia, etc. They are ALL part of the w/d process. The good news - it does not last forever, and it will end. Then, you will see how great life is on "the other side".

Stay strong. No matter how ********ty you feel - DO NOT USE. Post and post often. Let us know how you are feeling; how you are doing. We care about you on this site, and will do everything we possibly can to support you. The main thing you should take away from this site is the tremendous amount of wisdom (from experience) that exists on this site in addition to the 24-7-365 support you get.

You may not get "immediate" responses all the time - that is OK. Just keep posting. I can tell you from my own experience that with the help of the caring people on this site, and taking the "all-in" approach (doing this for ME), I have found that opiate addiction can be put in check. You can and will win. It takes some time and significant effort on your part. If you want it (freedom from opiates) - it is there. All you need to do is not use, be honest, and fight for your life. That is what this is - a fight for your life!

Best of luck - keep posting.

Mottam

TTTDogs · #14 10-14-2009, 10:41 AM

Mottam - THANK YOU - THANK YOU - THANK YOU - your words mean so very much to me at this moment - I am trying so hard and - it really hurts - but I am almost thru with day 3 and hoping I will get some relief soon - the nights are the toughest - everything seems so much worse - but for now the sun is shining and I will worry about tonight - tonight. In the bath this morning I was struggling to get MY voice heard - not that of the opiates - it seems that is the challange - there are 2 voices guiding in this process - the voice of the opiates and my voice - it seems sometimes the drugs voice is louder and more convincing - but I just keep reminding myself that that voice has ruled my life for 10 years - 10 long years - and it is time to speak up - scream up if needed and win this debate - I am a long distance sailor / racer and I am trying to approach this like an approaching gale when hundreds of mile at sea and nowhere to run - the drill is - make a plan - take care of the boat - use your knowledge / wisdom - do not panic - and always remember - this storm will pass - the boat will make it - and the seas will subside - I guess this analogy helps me - but I have to confess - I would take any storm at sea over the past 10 days.

I keep telling myself I will make it thru - I have to - I have so much invested thus far - it would be a pity to give up now - however tempting - just wish I had something to help me sleep - the lack of sleep has to be adding to my misery - and otc sleep aids in the past have done just the opposite - made me fell jittery - that is the last thing I need right now! So I will stay the course - although this one uncharted - and use this life saving forum as my courage when I am running low - THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE POSTED - PLEASE HELP ME GET THRU THE NEXT FEW DAYS - I SO DESPERATLY WANT IT! ttt

mottam · #15 10-14-2009, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TTTDogs

Mottam - THANK YOU - THANK YOU - THANK YOU - your words mean so very much to me at this moment - I am trying so hard and - it really hurts - but I am almost thru with day 3 and hoping I will get some relief soon - the nights are the toughest - everything seems so much worse - but for now the sun is shining and I will worry about tonight - tonight. In the bath this morning I was struggling to get MY voice heard - not that of the opiates - it seems that is the challange - there are 2 voices guiding in this process - the voice of the opiates and my voice - it seems sometimes the drugs voice is louder and more convincing - but I just keep reminding myself that that voice has ruled my life for 10 years - 10 long years - and it is time to speak up - scream up if needed and win this debate - I am a long distance sailor / racer and I am trying to approach this like an approaching gale when hundreds of mile at sea and nowhere to run - the drill is - make a plan - take care of the boat - use your knowledge / wisdom - do not panic - and always remember - this storm will pass - the boat will make it - and the seas will subside - I guess this analogy helps me - but I have to confess - I would take any storm at sea over the past 10 days.

I keep telling myself I will make it thru - I have to - I have so much invested thus far - it would be a pity to give up now - however tempting - just wish I had something to help me sleep - the lack of sleep has to be adding to my misery - and otc sleep aids in the past have done just the opposite - made me fell jittery - that is the last thing I need right now! So I will stay the course - although this one uncharted - and use this life saving forum as my courage when I am running low - THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE POSTED - PLEASE HELP ME GET THRU THE NEXT FEW DAYS - I SO DESPERATLY WANT IT! ttt

Those voices will go away. Someone explained to me early on in my thread that those voices are the addiction's last attempt to bring you back in. Tell them to "******** Off!"

You will win - I will continue to pray for you.
Take it 10 minutes at a time if you have to - KEEP POSTING.
You may be feeling like ******** right now - but you are WINNING!

Kindest Regards
mottam

TTTDogs · #16 10-14-2009, 01:21 PM

I'm back and only a few hours to go to strike my 3rd X - I am so pleased with making it this far - I have taken the advice about excercise to heart - I just had my husband drop me a ways from the house to a trail - and I would make my way home - planned on exiting the first split off - about 1.6 miles - but kept going - the next cut off would be at 3 mile - nope - kept going - and going and going - over 5 miles - with some killer hills - I will get those damn endorphines to start kicking in yet - seems I have talked myself into trading the morphine and Walgreens for endorphines and my bodies pharmacy. The brisk walking does several things - 1) IT KILLS TIME 2) IT STOPS THE AWFUL CREEPY CRAWLY FEELING ALL OVER MY BODY and 3) I am hoping it will help to heal my poor body............ just keep moving and the hours tick away - I am still frightened for tonight - the minutes seem like hours and the pain seems so much worse. We will see - and I think my plan is to spend as litttle time idle and post - post -post ......

A special thanks to;

ARTIST - for the quote - the worse it gets - the greater the return
NIKNAK for your prayers (good luck with the birds)
CHEEKY - for the sisterhood - you have been here
Mottam - for believing in me

This forum has saved my life so far - you folks give yourself a big hug for me and keep believing in me - it is making the difference

TTTDogs · #17 10-14-2009, 01:23 PM

I almost forgot a special thanks to Jackie - thanks for being the first to hear my pleas - and Turbo for setting such a stellar example! Hugs to you both!

ttt

NikNak1 · #18 10-14-2009, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TTTDogs

- over 5 miles - with some killer hills - I will get those damn endorphines to start kicking in yet

When I read this line in your last post my brain actually read it as killer heels

...I was sitting here thinking, is this person crazy, all that walking in killer heels...why would anyone do that.

lol

TTTDogs · #19 10-14-2009, 03:21 PM

NikNak - you made me laugh - and THAT has not happened in a while - still fighting the fight - but counting down the hours for my 3 day - no drugs X - last night I was not sure I would make it - but with all the excercise today I feel a little more stable - 3 long walks today - just returned from running the pups on the trail - they have been great throughout this - concerned and a great source of comfort.

Well tonight is approaching - and I suspect it is not going to be fun - hopefully all this excercise will allow me just a tad of sleep - I have not slept a wink since Sat night - amazed my body still moves - my husband is baffled = says he would not have believed it - had he not witnessed it - strange effect of the addiction - wish me well and send some zzzzzzzzz'z my way -Day 4 - here I come!!

Thanks again to all who had inspired me - you are brave caring souls! Will post later ....ttt

NikNak1 · #20 10-14-2009, 04:17 PM

It's great that you feel a little more stable. you are doing amazingly, you really are. I'm going to pray that you get some sleep tonight...have a feeling you will. Talking of which I'm going to try and get an early night tonight. It's 920pm here. I will check on you in the morning. Keep your spirits up.
Niknak

TTTDogs · #21 10-14-2009, 05:32 PM

Just about done with day 3 - a couple of hours to go - need someone to tell me it will get better soon - Took 3 walks today - total appx 7 miles - gave new meaning to "putting one foot in front of the other" - really hard to get motivated - does not help it is 35 degrees and blowing 25 knts - but I did it - and am glad I did - being out of the house seems to make the time pass faster - and my head seemed a little clearer - then I can back and took a bath - laid on the bed after and actually fell asleep - or unconscious - only 15 minutes but heck I'll take it - The problem was when I woke I was as bad a last night - severe nervousness really uneasy and scared of the night ahead - wish I had the energy to take a walk for the whole night - I really need to know this is going to end - I have tried so hard to remain strong - but this is really wearing me down
Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated! Hugs to ALL!
ttt

doc.rose · #22 10-14-2009, 05:40 PM

Way to go TTTDogs!!! keep up the good work!! My younger brother is an addict and I go on this forum to help myself understand about addiction. I hope my brother has the courage, like you did, to quit one day! You should be extremely proud of yourself!! And when you are clean, you can then return the favor and help another person get clean!! Pay it forward!! Good luck!!

TTTDogs · #23 10-14-2009, 06:26 PM

Thanks for the encouragement DOC.ROSE - it is greatly appreciated - especially tonight - Your brother is lucky to have you - and he will realize it one day and hopefully get clean ---- and I will be the first one to answer his posts and let him know he is not alone - I know for a fact I would not have made it this far - had I not found this forum - this is essentially an Internet Rehab - a place where you can detox at home - but with a 24 hour - 7 days a week - 365 support staff - an incredible caring and kind community of folks who have been there - They - and you my friend for joining in - are saving lives and changing lives - and I thank you

I hope this gets better in the next day - really is wearing me down - but trying to keep my mind on the prize - I loathe the nights!

How long has your brother been an addict - any sign of him wanting help? You have come to the right place -
I will post late - and probably throughout the night - one of these nights I hope to sleep - a novel thought?

ttt

doc.rose · #24 10-14-2009, 06:38 PM

If you can, read my first post. It tells his pattern of abuse. He started with pot as a teen, slowly graduated to stronger stuff. Now on a combo of methadone, oxycodone, xanax and muscle relaxers. Very dangerous combo!! I pray everday that today isn't the day that he OD's! He's been on this latest combo for close to 3 1/2 years. If you are having body aches, try and drink a thera flu. It's a hot drink, kind of tastes like hot lemonade. I take it when I have sinus infections to help with the achiness. It might help!! They make a nighttime one, thats the one i always use!!

doc.rose · #25 10-14-2009, 06:40 PM

One more thing. I live in California and it is only 3:40p.m, so I will respond to you throughout the night if you want to post.

TTTDogs · #26 10-14-2009, 07:18 PM

DocRose - thanks for the support - I am going to take a hot tub and then I am sure I will post again - I will be sure to read your story - thanks again - hopefully this will be the last really tough night -fingers crossed!

Thanks again - ttt

doc.rose · #27 10-14-2009, 07:30 PM

I hope from here on out, your days and nights start to get a little easier! You have come so far! From what I have read about others detoxing, the first 3-5 days are the worst. And you are on day 3!! So hang in there! I have faith in you! i think it was Melinda who said post every ten minutes if you need to!!

TTTDogs · #28 10-14-2009, 10:18 PM

I'm Back! - after 2 baths - my skin is crawling and I cannot sit still severe RLS - you would have thought all the exercise would have helped - back ache - headache - YUK - I feel lousy - but still determined (I think) ...
Doc Rose - I read you post and my heart goes out to you - I also have a younger brother - he is 34 - I am 52 - and our mother died when he was 17 - I promised her I would take care of him and my husband and I tried to get him through college - he had it made - tuition, room and board and an open credit card - after 18 months we learned he wasn't attending classes and started stealing from us - He put us thru hell for the next several years and then met a nice girl and had a son - that was a turning point for him - now he lives in NC and has 3 children and I am proud of him - but he also was deeply involved for a while in all kinds of street drugs and did get addicted to methadone - actually just this past year - he was prescribed it for an injured back - and before he knew it he was addicted - well HE decided he was tired of being a slave to the Dr and the drug and went cold turkey by himself - he stayed out in the woods on his property - for 3 days - so the kids wouldn't know - and he made it through - he called me to discuss it - I have always been more of a mother figure to him - rather than a sister.
I think when this is all done I will tell him of my journey - while there is so much shame associated with opiate addiction - there are so many cases - like mine and my brothers - of "accidental addiction" - we were prescribed our drugs by Dr's for very legitimate reasons - abided by the prescribed amount - and after many years - still end up - full blown opiate addicts - I take responsibility - I should have researched liquid morphine more closely - I was told - it was a fast acting drug and if used as prescribed would not result in addiction - So why have I had 13 hot baths today - no use in blaming anyone - I own it and I am the only one to fix it -

So I do feel your pain in regards to your brother - you are doing the right thing and hopefully his loser girlfriend will receive a lengthy prison sentence. Once I get through this I have some info for you.

Hang in there and thanks for the support - I'm sure I will post again - no sleep in site! ttt

kindwon · #29 10-15-2009, 01:06 AM

TTT dogs I'd hate to see your water bill after this. Your doing awesome. I don't think it will help but do you have benadryl. Maybe it might get you even 20 minutes of rest.

TTTDogs · #30 10-15-2009, 01:44 AM

Just put the 3rd X on the calendar - WOW - what a feeling - and guess what my friends... I just fell asleep for almost an hour - much much needed rest - but I woke feeling the worse yet - it HAS to be a turning point - really wiped out - actually felt better before the nap - but took ANOTHER hot bath - Our house was built in the 1820's and it still has the original clawfoot tub - refinished of course - well this tub is the most comfortable tub in the world - deep for a full body soak - who knew when we bought this house that one of my favorite features would be so instrumental in saving my life .......

Anyway - I am so counting on a better day 4 - my husband is concerned about me - he woke up to help me through the last tub - and rubbed my back while I fell asleep - he says he has never seen me look so tired and said he was proud of me for my determination - what the heck did I do in life to deserve such a great guy? Now I am crying .........I am truly blessed - a great husband - 2 great daughters - so much loving family - and you my friends - you ..... complete strangers invited to share what has become the most private and challenging moment of my life - offering you love, support and guidance - I have said it before I could have NEVER made it this far without you - Thank You - Thank You - Thank You Hugs to all - C'mon Day 4 - I'm READY!!

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