| | day 6 off oxys -
 day 6 off oxys hi everyone im new here today is the first time ive been on this site and it seems very helpful. im detoxing at home with the love and support from my husband, thank god, i had been hiding my addiction for 2 years and i couldnt lie anymore. I just wanted to share a small bit of my story and wish everyone the best
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 Dear Ice,
I wish you the very very best of luck during your taper. Your husband must be a good man. What do they say? We're only as sick as our secrets. I'm glad you opened up about yours.
NYG
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Nice move Ice Coffee. Letting that secret go will enable you to accomplish all sorts of great things now. I am happpy that u have a significant other who cares. 
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6 days!!! you rock! How are you feeling? Your husband also gets big points for his support- but it's you dealing with the hard stuff. Great job.
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You have done the right thing. I did the same thing I hid a lot from my wife and the only way I was coming clean was by telling her the honest truth about everything it was hard but it has made us stronger. She was a big help in me getting clean.
I haven't taken any meds, month to the day. I feel really really good. My head is clear my sleep is starting to come around it's a hard hard road to follow but well worth it.
I know it must seem very hard for you right now but you are doing a great job. Before you know it will be a month gone buy and you be feeling great.
Keep up the good job. You'll be fine.
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Good for you Ice Coffee! You are gonna get a lot of support on this forum also! So post as much as you can! Take care!
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thank u all soo much, today is the 7th day and the withdrawals are much easier, but i find myself thinkin about pills alot. I know this will pass, but its soo tough. does anyone know roughly how long that part will last, im looking forward to not thinking about it soo much.
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How you still doing  Originally Posted by ice coffee  thank u all soo much, today is the 7th day and the withdrawals are much easier, but i find myself thinkin about pills alot. I know this will pass, but its soo tough. does anyone know roughly how long that part will last, im looking forward to not thinking about it soo much. I just starting my 8th day of no pain pills I can do it I must do this LOL thats what I keep telling myself while I just lay here in bed but cant sleep.
I have goten 6 hours since I went c/t from a 2 year 100 mil gram hydrocodone love hate relationship lol.
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Bubba, Great job Bubba,
Great job - friend - hang in there - I was exactly where you are - wih the sleep - it will take a while - but do your best not to fight it - just try to adjust to it --- it will get better slowly ..... at first I really fought it and let it frustrate me - but now - well I just know I will get all my emails answered at 3am! ...... even considered looking into working the third shift at a dairy queen lol.... what is so strange is that you can actually exist on so little sleep - i never even felt tired during the day - on the contrary - more wired than anything. ,,,,, just have to let the ol' body heal ...... but you are doing great - and remember = YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY AGAIN --- as long as you do not use..... not even one....not even one.... NOT EVEN ONE...... ONLY ONE will RESET THE CLOCK - TRUST ME - i KNOW!
GOOD ON YA, PAL! hugs ttt
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Good for you iced coffee!! That's awesome, I bet your so proud!! I am yet again on Day 1 off pain pills, how are you feeling now?!? Hope all is well and you have a great Christmas!!
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I'm here with you, 48 hours off Vicodin. I keep hearing that it does get better. It's strange how the physical W/D is soooo bad because it hurts and it's somehow tangible but the mental W/D really is the **********. I have 21 of those wonderful/horrible (I keep changing my mind) pills left in my drawer and I think about them non stop. I should just get rid of them! It's so scary though.
I'm so happy to be clean though and going to see my family tonight with a clear head! Facing things that are scary makes us better people. It will be hard but we will come out the other end so much stronger!
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If I were you I would get rid of them. You will find and excuse to take them! And you will justify it in your head and then you will beat yourself up if you use. So do yourself a favor and flush them down the toilet. Congrats on staying clean for 48 hours though! You are headed in the right direction.
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Ice, bubba, vico, you've all made the very right decision. Ice, you're lucky to have the support of a loving guy. It will help you through this. Vico, you really NEED to get rid of the pills. You are setting yourself up so bad and don't even see it coming. You don't need them. You take them and you're back to square one. Flush them.... Tram, so what if its day 1 yet again. Relapse is a part of recovery. One day you will say day 10, day 100.... Perhaps this is the beginning of that. Gene, we all have that love/hate relationship... Believe me, the hate overtakes the love soon enough. Keep up the good work.... TTT, I hope and pray you are feeling better. You are one of the strongest because of that real pain you deal with. I gie you credit. ANd you take the time to write beautiful thoughtful poetry . You're the best. Feel well .
Merry Christmas and Seasons Greetings to all !!!!!
NYG
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 Hi everyone well i am on day 13 now, and i feel like everything is falling apart, my life, my family..i look into my husbands eyes and see the pain ive caused him and its killing me. i feel like im falling into a depression, i see all the pain that i have caused everyone around me and i don't even know how i got here. maybe its because ive used for so long, but i have a wonderful husband and great kids and a good family..so why did i do this to everyone. my husband says he can understand when i was an addict but he can't wrap his head around the beginning part when i first did it and didn't tell him. i wish i knew the answer. everyone is hurting soo much all around me and its all my fault.. i can never make this better. i don't even know if i can ever understand. i feel so bad for what ive done to everyone.
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to the love of my life Baby, first off I want you and everyone to know that I love you. I want nothing more than our life back. I'm so sorry if i'm making this any harder on you. It is so hard for me to see the woman of my life that was so strong for all these years be taken over by lies and a dangerous drug addiction. I always believed in you and still believe you can beat this. You have been a better wife and friend than any man could ever have dreamed of. It hurts me to tell you how hurt I truely am, But so many of you understand, I dont do this to hurt her, Its simply because she has been my wife,lover, and best friend i've ever had since we were 15 years old. Baby I LOVE YOU and I swear im trying my best. You are doing great fighting your addiction and im proud of you. All I want is for you to be clean, and for you to know that your the only one for me and i want you forever. Now get better because i cant find a clean pair of socks anywhere. Kidden babe , love you
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Originally Posted by ice coffee Hi everyone well i am on day 13 now, and i feel like everything is falling apart, my life, my family..i look into my husbands eyes and see the pain ive caused him and its killing me. i feel like im falling into a depression, i see all the pain that i have caused everyone around me and i don't even know how i got here. maybe its because ive used for so long, but i have a wonderful husband and great kids and a good family..so why did i do this to everyone. my husband says he can understand when i was an addict but he can't wrap his head around the beginning part when i first did it and didn't tell him. i wish i knew the answer. everyone is hurting soo much all around me and its all my fault.. i can never make this better. i don't even know if i can ever understand. i feel so bad for what ive done to everyone. If it gets to bad you might consider going to the Doctors, but I went through the same thing for a few weeks after I stopped taking to. Even though my body was feeling a little better I was not to stable emotionally crying everytime I laid in bed thinking what I done to my wife and kids. It seemed as each day went by I became more stable mentally not dwelling on what I did as much as making sure I won't fall back to where I was, Doing what is right by my wife and kids paying more attention them now.
You can't change wants already done but you can make sure you do what is right now. Things will get better just don't use again.
You'll be Ok.
Take care and God Bless.
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This depression and feeling like your whole world is falling apart is just a part of the withdrawal, ice.. As dougy said and I can repeat, it will get better day by day. Your husband's post was just lovely. You are lucky to have his support. In one way, you have to understand that its hard for him. He is trying to wrap his brain around "addiction" but its not easy, especially to wonder why you started to begin with. Its the $64,000 question. But it looks to me like he's standing by you. All you have to do is the hard part, go through the withdrawing. You're more than there, now you have to deal with the mental part, which entails sadness and guilt and crying but it will get better, I promise. Good luck and best wishes to you both.
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Iced, even though I am a pro at relapsing I know exactly how you are feeling. I have hurt my kids(even though they are too young to realize it, I do!) my family and my wonderful boyfriend whom has stuck by my side through two medical detoxes and other relapses. I am a very emotional person, and any time I quit cold turkey it seemed to be so unbareable, and that was part of the reason I went back to using. The guilt I felt. BUT... you sound like you have a wonderful husband who is trying his best to be your support and that is THE most important thing/tool you NEED to have, especially now. I know that it's been I believe you said 13 days, and although that is GREAT, the mental part sticks around longer, and I know you probably have already guessed that. I just keep telling myself how happy and good I felt before the addiction and if I never use again I will get back to that way if not happier, but I know that it will take time. I am impatient so if your anything like me then you know how it feels to just want all these Bad feelings to STOP!! But again, it takes time. And you could feel guilt every minute of the day if you chose to, but you know that will only make your sobriety harder. And of course you won't start to feel any better. You HAVE to teach yourself that we all make mistakes and do wrong, but you can learn from that and it will make you an even better person than before!! If you ever want to chat or anything please let me know, I and like many others KNOW EXACTLY how your feeling. But it does get better with time! Instead of feeling guilt, be blessed with such a great family, etc. I know it's hard to feel that way so soon, but the more positive you feed yourself the easier it will be to overcome this battle!! We are all here for you Keep posting!!
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15 days in hi everyone hope everyboday had a good holiday. i am 15 days clean..but i do still have some quesitons. so far ive been home with my husband, i havent gone out on my own and i havent been to work since i told him. i was wondering what others do.. should i think about going to work, and i still too sick in the head? is it still way to soon? im interested in how others cope when they first get clean so i stay clean
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I'm so happy for you, ice coffee! Greaat job!! I can tell you from my own experiences....just in my opinion.... I'd definitely get back to work and back into the "real world" so to speak. You cant stay in the house forever and it may do you some good to get back out there, you know, maybe dress nice, do your hair, put on makeup... that always helped me. It's like I felt good about myself and it helped my self esteem. Especially after you've been in detoxing. I can remember I'd be in my pj's 24/7, bun on top of my head, slippers, etc. LOL. Getting dressed and back to work made me feel good. I felt like "Hey, I can do this." And so can you. In my opinion, I don't think it's too soon at all. Sooner or later you'll have to learn what it's going to be like functioning in the "real world" and incorporate your sobriety with your everyday life and activities. You can do this, girl! You've already come so far! Keep us posted! You're in my thoughts and prayers. Go Get EM Girl.....
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Hi Ice coffee
I agree with Erica Marie
I think you need to get out there and relearn how to live out there in the world without the pills, The first day is a little scary but after that it will start to build your confidence up and you will be on your way..
you have done a great job I know how hard this is...
very proud of you, let us know how it goes...
Talk to you soon, Melinda
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thank u both for ur support, i use to clean houses and for the last 2 years i did that on oxys. and yes i would look in medicane cabinets. so do u think i should still clean houses ( even though i feel like i cant move) or do u think i should look for a totally different job. plz let me know everyones info has been helpin me soo much
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I have a cleaning business so you made me smile when you said that,,,OH man  ...did I think I was going to die when I went back, I had one house the first day back and I was scared to death, but I just took it ten minutes at a time and one room at a time and I made it thru it...
do you work for yourself of for someone
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melina lol...so u know what im feeling, i work for myself..how about u? did u have a similar prob? how did it turn out?
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LOL Thank God I work for myself...so I slowed way down I was doing a long taper off a lot of pills...Klonopin soma's and then the oxycontin and vic's.
It has been 1 and 1/2 years now I use to know where everyone kept there pills, but after a while you will just forget all about it...just take it one hour at a time if you have to...I use to take it ten minutes at a time...meaning I would tell myself OK I can do this for ten more minutes and they after that ten minutes I would say OK I can do another ten minutes and pretty soon the house was done and I was clean a little bit longer...
I have some chronic pain issues so I have to make sure I exercise everyday,which I haven't been doing...but I am going to start back up now that Christmas is over..but I can do what ever I want now...your going to do great If I can help with anything let me know...
Melinda
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melinda, thank u that is making me very hopeful that i can go back out there and actually deal with things. how long did you wait to go back to work? I may take a whilt off just to get stronger. but everyday im starting to do more. I cant seem to keep my house clean lol but that is a different story altoghther. Thank u again
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Great for you Iced!! Proud of you! I would definitely do something outside of the home, it does make thing's worse when you aren't doing much of anything. I however can't just go back to work, I haven't worked in 3 years cause of a back injury at my last job, so I don't have that option as of yet!! It would probably be best to get out there and do it!! Just take your time, and don't feel like you have to rush back to your old self before your addiction came into play. It will take some time to get use to things again. How are you feeling physically, are you over your physical withdrawals for the most part??
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no more, im pretty much over it except for the depression, that is the one thing that i am having a hard time with, also my body is tired, prob from lack of sleep. my dr. put me on clondine, and maybe thats making me feel kinda weird, not too sure. The depression is tough because everything around me is falling apart. The damage that i have done to my family is unbearable and i keep thinking if i get out and contribe i would at least know i was making an effort in making some repairs. most of my customers are being understanding, i told them im going through a family emergency. some of my customers are not so great, but i really don't blame them.
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Originally Posted by ice coffee no more, im pretty much over it except for the depression, that is the one thing that i am having a hard time with, also my body is tired, prob from lack of sleep. my dr. put me on clondine, and maybe thats making me feel kinda weird, not too sure. The depression is tough because everything around me is falling apart. The damage that i have done to my family is unbearable and i keep thinking if i get out and contribe i would at least know i was making an effort in making some repairs. most of my customers are being understanding, i told them im going through a family emergency. some of my customers are not so great, but i really don't blame them.
Well a good thing is that most of your physical withdrawls are over. Sleep is always at the end they say! And I KNOW EXACTLY how your feeling as far as depression goes. It's hard. but getting out there like you said will help you feel better about yourself. It will take time for all the guilt you have to subside, that's my worst problem yet!! The more guilt you feel, the more guilt you will get!! About your customers, that's good that many understand, and for the one's that don't, oh well. That's life, not everyone will be understanding, but be thankful that some do! "If I NEVER use again, I will NEVER have to feel this way"
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Originally Posted by ice coffee melinda, thank u that is making me very hopeful that i can go back out there and actually deal with things. how long did you wait to go back to work? I may take a whilt off just to get stronger. but everyday I'm starting to do more. I cant seem to keep my house clean lol but that is a different story altoghther. Thank u again I never got to quit I just slowed way down and some how got a week off and that is when I went for it, if I remember right i only had about 3 houses a week at that point and time...the stronger i got the more I took on...I want to say it was about two months before I had a full schedule and feeling good...the thing that helped me the most was exercise I swear by it...
so just take on one more house at a time till you start feeling better then take on another...
keep us posted on how it's going...
wishing you the best...
Talk to you soon, Melinda
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