Drugs - I can not stop

[SJerseyBill]

I don't know why I'm posting this, but oh well... I've been using drugs for the last fourteen years. I started drinking heavily right out of high school and smoking weed everyday, all day. About two years into that came the powdered cocaine and then a few years later the ready rock replaced the powder for the most part. I guess I would call myself a heavy, heavy recreational dug user back in those days. Drugs were what I did for fun, entertainment, rewards etc. I never stole or anything like that. Though, from the time I started drinking, any type of mind altering substance I could get I'd use. I was functional - could hold jobs and didn't withdrawl from family, friends etc. I'd smoke pot during the days(when I could) and drink after work. That was the given. Then I'd go through stages of cocaine use. One year it was basically on the weekends the next I was hitting the pipe every night. The basic fact is that it never completely left. About four years ago I got a real steady connection in the suburbs for crack. I used to get any cocaine related products in the hoods of Philly and Camden and I'd go through stages where I didn't want to go near those places(which accounts for times when I didn't do much cocaine) to times where I'd walk the streets of N. Philly without a care( which indicates the times when I used heavily). Anyway with this new connection right in my suburban neighborhood it got to a steady point. I'd smoke anywheres from a dime to 12 dimes a day. Missing days here and there. That along with my daily weed and alcohol consumption. That was me, that's how I lived and I never really had any problems arise from it. If I didn't have money for rocks I didn't have the money and that was it. I started using pills more frequently three years ago. Percs, vics, Xanax, valiums, oxy's. I started to want the pills more and more because it took the bugging out aspect of the ready rock away and made coming down from the rock a breeze. A year ago I started sniffing dope(herion). This is the drug that makes everything else seem like child's play. It was fun at first. One dime from the ghetto would keep me high for almost two days(we have very pure smack here and hundreds of competing drug corners in the area that sell big dimes). I started last November and had an off and on relationship with dope. I'd use for a few weeks to a month, get sick stop and then start over. These early withdrawls weren't too bad. Totally lethargic, cold as hell, some shakiness, complete uncofortableness. Then last April I got pretty bad. I started running local dealers to Camden,NJ to pick up bundles so I'd get free bags. I started using at least five bags a day. Every day was a burden to get enough dope so I wouldn't get sick. As I said I'm not a thief.... so it wasn't easy but I always got it somehow. By the end of July I had had enough. I told my family and quit cold turkey. That was the worst week of my life. The dopesick episodes I had before paled in comparision to the withdrawls I went through at that time. God I can't even imagine what it's like for someone who shot the **** up for twenty years to kick. Anyways I stayed of of herion for two weeks, but I continued with everything else. For the past two months I've been in a cycle of doing dope for a couple days then the next couple days pop methadone pills. At the present time, I have been using dope for the most consecutive days(seven) since I "quit." When I try not to use drugs I don't know what to do with myself. I'm completely bored. I guess doing drugs is what I live for. I just did a bag of dope two hours ago. I guess I'm hopeless. I didn't articulate this message too well for some reason I'm just not writing well today. Sorry.

[mpvt]

You need to get to a methadone clinic.By taking methadone a couple times a week your going to get addicted to it and if you thought heroin withdrawls were bad.Once your on a stable dose of methadone you won't even think about pills.I was actively addicted for 22 years.By the time I started methadone I was doing 3 000mgs of morphine a day.I had a massive addiction and the doctor at the clinic even said he hadn't seen anyone as bad as I was.It took me awhile but I finely got to the right dose (400mgs/day) and I have no more withdrawls or cravings.My life is the best it's ever been.So look into the methadone clinic it could change your life..Good luck...Dave

[PoppyQueen]

SJerseyBill, howdy neighbor! Just read your story. Man, how do you survive? I think you know you must be in trouble because you just wrote in to this forum.

You said:
"At the present time, I have been using dope for the most consecutive days(seven) since I "quit." When I try not to use drugs I don't know what to do with myself. I'm completely bored. I guess doing drugs is what I live for. I just did a bag of dope two hours ago. I guess I'm hopeless."

Are you hopeless? You know you're not hopeless! Is your plan for tomorrow to get high again? Or perhaps you could come up with a better plan. Wouldn't it be fun to see what being straight would be like? You might notice some nice things! Just because you quit once doesn't mean you can't try again. I quit smoking about 15 times before it finally stuck.

I think you're crying out for help but you don't know where to begin. How about an intensive outpatient program? Dave knows what he's talking about, Methadone may be a good choice for you.

Keep coming back here, it's my therapy. Good luck to you! Make sure you have a better plan for tomorrow even if tomorrow is next month!


PQ
Last painkiller used: 9/25/05
Suboxone started 9/26/05

[fairygirl79]

Man, I think we have all been in somewhat of the same situation that you're facing at the present time. From the lead drug, marijuana, to the next, then to the next, and then to the damn bottom. In fact, drugs do make your day seem better, and that's why we like them so much, but do you want to live the rest of your life chasing it everyday, or wake up and know that you don't have to worry about all that **** anymore! I totally agree with Dave, my husband and I have been in a methadone maintenance program for going on 4 years now, and man will it not only save your life, but save you money, you will not crave your drug of choice, and you will not have to worry whether or not it's going to be there for you when you wake up, because if your in a program, it'll be there for you usually before you ever thought you would even be out of bed. So, think on this dude, and try to do this tomororow! I promise you will not have any regrets what so ever.
And, the clinic could probably get you in within the week if you called them. So give it a shot, it will not only change your life, but give you back your life that you never thought that you would ever get back. Good Luck and keep us posted!