[dago77]

...Hey I just wanted to post an update! I promised a few people that when I got my head screwed on strait I would come back to the forum. Im back and feel better than ever! No more vics and the subs are not making me sick at all! Been running a few miles in the morning, and hitting the weights at night. I think being back in the gym for a few months has really helped me out a ton! Still the best fix for me. Anyone feeling like ********, hit the gym! Just go and do it. It helps so much mentally its crazy! Just to let you know where i stand with the drugs. Its been about 7 or 8 months straight. Anywhere from 2 to 6 750's a day. 5 to 6 only if I was really getting out of hand. It may not sound like much to some, I have been pretty consistant and had a good 10yr run now. A few months clean here and there. Other than that always viced up. Not officially clean, about 1mg of Sub a day. Done this before, went back and forth. Usually the Subs make me sick and i never stick with them long enough, only to pop a vic and just feel normal. I feel pretty good this time though! Its been 7 days. Again I think the gym has so much to do with it. My whole life style is changing and im just happy! So I just wanted to post, say hi, and hopefully give some hope to someone. I have been here many times. I actually do feel like a pro at F-ing up and starting over. So I hope everyone is doing well and figuring it out!

Ryan

[melinda7.5]

Hi Ryan
It's good to see you back...and I'm glad your doing so well...you are so right about the exercise it is the best thing someone can do for themselves...
now I just need to get myself moving again I have been lazy and not making time for myself to work out and I can sure tell a difference, Robert is going to join a gym when he gets back from Houston...so maybe I can tag along with him...
I know you have it in you... to do what ever you want to do in this life...
I'm glad the subs are working for you this time...
Keep us posted on how it's going...
talk to you soon...
Melinda

PS...we were looking at your face book pics for Halloween and it sure looks like you had a good time...LOL...we always get a smile when we do...there are always cute girls hanging on you...
just wanted to make you smile

[Robert_325]

Hey Ryan ..... good to see you back buddy! Maybe hassling you for months has paid off?

Stick with it dude. You know the drill. Just do it and make it work forever this time. All the cute little girls will still be there when you're done. Stay focused on what's really important, getting and staying clean this time. I'm all for you! God bless.

[dago77]

...You guys r to funny! Yes the girls can wait for now. I am in a good place and doing much better! Robert you know I have never complained about you staying on me. I am always very apreciative of you guys. You guys never turned your back on me. Thanks for being there. What ever I am doing now is working well for me. Ill get a few weeks under my belt and start to help others again. I hope ur feeling a little better! Also, I talk to Jenny often. She is doing awesome! We pretty much got clean around the same time. She made it stick and has almost a year clean. No subs, no crutches! Im really proud of her! She stayed clean and I went on a party tour!lol I just cant give up! Talk to everyone soon!

Ryan

[Freedom4me]

Ryan,
My boy!!! So glad to see you here. I have been traveling all day. In Virginia (long way from California) for a golf tournament. I am so stoked you are getting there. Makes me feel like a Kodiak bear, lol (inside joke). You keep posting here and work those subs down. You are awesome!!

[dago77]

...Hi everyone! Well I just wanted to update a bit. Have not touched a vic now in a few weeks. I know im not officially clean while being on the Subox. C/T is a whole different animal, i get it! Its still a much better road for me to be on and I feel pretty good about it!

Robert- I did what u said and tried to get stable on the 2mg a day. 1mg twice daily instead of shaving off some through out the day. That really was not working to well. I did not reload on the Subox until yesterday early evening. I felt like ******** until I took some when I got it. So today was my first day doing the 2mg split. Well, I did the 1mg this morning and really felt a little achey and my nose was running. Over all felt a little ********ty. I took the other 1mg about 2 hours later. Man that is just to much for me at one time. I dont think this is how I am supposed to feel ya know? Like I am just spaced way out and I want to just take a long nap. Just really out of it. Tomorow I will try 1.5mg and see how that goes. Again I just want to feel completley normal for a while and get back to living clean. I dont wanna worry about getting hi, or feeling any W/D either for a while. I know this may seem like the easy way out a bit. I just feel like this is the best option for me to get back on track and stay there. I want to get this down pat, get in a routine of not thinking about getting hi and that life. Then Ill taper off when im ready. For now I feel like this will keep me in a good place! I will try the 1 1/2 to start tomorrow AM. When ever u have time, let me know what u think. Other than that im doing great, and feel better than i have in a long time. Hope everyone is doing well!

Ryan

[Robert_325]

Ryan ..... 1.5mg may be fine for you. You could even go with 1.25mg. Do the smallest amount you can do that leaves you feeling right. Then stay there a few days before starting the 25% taper every four days. Talk with you later. God bless.

[dago77]

Ill try the lowest dose first. Thx bro!

Ryan

[IvyWantsTobehappy]

Thanks for your kind words! I have been reading your post, and we have a similiar situation except your use has jus been longer than mine, any who I am very very happy for you!<3 I used to eat vic's ever day.. until that wasnt enuoph and I wanted something else..I see your on facebook! I love facebook ! you can e-mail me or write anytime! how do I find you ? if you want my e-mail address to send me your name you can! I am very happy for you like I said and we can do this together.. I heart this site! xoxo IVY xoxoxo

[Freedom4me]

RyRy,
I am so glad you are working this all out and putting in the effort. I have had a crazy last couple of weeks of travel for work. Just got back from Phoenix last night so haven't been posting too much. I will get back back at it. So you are going to go with the sub taper, that's great. Let me know how that works. Remember, just have a plan and stick to it. You can do this. Nothing is more important. I will be here for you all the way.

[Robert_325]

Ryan ..... remember that after the fourth day you re-induct you drop the dose by 25% even if you plan on staying there a little while. That drop will work, it always does. I usually suggest you stay then at that new dose for a week before doing the taper. Keep me posted. You know I'm here for you buddy! God bless.

[dago77]

Robert- I took the 2mg and split it in half. Then took a little more off the other half. So im thinking it was around 1.25. I feel much better today. I will take whats left of that for my evening dose. See how I feel later. It was just so random when I decided I was done with the vics, I dont even remember what day it actually was. Not to mention I have done this 50 times. All I know is I have to be close to 2 weeks at this point with out a Vic. Man it feels so good to not be pulling out 750's all day. Or even worse, running down to Detroit every few days to reload. I feel great, everything is going well right now!

Jenn- What up!!! I knew it wouldnt be long until you showed up! I know you have my back! You have always been like a rock for me! You guys all know how much I apreciate you! You guys know im a little crazy, and you never turn ur back! Its always a real good feeling for me to be around here. That usually means im focused again. I think the last time i did this it may have been to make someone else happy and not really because I didnt want to get hi anymore? So I feel much better these days. No pressure from anyone but me. And Im very proud and happy for u Jenn! U really stuck to it. You are really in a different league now! Not a lot of ppl fighting this can say that. I know how hard it is. U have really acomplished a lot. Ur awesome bro!!!haha

Ivy- I would be more than happy to stay in touch with you. This adiction is no joke Ivy! Do tis one time and never look back! I wish I would have so long ago! I read your post on your thread. You have a big weekend coming up that you need to get through. Stay busy like you said. Im not gonna lie Ivy, the last time I went C/T it did take a while for things to get back to normal. I did use the Xanny to help me at night. Still do actually. It will work out, just dont give up. A few more days and things should b much better for u. And yes, im on FB all the time. Send me a message to tgenetti@aol. Then ill find you on there. Just stay busy and u can make it through the weekend Ivy!

Talk to everyone soon!

Ry

[Robert_325]

Ryan ..... don't concern yourself about "what could have been" or where you would be right now if you had stayed clean when you and Jenny were getting clean at the same time. You know that none of that mess matters now anyway. You are where you are, and look at the positive side of that. You survived and you're right back here with people who actually give a damn about your recovery, not your pocketbook or boat or any of that other stuff that is all superficial. It's sad when you think that the people who you thought had your back just wanted what they could get from you when you weren't paying attention.

You COULD be out on a run to Detroit to score some more pills right now. You could be totally blasted somewhere waking up in the morning feeling like hell not remembering what even happened tonight. You're on the forum talking with people who DO care about your recovery trying to do everything they can to help you get clean again and stay clean this time. These are your friends that care about Ryan gettting well buddy!

For what it's worth I totally respect you for getting up, brushing the dirt off yourself, and getting back on the recovery ride. You're a young guy Ryan. You've got your whole life ahead of you. But you've got to do this "clean up" eventually so stick with it this time and I promise you that your entire life will begin to change for the better. You may see a few girls disappear that only wanted to be around you because you were buying them pills and booze. And it isn't just girls, it's everyone. I have a feeling you're a lot like I was. I always made money and usually ended up paying the tab for almost everyone around me. Consequently I seemed to have lots of friends, but those people didn't really care about me and most of them don't really care about you. It's always easy to find people to party with especially when "good old partyboy Ryan" is covering the tab.....

You know how to do this. And you know that you need to follow a regular daily regimen that you're on top of regularly. You should always know where you stand on your dosing and how many days you've got at each level. And you should ALWAYS know your clean date. That is a really important date!

Put yourself first in your life and blow everyone else off. It won't be any time at all and you'll have a pocket full of cash, your head and your eyes will be clear, things that cause you problems on a daily basis will begin to disappear and get better. Your life will get awesome and you'll be so glad you did this.

I don't mean to sound corny but you know that I'm here for you dude. You know how to reach me so if you don't it's your own fault. Stick this out and talk to me. Let me help you work your way off the subs and we'll have you rockin in no time. If you can't reach me for some reason you can talk to Melinda and she will tell me. But you'll be clean this time and you'll be proud of yourself. Stay in touch wildman! God bless.

[Freedom4me]

Ryan,
We are in this together. Please don't give me too much credit for still being clean. Compared to a lot of people my pill use was minimal. There are so many people here who have come so far from the depths of h*ll. Mine was just a glitch that with the help of all the great people here, including you!!!, I was able to get myself out of before I got in serious trouble. And trust me, I still have temptations. Luckily I have been strong enough that I could wait out that "itch". Plus I am in a very different stage of my life than you. I did my party stage. I don't know if I had gone through the "good time charlie parties" while I was trying to lick this thing if I would have made it. You are a pretty young, great looking, single guy... party time is on!! That will make it even harder for you but still very doable (is that a word lol)!! I got married at 21 and was pregnant with my first kid at 22. My kids are all teen plus now and I have a very hectic career that I needed to keep my sh*t together for or I don't know what would have happened. Believe it or not I was quite the looker and partier back in the day, shocker I know ha ha. I was the life of the party and so glad I didn't hurt my back on the horses back then that got me taking the vics. Party time would have been on!!! I guess what I am trying to say is that we are the same but we just went through this struggle at different times. Mine was an easier time to force myself to pull it together so don't give me any more credit than you give yourself. You can do this. You have a great personality and always make me laugh bro! lol. Get serious and trust in Robert and let Melinda and I be your cheerleaders. We are trusted (I hope) friends like Robert said and we will be here for you as long as you need us. I hate losing people around here but you always pop back in and I always know you are lurking, lol. I'm not going anywhere so lets get this sober party started!!

[dago77]

lol im always lurking Jenn!!! Thx for the awesome post!

Ry

[dago77]

..Is there anyone around here that is up right now that has been taking Subs and Benzos together? I keep notting out and waking up with pains in my chest! Im on a low dose of both. I cant tell if this is a anxiety or if im having a freaking heart attack over here?? I have read about ppl taking both and having any trouble, also read that it is a deadly cocktail! I totally freak out about this stuff and let my mind run. I really hope this is an axiety attack! Either way I am done with the xanax tomorrow! I dont care what kind of W/D i have! I cant take this! All this ******** is wearing my brain out! At least if i stop them I will know the two together will not give me a heart attack. I am so tired and literally scared to fall a sleep! If any one is around can u post and let me know. Thx

Ryan

[dago77]

I take the xanax around 10. I only get the pains when i start falling a sleep That why i wonder if this is just a mental thing i have going on? Like I said I freak out about this kind of stuff.

[Freedom4me]

Ryan,
Are you ok? Just saw your post this morning. Can you let me know everything is alright. I will check back all day.

[IvyWantsTobehappy]

I read your post this morning and I hope you are okay!.I dont know anything about subs period and I wish I could give you some advice, just stay calm.. Check your e-mail.I sent you a message. Xoxo Ivy...

[dago77]

Im fine. I made it through the night but it was a tough one. I have to quit taking the xanax. I have this guilty concience and I freak myself out about everything. Im doing fine with the Subs I dont even need the Xanax I think i am just scared Im gonna have a hard time when i stop them. Oh well, I cant keep doing that. I am down to such a small dose I think I will b fine cutting it. Thx for checking on me!

[Freedom4me]

Thank goodness. You scared the sh*t out of me. Thanks for posting right back. You want me to message you my cell number on Faceboook in case you have another problem and I'm not on here?

[dago77]

...Hi Jenn, obviously I dont know what a heart attack feels like ya know? It was just sooo weird last night. I get these pains in my chest like shooting pains almost. Then I start to freak out because i dont know if its from the meds or what? Honestly I am taking a very small amount of both. Over all I am a pretty healthy dude. I really think I may just b freaking out in the back of my mind and causing these pains from thinking to much. But that is the scary part, I really am not sure? So I just tried to stay up all night and not fall asleep!lol But I did and woke up feeling fine. So like I said, I am stopping the Xanny tonight. Maybe I will have some anxiety and not b able to sleep? What is the difference at this point really? I will feel better and my brain will b at ease. I cant wait to just get all this garbage out of me. I swear it is the mental beating I give myself that is killing me over here! I just cant do this anymore! I have never been this ready to get off this ********. Im just tired, its so old now! I have to much good happening to go out from these stupid pills! I really dont think its my time yet! So dont worry, ill b fine. I apreciate ur offer. U have enough to deal with im sure. I wont b affraid to ask if i need ur help, trust me Jenn. Thx again, for always being there for me!

Ry

[IvyWantsTobehappy]

hey buddy, I sent you an e-mail to tgenetti@aol.com. Please read it

Hope your day is getting better. xoxo Ivy

[Robert_325]

Ryan .... we've talked about the xanax and you know I don't like them with the subs. But I don't remember how long you've been taking them and at what dose. You may need a script of depakote or dilantin if you stop the xanax abruptly. It will protect you from having a seizure stopping the xanax. Let me know. God bless.

[melinda7.5]

Hi Ryan
I know exactly what is wrong with you ... There have been many people in my family diagnosed with anxiety-Panic disorder...when you lay down and your mind starts to settle is when it usually starts...I know those pains in your chest that you are talking about...Im not sure where your panic is coming from it could just be from stooping your drugs it could be a lot of things but there is one thing I know for sure and this is what is wrong with you...i think you just need a little coaching on anxiety and all the little tricks it can play on your mind and your body...you can google anxiety attacks or panic attacks or get some books if you like to read of course I got books on tape...there are so many things you can do for anxiety...I did them all I had panic attacks for some time two times in my life I don't get them anymore I know to much about them I know all the symptoms now so it cant get to me any more...
if you want to know anything about this feel free to ask, I love to share what I know about this with you...
it is all mind games

your ok I promise your going to make it
Talk to you soon my friend...
Melinda

[dago77]

Robert & Melinda,

Ladies first Melinda, I started getting these pains years ago when me and my fiance split. I have never had any issues with anxiety and really never even got what it was? One day I was fealt like I was having a heart attck in the bank and went to the hospital. I have had them since from time to time. Yes I worry about the drugs, worry about if i damaged my liver, worry about everything. Also I gave the biggest guilty concience! Even when I get messed up on pills I dont even enjoy it because I feel so guilty!lol Maybe thats a good thing, because it drove me to get tired of feeling that way and stop. I can totally see how my mind could cause this. To be honest I could probally use a script for xannax. I dont have one by the way. So a drug that is supposed to help me with anxiety is actually causing it because I am freaking out while taking it with the subs! I think the bottom line is, I want off alllll this ********. Well, I do actually like the Suboxone though. It lets me see what its like to live a normal life with out being hi or in WD. I know i eventually need to get off them. But I really have no reason to stay on the Xanny at this point. Everything is fine. I am in a position right now if i miss some sleep its not the end of the world. I am missing it anyways being on the stupid Xanny. I am causing all my own problems. Sure I have everyday problems besides the drugs that all hit me when I lay down too. I lived 25 years with out taking Xanax before. I just feel like they are causing more harm than good right now. Maybe when I get off the Subs I will need a little to help me out? Ill worry about that then. Yes Melinda, any suggestions would b great.

Robert, If they are the blue footballs I take a half, sometimes more? if they r the bars wich I have now, I was taking 1tab or 1qtr. I cut that down a few days ago to half a qtr. Crazy I know, its barley any compared to some. I have been taking them on and off for about 5 years. I have never had any trouble getting off them to b honest. I would kick them the same time as Vics and never knew the difference. Felt like ******** anyways. I have been back on them for a few months, 4 or 5 probally? I guess I could cut it down to a qtr of a qtr if u think that would help? Or I can just say screw it and wing it? I mean, do u really think i will have a seizure from that low dose? I have no idea really? Either way, I wanna get away from these asap! Plus I feel like ******** in the AM from them and can never get out of bed. I weight train at night so I take them to chill me out after the gym too. Also for any other problems they help me sleep through. When you have time, let me know what you think. Thx as usual!

Ry

[dago77]

I mean im an addict, a complete control freak, and impatient as a MF-er! I want off these things now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol

[Robert_325]

Ryan .... don't worry about seizing off that small of a dose. Just chunk them. You'll feel better. Work on handling the attacks like Melinda mentioned and just blow off the xanax. God bless.

[melinda7.5]

Hi Ryan
I just know the body can create pain like chest pain to divert the mind from thinking about problems that you don't want to think about. like when you and your fiancé broke up and that is when the pain started that is the way the mind tries to avoid a stressful situation...I hope this makes some sense to you...if you ever have any ? about it I would be happy to share...
wishing you only the very best
talk to you soon, Melinda

[dago77]

I think I may have told u this before Melinda? When I was a little younger and crazier I use to use anabolic steroids along with the vics. The first time I detoxed was in a clinic. I came clean and told them everything I was doing. They did all the blood work before the sub induction and the Doc laid me down on the table and was pressing down on my liver asking me if it hurt at all. It was a little sore actually. My liver enzymes were through the roof. Anyways, it all went away and i stayed clean for a few months, went back after a while and all my levels were normal. Ever since that day, any time I would start using again i would get these horrible pains in my right side near my liver and all around it. It was so bad I couldnt even lay on that side. Even when I was using the most I still wasnt that bad. I would say an average of the last 10yr was probally 4 to 5 vics a day. Sometimes only one a day. When I would get clean all the pain was gone. I started going to different doctors telling them my liver was failing, it hurts when i eat, i know its my liver, im dying!!!lol I would get clean and it would go away. So I started getting all these tests done, blood work, ekg, mri, even scope test. Everything was always normal! At one time they said they gave me nexium and told me to eat bland food! I told them it is not my frickin stomach its my liver it hurts when my food digests. This went on for years! I know, if you think ur liver is failing why would u keep taking vics? Well, finally I went to a liver specialist at UofM. I told him all my symptoms and my whole history. In 5 minutes he told me, its not ur liver, ur perfectly healthy, Ur an opiate addict! Its all in ur head, its stress that ur causing ur self. The minute I walked out of his office I never had a pain again! that was years ago now. I lived like that for over 3 years Melinda!!!lol Do u know how many times my girl friend and friends were like dude ur not dying! Basically what I am getting at is, the stress, anxiety, guilty concience made me think my liver was failing and i was dying! The sub doc planted that seed along time ago. I felt so guilty taking the pills i was causing these issues! Thats how strong ur brain is!!! It all comes back to the stupid pills! I never had any type of problems with stress or anxiety before the pills came into my life. All this pain and weird ******** happening to me over some stupid pills??? They mess ur head up! I am so happy I am at this point again Melinda! Nothing is gonna set me back again! I really cant use no matter what! I would b a complete fool to go through all that bs again! I mean I thought I was having a freakin heart attack last night!!lol Its crazy what ur mind can do to ur body! I cant do another round with this garbage again i swear!