Did I mis-step by getting on Suboxone this time?

[SecondTimeAround]

Hi,

I tend to over-explain, but will try to keep things as succinct as possible. The information and comfort here has been exceedingly helpful, particularly kind Robert and the other avid-posters.

I am on Suboxone for the second time, and have only been on it since last Thursday, so 5 days including this mornings dose. History:

Last year, I went through a lot of painful emotional events at the same time in my 24th year, and I started coping with my problems poorly, but using opiates. It started with a few lortabs here and there but eventually ramped to 150mg roxicodone spread over 3 days, then 4 days off, then 10 lortab 10's a day for 5 days, then 4 days off, etc. When I tried to taper down or go through w/d naturally, the physical / mental / emotional aspect of the withdrawal itself PLUS what I was dealing with already (end of a 5 year relationship which was very messy, my father died of a heart attack suddenly, and my step-father was diagnosed with brain and lung cancer) I just couldn't get through it, so I finally felt helpless enough that I tried Suboxone.

I now realize they (same clinic I am currently using) are more of the careless, for the $$ type, as it was extremely easy to procure, they started me at a 16mg a day dose (I now realize from this board how high that is) and their suggestions on tapering were almost non-existent. Alas, I tapered off as well as I saw fit in about 2.5-3 months, not ideal, but I did quit using. However, w/d (probably due to my tapering schedule and length of use) was pretty rough. 2-3 weeks of extreme discomfort and lethargy. But I made it.

I stayed clean for 5 months, but allowed life stress and other things to keep me from addressing the underlying emotional/behavioral issues that fueled my use. So, around May of this year, I played with fire, I made the classic mistake and tried to see if I could use casually. Well now I know... I cannot. It quickly spun out of control, but nothing too crazy. The worst I got was 60-90 mg of roxi each day for a few days, then 4 days off (sounds familiar), then maybe 5 lortab 7.5's a day for a few days, then 4 days off, etc. Coping mechanism/emotional-crutch.. but I still got very VERY scared and did feel weak/loose stool/nausea when I went off, so I freaked out and called my Suboxone clinic again.

I even discussed the decision with my counselor (she is not a psychiatrist, mind you, but I trust her greatly) and thought long and hard and decided a short stint (after reading this board a bit) on Sub would provide me a familiar / safe plan to get out of the cycle I was in.

Now... since last Thursday things have been a bit weird. I haven't taken more than 8mg a day once, I immediately went down to 3mg 2x a day on the second day, as that first 8mg dose felt like I got rather f***ed up! More than I needed, I figured. So I've been at 3mg 2x a day for the past 4 days including this morning's dose. However, I have not felt good... weird throat irritation, headaches, muscle tension, obviously the typical stuff like zero sex drive, impossible to reach climax, zero bowel movement activity.

Essentially I am just seeking help / comfort / advice ... should I keep this up for 1 to 2 weeks and do the Robert suggested 25% taper down ? Should I maybe not even be on this stuff this time around? Obviously that clinic has little interest in keeping me OFF of it.. they knew I was there to get it and they are happy to Rx it, regardless of circumstances really. Just being brutally honest that's what kind of facility it seems to be.

I just know that this low dose is causing me to feel lethargic/weird/anxious and already have unsteady sleep. The last thing I used before I broke down and went to the clinic was just 2-3 Darvocet 100-Ns a day! I guess I am saying my usage wasn't that crazy, it was just my behavior that felt out of control (I couldn't quit picking up the phone and trying to buy despite knowing I needed to quit).

Is just dropping off sub after 5 days EVER advisable? Probably not, I realize. But if not, should I try to taper off ASAP as in a few days from now after this 6mg a day dose for a week?

I apologize for the length of this and my scattered writing... I am nervous and scared from every angle, and don't want to undergo another withdrawal if I don't need to. I just want to do this right.

Thank youuuuu...

PS am in psychological counseling weekly, will be starting NA this week and codependents anonymous as well. Other medicine includes 1mg klonopin when needed and am supposed to resume Prozac soon which has helped me in the past. Has not begun though.

[shybaybe2003]

i can not really give you advice but I can tell you what my experience with subs are. I went on subs for 5 or 6 months last year. I always used to much, and was going through constant withdrawals when i ran out. I quit cold turkey, and was fine for a few days, but then withdrawls hit me. No energy, severe depression, lack of motivation, body aches etc etc. but within a month or so i was feeling okay. I know subs work for alot of people, but i would have to be on deaths door to go back to them.
For me i cannot taper woth a sh*t on anything, well, narcotics, so cold turkey is always my answer. It can be painful, but i feel i get over it quicker. But if tapering makes the withdrawals less painful, then tapering may be right for you.
Good luck

[picablue]

I can identify with this. I have never had crazy high usage-- but like you I'm now faced with the choice of going on subs and I don't know if it makes sense or not for the level of addition that I have. The cure might be worse than the... you get the idea...