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Day 5 - Much reflection
Day 5 - Much reflection
This might end up being a really long post, so get your popcorn!
I've been doing much thinking about who I used to be. I think back 10 years ago, when I was against any sort of drug, and any sort of abuse. I was really adamant about such things. If you were smoking pot, I didn't want to be anywhere near you. I did enjoy drinking though, and mixing drinks for people at parties. I was the first in our group to turn 19, you can bet I'd have spent a fair some of cash on maybe 15-20 different liquors to mix with> I was always the life of the party.
Fast forward to around the time I turned 23. I started to choose pot over alcohol in many cases. I was smoking pot daily, visiting my friend at his work. He worked security, so we'd smoke on the rooftop. The view was great. It started to be all I wanted to do. I didn't 'like' being sober - and it could very well be the same reason I turned to opiates over the last several months. I just haven't figured out 'what' yet..
Instead of being the life of the party, I was always 'that guy' who was either getting high, or rolling a joint to get high. I was always quiet, in my own little world, going in and out of conversations with people.. I've become a totally different person.
For 4 years (Im 27 now), I've lived a life that surrounded pot - vaporize or smoke a joint every night, get high, and play a game. Every night.
At this point, there has to be more substance to my life than just getting high. Opiate or not. A high is a high, right? Big deal if pot isn't 'addicting' physically like an opiate. If I'm doing it daily, there is a problem. Over the last 5 days, I've vaporized twice. I just don't feel like it. Now that I'm finally starting to feel my senses again, I've given up a lot for the sake of a high. I prefer to stay home than go out. All the time. Doing so I've pushed some of my closest friends away.
At this point, this is more than just giving up an opiate. I want to give up the lifestyle I've been living for 4 years. It's no wonder my confidence has been shot, I've always been too stoned! Hell, I haven't gone out to a bar for a drink to meet random people in years. I miss that.
I can't turn back time and change the past, nor can I dwell on it anymore. My future is in my hands - and I can't let life slip away. 4 years of getting high EVERY night, will pave the way to many more years of being responsible.
If someone drank say.. 4 beers every night for 4 years, would you say they have a problem? I would. Same goes for smoking joints every night, or taking opiates every day (for abuse).
At 27, I lived 23 years without drug abuse, I had hydrocodone cough syrup, when I was younger, but I took it as prescribed and no more. Why then do we give up the drug-free life for something that makes us feel differently? Or 'better'. Nothing is better then life - and drug abuse only changes life for the worst.
t this point, I'll say that I've watched Star Wars 1-6 with my father between today and yesterday. Yay for SpikeTV!
"Train yourself to let go of the things that hold you back" - Yoda
Yeah I'm a total geek, but that quote is my drive right now, and I hope it's given you, the reader - a good boost too. I guess that's my rant for the day.
Thats alot of weed.
Dude I to use to smoke pot all the time.
Was always in a fog and would get ragged out.
Pot can cause problems with daily use like no drive or direction in lifes goals.
I smoked it every day in HIGH SCHOOL and it carried over into the air force I was still smoking weed in the military and thats a big no no lol.
Got busted and kicked out that was like 25 years ago.
Anyhow for me all of a suden I slowed way down and then just stoped. I guess I just out grew it at around 29 years old. Pot makes me pairiond anymore and a may smoke it 3 times a year or maybe none for several years.
I miss the old columbia I would score in the seventies that stuff mad me laugh. The green sticky stuff just gets me stone and some times that parinod feeling.
So dude at least cut it back to 2 days a week doing any drup every day is never a good thing.
Maybe look into your soul for why and what you are trying to escape.
i can relate bro. i smoke every day as well. sometimes only a little cone, or two, sometimes a few joints. most of my mates smoke.
as you know im on subs, gettin off all the other cr ap.
i figure im doing the right thing, getting off the methadone first. one thing at a time. i dont smoke cigarettes. only dope.
i shouldnt say only, but for me, its common, its everywhere, nz green.
its pretty socially acceptable here.
if you feel like you have a problem, you do.
at the moment, weed is the last of my worries.
how you and ya dad gettin on.?? good i hope matey.
I totally agree. I'm tired of being in a foggy state of mind. This week has been the best week for me in a very long time. I'm actually getting the REM sleep I need, and not the fuddled THC-filled sleep I've been used to. I can THINK again! Clearly at that! I have a lot of soul searching to do, so I can figure out the reason(s) behind my chronic use. It started off as something great that wouldn't give me a hangover, and quickly spiraled in to something that became a daily habit.
I don't smoke ciggs either.. can't really stand them. The only time I can is when I'm drunk, and I end up hating myself the next morning because of that god awful taste that it leaves. One thing at a time indeed Cheeky! Give it a shot and try to drop the dope for a couple of days.. you'll get the best sleep ever, trust me on that! Dad and I are great, I'm pretty sure he's got the narcotics under lock and key, with the rifles.. so yeah I don't go anywhere near it. Surprisingly, haven't had any urges either. He's helped me out a lot this week, with simple things like laundry, cooking, and dishes. Soon I clean the whole house. Since my abuse started, I've created quite the backlog of things that need to be done.
I haven't felt this great in so long! I actually went for a drive today, something I refused to do before for obvious reasons! Freeeedooom!!!!
Life is great!
Procrastinators unite tomorrow
that was on a tee shirt i saw today. thought it was really cool.
good one daniel i am so stoked for you mate.
and i can relate to the backlog too, we got a few things in common.
take it easy, and say hi to ya dad for me.!!