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Concerned about relapse?
  1. #1
    worriedwife14 is offline Junior Member
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    May 2012
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    Default Concerned about relapse?

    Hi everyone. I'm back. I posted a while back about my husband's addiction to Vicodin. We had a heart to heart and he quit. He tapered pretty fast and stopped taking them. It wasn't fun, but not as bad as I was expecting.

    Anyway, the past couple days, I have a feeling he's taking them again.
    I have no reason why. I just think that he is. I don't know what to do. Should I ask him? How will I even know if he's telling the truth? I worry about hurting him by asking him, if he's not taking them. He's worked so hard.
    I don't know.
    This addiction has turned my world upside down. I feel like every day, I am just pretending that things are OK and normal. I still love him and want our family to work and stay together.

    Again, I don;t have any "evidence" or real reason to believe he's using again. I just have a sick feeling in my gut.

  2. #2
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    May 2012
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    571

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    Every time i've had a bad feeling about something, i've been right. there's always a reason you feel the way you do.
    with that said though, i don't know you and i don't know your husband.
    your husband lied to you about using, so there's obviously going to be trust issues in your relationship. the only way they'll go away is with time. or counseling.
    i can't tell u if i think he's using or not. and u said you don't have any evidence. so, personally, the best thing i think you should do is to just ask him. you don't want to push him away by accusing him about something you're not positive about, before he even has the chance to be honest.
    and if he is using, trust me, it will come out. you'll be able to tell. and u already know all of the signs, being that u've already been through this once.
    but before u freak out, atleast give it a chance to work out by itself.
    like i said, i would just ask him first. and if he does deny it, and u still think he's lying...i would maybe subtley and most importantly understandingly say that IF that situation ever WERE to arise, you would want him to be honest with you about it.
    as an addict, i can tell you that not everyone gets it the first time around. some people nor the second or the third. but if he's working on this..he obviously wants help.
    i'm in no way condoning relapse. just stating facts.
    and as an addict, i can tell you that most have pride. the biggest reason for me not getting help was because i didn't want to let people down and seem like a failure.
    if he has relapsed, he needs more help. don't scare him off before he gets it.
    but make sure he's doing it for HIM. it doesn't matter how much YOU want this to happen. if HE doesn't. TRUST ME...IT WONT.

  3. #3
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Jul 2007
    Location
    Texas
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    16,689

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    Quote Originally Posted by worriedwife14 View Post
    Hi everyone. I'm back. I posted a while back about my husband's addiction to Vicodin. We had a heart to heart and he quit. He tapered pretty fast and stopped taking them. It wasn't fun, but not as bad as I was expecting.

    Anyway, the past couple days, I have a feeling he's taking them again.
    I have no reason why. I just think that he is. I don't know what to do. Should I ask him? How will I even know if he's telling the truth? I worry about hurting him by asking him, if he's not taking them. He's worked so hard.
    I don't know.
    This addiction has turned my world upside down. I feel like every day, I am just pretending that things are OK and normal. I still love him and want our family to work and stay together.

    Again, I don;t have any "evidence" or real reason to believe he's using again. I just have a sick feeling in my gut.



    Just a suggestion, show him this post. Show him that you don't want to believe it but you are scared. You'll get a good feel from how he reacts. Relapse is common, that is what addicts do. But it can just be part of the process of getting clean. It's a process, not an event. You won't know if you don't confront him and using the post shows you want to have trust and confidence in him. Again, it's just a suggestion, but I've seen it work many times. God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  4. #4
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    2,161

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    Quote Originally Posted by worriedwife14 View Post
    Hi everyone. I'm back. I posted a while back about my husband's addiction to Vicodin. We had a heart to heart and he quit. He tapered pretty fast and stopped taking them. It wasn't fun, but not as bad as I was expecting.

    Anyway, the past couple days, I have a feeling he's taking them again.
    I have no reason why. I just think that he is. I don't know what to do. Should I ask him? How will I even know if he's telling the truth? I worry about hurting him by asking him, if he's not taking them. He's worked so hard.
    I don't know.
    This addiction has turned my world upside down. I feel like every day, I am just pretending that things are OK and normal. I still love him and want our family to work and stay together.

    Again, I don;t have any "evidence" or real reason to believe he's using again. I just have a sick feeling in my gut.

    Dear WorriedWife,

    I realize how difficult it is when our loved ones first get clean - trust is a slow area to rebuild. I recall how it was for me when I got clean; I felt like I was being watched under a microscope by all those close to me. They were "on guard" for any sign of possible relapse, which was understandable - but for me, that kind of scrutiny was mind-boggling.

    There were times when I could hear my disease whispering in my ear, "Hell - you may as well use, everyone thinks you already are!" And that's dangerous territory. Staying clean is hard, and when no one around us gives us any credit for the effort, we can easily lose our determination.

    All I'm suggesting is that you not jump too quickly to react to a "gut feeling." You are bound to be extremely sensitive to any perceived sign of the problem returning. But know that if you jump to 'accuse,' he may react adversely. It's best to sit back and watch, and see if there's something more concrete to your feeling. Are his emotions out of whack? Well - that can be early recovery, as well as being the result of drug use. If he is acting oddly, no doubt living life without a drug is feeling pretty "odd" to him.

    Is he going to meetings? That is essential. That is the strongest weapon he's got to staying clean. And you need to be attending meetings, as well. Alanon and Naranon are designed specifically for those affected by another person's addiction. The support and guidance you gain there will be indispensible. That's the place to turn with these suspicions, to gain the feedback of others who have been there.

    Alanon: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
    Naranon: http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html

    God bless,
    Ruth
    Comeback Kid likes this.

    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

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