Dropping hydro habit; Deployements are easy compared to this.

[Addictedwarrior2011]

good Morning everyone,
>>>>I know this is long but please, please take the time to read it<<<<
Well here is my story. I am a 25 year old active duty combat Veteran stationed at fort Polk. I just returned from a 13 month combat tour in Afghanistan last week. Before I left and throughout the whole deployment I was and have been taking allot of pain killers recreationally... Allot. My finances are in ruins and my relationship with my wife, daughter, and family closely rival.
Now My story. When I got to fort Polk I quickly realized that there was nothing to do around here except for drugs and alcohol and I am not big on drinking. I currently take anywhere from 100-200 MGs of hydrocodone daily which progressed from a 5-10mg/day habit. I began to not feel like myself when I wasn't using. Then when I realized I had a problem have tried numerous times to quit with no success. I collapse everytime when it keeps me awake at night in fear of not being able to function at the high degree of expectations that people have for me at work. The anxiety is also really bad for me. It seems to be all I think about everytime I try and I feel all my personal strength and the drive I used to have is gone. I used to be able to accomplish anything I put my mind to no matter what it was. I know it's cliche to say but I am scared I'll never return to normal and how I feel while withdrawing will be how I feel everyday. I can handle the stomach issues, sweats, nausea, chills,
And everything else but the anxiety drives me nuts and keeps me awake, last time for 3 nights straight before I caved.
With that being said (finally, feels good to say/type it out loud) may I remind you that I am an active duty SGT (E5) in the united states army. Army support programs are out of the question as are civilian programs due to the geographical location of fort Polk, there are just none around, I want to continue my military career for the full 20 years and do not want a permanent mark on my personnel file. I cannot and do not have anyone that knows of my addiction and have never mentioned anything about it to anyone. I'm almost begging this forum to please give me guidance, strength, motivation, advice, and support through this. I can accept criticism as well, but please don't talk down to me as I already know everything you have to say in that area. I beat myself up everyday.
I want off of these. I have for a while now. I only take them to feel normal now and not even to get high. I'd probably OD for the amount it would take. I took 80 MG this morning about 7 hours ago and took my last 40mg 20 minutes ago. I refuse to acquire any more.. Taking leave for the duration of withdrawals is not an option and I also got my part time job back as soon as we redeployed back to the states at nights and on weekends I will be going through this while working both jobs. Maybe trying to stay busy will be the best thing for me? I will start feeling bad hopefully tomorrow morning and not tonight so I can get one last night of somewhat decent sleep but I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for the sleepless nights to come.
Friday the 4th will be my first day sober in a long time and I'm nervous as to what's to come. But I can not wait to be rid of This horrible habit. I know addiction is a lifelong fight. Please help me to understand the generic timeline of whats to come
And any advice would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for this being so long but it's been bottled up for years and it's my first time speaking out about my addiction. Please help me through this. Thank you so much and god bless.

[Bink11]

A.W.
Just stopping at the doses you have been taking could be dangerous.
You might call the ph. I posted. They helped me. I am on my way out of the mess I made of my life. They can put you in touch with ppl that can help you too. What have you got to lose? Give them a call..GOD BLESS...

Opioid dependence can be a challenging condition. Medication and counseling are important elements of a comprehensive treatment plan. Adding extra support is also key...for those times when you feel unsure, when you wish you had someone with experience who could listen without judging, when you need a little help organizing your thoughts, planning your next steps, and finding your way. That's when Here to Help can be there with you.


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[Addictedwarrior2011]

thank you but I know that I do not have what it takes to taper, I'm not in a treatment plan nor will I use subs/meth. CT is my only option and it's also what'd I'd prefer to do. I'm truly committed to this and WILL succeed

[OXYmom]

First I would like to say thank you for your service to our country! Next, congratulations on garnering the strength to quit the pills. I am posting the link to The Thomas Recipe- a lot of it helps so much when you are going cold turkey. I understand the sleeplessness and how it can drive you nuts! But, it usually passes after a few days at least. Good luck to you and please let us know how you are doing. A lot of people use this as their own personal journal as it sometimes helps to look back to see how far you've come from the addiction. Here's the link-

http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...wal-35169.html

[FrustratedAndTired]

Just like OXYmom said..... Thank you very much for your service to our country and the people here. CT is possible and the Thomas Recipe helped me alot. The anxiety sucks but it's mind over body at that point. I would also recommend to tell others you feel as if you have a cold or the flu (the symptoms are extremely close). Also make sure to get any kind of exercise you can (even just a walk around the block). Don't try and fight the lack of sleep. It drove me crazy until I finally gave up and got something to read or watch instead of tossing and turning. Th last piece of advise I have for you is MUSIC. This helps your mood, anxiety and all round just gets you back to feeling semi normal. My physical w/d lasted 4-5 days. The anxiety slowly faded the next week (exercise helped alot with anxiety and sleep) and after about 3 weeks I was getting 6+ hrs a night constantly. The first 4-5 days are the large hump to get over. I hope this helps a little. Much love and support.

[lizasdaughter]

I know what you mean about the anxiety. I am the same - can basically handle all the aches, hot flashes, cold sweats, cramps, but the restlessness and anxiety really make me want to hurt myself and others, break things, scream bloody blue murder, etc. Benedryl is the only OTC thing that even moderately works for me, the liquid child kind. Really really hot showers helped. And actually music.

[Addictedwarrior2011]

I know what you mean about the anxiety. I am the same - can basically handle all the aches, hot flashes, cold sweats, cramps, but the restlessness and anxiety really make me want to hurt myself and others, break things, scream bloody blue murder, etc. Benedryl is the only OTC thing that even moderately works for me, the liquid child kind. Really really hot showers helped. And actually music.

Hey guys, just an update! I'm currently 35 hours into CT as previously I wasn't expecting for what came and how fast/hard it hit and buckled fairly quickly. but I'm fairly confident in this and reading shelbys posts and seeing her strength and determination has helped me allot. "if she can do it; I can too" mentality

[Hydra]

Warrior,

You didn't really mention in your story how long you've been using?? If wasn't that long, your withdrawal might not be too terrible. I came off a 250mg a day habit and was sick as can be, but I had been using for years before finally jumping that shark (Happy Days analogy for us old farts on here.

One thing you should check out is the Thomas Recipe (search the forums), it can really help. A hodgepodge of vitamins & supplements, you can get almost everything at a nutritional store like GNC. I also read about some new product called "withdrawal ease" from a company in TX, it sounds like a supplement type deal, but I am not sure how it works, if it does work.

I really just wanted to tell you to hang in there, a couple days of hell is worth getting your life back. AND I wanted to thank you for your service to our country. Too many soldiers go through this very thing after coming home from being deployed. It is our job to take care of our own when they come home and need help. God Bless.

Hugs & Prayers,

HW

[crazin]

Hey guys, just an update! I'm currently 35 hours into CT as previously I wasn't expecting for what came and how fast/hard it hit and buckled fairly quickly. but I'm fairly confident in this and reading shelbys posts and seeing her strength and determination has helped me allot. "if she can do it; I can too" mentality

Hi AW - Hydro/oxy withdrawal normally plateaus somewhere between 36 and 48 hours, will last for another 24-36 hours, then starts getting better. Think of it this way - in 12 more hours (if not already), it will be as bad as it gets and you will be over half-way to feeling MUCH better.

Good luck!

[grip]

the right attitude Warrior makes all the difference.. that's what Shelby had to do, turn around her thinking.. dig your heels in and by turkey day you'll be a new person

[Addictedwarrior2011]

the right attitude Warrior makes all the difference.. that's what Shelby had to do, turn around her thinking.. dig your heels in and by turkey day you'll be a new person

I caved but am starting again tomorrow, I cut my ATM cards and every source of money so thAt even if the temptation is there I will not and can not give in

[grip]

you'll probably need some leave time, unless you think you can tuff it out.. there's always gonna be temptation but you simply have to want it more than any phony, short term feeling good.. eventually one day the pills won't cut it and you'll really be in deep into the drug world.. I've seen guys washed out of the military with a dishonorable or worse, brig and charges.. be the hero of your own story and overcome this obstacle..

[littlestrength_31]

Hey ad,
First DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR CAVING,First I have couple what might seem dumb questions why can't you take at least 3-4 days off how does it work if you in the army and you were to get like a crazy flu hwo would they handle if you were just to sick to work cause that kinda of what it can appear like to the rest of the world that doesn't know? I ask cause I think if you could somehow just get through the roughest part without having to go you have a better shot in all honesty. I agree you can't lay idol and watch a clock but i think maybe having to not only deal with the physical symptoms but the anxiety like you said worse thing fr you and than haveing to put on a face and try to keep your wd a secret just adds more anxiety and might be one of the reasons you cave.

I went cold turkey 2yrs ago by myself in my house alone and had every text book syndrome. worse for me anxiety and the rls drove me nuts, read thomas's plan its good , I didn't know about this site when i went ct. But I took Vitamins did small healthy meals did the benadryl didn't have any valium or anythign but benadryl helped chill me out a little. imodium and bananas also eating rice can help with the poops lol, and drink as much as you can water and gatoraide this helps flush your system and staying hydrated will help with cramping. Its was like this for me first 24 sucked 48 hell mid way through 72 went back to suck by day 4 went shopping out to lunch wasn't 100% but each day got better. You are strong for even taking these steps. That person you said "you used to be" he's still there and so is th strength you need you just have to believe in you and even though its just site on a comp your not alone, there are really good people on here willing to do what we can to help and support you. Post as much as you need for support just get it all out it will help, good luck darlin.

little

[littlestrength_31]

Hey aw
Haven't seen you on just wondering how your doing, good or bad your always welcom to share thats what its meant for. Hope you are doing well and founf awaw to make this work for you.

LIttle

[Shelby64]

Hey Aw...where are you? Are you okay?

Please don't give up!!!!!! I think you need to develop a plan that will work within your lifestyle - schedule a leave, do the sub thing......whatever it takes!

I am 8 days clean - it still sucks, but I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.......