[babidolli22]

The worst thing ever
(this is a re~post to robert)

I do know how it feels to be in withdrawal from methadone because last year I was on 80mgs and I had to go to the er one nite because I had the worst stomache pain ever and the nurse ended up giving me morphine via iv and after 2 shots it really wasn't helping the pain so she decided to give me "something stronger" she said and as soon as it went in the iv, I felt like I was dying and she then asked if i was on any meds and I told her methadone and she was like " omg,your in severe w/d rite now,just calm down ok" . Let me tell you she gave me 10mgs of nubain and you can't mix it w/methadone and I was in the worst w/d ever. She actually told me I almost died it was that bad and inorder to stabilize me they had to give me shot after shot of morphine and deludid which obviously could have put me into an OD so I was very lucky to wake up the next day. I was high as hell for 3 days after that and it was awful and this is the main reason why i'm so afraid and want to get off the methadone becuase I don't want to be in a situation like that again.

Ok so now for my current issue:

I have been going to a clinic for about 1yr now and I'm currently on 120mgs a day of methadone and I want off. i'm so tired of going there everyday and I kinda feel like the methadone is a crutch in a way because i still have to drive everyday to get it or else i'll get sick if I don't have it after 2days and I don 't want to worry anymore about getting sick I want my life to be as normal as possible and eventhough I feel great and i'm proud of myself for what I have overcome this past year I just want off the methadone already.

Also,I do not have take homes due to living w/a mom who is in active addiction so imagine the hell I go through but thankfully I am strong or i would have never been able to do this. I have no support outside of my weekly group at the clinic and my counselor. Everyone else I know or knew is eithor out drinking at the bars everynite,on dope or pills,or doesn't care about anything so I usually stay to myself. It gets lonely and depressing obviously but i'm greatful for my son,he is what keeps me sane and clean. I have been through a hell of a lot in my life and eventhough I live w/an addict which isn't the best thing for me, I feel so much better now than ever and all I want to do is stay positive and sober so my little boy can have the mom he deserves.
If you can relate please give me some advice because i'm scared to drop the methadone the wrong way and end up sick.

[mottam]

b22:
Welcome to the forum - glad you posted.
I have no experience w/ meth, but I am an opiate addict, an alcoholic, and a father, so we have some things in common.
I cannot give you any advice w/ regards to methadone. However, I can offer you my unconditional support with your quest to get opiate free.

Robert and others will be able to give you guidance w/ meth. In the interim, if you just want to talk or vent, I would be happy to talk with you.

We all share the same pain - we suffer from addiction, and feel guilty that those around us, whom we love, suffer also.

So, what do we do? WE GET CLEAN! This will be a long struggle for all of us. As a fellow addict - let me know what I can do to help you along.

Stay stong, my friend. There IS an end to this nightmare!

Kindest Regards
mottam

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by babidolli22

The worst thing ever
(this is a re~post to robert)

I do know how it feels to be in withdrawal from methadone because last year I was on 80mgs and I had to go to the er one nite because I had the worst stomache pain ever and the nurse ended up giving me morphine via iv and after 2 shots it really wasn't helping the pain so she decided to give me "something stronger" she said and as soon as it went in the iv, I felt like I was dying and she then asked if i was on any meds and I told her methadone and she was like " omg,your in severe w/d rite now,just calm down ok" . Let me tell you she gave me 10mgs of nubain and you can't mix it w/methadone and I was in the worst w/d ever. She actually told me I almost died it was that bad and inorder to stabilize me they had to give me shot after shot of morphine and deludid which obviously could have put me into an OD so I was very lucky to wake up the next day. I was high as hell for 3 days after that and it was awful and this is the main reason why i'm so afraid and want to get off the methadone becuase I don't want to be in a situation like that again.

Ok so now for my current issue:

I have been going to a clinic for about 1yr now and I'm currently on 120mgs a day of methadone and I want off. i'm so tired of going there everyday and I kinda feel like the methadone is a crutch in a way because i still have to drive everyday to get it or else i'll get sick if I don't have it after 2days and I don 't want to worry anymore about getting sick I want my life to be as normal as possible and eventhough I feel great and i'm proud of myself for what I have overcome this past year I just want off the methadone already.

Also,I do not have take homes due to living w/a mom who is in active addiction so imagine the hell I go through but thankfully I am strong or i would have never been able to do this. I have no support outside of my weekly group at the clinic and my counselor. Everyone else I know or knew is eithor out drinking at the bars everynite,on dope or pills,or doesn't care about anything so I usually stay to myself. It gets lonely and depressing obviously but i'm greatful for my son,he is what keeps me sane and clean. I have been through a hell of a lot in my life and eventhough I live w/an addict which isn't the best thing for me, I feel so much better now than ever and all I want to do is stay positive and sober so my little boy can have the mom he deserves.
If you can relate please give me some advice because i'm scared to drop the methadone the wrong way and end up sick.

I would start out reducing by 15% of your dose every two weeks for the first six weeks. So drop from 120mg to 100mg to start. Let's see how you do as you progress as everyone is a little different. But I'll stick through this with you. Then once you get your dose down to 30mg I can help you switch over to suboxone and that will make it more simple to taper the rest of the way down. Stay in touch. God bless.

[htoth19]

I'll be with you through this, along with Robert, to give you some additional support too. It'll be great once your clean, but in order to get there, my best advice is to listen to Roberts advice to the letter. Do exactly what he says is best, he's helped hundreds of people do this and you will do great. He won't let you get sick either. That was my biggest fear when I first turned to him for help.

Keep posting!!

~Heather

[doc.rose]

Hey Babidoll!! You have come to the right place to seek support and help getting clean!! Post as much as possible while you are going through this journey, it seems to help. Robert will be there for you as well as many others who are going through the same thing. Good luck!!

[cheekysod]

hi babidolli, i replied to you on your other thread, i am a fellow methadoner, and i know how you feel regarding it as a crutch.
it is something we need at the time, then as it gives us what we need, it also takes something away from us as well.
i came down off a similar dose, once officially on the program, and recently i was on it unofficially, buying off regular methadone people, so i had a supply, but i wanted off as well.
you can tell your clinic to give you self directed drops, that way you know when you feel ready for the next one, level out first, week or two, then go for another when you feel confident.
whatever you do, take it steady, don't worry, there is a way out of methadone hell, i took the sub road, and it seems to be doing the trick for me. i have counted down, over about 4 months, and am almost done.
go for it girl, that methadone fog we live in for years is insidious, and stops us from being the amazing people we really are.
good one, i will stick around and help as much as i am able, been there done that, so i can relate,
good luck, and keep posting, it really helps.
cheeky

[babidolli22]

Originally Posted by cheekysod

hi babidolli, i replied to you on your other thread, i am a fellow methadoner, and i know how you feel regarding it as a crutch.
it is something we need at the time, then as it gives us what we need, it also takes something away from us as well.
i came down off a similar dose, once officially on the program, and recently i was on it unofficially, buying off regular methadone people, so i had a supply, but i wanted off as well.
you can tell your clinic to give you self directed drops, that way you know when you feel ready for the next one, level out first, week or two, then go for another when you feel confident.
whatever you do, take it steady, don't worry, there is a way out of methadone hell, i took the sub road, and it seems to be doing the trick for me. i have counted down, over about 4 months, and am almost done.
go for it girl, that methadone fog we live in for years is insidious, and stops us from being the amazing people we really are.
good one, i will stick around and help as much as i am able, been there done that, so i can relate,
good luck, and keep posting, it really helps.
cheeky

Cheeky,thank you for the support in trying to help me with this, but what do you mean by asking the clinic for self directed drops?

And Robert, thanks so much for replying and trying to help me ith this, but i'm so scared to be the least bit sick and i'm afraid if I do get sick at all then I will screw up so going from 120 to 100 sounds scary for me.
And thanks to every1 else who replied. i am very serious about getting off the methadone and I know it's going to be a long process but i'm willing to do it now more than ever. Thank you all for the support and i will be in touch in letting you know how everything is going.

[Robert_325]

babidolli22 .... if going to 100mg scares you then back off a little and go to 105mg. You need to have a positive attitude to be successful, but don't worry yourself to death either. Have some faith in others but most of all have confidence in yourself. You can do this ... and changing the first drop to 105mg will be just fine.

Go to 110mg instead if you're really scared. Once you develop some confindence in the people giving you advice it will go lots smoother. Keep me posted and don't freak out. We can do a little bigger reduction the next time and you'll feel lots better about it then. You'll be okay though I promise. We all have to begin somewhere and you've done that. Be proud of yourself.

We've been doing this a long time here. We won't hurt you. Not saying it's impossible that you won't ever feel a symptom but remember you're doing somehing that can change your life for the better forever.

Don't be afraid! You'll be okay. And that's why we talk to each other. There is lots of good, sincere people here who only want to help you. If you need some help then ask. That's why we're here. God bless.

[cheekysod]

self directed drops, they are when you have a deal with the doctor at the clinic, to drop the amount when YOU are ready, when you next see them, ask if that is possible. say you want to try and come down gradually, then its in your hands how much you drop down each time, and then sit on that dose till you feel ok, then move down again.
you have the control, because only you know how you feel, no doctor can say how you are feeling.

i know the fear pal i really do, i have been there. just try for a 10mg drop and see how you go. on 120 you should be able to handle a 10mg drop. go for it. dont be scared, go for it.
dont be so worried, i know that kind of feeling, trapped on methadone, i thought there was no way out.
there is.
there really is, you may have a mission to get down to 30 to go to subs, but that seems to be the way better option that counting right off methadone. i have tried this before and failed. well not really, i did it, hard too, weeks of no sleep, and i swore i would never go back. and i did. stupid.

talk to your clinic people and let them know how YOU want to handle this.
but you can do it,
and lots of people here will try and help as much as possible.

you will get through this.

[babidolli22]

Thank you once again for replying to my question and concern. I think that is what I will do, drop to 110 for now to see how that goes. I think that would be a big enough drop for now being that i'm so scared. I will def let you know how it goes. Thanks again

[cheekysod]

hey i also see you have only been on the methadone for about a year, that is going in your favour,
i know it wont change the amount of fear you may have, but one year is definately better that 10, so you do have something going for you.
good on you,
thats the right attitude, if you have any questions, i will try and help out,
its good here knowing people know exactly what you are going through,
and its a bloody scary thing, but dont worry, sometimes our fear, is all in our head. i know for a fact i was sh!t scared of doing the sub taper, and it has been a lot easier than i thought. definately go that way once you get down low enough, i cant recommend it enough. i have friends that are watching to see how i go, because they too thought there was no way out.

good on ya, im sure you will be ok on 110mg. stick to that for a week or two and when you feel ok, try for another 10 off. take your time,
oh and theres an old thread round, called "intelmetals own thread", he came off 360mg of methadone, (took some time) then when he was low enough on it, 20-30mg, changed to subs, and in 75 days he was off.
no sh!t, if you want a good read, check that out.


IT WILL BE OK. YOU CAN DO IT.

[cheekysod]

i also forgot to say, that you will get your life back after methadone, even though it makes us feel good at the time, its really dulling the whole world, nodding off, thats a thing of the past for me.
subs are way different, but in a good way.
take it easy,
hope it all goes well for you. keep in touch.
cheeky

[babidolli22]

Hello cheeky and robert, I just wanted to say thank you both so much for the support. It really means alot to me,espically since I don't have much support at home or w/friends.
Rite now I have a form filled out for the dr at the clinic stating that I am to drop 1mg per week because the nurse told me to do it that way so I wouldnt feel sick at all but after reading everything others said I think I need to change that to 5mgs every 4 weeks/ does that sound rite??

[cheekysod]

i personally think thats a do able amount for you.
how do you feel about it.
you should be ok, thats not too much all at once.
good on you, and i can relate, i have not much support around me in my life, so this is my na meetings i guess.

sounds like a good call, go for it.

mind you if you were feeling brave, i would go for 10 right away, go on you can do it. then go for 5 every 4 weeks. go on. give it a whirl what have you got to lose.

[babidolli22]

I think i'm too scared to go any less than 5 rite away. i think ever since I almost died in the er from the nubain they gave me while i was on methadone(80mgs) is the reason i'm so afraid but atleast i'm willling. I know alot of ppl who totally abuse the hell outta the methadone,just raising their dose as much as they can to get high but they dont realize how it's gonna effect them in the end.

[cheekysod]

trust me pal, i wouldnt put you wrong. but i bet you wouldnt even notice the 10mg drop.

but its up to you and how you feel, but imagine that by the end of the week, you could say you are already well on the way, by being on 110mg.

i have a friend, her and her man both on methadone. hes on 170mg, shes on 110mg. well hes off to jail, on 11.11 and will get counted down real fast once hes in there, so his lady is going to try and come off while he is doing it as well. shes gonna try and go for 20mg drop right away.

anyway pal, you go for what you feel confident with, but right now on that dose, you have a bit of room to move. go on, give it a go.

but im here if you have any questions.
see ya
cheeky

[cheekysod]

by the way, i dont know what nubain is, but if it puts you straight into withdrawl, hell i know what that is like, i took my first sub, too early, still had methadone in my system, omg that was f***in awful and i never want to be that sick again, so quickly as well.
yep i thought i had made a really bad decision to go to subs. lucky for me they dont last more than 2 days, i was really sick though.
good luck ay girl. but you be strong and go for it, i know you could do 10.
im cheering for you anyway,.
cheeky

[newyorkgal]

Going 5 mgs. a week from 120 mg. won't hurt you at all. I pretty much promise you won't even feel anything. You can always slow it down if you get nervous. When you get down to a lower dose, you can switch to the 1 mg. a week agreement. I think its great that a program lets you do the 1 mg. a week drop. Whats the rush? But moving down is moving in the right direction. I can promise you that you won't feel anything at all between 120, 115, 110, 105, 100.... Nothing whatsoever.... Most people don't have any problem til they get down around the 40 mg. dose but everyone is different. Just take your time and don't worry yourself. Noone is going to force you off faster than you feel you can do it.
I dont know what nubian is either but on our methadone clinic cards its said Allergy: Talwin... Talwin is a pain med with naloxone in it (what they put into suboxone). When people would OD back in my drug days, they would end up in the ER with a shot of naloxone and wake up instantly from the OD in instant withdrawal... Which is why i cringed when I read your story.

[cheekysod]

yeh we call that narcan, if you are overdosing, you wake up suddenly completely straight, and probably p!ssed off because they ruined your attempt at a buzz. its probably just a different name for the same thing. maybe some of that is in that nubain. i looked it up, it says to let them know if you are on any narcotics, but doesnt explain whats in it to make you suddenly straighten up.
the scottish movie, trainspotting, does a good one of showing what that might feel like. that movie is old school these days but soooo true.
thats what precipitated withdrawl feels like.
unfortunately ive been there done that, thats why i could relate to your story babi, not good.
hope you are feeling a bit better about what you are doing, you should be quite stoked, you are making important decisions for you and your sons future. good on you.

[newyorkgal]

Trainspotting was one of the best "foreign" drug movies I have ever seen in my life. So realistic except for an American, the accents were hard to understand at times. Panic in Needle Park, Al Pacino's first movie, was the realest drug movie ever made.

Babi, I've been on methadone and off methadone then on then off again. Guaraanteed you won't feel 5 mgs drops at that high dose. It will be NOTHING like the experience with the nubian which took every bit of methadone out of your system. Fear is the enemy for sure. Just think. If you don't feel right, you can go to the doctor and up yourself a few mgs. You can do it!