[iceman27]

Iv'e been sober for long periods before and I have to say ive never been as happy as i am with drugs or knowing I am going to get drugs. Maybe ive been this way for so long that i forget how to be happy without them but i know my 7 months without pills i didn't feel happy at all really. I don't know, it's like i can't get enough hope to really care. I've really been struggling to stay sober. I haven't been using much but im only happy when i know im going to be getting drugs. Maybe I'm depending on drugs too much but I don't know what else to rely on for happiness. I remember a long time ago I was so happy and full of energy but the last 10 years have literally sucked because of the drug abuse. I just can't seem to escape the pain. I don't know what else to do anymore. Sometimes I just lose hope and just want to lie down and give up. I'm weak and tired of trying to stay strong.

[abey042000]

Iceman,
I know exactly how u feel. I'm dealing with the exact feelings right now too. I'm not happy at all, unless I have my pills. It seems like thats what I'm living for. I ran out yesterday, so today, I've done nothing but cry, and feel hopeless. What are we to do? I wish I had some answers for us both.

[Osagewoman]

Ya'll jump over to 'painkiller addiction' and read up on Suboxone. If you want to quit, that's the way to go, if you ask me! In my case, I was diagnosed with major depression over 10 years ago and have been on antidepressants ever since, but I'm like you, happy on the pills, unhappy off! As I lay in bed yesterday depressed as hell because I was out, I wondered why I had to depend on pills to be happy! [xx(] It's the only way for me to get up, do things, be around people and just feel like life is worth living, despite the fact I take anti-depressants! I have upped my dosage of Zoloft in the last couple of weeks but it's like losing your best friend when you run out of pain pills!

[PaPDuGi369]

guys i know how it feels...im a dope fein (sniffin...not shootin) for 3-4 years and the more i get high the harder it is to get clean and become normal again...about 2 years back i got arrested and had to do a drug court program and after alot of dirty urines and trips to jail i finally got clean for a while and started lifting weights and i think i never felt better before...i mean it wasnt all smooth sailin but real life isnt perfect...just try to take it a moment at a time and try to forget about your problems and just relax...it takes time but it was worth it and i wish once i got of probation i didnt start getting high again[}]its just that devil in me

[betsy_still_tokes]

I thought today about getting ahold of some painkillers and how I would make the phone call when I got home today. It gave me something to look forward to all day, and I can't remember being that excited about something in a very long time. It was as if everything that has gone wrong in my life since I last got high was going to be righted once I felt that sweet, hot, lovely floating feeling that makes all my cares and problems dissipate and leaves me sleeping soundly and comfortably. I'm falling, but the guilt is overridden by the ecstasy I'll soon feel. It's so easy not to stop.

Jesus Christ will help you through. -Betsy

[LolKatie]

quote:Originally posted by betsy_still_tokes

I thought today about getting ahold of some painkillers and how I would make the phone call when I got home today. It gave me something to look forward to all day, and I can't remember being that excited about something in a very long time. It was as if everything that has gone wrong in my life since I last got high was going to be righted once I felt that sweet, hot, lovely floating feeling that makes all my cares and problems dissipate and leaves me sleeping soundly and comfortably. I'm falling, but the guilt is overridden by the ecstasy I'll soon feel. It's so easy not to stop.

Jesus Christ will help you through. -Betsy

^ Exactly.

Once you do quit, though. It's not like you're going to be all "happy happy joy joy" right away, Or even for a few months, maybe.. For me it took about a month to be able to sleep, and become 'happy' again.. Without vicodin. But now i'm happy, without taking 10 10MG vicodins a day.. Happy, And not dying by killing my liver, If there wasn't tylenol in vicodin, I honestly probably would not have quit. But after seeing how many people die from it, and how many livers get messed up, I did.

[betsy_still_tokes]

I've been making lots of phone calls since I got home from work, but to no avail. Every time I can't get any painkillers, even if I'm seriously in pain, I always feel disappointment mixed with a strange sense of relief. I think it balances out for the better.

Jesus Christ will help you through. -Betsy

[thereshope]

Someone once told me in one of the many "programs" I've tried that I can be a miserable sober SOB or I can go to meetings and be happy. A lot people don't do this and live in "small towns" but I can tell you they help me. It helps to talk to people and realize there are normal people out there in the same boat who live life normally. Plus the urge to use is lifted. I can just tell you what I've found. It wasn't necessarily the drugs that were my problems but underlying problems. I had to find out why I was taking them in the first place and what I could do to replace the feelings that made me want to pop 5-12 percs a day (every day).