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Day 2, Hydrocodeine W/D with medicine left. Not sure to taper or not?
  1. #1
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    Default Day 2, Hydrocodeine W/D with medicine left. Not sure to taper or not?

    I have decided to end an 11 year addiction to this stuff. I was being prescribed the medication but taking more than I should have. About 8-10 pills of 500 mg per day (I see the mg listed differently on each post but I have the generic med). Anyway, yesterday I woke up in a fog and finally realized that I had been in a fog for the past several weeks and the only thing that took that fog away was more pills. So I am finished. I didn't have any cravings for it yesterday even though I spent last night tossing and turning with a killer headache and constant trips to the bathroom. Woke up today- still no mental cravings but no energy and still walking through a fog. I hate that fog and occasional burst of anxiety the most. I know I'm strong enough to taper because I don't have the desire to even touch the stuff at this point but if it will only set me back then I will trudge through this foggish hell until I see some light. Being an addict, this isn't my first trip down w/d lane but it's definitely the first time I've put myself here with pills left in the cabinet and the desire not to take.
    So, will a taper help that fog at this point or should I just keep trudging through C/T?

  2. #2
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    I really want to quit. I don't know if I adequetely expressed that in my post. It's hindering me as a person and I have known for quite some time this day would come. Now I just want to make it as easy on the people around me as possible. It almost feels too easy that I am on day 2. I've never gotten past day 3 when the w/d were forced on me. Seems that day was always the breaking point in the past. So I am worried about tomorrow. But I have a million things on a list to do tomorrow so it may be the first day 3 that I'm too busy to think about using. At the same time I'm worried of what people are going to think of the chills and sweats all day tomorrow.

  3. #3
    Anonymous Guest

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    i would go cold turkey and not stay in constant withdrawals.
    in 4-6 days you will not be in a fog......you will have moments of clarity before then.
    actually as time goes by you will realize you were in a fog the whole time you were using.
    that's my opinion anyway......just do it and flush the rest.
    you are going to have "the flu"....difficulty sleeping for a little while.
    good luck!

  4. #4
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    Yea, I really DON'T want to be in a constant state of w/d. I told my husband what's going on and told him I am asking here for advice. He really doesn't know either if I should be tapering or just get it over with. I truly want to just be away from this mess. So 4-6 days after my day 2, I should start feeling better? Or on day 4 to 6?
    Thank you so very much for replying.

  5. #5
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    I want to add that the only reason I haven't flushed them is because in the past, my w/d was a constant state of panic of where I would get more meds. Now that panic is gone. I know where to get them. I'm choosing to say No, this time. I don't know if that's just an excuse but at the moment it's getting me through.
    Comeback Kid and toni.s. like this.

  6. #6
    Anonymous Guest

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    every one is different....
    i would guess on days 4-5 you will be feeling better.
    the more you exercise, stay hydrated the better off you are.
    if you develop restless legs take hylands restless legs med over the counter.
    sleep is difficult, but again it will come......
    you will be ok.
    lots and lots of us have been through it and we are sooo glad we are on the other side!
    Marian

  7. #7
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you once again. I'm going to try doing some yard work to get my energy up for awhile but that may just result in me coming back inside to flip on the bed for a couple of hours. I just wish it was over already.

  8. #8
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    The yardwork didn't last long. I'm back inside with anxiety attacks and trying to sort through major life decisions now. Oh what fun w/d is. What can I do to make the time fly? I can't believe it's only been an hour since my last post...

  9. #9
    Anonymous Guest

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    How ya doin?
    Hang in there......
    everything you are feeling is normal, awful, but normal.
    good for you for gardening even a little.....
    oh, and post as often as you can/want....
    helps to look back later and see how far you have come.
    it does help time to pass to post and read threads of other's journeys.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 06-10-2012 at 02:38 PM.

  10. #10
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    Ugh at the moment I want to cry. I know I can take 2 pills and be totally fine and dandy and then even sleep good tonight. But I don't *want* to break this commitment to myself. I had a battle with myself and my husband said "Just wait an hour and see how you feel." It's been an hour now I still feel super ?????? but I also don't want to lose this battle. Honestly, it's not THAT bad...
    It's like my anxiety and inner battles are giving me headaches and draining me more than anything. Does that make sense? Thank you once again, for your post. I will hang in here.. I just hope tomorrow feels better than today. Today is horrible.

  11. #11
    Anonymous Guest

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    yeah, it's hard.
    i don't know what tomorrow will feel like.
    in a week, you are going to be sooo proud of yourself and glad that it's over.
    good on your husband for the support.
    glad you are hanging in there.
    taking a couple of pills will make you feel better, but then there's another "day one" in your future, yuk!
    Marian

  12. #12
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    I don't feel like I have any more day ones and day twos to give anymore. So I'm just going to keep hoping for a day 7 and day 8 etc. I know I'll look back on this day and chide myself for those thoughts of weakness especially when I know there are people out there right now kicking worse habits than this.

  13. #13
    Anonymous Guest

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    Nope.....
    you won't "chide" yourself....
    you will feel good about yourself and realize that you are stonger than you ever dreamt.
    it will give you the strength to face life on life's terms....not kidding.
    i've been doing it and i'm so glad i was there for my mom when she was ill and died,
    my gr/kids and daughter when they needed me....
    it's not something you look back on and regret....trust me!

  14. #14
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    Day 2- almost over. Going to wind the day down with some valerian root and a comedy movie. I feel pretty tired and the fog is still there clinging to my head like superglue. I did get some housework done because tomorrow will be a busy day and I'm hoping I'll be up for it. Shadowwally, you will probably never know how much each post of yours has meant to me today and gotten me through. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I'm holding on to your words for the night and tomorrow!

  15. #15
    Sunny mom is offline Member
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    Hi Almost...hope you enjoy your movie. It's tough to stop, but please trust me, you will feel SO good about not taking those two pills! Look at it as being halfway through the worst part...would be a shame to "waste" those two days clean, right? It's great that you have your husband supporting you...I too have had my husband behind me, and that has made a HUGE difference. All the best to you, you can do it!!

  16. #16
    deleted116 is offline Member
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    Almost there, you are on Day 3! Literally every moment that you aren't taking a pill your body/mind is healing and you are working towards getting better.

    It's like my anxiety and inner battles are giving me headaches and draining me more than anything. Does that make sense?

    Yup, this tototally makes sense. In the first week or so I can remember thinking several times "if I just got off my a** and did something I would probably feel better". I could deal with the chills, the stomach issues, the lack of sleep and all of the other stuff. But the mental part....the depression and the lack of motivation....that's what would get me everytime. And for so long I DID take those "2 pills" to feel better. My rationale was always that "i'll take these now and then I'll start again when I'm more prepared...or when conditions are better". I'm not sure when i thought that magic time would come! So I re-lived Days 1-3'ish over and over and over again. And of course my mind put together that being off pills, I would always feel like I did on Day 1-3. I didn't know how I would live like that.

    This time around (I'm at almost 4 months) I told myself that no matter how bad I felt, I was going to give myself the chance to see what Day 10, 20, 30, etc, etc felt like. I read alot of the old-timers posts and thought "why would they stay sober and like the sober life if it always felt like Day 1-3?". I'm so glad that I did that. Day 30 felt like a different world and then Day 60 after that and on and on. Sure, the changes get a bit more subtle as the days add up....but they are very real. Sometimes when I'm going to bed at night I have to remind myself that I'm long over the sleep issues of WD, and I never have to deal with them ever again as long as I don't take another pill. I still have days of low motivation/energy....but it's a really different feeling than the wd gives you.

    I'm rambling but I wanted to say it looks like you are on your way and doing great. Just pledge to give yourself the chance to see what the next phases feel like. You won't always feel the way you do now, and this small chunk of time is so worth your freedom!
    Almostthereithink likes this.

  17. #17
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    Sunny Mom,thank you! I read your post before going offline last night and it made me smile.

    moon, thank you so much for responding, too. It was nice to "wake up" aka "get out of bed" to. Only slept about an hour last night, wanna jump out of my skin, excruciating headaches, nightmares when I did slip into sleep, terrible anxiety. This awaited me last night and this morning. Still haven't thought of taking any pills but now I'm wondering if I should have done a taper. I also have ultram but I keep reading horror stories about that, too. I'm just wondering if I should take them through my withdrawal stage or forget it altogether? It's killing me to even type. Thank you for every reply, everyone.

  18. #18
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    Almost.... The wondering.... the thought of "should I" That is the mental ping pong match that goes along with having any access to pills or an ability to get pills. Most times (conservative) an addict cannot taper.. If I had pills around, I would take them.. The WD process is one that needs to be focused on 100 percent and as you are seeing... it is hard.. But I can assure you, take away your ability to get pills, that mental freedom will help you get through the 5 ish days you need.. Right now your primary focus should be to treat the symptoms of what you are feeling.. ie immodium for the stomach issues etc... Don't worry about the mental battles of regret and sorrow... I mean, I would cry at cottonelle commercials for pete sake... So just focus on that next second, minute, hour, day.. Time WILL pass... Sometimes it might seem slower going, but I assure you it will go by. The longer you don't use, the more clarity you will find comes back. Keep posting. When I was going through it, I would post as much as I could. It allowed me to clear those mental cobwebs (or at least a few) and it made time go by a little quicker.. But know we are here rooting for you and will guide you however we can.. All my best, Reid
    Last edited by caughtagain; 06-11-2012 at 07:27 AM.
    toni.s. and Almostthereithink like this.

  19. #19
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you Reid. Took me 4 tries to sign in from the jitters. Gonna stick to valerian root instead and tell hubby to get the meds out of the house. No moments of clarity yet. Fog is still there. I'm so afraid this is going to last forever (lol though I KNOW it won't). I can't stand even a minute.. but as of right now hubby is getting ready to walk out the door- so no more access for me. I hope I'm doing the right thing. I'm wondering how I will make it throgh today. I'm snapping at everyone already.

  20. #20
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    Good choice on getting rid of the pills... Don't worry about making it through the day... Worry about the next second, minute.... Like I said, for the next few days it is all about treating the symptoms, not using and letting all the bad things get out of the body and replacing them with the good.. ie: eat a bit healthier, go for a walk (get some escercise) in.. Even if it is just a walk down the street.. My point is, you need to gett your body producing endorphins (feel good chemical) again.. When we abuse pills, our brains shut off their production of these chemicals. So, when we stop taking them, our brain does not start up again for a while and that is what WD is and what we feel is our body saying WTF... So hang in there and keep making the next right decision. Oh and remember... This too shall pass... Reid
    toni.s. and Almostthereithink like this.

  21. #21
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    a lot of getting clean is changing habits too..
    i know when i'd feel ??????, or if i'd feel down.. i'd automatically want to reach for something. that's where the exercise really helped me...(also helps w/rls TREMENDOUSLY)..i just wanted a 'feel-good' chemical.a quick-fix. get up..go walk..do SOMETHING lol.it releases the endorphins that'll give ur mind..if even only slightly ..some relief..and it helps at the end of the day when ur trying to get some rest. and it slowly changes that habit too..it's crazy.
    reid gave the best advice that helped me sooo much. 'treat ur symptoms'. when u feel ??????, u wanna reach for a substance to make it go away quickly. that's the way we've wired our brains. reach for the treatment of ur symptom instead. good thing about doing that..ur symptom wont come bk 10x worse the next day. instead..tomorrow..u'll be getting BETTER. seems so trivial when i think about it, and yet SOOOO HARD at the time.
    you've already got a big part of it down-pat..your commitment. i think you're doing amazing. 'cheering you on' if you will i get the easy part.

  22. #22
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    Reading through the replies I've gotten has made me tear up. Of course! Okay so I decided to "do something" and take a shower. Man, that was HARD. I got through it but feel like someone kicked the living you know what out of me. I took more valerian root and think I need to call it a day already... Just.. try to lay in bed and get up and watch comedies when I can. I'm neglecting a ton of responsibilities right now but I keep telling myself it's my responsibility to be sober for the family and myself. And this day has to come so why not get it the h-e-l over with? Plus I'm anxious to see what day 4 looks like.I WILL do this. I said I would so that's final then. No more going back on promises like I have for the past ten years or so. I wish someone out there could tell me Day 4 is prettier than Day 3 because all i can do today is cry. Oh.. and sip water.

  23. #23
    Anonymous Guest

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    Almost...
    sip as much of that water as you can.
    crying and emotions is normal.....
    becareful of commercials.....those really got to me!
    you are doing great....
    Almostthereithink likes this.

  24. #24
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    can't do that.... Day 3 and 4 and sometimes day 5 can be rough... BUT know what you are facing and that gives you the knowledge you need to beat it... Remember, knowledge is power... The other thing is have the no quit attitude, get mad at the symptoms and DO NOT LET THEM WIN... You are going to be there sooner than later, so hang in there. We are rooting for you to get to the other side.... Reid
    Almostthereithink likes this.

  25. #25
    Sunny mom is offline Member
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    Almost, I'm glad you saw my post before signing off...I was hoping you would, just wanted you to end the night with a small, positive note! Moon said something so good, when we "give up" at the time of the worst withdrawals, our sneaky addict side tells us, 'see how AWFUL it is to be pill-free'? Of course, after day 4-5, IT GETS BETTER! I've seen what Shadowwally said, that I'm stronger than I ever thought...we can't recognize that though until we stop! One last thing-you mentioned that you have Tramadol...may I suggest you flush that nasty stuff down and NEVER think of taking it? That was my DOC, and I wish I had never been prescribed it. I took it for around 11 years, never took more than prescribed amount (last couple years, 150 mg. total a day), and I STILL got terribly dependent on it, and still had about 5 days of feeling AWFUL when I stopped taking it. You are doing great, just keep staying hopeful and determined!
    Almostthereithink likes this.

  26. #26
    Almostthereithink is offline Junior Member
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    The amount of support and cheering me on you all have offered has gotten me through, so far. I was at my worst the past couple of posts. I decided not to torture myself with bed time and put in music instead. The Recovery cd was just angry enough at the disease that it got me angry with it, too. lol! Still very jittery. Anxiety is the worst of this. Treating the symptoms is what I've been trying to stay focused on but nothing treats the symptoms of the mind. Maybe exercise but that is out of reach for now. I'm hoping housework will come soon...

  27. #27
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Almostthereithink View Post
    The amount of support and cheering me on you all have offered has gotten me through, so far. I was at my worst the past couple of posts. I decided not to torture myself with bed time and put in music instead. The Recovery cd was just angry enough at the disease that it got me angry with it, too. lol! Still very jittery. Anxiety is the worst of this. Treating the symptoms is what I've been trying to stay focused on but nothing treats the symptoms of the mind. Maybe exercise but that is out of reach for now. I'm hoping housework will come soon...



    Hang in there! Remember that recovery is a process, it doesn't happen overnight. As long as you don't use you're going to get well! That is a guarantee and you never have to use again!! God bless.
    Almostthereithink likes this.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  28. #28
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    solution to your quandry of "the symptoms of the mind":
    Music.. Listen as long as you can, that is until your mind starts drifting
    Post: You would be amazed at how coming on here and reading and posting on other threads can divert "the dakside" brain.
    Excercise: Start off slow, but as days go by, when you are clear.. do something physical. As those moments increase, so should the workouts.
    Hot Showers: A long hot shower with a cup of Sleepytime tea is a good remedy with sleep. Might only give you an extra hour but any sleep is good.
    Just sit and meditate: At first, the mind is going nuts (kind of like a puppy looking for treats), but when you get those moments of clarity, just sit and breathe. Count your breahes and just focus on the act of breathing.. Again, start out and it only may be a few minutes, but as stability sets in and the mind eases up, increase the time you just sit and meditate.
    ***The above should give you some Ideas to help****
    Reid

  29. #29
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    almost......
    i'm not sure what age your kids are.
    i have dogs.....if i hadn't had them to cuddle with, obligation to walk them, i'm not sure what i would have done.
    between my dogs and this forum.......that's what got me through.
    so if you have kids that need to be exercised, or a dog that does, you can make that your daily goal for now.
    not much, but it will help.
    not trying to compare kids to dogs, but i've had both.....
    not much difference sometimes....
    take care and cuddle, walk when you can.
    Marian

  30. #30
    deleted116 is offline Member
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    I'm neglecting a ton of responsibilities right now but I keep telling myself it's my responsibility to be sober for the family and myself.
    Exactly! Don't worry about those responsibilities....they will all be there later. The first days of WD are alot like the first days/weeks of bringing home a newborn.....your only responsibility is to get through the day! Sometimes it helps to have a small goal....like say "I'll do 1 load of laundry today, and once I accomplish that, I won't feel like I have to do anything else".

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