[leana]

hi,my bf was always giddy acting, i just thought he was hyper,adhd.well last year he changed. he quit his job 3 wks before christmas, just layed on the couch for months. he started getting so mean,and verbily violent.our relationship was void.no more kissing,sex,going places together, or even talking.we have a very hyperactive 2yr old son, and i have major back problems and pain now, so i need his help with alot of things.the only thing that would get him off the couch, is if a friend came over, then they would go out to the garage for hours.he would call me names, if i would tell him to come back in.i know he would drink beer, and maybe pot, it would seem to make him a little nicer.finally, he admitted himself in the hospital for help, after getting more abusive.i was so hopeful he would get better.but the truth is, hes worse now than before.they are just enableing him to be a drug addict.he is on many drugs now,always drugged up.seroquel,abilify,zoloft,lamictal,and a few more.now hes off the couch, but just sits out in the garage in a zoned state, for hours.i noticed he likes the seroqual, its like pot to him, he comes in only to get a couple peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches,and goes back out, this is what he did with pot, but now its an everyday thing.i feel so lonely and sad. i dont know what happened to him, but hes doesnt even have a personality nomore.he said he would tell his dr about the sex and personality problems from being on too many meds, and he came home on more meds!i really need advice, i dont know what to do. everyday it is like this, hes here, but hes not here, he gets mean if i cry and tell him i miss him, please help??

[Crystalct1]

Looks to me like your boyfriend has some serious drug issues. I personally do not agree with all those psych meds since they make so many other personality disorders. But, you have talked to him and it hasn't helped. He seems really bored and unsatisfied with his life and perhaps with his relationship with you. He's taking you for granted, no doubt. Men are good for that whether drugs are involved or not. Now, what you've gotta do, is to stop worrying so much about how he's feeling or what he's doing. He's sucking the life out of you with his troubles. You don't want that to happen. You want to make sure that you stay strong and keep all the things you like about yourself intact. Keep your appearance up. Be sexy. Be everything he saw in you in the beginning. Be fun. Let him see what he's missing. If he wants to be on the couch, leave him where he's at. I mean, suggest things to him, yes, but if he doesn't seem interested, you do something by yourself. Make sure it's something that won't start an argument (like you being with another guy) since you don't want to antagonize him. But make sure that you keep a life. If he starts thinking your whole word is about him, he'll continue to take you for granted and treat you mean. Another thing, try not to cry. It's hard, but crying isn't worth it. The "rush" that men get from it (whether they admit it or not) is so detrimental to our position in their lives. We can't have them thinking that we're weak and can't handle things or can't handle the truth. So, try not to cry. Even though I know you're not weak and you know you're not weak, it usually comes off negatively to them.

I speak from experience with a husband of three years who dabbles in drugs and takes me for granted, occasionally spends his whole paycheck on drugs and hides from me, etc. This is only because I have let him take advantage of my good nature - always sacrificing myself for the greater good. Not that it's wrong to do that, but it's wrong when one person's doing it all the time, like I had been. Be very careful how you handle him, because this a like a crossroads in your relationship. Nip these problems in the bud now before they get too outta hand and habitual. If he wants to ignore you and act like you're not there, you do the same. However, don't let them see that you're mad, because they'll dismiss everything you do as "having an attitude" and you won't get results. Try to be more nonchalant with him. Never lose your temper. Speak very calmly and rationally. Never let him turn your words around on you. Never let him ruin your day with his bad mood - even if it does, pretend that you're just fine. Point out the obvious to him, like, "I wasn't trying to force you to do anything. I was just inviting you out, but if you don't wanna go, that's fine too." Let him know that you aren't going to continue to be treated like **** and taken for granted.

Most important, you have to MEAN it - that you won't be treated that way. If he has some drug issues that he's getting help with, fine. Just make sure he knows that he's gotta fix this, or else he'll lose you. Also, make sure that you never lower your own standards to meet his. At that point, he will have surely gotten the best of you. Good Luck

[jag_au]

sounds familiar to me..... i am speaking as a wife of an addict. a bit of advice from me to you. join a addict support group that is formatted for the loved ones of addicts. it is a wonderful resource for someone who is affected by someones addiction. it focuses on you and not the addict. so much of his recovery depends on your recovery. just like na, ca, and aa, there are meetings for us too. they are all over, all times of the day, week, and so on. i know alanon has helped me a great deal. the first thing you need to realize is you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. once you realize that, you are on your way to recovery.