[bestday]

...with help from a doctor who I TOLD I just went through a detox. I pulled something pretty bad in my leg and was hardly able to move. Thankfully it wasn't a hernia like I though it may be (so much for trying to be an internet doctor.) Anyway, he said I should fine in a week, and if I couldn't stay out of work for that week, I absolutely needed something for the pain. Of course, I ended up taking them for around two weeks (perc 5's). So now, I'm at Day 2 all over again.

It's not as bad as last time it seems. I never stopped taking vitamins, and I was taking a far lower dose for a far less time this time. Still, it's not a walk in the park. Any headway I was making with anxiety flew out the door. It's back with a vengence. No real flu like symptoms, but I'm now up, at 2am my time posting on this forum, so lets say the sleep thing is back too. Somehow avoided restless legs last night, but the came tonight. Can anyone tell me how long this go around will take. It's far less severe, but it's here.

[TTTDogs]

Good for you coming here - you have come to the right place - I am by no means an expert but I would think the wd process would not be too harsh - considering you level and time of usage - how many were you chewing a day - at what intervals? - when was your last using episode and how much for how long?

I will stay in touch - hang in there - it will get better!

HUGS TTT

[mottam]

Originally Posted by bestday

...with help from a doctor who I TOLD I just went through a detox. I pulled something pretty bad in my leg and was hardly able to move. Thankfully it wasn't a hernia like I though it may be (so much for trying to be an internet doctor.) Anyway, he said I should fine in a week, and if I couldn't stay out of work for that week, I absolutely needed something for the pain. Of course, I ended up taking them for around two weeks (perc 5's). So now, I'm at Day 2 all over again.

It's not as bad as last time it seems. I never stopped taking vitamins, and I was taking a far lower dose for a far less time this time. Still, it's not a walk in the park. Any headway I was making with anxiety flew out the door. It's back with a vengence. No real flu like symptoms, but I'm now up, at 2am my time posting on this forum, so lets say the sleep thing is back too. Somehow avoided restless legs last night, but the came tonight. Can anyone tell me how long this go around will take. It's far less severe, but it's here.

bestday:
Kind of depends - did you take them as prescribed, or did you use more then prescribed? From my past attempts at detox, I have found that you basically reset the clock when you go back to ABUSING the opiates. It may not be that bad if you took them AS PRESCRIBED for only two weeks.
Either way, you know the routine - you have to NOT USE! Deal with the couple days os $hit, and get back to your recovery.

Best of luck.
mottam

[bestday]

Originally Posted by mottam

bestday:
Kind of depends - did you take them as prescribed, or did you use more then prescribed? From my past attempts at detox, I have found that you basically reset the clock when you go back to ABUSING the opiates. It may not be that bad if you took them AS PRESCRIBED for only two weeks.
Either way, you know the routine - you have to NOT USE! Deal with the couple days os $hit, and get back to your recovery.

Best of luck.
mottam

Of course I took more then prescribed. The guy gave me a ton of them. Far more then necessary. He even said he gave me more in case there was a tolerance issue. I wanted to choke him at the time, but I wanted the pain gone too. So yes, I feel I reset the clock a bit. Slight runny nose, slight GI issues and the anxiety is in full swing. Still, no where near as bad as last time, and I've been functioning at work quite well. It's the anxiety that kills me. Absolutely kills me. Always has, even before I abused opiates now that I think on it. Just didn't have to deal with it for the year and two weeks I was on them.
I just sent out three emails to local abuse and therapy centers seeking outpatient therapy. I need to get a handle on this anxiety thing. The pain was gone in a week, but I took for an extra week because my d*** hands shake and I feel like I'm going to throw up when dealing with everyday stress. This is not normal. Sure, it's exaggerated from the abuse, but it's never been normal and I know it. I mean, who goes into fits of tears and throws up when they get anything less then a 90 on a high school test? I get frozen when confronted with something and therefore nothing gets done. So, I think it's time for some professional help before the abuse becomes a cycle of sh**. NA is not for me, need something secular. Every time one of those poor people there to do the right thing says something about God, I'll have to fight an urge to roll my eyes. Not healthy for me, or them.

[bestday]

Well, I just got off the phone with a counseling group near my home. I'm going in for a physical at 7:30 tonight. Hopefully I can get some free or cheap counseling so I don't sink back again. Does anyone have any experience with these outpatient drug abuse centers at all. I kicked the pain killers cold turkey, so I don't expect them to write me any scripts for meth or subs. I'll tell them I don't want to take medication for anxiety, but will they push that since that's what basically sends me back to pain killers?

[bestday]

OMG Today has been hard. Last time I did this, Day 4 was a breeze. Now it seems days 2 and 3 were easier. Last time, I felt more sick then this time, but this time the anxiety is killer. I don't know what to do with it, and I'm not getting into group or individual counseling until Monday. So, what do I do until then? Just sit at my desk at work and quietly loose my mind?

[mottam]

Originally Posted by bestday

OMG Today has been hard. Last time I did this, Day 4 was a breeze. Now it seems days 2 and 3 were easier. Last time, I felt more sick then this time, but this time the anxiety is killer. I don't know what to do with it, and I'm not getting into group or individual counseling until Monday. So, what do I do until then? Just sit at my desk at work and quietly loose my mind?

No - post.
I'll get on the PC as much as possible through this evening into the night to reply as much as possible - so will others. You know what to do. Even if people do not answer right away – posting gets it “out” of you.
You are not going to loose your mind - this WILL pass, and you know that.
Anxiety is BRUTAL. Walk 25 miles if you have to. Burn off that energy by exercising.
Watch a good movie - comedy (I could not read a book w/ anxiety)

Talk to family and friends (good friends). The more you occupy your mind and body, the quicker and "easier" you w/d will be.

Stay strong - DO NOT USE.
mottam

[bestday]

Originally Posted by mottam

No - post.
I'll get on the PC as much as possible through this evening into the night to reply as much as possible - so will others. You know what to do. Even if people do not answer right away – posting gets it “out” of you.
You are not going to loose your mind - this WILL pass, and you know that.
Anxiety is BRUTAL. Walk 25 miles if you have to. Burn off that energy by exercising.
Watch a good movie - comedy (I could not read a book w/ anxiety)

Talk to family and friends (good friends). The more you occupy your mind and body, the quicker and "easier" you w/d will be.

Stay strong - DO NOT USE.
mottam

Thanks mottam, it seems to have tired my body out now. All I feel is sleepy thankfully. Last time I had anxiety like that was shortly after my son was born. Actually, those were full on panic attacks. I had anxiety for years before, but that was the only time I tried to get professional help for it. They put me on Effexor, it did nothing, I stopped taking it (seemed to make it worse), panic attacks subsided into the usual anxiety and I just lived with it until I started popping Oxy's. Now, I think I need that professional help. This isn't something I can self medicate away, or make go away with time.

[supermomhelp]

I have the same kind of anxiety with the tapering I'm doing. I'm down to 3 a day now and have started getting really shakey and cannot control my thoughts at all. I started taking my antidpressent again because I got really REALLY low. I also am drinking passionflower tea which is AMAZING for anxiety. I think it smells like straw and tastes like spinach lol but it works. There is also valerian root and kava kava that you can take if you are NOT taking an SSR. The herbs and vitamins and minerals really seem to help. And the exercise is no joke....getting the dope out of our bodies helps to bring back those good endorphins again that we've missed for so long. Its SOOOOO crazy hard to do, but it feels better after.
Either way, I'm very proud of you for coming this far.....you can do this. We all can!!!!

[mottam]

Originally Posted by bestday

Thanks mottam, it seems to have tired my body out now. All I feel is sleepy thankfully. Last time I had anxiety like that was shortly after my son was born. Actually, those were full on panic attacks. I had anxiety for years before, but that was the only time I tried to get professional help for it. They put me on Effexor, it did nothing, I stopped taking it (seemed to make it worse), panic attacks subsided into the usual anxiety and I just lived with it until I started popping Oxy's. Now, I think I need that professional help. This isn't something I can self medicate away, or make go away with time.

OK - GREAT!
Let's ride this out until you get to therapy on Monday.
You can do this, with all of our support.
You know the routine:
When you think about using - occupy your mind. You have a child - go play something - ANYTHING. Watch a movie.
As soon as you feel those anxiety attacks coming on (I still get them) go for a walk, go to the gym, play with you son.
The cravings and voices ALWAYS pass, as does the anxiety. Understand these as triggers, and try to face them head on as soon as you start to feel them.
You will come out the winner - you are winning already.
mottam

[bestday]

Got about 5 hours of sleep last night. Not too bad, but not good either. I know the difference between this time and the last time I detoxed. I use the Thomas Recipe to detox, and this time around I didn't have benzos. Last time, on day 4 and 5 I was weening off the benzos I took for the first three days. I had them the first three days this time too, but not enough to finish out the week. I'd have gone through this last time if I didn't have benzos I imagine.

The thing that really got me yesterday was being stuck at my desk at work. I have to work again today. I don't really know what I'm going to do. I'll post if I have time. Wish I could do this at home, where I don't have to hide the panic, or stay in one spot.

[mottam]

Originally Posted by bestday

Got about 5 hours of sleep last night. Not too bad, but not good either. I know the difference between this time and the last time I detoxed. I use the Thomas Recipe to detox, and this time around I didn't have benzos. Last time, on day 4 and 5 I was weening off the benzos I took for the first three days. I had them the first three days this time too, but not enough to finish out the week. I'd have gone through this last time if I didn't have benzos I imagine.

The thing that really got me yesterday was being stuck at my desk at work. I have to work again today. I don't really know what I'm going to do. I'll post if I have time. Wish I could do this at home, where I don't have to hide the panic, or stay in one spot.

Stay strong - I detoxed at work - I know it sucks.
You are at the point of being "over-the-hump" - GREAT JOB!

You know what to keep doing - it will get better.
Post and let us know the day is going. You are winning - you know that, right?

Stay strong!

Kindest Regards
mottam

[bestday]

Thanks again. I just need to get through today, and tomorrow my boss won't be in. I can pace the office, blast some music, post more here... Today though, today I need to at least LOOK like I'm working.

There's just so much bad going on in my life right now. Last time I did this, things were looking up. I got a new job, the ex started picking up our son regularly to have a relationship with him... Now, my boyfriend, the main provider just lost his job, I'm getting put on the books which means I take home less, child support hasn't come in for four months because the ex can just live in his mother's basement forever... Hey, things can only get better at this point right?

[mottam]

Originally Posted by bestday

Thanks again. I just need to get through today, and tomorrow my boss won't be in. I can pace the office, blast some music, post more here... Today though, today I need to at least LOOK like I'm working.

There's just so much bad going on in my life right now. Last time I did this, things were looking up. I got a new job, the ex started picking up our son regularly to have a relationship with him... Now, my boyfriend, the main provider just lost his job, I'm getting put on the books which means I take home less, child support hasn't come in for four months because the ex can just live in his mother's basement forever... Hey, things can only get better at this point right?

BDay:
Yes - that is right.
Think about it like this.
No matter what - you need to face this issues confronting you (we all do).

You can take them on with the additional burden of opiate addiction, which clouds your decisions and drains those precious resources ($$), or

You can eliminate the HUGE variable of addiction from this equation, and address this issues with a "sound" mind. Not to mention not worrying about your next Rx, and the money it costs.

You are strong, and you know the next right move. Keep pushing through - and you and those around you will reap the benefits.

Keep up the good fight - you are winning.
mottam

[mottam]

Bday:

You still OK?
I am logging off.
Remember where you were, where you are, and where you WANT to be.
Again, you know the SIMPLE rule - do not use.

On the anxiety note - I had a Proof of Concept Meeting today (Design Review), and the amount of "tasks" that I was assigned by my director vs. the time I have to do it sent me into an immediate anxiety attack. It is not that I cannot do it. I am just learning to heavily multi-task w/o the opiates. I had to walk around my facility 3 times (thank God NJ weather was great today).
Anyway, please do not let anxiety cripple you. Again, realize it for what it is, face it, deal with it. After 15 minutes, I calmed down, and got back to work.

You are doing great!
Have a good night - I will pray for you.

Kindest Regards
mottam

[bestday]

The anxiety has now worsened into full on panic attacks. I have located a small amount of xanax, thinking that perhaps I took myself off them a bit too abruptly using the Thomas Recipe. Now, I think it's just the same panic attacks I used to have years before I ever used any drug.

There's a great deal going on in my life right now, and I'm trying my best to keep the Xanax use low. I was on for three days about a week and a half ago, stopped, felt the panic rise to out of control levels, and started again Friday. Right now, I'm using about .25 mg in the mornings, and .25 mg in the late afternoons. Despite the rising anxiety in the evenings, I have refrained from taking a night dose, but I have used Ambien occasionally to sleep. Last night I woke at 12:45 with a panic attack in full swing and nothing helped until I took .5mg of Xanax. I can see that the Xanax may become a problem for me if I continue, but I absolutely can not function without it right now. I'm talking uncontrollable shaking, crying, even getting sick. I almost woke my boyfriend last night to ask him to take me to the ER.

Someone please help me. I need coping techniques, herbs, anything!

[bestday]

Originally Posted by bestday

The anxiety has now worsened into full on panic attacks. I have located a small amount of xanax, thinking that perhaps I took myself off them a bit too abruptly using the Thomas Recipe. Now, I think it's just the same panic attacks I used to have years before I ever used any drug.

There's a great deal going on in my life right now, and I'm trying my best to keep the Xanax use low. I was on for three days about a week and a half ago, stopped, felt the panic rise to out of control levels, and started again Friday. Right now, I'm using about .25 mg in the mornings, and .25 mg in the late afternoons. Despite the rising anxiety in the evenings, I have refrained from taking a night dose, but I have used Ambien occasionally to sleep. Last night I woke at 12:45 with a panic attack in full swing and nothing helped until I took .5mg of Xanax. I can see that the Xanax may become a problem for me if I continue, but I absolutely can not function without it right now. I'm talking uncontrollable shaking, crying, even getting sick. I almost woke my boyfriend last night to ask him to take me to the ER.

Someone please help me. I need coping techniques, herbs, anything!

As a side note, aside from using it during detox, I have never used any benzos before. Last time I used them was when I detoxed on Labor Day weekend. Anxiety was there when I stopped, but it was nothing I couldn't control. When I relapsed for about a week, I used them again to detox. Did it the same exact way as last time. This time around though, I feel the terror so bad I'm tempted to go to the hospital. There are more stressors in my life then last time, so that paired with my usual anxiety that I have had since high school.... My usual coping techniques are failing me, and they include meditation, walking, and telling myself over and over it'll be over in 10 minutes.

[supermomhelp]

I have been drinking passionflower tea every morning. It's helping me with the panic attacks and anxiety. I also used a tablet called "Calmes Forte" which is not much but cammamile (sp) passionflower, skullcap, and a few other things. It was very helpful. I feel for you....I get the same way. I know what your feeling right now just by your words.
Also, maybe try lavendar oil on your temples too as well as spearmint....it's calming too. Keep your office dark if you can, I have all overhead lights off and only the light of my lamp. Helps my eyes focus better and that way I have no aural attacks.
HUGS to you....keep posting....we can get through this!!!

[Freedom4me]

Best Day,
I am so sorry this is giving you trouble. I don't have any experience with panic attacks (thank God) so I really don't know what to day to help you. I wish I could. Posting here really helped me and still does. It must be a really scary feeling. Have you tried Valarian Root?

[bestday]

Originally Posted by supermomhelp

I have been drinking passionflower tea every morning. It's helping me with the panic attacks and anxiety. I also used a tablet called "Calmes Forte" which is not much but cammamile (sp) passionflower, skullcap, and a few other things. It was very helpful. I feel for you....I get the same way. I know what your feeling right now just by your words.
Also, maybe try lavendar oil on your temples too as well as spearmint....it's calming too. Keep your office dark if you can, I have all overhead lights off and only the light of my lamp. Helps my eyes focus better and that way I have no aural attacks.
HUGS to you....keep posting....we can get through this!!!

Passionflower tea and chamomile tea I've been using for years. I'll look into skullcap...

[bestday]

Originally Posted by Freedom4me

Best Day,
I am so sorry this is giving you trouble. I don't have any experience with panic attacks (thank God) so I really don't know what to day to help you. I wish I could. Posting here really helped me and still does. It must be a really scary feeling. Have you tried Valarian Root?

I went to a vitamin store around the corner and spoke with the certified nutritionist. He recommended Holy Basil over Valarian root. While my boss is at lunch, I'm going to do some research on both. Also, I'm looking into Kava, but that seems to be difficult to find due to some people developing liver damage over improperly prepared Kava. The nutritionist didn't sell it, and didn't know anyone who did.

[mottam]

Originally Posted by bestday

As a side note, aside from using it during detox, I have never used any benzos before. Last time I used them was when I detoxed on Labor Day weekend. Anxiety was there when I stopped, but it was nothing I couldn't control. When I relapsed for about a week, I used them again to detox. Did it the same exact way as last time. This time around though, I feel the terror so bad I'm tempted to go to the hospital. There are more stressors in my life then last time, so that paired with my usual anxiety that I have had since high school.... My usual coping techniques are failing me, and they include meditation, walking, and telling myself over and over it'll be over in 10 minutes.

BDay:
I know it sounds cliché' to say this - but hang in there.
I am still going through bouts of incredibly crippling anxiety at times - at work, home, social situations, etc.

My coping skills, like yours, seem to fail sometimes. I try to meditate and exercise my a$$ off.

What I have come to find to be the BEST method of getting the anxiety to calm down is talking to another person. I have found a few people in one of the support groups I use. Discussions with them have proven to be invaluable. Once I am able to get what is causing the anxiety out of me, it usually subsides.
Posting helps to.

If there is anything I can do to help - if you want to talk to vent - just give me a shout on this forum.
I am posting to those who seem very sincere about getting and staying clean. I can tell you are a person who cares a lot, and wants the best for you and your family.

Keep in touch!

You friend,
mottam

[bestday]

Originally Posted by mottam

BDay:
I know it sounds cliché' to say this - but hang in there.
I am still going through bouts of incredibly crippling anxiety at times - at work, home, social situations, etc.

My coping skills, like yours, seem to fail sometimes. I try to meditate and exercise my a$$ off.

What I have come to find to be the BEST method of getting the anxiety to calm down is talking to another person. I have found a few people in one of the support groups I use. Discussions with them have proven to be invaluable. Once I am able to get what is causing the anxiety out of me, it usually subsides.
Posting helps to.

If there is anything I can do to help - if you want to talk to vent - just give me a shout on this forum.
I am posting to those who seem very sincere about getting and staying clean. I can tell you are a person who cares a lot, and wants the best for you and your family.

Keep in touch!

You friend,
mottam

Thanks Mottam. I am, indeed, quite sincere in this. That I couldn't just jump off the xanax like last time is probably causing a lot of anxiety in and of itself. Perhaps a short taper will at least trick my head into thinking I'm solving that problem. Need to find something to cut them down into something less then .25mg... As for the panic attack last night, that started with a dream that I was drowning, which I believe started because my boyfriends arm was on my nose! I just couldn't seem to calm myself after.

Looks like it'll be another week before I can get into that counseling center I contacted. I just got off the phone with their intake person, and told her I was having straight up, hardcore, panic attacks. She's going to try and get me in to a therapist this week, but she can't garantee. She's concerned that it has been 10 days since I've been off percs, that I was only on them for just under 2 weeks this time, and I'm having worse and worse panic attacks. Looking to her it has more to do with outside stressors then withdraw at this point. I hope she can get me into something soon.

[mottam]

Originally Posted by bestday

Thanks Mottam. I am, indeed, quite sincere in this. That I couldn't just jump off the xanax like last time is probably causing a lot of anxiety in and of itself. Perhaps a short taper will at least trick my head into thinking I'm solving that problem. Need to find something to cut them down into something less then .25mg... As for the panic attack last night, that started with a dream that I was drowning, which I believe started because my boyfriends arm was on my nose! I just couldn't seem to calm myself after.

Looks like it'll be another week before I can get into that counseling center I contacted. I just got off the phone with their intake person, and told her I was having straight up, hardcore, panic attacks. She's going to try and get me in to a therapist this week, but she can't garantee. She's concerned that it has been 10 days since I've been off percs, that I was only on them for just under 2 weeks this time, and I'm having worse and worse panic attacks. Looking to her it has more to do with outside stressors then withdraw at this point. I hope she can get me into something soon.

OK - again remember that these attacks DO end.
Sometimes, I get up out of my office, and walk around the facility a few times.
Last week, in a meeting, I was having such a nasty anxiety attack, my chest was hurting, and I could "hear" my heart beating in my ears. I literally got up, took my laptop, and drove home. I figured it was better to get out of there and talk to one of my new "friends", then for someone in work to see me in that condition.

I have a really understanding Director; he knows that I am in recovery, and he is 100% supportive.

Until you can get to your therapist, use this site as much as you can. I know you said you do not like N/A, A/A, etc. If you want to talk, and post, I will always respond. Talking and sharing with you during your recovery helps me with mine - it is mutually beneficial for us.


Keep posting - keep in touch.

Your friend
Tom

[bestday]

Originally Posted by mottam

OK - again remember that these attacks DO end.
Sometimes, I get up out of my office, and walk around the facility a few times.
Last week, in a meeting, I was having such a nasty anxiety attack, my chest was hurting, and I could "hear" my heart beating in my ears. I literally got up, took my laptop, and drove home. I figured it was better to get out of there and talk to one of my new "friends", then for someone in work to see me in that condition.

I have a really understanding Director; he knows that I am in recovery, and he is 100% supportive.

Until you can get to your therapist, use this site as much as you can. I know you said you do not like N/A, A/A, etc. If you want to talk, and post, I will always respond. Talking and sharing with you during your recovery helps me with mine - it is mutually beneficial for us.


Keep posting - keep in touch.

Your friend
Tom

My boss has no clue about anything I'm going through right now. I JUST got this job, and it looks like it's going to be my first managing position ever. I really need this job to work out, and the last thing I need is for my boss to think I'm nuts. Thankfully, he's easy going if I tell him I need to go out and get food, a drink, a snack... Aside from lunch however, I don't really get the time I need to calm down. Man I'd LOVE to pack up and go home. In fact, I know I can gain virtual access to my work computer from home quite easily, and have my calls forwarded to my cell. He let me do it Friday (didn't have xanax, so I told him I had an appointment), but I can't be coming up with those sort of excuses every time this happens to me. This job would be so great for me. Wonderful that I can add management to my resume IF I CAN ONLY GET IT TOGETHER. I know I can do the work. I know I have the know how, and if I don't I know I learn it fast. I know, logically, that nothing about this job should scare me at all. Still, I can't shake that feeling of dread as I pull into the lot. At home it's easier. Feels like if I know I can freak out somewhere, it makes being there easier. I absolutely can not freak out here.

[mottam]

BDay:
I understand.
If you cannot "escape" for a few minutes while those anxiety attacks are peaking - post. People on here will respond and help you ride it out. My days at work are extremely busy. However, I am always logging on and reading posts. When I see yours, I will make sure to post back. If you are having a rough time and you post, at least we can talk it out. It won't get rid of everything, but it may help. "CA" did it for me (and still does). When you sync up with someone who you can relate to, the recovery process at least becomes understandable; tolerable.

I am here for you whenever you need to talk. Remember, I am only clean for ~ 4 months now, so this is still new to me too. Also, I, like you, am still fighting the anxiety. As cyber-friends, we can help talk each other down from the anxiety.

Stay tough, my friend. WE WILL MAKE IT!

Your friend
Tom

[bestday]

Originally Posted by mottam

BDay:
I understand.
If you cannot "escape" for a few minutes while those anxiety attacks are peaking - post. People on here will respond and help you ride it out. My days at work are extremely busy. However, I am always logging on and reading posts. When I see yours, I will make sure to post back. If you are having a rough time and you post, at least we can talk it out. It won't get rid of everything, but it may help. "CA" did it for me (and still does). When you sync up with someone who you can relate to, the recovery process at least becomes understandable; tolerable.

I am here for you whenever you need to talk. Remember, I am only clean for ~ 4 months now, so this is still new to me too. Also, I, like you, am still fighting the anxiety. As cyber-friends, we can help talk each other down from the anxiety.

Stay tough, my friend. WE WILL MAKE IT!

Your friend
Tom

You're right, these talks are helpful. At the very least, it's keeping me at my desk and typing, therefore looking like I'm working. I'll keep my eye out for your posts as well. In fact, when I quit last time, I tried to post on every post I thought I could help out with. I just feel kind of funny offering advice to people when I'm still on the xanax. Like I said, that seems to be a contributing factor to this anxiety, but when I try and go without - BAM. I know I shouldn't be addicted to it at this point. Not at such a low dose and only for about 4 days straight now. I know it's all the other stuff going on that has me freaking out, because even after a year on oxy, that withdrawal was pretty much done by now. Last time it was like this, it was because I had a new baby on my hands, and an irresponsible, emotionally unavailable husband. This has been a lifelong battle for me, made worse with my addiction I'm sure. So, now I've got two battles on my hands, and if I can't figure out a way to cope with anxiety attacks at my desk I'm terrified it'll become three battles.

[mottam]

Originally Posted by bestday

You're right, these talks are helpful. At the very least, it's keeping me at my desk and typing, therefore looking like I'm working. I'll keep my eye out for your posts as well. In fact, when I quit last time, I tried to post on every post I thought I could help out with. I just feel kind of funny offering advice to people when I'm still on the xanax. Like I said, that seems to be a contributing factor to this anxiety, but when I try and go without - BAM. I know I shouldn't be addicted to it at this point. Not at such a low dose and only for about 4 days straight now. I know it's all the other stuff going on that has me freaking out, because even after a year on oxy, that withdrawal was pretty much done by now. Last time it was like this, it was because I had a new baby on my hands, and an irresponsible, emotionally unavailable husband. This has been a lifelong battle for me, made worse with my addiction I'm sure. So, now I've got two battles on my hands, and if I can't figure out a way to cope with anxiety attacks at my desk I'm terrified it'll become three battles.

BDay:
As long as the xanax is used as prescribed, and for a short period of time - take that worry off of your mind. When you get to your counselor, you can discuss everything with that person, including you concern for the benzos. We are addicts, so it is smart of you (I am proud of you) that you recognize that it can become an issue - we won't let that happen - right -

You are not a hypocrite because you are using short term benzos - you will be OK.

Let's focus on the biggy right now - the opiates. We'll get through the opiate recovery process together. Once you get to you counselor, we can still talk as much as you need.
So:
1) Cut yourself some slack - you are not using opiates - you are doing great!
2) Make sure the benzos are SHORT TERM at best. Definitely do not want another addiction.
3) Keep posting and talking - you are NOT alone. I am an x-oxy user going through very similar stuff; anxiety, working hard at a stressful job, I have 2 young children.

As long as we can talk and bounce things off of each other - the chances that we make the "next right move" are increased.

I am pulling for you 100% - Stay strong, try to relax as much as possible - do not use.

Your friend

Tom

[bestday]

Originally Posted by mottam

BDay:
As long as the xanax is used as prescribed, and for a short period of time - take that worry off of your mind. When you get to your counselor, you can discuss everything with that person, including you concern for the benzos. We are addicts, so it is smart of you (I am proud of you) that you recognize that it can become an issue - we won't let that happen - right -

You are not a hypocrite because you are using short term benzos - you will be OK.

Let's focus on the biggy right now - the opiates. We'll get through the opiate recovery process together. Once you get to you counselor, we can still talk as much as you need.
So:
1) Cut yourself some slack - you are not using opiates - you are doing great!
2) Make sure the benzos are SHORT TERM at best. Definitely do not want another addiction.
3) Keep posting and talking - you are NOT alone. I am an x-oxy user going through very similar stuff; anxiety, working hard at a stressful job, I have 2 young children.

As long as we can talk and bounce things off of each other - the chances that we make the "next right move" are increased.

I am pulling for you 100% - Stay strong, try to relax as much as possible - do not use.

Your friend

Tom

My boyfriend keeps telling me to cut myself some slack on the xanax as well. He's caught me several times in the evenings, starting to shake on the couch because I refuse to take more then .5mg a day. He knows my history of panic attacks, and doesn't understand why I let myself suffer each evening. To be honest, I did not get this xanax from a doctor, just borrowed from a friend, so I don't know what a real prescription would call for. All I know is I'm afraid of this stuff, need it for work for now, and .5mg is all I'm willing to take. Perhaps I'll try just spacing the .25mgs out a bit more, so my son doesn't have to see me like that. After the spacing is done, then taper....
I'm also looking really hard at Valarian root and whatever herbal remedies are out there. The nutritionist at the vitamin shop around the corner wasn't very helpful though. I told him I was tapering off some medication and needed something to help. All he pretty much said was "This may not be strong enough. Good luck". Pretty much squashed any chance of a herb having at least a placebo effect on me. You know, when you MAKE yourself believe something will help, sometimes it does?

[mottam]

Originally Posted by bestday

My boyfriend keeps telling me to cut myself some slack on the xanax as well. He's caught me several times in the evenings, starting to shake on the couch because I refuse to take more then .5mg a day. He knows my history of panic attacks, and doesn't understand why I let myself suffer each evening. To be honest, I did not get this xanax from a doctor, just borrowed from a friend, so I don't know what a real prescription would call for. All I know is I'm afraid of this stuff, need it for work for now, and .5mg is all I'm willing to take. Perhaps I'll try just spacing the .25mgs out a bit more, so my son doesn't have to see me like that. After the spacing is done, then taper....
I'm also looking really hard at Valarian root and whatever herbal remedies are out there. The nutritionist at the vitamin shop around the corner wasn't very helpful though. I told him I was tapering off some medication and needed something to help. All he pretty much said was "This may not be strong enough. Good luck". Pretty much squashed any chance of a herb having at least a placebo effect on me. You know, when you MAKE yourself believe something will help, sometimes it does?

BDay:
Even if you "borrowed" the xanax from a friend - as long as this is a one-time borrow - cut yourself some slack.
Also, if taking .5mg of the xanax relieves those anxiety attacks, I agree w/ your boyfriend, take the .5mg. PLEASE remember this is a SHORT TERM remedy to the anxiety. Work w/ your therapist to find the right solution to your anxiety.

You will be fine, my friend.
I am proud of you, and praying for your continued success.
You never have to take opiates again!

Have a great evening - RELAX -

Tom