Desperation

[norcalang]

Please bear in mind I wrote this as blog originally but knowing that half the battle is the mental aspect I thought I should seek encouragement and advise from medical professionals, addicts or otherwise.

For about a year now I've been a vicodin and norco addict.
It all a started as fun and games-the high was fun and seemed relatively harmless.
But as any drug goes tolerance builds up and you look for better and more ways to get high.
It started with one-3 5-500 Vicodins a day. It really helps take the edge off a rough day.
Nothing was more fun then cuddling on the couch with hubby while getting high together and watching tv. Even playing games like when House (tv show and character) took vicodin we would match

Since then we've moved on to norcos with a combo of soma and tramadols to make the high better. Our own little cocktails. Some rationalization was well if we were out at the bars or clubs we'd be spending twenty to eighty dollars on drinks alone. We finally found the best deal on norcos at five dollars a pop(after a lot of interesting and scary adventures) We nixed drinking (lucky for us-most addicts don't) when our habit started, him just losing interest. Where as on myself I felt alcohol ruined the drugs effects and/or made me fell like I was going through withdrawals. Hot flashes, restlessness, anxiety.

Today
I had been doing a lot of research as we have been contemplating desperate measure to get off our addiction (my bf heard from another addict that heroin is a good choice because recovery from it is nothing compared to everything else). Methadone and Suboxone seemingly the professional measures typically used in treatment to help block the need for opiates as well as assist with the ever horrible withdrawals. Many people saying it's like fighting fire with gasoline however with how addictive and even more horrible the withdrawals are of the replacements. Suboxone is by far the better of the two choices but I happen to have three ten mg methadones as well as half of one. I took half of one awhile when I heard it was supposed to get you higher then vicodin/norco ever could. But I also hear you can OD easily so i only took half. It didn't nothing for me because of above mentioned facts. I went and researched them and tucked them away realizing they would only ruin my high when taken within close proximity to vicodin (2-8 hrs) and could be lethal.

Last night at 10 p.m. I took one norco, 1 tramadol and two somas to help me sleep. This morning I woke up at 6am (always do because of need of drugs) took a tramadol and two somas to try to know myself back out. I managed to stay asleep until 10 where i took out my norcos and counted them to make sure I didn't wake up an take one during the night. I got on my computer on researched some more while on the other side of my bed had my norcos and methadone laid out to help me figure out my path. Norco cocktail or try methadone to get out of this never ending hole?
I was in beginning phases of withdrawal being 12+ hours, rest-less leg syndrome, high anxiety, restlessness, hot-cold, body aches. Like the flu but it gets to be way way worse (I've gone through withdrawals before willingly and unwillingly due to travel). Supposedly you need to be in full withdrawal before taking methodone.

I talked to my other half who was out of town and told him I was going to go for it. He is as desperate for a way out as I am and told me to go for it. I took the half that I had and went to make a bath. I put some bath salts in (which are supposed to be homeopathic in helping sore muscles) and made sure it was hot as possible. I have had the ac on blast so when was hot I uncover myself (while in bed) but when cold I get under the heating pad. Ridiculous fluctuations. The bath felt great, hot and comfy while my legs and head stuck out into the freezing air. After about 20 mins I noticed I felt more relaxed and started almost meditatively playing with the water in pattern, and contemplated writing a blog about my experience. I will be happy if this blog makes one person turn their back to narcotics or other drugs.
I got out dried off and noticed I felt somewhat in a haze when I walked but a substantially reduction in
my withdrawal symptoms. I settled back into bed and started my story. The whole time I've written this i've felt minimal RLS and small amounts of hot and cold. If this continues this successfully I will be so happy!

I'm going to take a break and continue to ride this a long as I can before taking another 5mg of methadone. After all who is going to want to read a book even if it concerns addiction?

[SoMuchToBeCleanFor]

Just a quick 2 cents... heroin is NOT a good way to detox off any drug. Don't start that or you'll regret it. Others will be on soon to give more advice.

[dago77]

...How many norco a day were you taking? I cant tell if that says 1-3 a day? Obviously herion is a horible idea! If you cant handle the w/d, and have insurance talk to a doctor about going the suboxone route. Or try to get it on the street if you have to and talk to some of the guys on here for a plan. I am not a meth expert, but I dont think a 1 yr addiction will call for methadone? Sounds like you want to quit! Thats great, I try to get your hands on some subox,get on a good plan and taper with Robert or MM, move on with your life, and quit taking all the pills! You have to want it, I know that. Good Luck!!!

Ryan