Death and Depression

[xTerm]

I have a question about depression and I am looking for the opinions of people that have or have had depression that was actually triggered by an event.
As in my case for example, where my Father, who would have been 65 on Oct 11, suddenly died from a massive heart attack last Monday and was buried on Saturday.
In the beginning, the first few days, I was handling it fairly well, I was very sad of course but I felt that I had it under control.
But then came the "viewing" on Friday night where the family met at the funeral home for a short two hour viewing at which there were several pictures laid out on the table and a TV that played a DVD of a slideshow of even more pictures, some of which were pics of me and my Dad fishing, talking or even just having a beer together and watching TV.
There were also pictures of him on his Aircraft Carrier during the Viet Nam war and ones that i was especially proud of were of him in his Dallas Police uniform and he would be setting in a chair at a Zales, guarding the jewelry after hours, (he would do this during his normal "off hours" as an extra job)
Anyway, it was during this "viewing" that I got really low, starting out like a mild depression and I what I thought would be temporary, lasting from a few hours to maybe a day or two at the most.
I woke up the next day, (the day of the funeral) and I felt like I was in a hole that was just tall enough that my hands would just barely reach the top as I would try and pull myself up.
I know that sounds like a lame way to explain it but its the simplest scenario that I can describe..
He had a military funeral, with two Petty Officers playing taps and folding up the flag, it was at that point that I became very emotional and although crying makes me feel horrible at the time, usually after I get it all out I feel better afterwards but not this time, it seemed that no matter what I did, I would feel worse.
I also understand that some people will wonder why I am carrying something so personal into a public forum for all to see, I would always ask the same thing to people in the past.

These things that Im typing now have been building up in my head so long that I have begun recycling the same thoughts in my head, over and over and over, especially when I lay down and try to go to sleep, so I figured id get them off my chest in a forum that I rarely visit as opposed to one where more people know me.

Now having said all of that and I apologize if it bored anyone, i wanted to know if anyone else has had a feeling similar to mine and if so, what was done about it.
Its a genuine feeling that I am stuck in a hole that is just deep enough that I cannot pull myself out, I have even tried to visualize someone giving me a hand up and trying to pull me out but that didnt seem to work.

So to summarize my situation for the bored ppl...
It appears that ive fallen into what I hope is a temporary mild to moderate depression tht was brought about by my father passing away last Monday (Aug 10th)
I am looking for opinions from people that have been in similar situations and what they did to pull themselves out of it.
Did you go to the doctor and get an SSRI? If so, which one was it and how long did you take it before you were feeling better?
Did you just wait it out and allow "time to heal your wounds" and if so, how long did that take?
Ive never really been a depressed person so I dont know if this is actually depression or just severe sadness, all I do know is that this is the hardest thing that ive ever gone through and the worse that ive ever felt.
Thanks for reading, for those that did.. Also, Im sorry that this is so long, and I wouldnt blame you if you didnt read it, I know i wouldnt lol..
-

[Yogasmer]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Losing someone is never an easy experience, and of course deeply personal.

I was widowed five years ago in Oct. I was 37, my husband 36 - I did not seek help for depression at first. Let me clarify that I have suffered with depression before - most of my adult life and I probably should have gone to the doctor sooner as his death did indeed trigger a downward spiral. HOWEVER, yoga helped me handle a lot of the early work and stages of grief. Here's the thing - GIVE YOURSELF SOME TIME!!! Don't let society or friends or do-gooders dictate your grieving process. You may be sad for a few weeks or months ... you may be fine one day and sad the next...you may be fine one minute and crying the next...for quite sometime. If you start to notice things other than the emotion and sadness...such as the inability to get out of bed for days and days then seek help...But I don't recommend Rx unless you absolutely have to. being sad is a natural state, as will be denial and anger and resentment all jumbled up - face those feelings and you will be better able to face your loss- if it gets too much seeking counseling or support groups is a better way to start dealing with the difficultly of moving forward. Read some books - online support groups specifically for grief. My guess is you will work through this time and come out the other side stronger.

Stay close to those you love...share your feelings and allow them to move through you and with any luck you won't ever have to see a pill

Best wishes
Namaste
ARC

(as you can see I don't mind long messages :0)

[xTerm]

Thank you for your reply, i know it is difficult to share personal feelings with a website that is accessible by pretty much the entire world and I am sorry for your loss as well.
Youre right about several things but one in particular that stood out was how my emotions will change not just day to day but also minute to minute.
One minute I find it near impossible to believe that he is truly gone and the next minute i may feel like that ive completely accepted it and that I know that he would want me to move on and quit dwelling on it.
I havent actually cried in a day or so but thats only because i have cried so much that i dont think I have anything left to cry out.
On top of the other emotions tht ive already mentioned, Im also feeling regret and anger because I feel that had he been with either me or my brother and not with his ********** girlfriend 300 miles away, he wouldve actually made it to a hospital and may be currently alive.
But i know that all the what-ifs and if-only's do absolutely no good, it still doesnt stop me from wondering about it and wishing
thanks again for your reply yoga...

[SmlUGotFrenchs]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Losing someone is never an easy experience, and of course deeply personal.

I was widowed five years ago in Oct. I was 37, my husband 36 - I did not seek help for depression at first. Let me clarify that I have suffered with depression before - most of my adult life and I probably should have gone to the doctor sooner as his death did indeed trigger a downward spiral. HOWEVER, yoga helped me handle a lot of the early work and stages of grief. Here's the thing - GIVE YOURSELF SOME TIME!!! Don't let society or friends or do-gooders dictate your grieving process. You may be sad for a few weeks or months ... you may be fine one day and sad the next...you may be fine one minute and crying the next...for quite sometime. If you start to notice things other than the emotion and sadness...such as the inability to get out of bed for days and days then seek help...But I don't recommend Rx unless you absolutely have to. being sad is a natural state, as will be denial and anger and resentment all jumbled up - face those feelings and you will be better able to face your loss- if it gets too much seeking counseling or support groups is a better way to start dealing with the difficultly of moving forward. Read some books - online support groups specifically for grief. My guess is you will work through this time and come out the other side stronger.

Stay close to those you love...share your feelings and allow them to move through you and with any luck you won't ever have to see a pill

Best wishes
Namaste
ARC

(as you can see I don't mind long messages :0)

Thank you for sharing that with all of us. You give solid, succinct advice from the voice of experience and though my heart breaks for you, it is obvious that you didn't let your horrible loss rob you of your compassion to help others, or change the strong woman that you are. Please accept my condolences.