[addicted_n_seattle]

Into Day 5… OMG I never knew someone could sweat so much without moving. I did get out of bed today. I dressed and drove to the gym only to undress and climb into the hottub and sauna. Finally somewhere that I wasn’t freezing.

On my way home I stopped by the grocery and picked up some Ensure & more juice. I haven’t kept much down the past four days. I’ve lost 8 pounds with this detox. I wish I would have eaten more before making the decision to quit c/t.

Someone called this morning wanted to hook them up. It was hard to say no, but easy too. (I did say no). Regardless when I hung up I immediately looked at my bag of heroin. ******** I wish I had the guts, conviction, something, that would enable me to get rid of it. Instead everytime I look at it I have to make the decision that I'm done. I'm an addict that if I continue to use I will live my life as a shell of a people.

Heroin has been my best friend for the past year. He was always there when I needed to relax or have a good time, Heroin was the perfect Friday date. I knew exactly what to expect. I had courage and determination to do the unknown. I also remember the horrible friend Heroin is... the pain, sufferring, bad things I did to get high. I remember how costly my friend is and how I cant not continue...

I guess its time to learn all over again. I'm going to go to a meeting now and then I have to take a final at school tonight.

thank you everyone who has left me little message of encouragement. its helped alot.

jj

[TTTDogs]

JJ,

I am so proud of you - you DID it my friend - CT HERION - YOU DID IT - I am so glad you decided to get out of the house - I know it is hard - but it keeps you busy - you body WILL heal and you will start to fell "normal" emotionally - I know right now you feel empty - and feel like you will never feel right again - but I promise you my friend - you WILL regain your life - YOU NEVER HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN - you are done chasing the dope - the needle - the money - fixing your dope sickness - you are CLEAN -........

You know Ruth ARTIST had some very wise advice for me at your stage - (I am celebrating DAY 10) she let me know I am POWERLESS over my addiction - not matter how much I think I might find a way to do drugs "responsibly" the truth is I am powerless - when I became an addict I let the drugs win - and they WILL win every time - so the ONLY way I can manage my addiction - is to NOT USE - I have to admit the drugs own me and I am powerless to control their use.

I really am happy for you - you will see - it WILL get better - Just take each day as it come - remain patient - let your body heal - and celebrate - the fact that you have come thru the other side - it gets better every DAY - keep posting - you are an inspiration to others!

Hugs TTT

[mottam]

a_n_seattle:
Congrats on day 5.
May I make a suggestion, please?
You are going through dope w/d and have heroin at your disposal?
OUCH! Get rid of it! This is and "all in or all out" fight.
I flushed my oxys. If I had them during w/d, you and I would not be talking right now - I would be high.

I respect your drive - keep going.
I am by no means a therapist - but you are dancing w/ the devil holding ANY opiates.

Get rid of it!

mottam

[doc.rose]

WOW!! You have done such a fantastic job!! You will have support from everyone on this forum to get you through. just keep posting!! Congrats!! Give yourself a pat on the back and a high five!!

[Freedom4me]

Seattle,
You are doing so great. But my friend, I beg you, please get rid of your heroin. Please, please. There is nothing more dangerous to your recovery. I would hate for you to go through this pain for nothing. Robert will tell you that your stash is for relapse. I flushed my vicodins. Please get rid of it. YOU DON'T NEED IT. YOU CAN DO THIS!! You made it this far.

[RubyDean]

jj, mottam is so right about having a bag in your house. why do that to yourself? it really is making this harder for you. also even having old friends calling you is tuff man.
i was a junkie for a long time, and even after cleaning house, changing my number, and working NA daily, it has been the hardest thing in my life. i couldn't imagine doing what you are doing...you never know what minute that it will sound like a good idea, and you will end up getting high...it is a fact, unless you are that 1 in a million...i know i wasn't, but i liked to think i was. Proud of you for what you have endured, and accomplished. Make this last phase easier on you and flush it now.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by addicted_n_seattle

Into Day 5… OMG I never knew someone could sweat so much without moving. I did get out of bed today. I dressed and drove to the gym only to undress and climb into the hottub and sauna. Finally somewhere that I wasn’t freezing.

On my way home I stopped by the grocery and picked up some Ensure & more juice. I haven’t kept much down the past four days. I’ve lost 8 pounds with this detox. I wish I would have eaten more before making the decision to quit c/t.

Someone called this morning wanted to hook them up. It was hard to say no, but easy too. (I did say no). Regardless when I hung up I immediately looked at my bag of heroin. ******** I wish I had the guts, conviction, something, that would enable me to get rid of it. Instead everytime I look at it I have to make the decision that I'm done. I'm an addict that if I continue to use I will live my life as a shell of a people.

Heroin has been my best friend for the past year. He was always there when I needed to relax or have a good time, Heroin was the perfect Friday date. I knew exactly what to expect. I had courage and determination to do the unknown. I also remember the horrible friend Heroin is... the pain, sufferring, bad things I did to get high. I remember how costly my friend is and how I cant not continue...

I guess its time to learn all over again. I'm going to go to a meeting now and then I have to take a final at school tonight.

thank you everyone who has left me little message of encouragement. its helped alot.

jj

JJ ....... we haven't heard from you in a while. I'm just praying you're still clean and trucking along. You've been on my mind as I'm always concerned for the people on this forum. Let us know how you're doing good or bad. Don't give up on yourself. Hope to hear from you. God bless.

[CityRide2009]

Originally Posted by addicted_n_seattle

into day 5… omg i never knew someone could sweat so much without moving. I did get out of bed today. I dressed and drove to the gym only to undress and climb into the hottub and sauna. Finally somewhere that i wasn’t freezing.

On my way home i stopped by the grocery and picked up some ensure & more juice. I haven’t kept much down the past four days. I’ve lost 8 pounds with this detox. I wish i would have eaten more before making the decision to quit c/t.

Someone called this morning wanted to hook them up. It was hard to say no, but easy too. (i did say no). Regardless when i hung up i immediately looked at my bag of heroin. ******** i wish i had the guts, conviction, something, that would enable me to get rid of it. Instead everytime i look at it i have to make the decision that i'm done. I'm an addict that if i continue to use i will live my life as a shell of a people.

Heroin has been my best friend for the past year. He was always there when i needed to relax or have a good time, heroin was the perfect friday date. I knew exactly what to expect. I had courage and determination to do the unknown. I also remember the horrible friend heroin is... The pain, sufferring, bad things i did to get high. I remember how costly my friend is and how i cant not continue...

I guess its time to learn all over again. I'm going to go to a meeting now and then i have to take a final at school tonight.

Thank you everyone who has left me little message of encouragement. Its helped alot.

Jj

if i can kick 90mg of methadone cold turky you will do the heroin!!!!you are in my prayers

[chypes1971]

I struggled with Heroin for years. "My girl with golden eyes" I called her....There is a book...The Heroin Diaries....Read it. It will if nothing else, give you some insigt and hope....Keep fighting...It does get better.

By the way,,,,throw the bags, rigs and gigs down the drain. You are setting yourself up to relapse again.

Stay Strong....All she wants to do is wrap her self around you again....until you are in a grave covered in red roses.

[EricaMarie]

Originally Posted by mottam

a_n_seattle:
Congrats on day 5.
May I make a suggestion, please?
You are going through dope w/d and have heroin at your disposal?
OUCH! Get rid of it! This is and "all in or all out" fight.
I flushed my oxys. If I had them during w/d, you and I would not be talking right now - I would be high.

I respect your drive - keep going.
I am by no means a therapist - but you are dancing w/ the devil holding ANY opiates.

Get rid of it!

mottam

First, please know i mean no disrespect AT ALL, just disaggreaing with ya on this one. Sometimes, and just bare with me and try to keep an open mind and understand where I'm coming from, we need those mental comforts. I can understand why he "might" be holding onto it, however, i don't know him/her or the situation. But as for me personally, when i went c/t off the oxy's, doing 4 to 5 80's daily, I too had held on to one. Crazy? Why? Well, my thing was just mentally knowing ok it's there. If I absolutely cannot do this, I know I have one there to do. And in some weird way it gave me strength. It's like i would talk to it (yeah, really lol) and tell it I don't need you , screw you, look at me I'm going on day to you **********!! THINK I NEED YOU, HELL NO!! Stuff like that. I'm sure it sounds silly, but it worked. Just knowing it was there gave me strength. Kind of like when I want to lose weight, the minute I say 'ok I'm on a diet starting today', I start craving everything I shouldn't have and binge eat. But if i tell myself 'ok i'm just going to eat healthy as i can and if i want something i'll eat it but not putting a label on it'. It's like then i mentally know, in the back of my mind, I'm not on a diet and I don't even crave the bad food. I'm just saying it's not necessarily omg horrible that he/she is holding onto something. I did and it got me thru. Just wanted to share a different side to it and once again, please know i mean no rudeness or disrespect to your post at all.

[EricaMarie]

Oh and addicted in seattle, you kick a$$! So proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself. 5 days!!!!! HELL yeah! That really is great man. I know it's hard and at times feels unmanageable but you've really come so far already. This forum is a phenomenal place man i've become addicted to it. ha! First thing in the morning i'm racing to my laptop to drugs.com. Everyone here is very reassuring and comforting; some really great people here!! You can do it; you've already come so far.

[newyorkgal]

I understand where you're coming from Erica. It's like the person keeping a pack of cigarettes even as they quit. BUT, this is TOO hard. In fact, JJ hasn't been on since October and I hope and pray its not because of that one bag he held on to. I have kicked heroin habits more than once but I know for a fact, if I had some at my disposal, it would have been game over immediately. To JJ: I really hope you're hanging in there. Five days was major on 10/22 and hopefully, you're at 8 weeks now. It would be nice to hear from you

[EricaMarie]

Awwww darn man. That sucks. I should definitely pay attention to the dates more closely. That has been a while. Makes me sad. I hope he is okay.

[newyorkgal]

LOL, Erica. That happens sometimes. You find your way to a thread thats 2 years old and answer it as if its today. This is only two months so I hope he's ok too. But really, with heroin, it would be impossible to hold on to a bag and NOT eventually do it IMHO anyway. Hopefully I'm wrong and he's at his 2 month mark and all is well. Just, having that bag to hold onto, not a wise idea.