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alone in a room
  1. #1
    misspeppermintblack is offline New Member
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    Unhappy alone in a room

    i am an addict. i'm 24 & i've been using most of my life. the past 5 years i've been smoking crack. i stopped 9 months ago. i did it with no help or support. i'm working and in the process of fixing my life and getting back on my feet. i don't have any friends or any body i can talk to. i have no body. i just go to work and come home. and repeat the same thing over. i have no 'life'. i'm sad all the time and i cry a lot. sometimes for no reason. sometimes i feel nervous and afraid that something terrible will happen. sometimes my heart hurts and beats wrong. sometimes i feel like im dying and worry that i wont live long. what should i do?

  2. #2
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    The saying time heals all wounds is so true! I was smoking a lot of crack at the end of my addiction it took 6 months for Me to get back to normal and I had only been smoking crack for 3 months. I was an IV drug user and when I got on methadone I put down the needle and moved to crack like right away! Anyways it takes time a lot of it. Do you go to na meetings? You can make some good friends there. But stick withe the people who have a year or more clean when times get tough live a second at a time If you have to! Where are you from?
    You will be ok! Stay strong!

  3. #3
    Soobie is offline Member
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    Make an appointment with a psychiatrist. You may have an anxiety disorder or some other issue that would respond to treatment. Going to NA/AA would get you around people, like Chance said.

  4. #4
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by misspeppermintblack View Post
    i am an addict. i'm 24 & i've been using most of my life. the past 5 years i've been smoking crack. i stopped 9 months ago. i did it with no help or support. i'm working and in the process of fixing my life and getting back on my feet. i don't have any friends or any body i can talk to. i have no body. i just go to work and come home. and repeat the same thing over. i have no 'life'. i'm sad all the time and i cry a lot. sometimes for no reason. sometimes i feel nervous and afraid that something terrible will happen. sometimes my heart hurts and beats wrong. sometimes i feel like im dying and worry that i wont live long. what should i do?
    Dear MissPeppermint,

    First off, good for you - stopping the crack on your own - that's amazing. That's no easy thing to do, and you need to applaud yourself for such an accomplishment! Are you currently using any other drugs? That could be one thing that is interfering with your body's healing process right now.

    You mentioned that you've been using drugs most of your young life. When that happens, drugs become a person's primary coping tool for life. Basically, when we start abusing drugs - we stop growing emotionally. (It happens to all of us - not just you.) So you are now trying to navigate your way through life without your drug of choice - and without the necessary coping skills to deal with "people, places and things." We lack the social skills to interact with others. Feelings overwhelm us. Anxiety and depression are extremely common. You aren't alone, hon - even though I'm sure it feels that way.

    One of the best routes OUT from where you are is probably via NA or AA. There, you will find others who have done the exact same thing in their young lives - and are in the process of learning how to face life without drugs. Through NA (or AA - same 12 steps), you'll learn some invaluable coping skills, social skills and mature as a young person.

    I know it is terribly difficult to walk into your first meeting - but do know, we ALL had to do that at one time. You aren't alone there! Nothing is expected of you if you attend; you may sit in the back and listen quietly, if you prefer. But I think you'll be quite surprised to find out just how many others can relate to exactly where you are right now.

    After all the effort to overcome your addiction, you deserve to have a fuller, happier life. I pray you will take a few baby steps in that direction, and see what happens. Please keep posting.

    God bless,
    Ruth

  5. #5
    misspeppermintblack is offline New Member
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    im from indiana. there is a lot more to my story that i left out and are still leaving out. i guess i should be happy. i quit smoking, i got my daughter back, i'm working, i have a place to live, food to eat, and over all things are not as bad as they were, but im not happy at all. i see other people with their friends laughing and having fun and i get jealous cuz i want those things. i want friends that love me. i want to have a relationship. i want to be loved for me. the real me. flaws and all. but i am tainted and undesireable. i have herpes and my face and body are scarred. i have done horrible things that i can never make ammends for. i spend evey second of my 'free tme either alone or with a 6 year old. i love my daughter and i fought hard to get her back, but sometimes i just want to be around grown people. i know about the program. i've been to meetings before. i dont want all of my friends to be ex users. i want normal friends. i know that people aren't suppose to judge you in those room but they do. and most of the people in the room are probably there cuz of court. that's why i went. you can score just as easy in a meeting as you can on the street. sad but true. i've done it. and smoked as soon they signed my paper. i'm not downing the meetings. i know they help a lot of people. i i don't know what im looking for. i just know that something is wrong and i want to correct it. i just want to be who i was supposed to be and not the abomination that i am. i want a normal life with others around me but don't know where to start or even how to go about doing it. im from a small town. everybody knows me. and they also know im a crackhead and a prostitute. even though i dont do that anymore, no one wants kick it with me or date me. i want to be a good mother, and a good person, but i worry. what kind of example am i to my daughter 'mommy doesnt have any friends. mommy is always sad.' i have lost my joy and am existing instead of living. and the killing part is that i thought getting off the stuff was my problem, that's when my problems began. there is a hugh 'something' missing from my life and i dont know how to find it cuz i dont know what it is. i feel like loser. and im just as unhappy as i was when i was on crack. how is that possible? e-mail me at misspeppermintblack@yahoo.com
    Last edited by ddcmod; 05-23-2010 at 08:15 PM.

  6. #6
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    peppermint,
    hey ive been where you are too. long story, but after long iv habit, opium, morphine, then i got on the methadone,did cold turkey, got on crystal meth iv, got off that, did h, got clean, drank, started methadone dabbling again iv, then ended up with the big habit again, so im now on subs., thats the edited version so's not as to bore you.

    anyway i live in a small town also, surrounded by addicts and alcoholics, i live alone usually (got a mate stayin for a few weeks temporarily) me and my dog and cat.
    i often feel very alone, i have used this forum as a huge amount of support in gettin away from old habits, everyone knows i was a junkie and a theif.

    please try another meeting, i was a bit like you, i want to be normal too, but i aint. im struggling with the disease concept, but when i went to NA the other night, every single story couldve been the way i feel. i kid you not. maybe you should check out other NA meetings, i was scared #**%less when i went to my first meeting, coz of those reasons you said, about possibly seein someone whose "holding", well i didnt see any people like that, i saw compassionate good people, helping each other to stay clean.

    keep posting, it helps a lot, im way down here in new zealand, the only kiwi on here as far as i know, it gets damn lonely sometimes, i have made lots of online friends here who care about me, warts n all. they know my whole story and they still accept and love me for who i am.

    i guess wot im sayin is, hey mate, down be so down on yourself, take your time, do it slow, things are gonna get better, people hassled me for ages, get to a meeting, do some work for your recovery, and ya know, i think theyre right. im a stubborn buggar and i try and do things my way.

    hey, keep posting, and please know you aint alone, theres actually a ton of us out there goin thru the same stuff.

    all the best
    cheeky
    kiwi

  7. #7
    misspeppermintblack is offline New Member
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    thank you everyone. i really appreciate the fact that there are people out there that i can vent with. i have episodes. in these episodes i feel like the world is coming to an end for me. i feel afraid and uncomfortable. i get shakey and confused. it gets hard for me to breathe, my heart starts hurting, and i feel like i wont make it to see the next day. im not that afraid of using. i have been in several situtions that i could have easily but i didnt. i hope i never see that road again, but i think there are other issues that are worrying me more than drugs. i feel that something really really bad is about to happen (like a heart attack or a stroke or something) and it scares me. sometimes im afraid to sleep for fear of not waking up. has smoking crack hurt me forever? how do know if drugs have affected you permenately? if they have what kind of symptoms would you have? i read somewhwere that you can have chest pain, headaches, anxiety, blood pressure problems, heart problems, and ultimately a shorter life than you would have had you not have done drugs. i told my doctor about these episodes and got a check up. i found out that my blood pressure is through the roof. now i have to take medicine. i dont think its working cuz i still have the episodes. i dont know if im a good mother. i try to be and i want to be but my daughter gets on my nerves sometimes. actually a lot. how can i be a good parent if she gets on my nerves? what is wrong with me? You know, i used to think i was smart, but looking back on my life and the choices i made, i realized im not very smart at all. im pretty dumb actually and now i have the responsibility of trying to teach my daughter to make good choices. when she gets old enough to understand the idiot that i am, how will she be able to look up to me or respect me. she will resent my words and lessons because she will find out that i am the very thing i tell her not to be and that i have done the things i tell her not to do. why would she believe anything i say after that? i had a lousy childhood and i promised myself i would be a better mother than my mother, but i dont know if i am or not.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 05-24-2010 at 06:16 AM.

  8. #8
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    I'm not a doctor, just another addict with a lot of recovery experience under my belt - and hope my words may help. First off, you'd be wise to discuss all of this with your doctor and see if he suggests a referral for counseling or medication for depression. The chances that you've done permanent damage is slim, but for your peace of mind, you want to rule out physiological problems.

    Second off, it's time to reach out for help. Your attitude and outlook basically need an overhaul - this kind of thinking is miserable, at best - and dangerous, at worst. So much of our own problems is simply within our own heads, and how we view them. Right now, your outlook is very negative, and with that negative filter, all you're going to see is ... more negativity. How to do it? Take some suggestions from others who have walked in your shoes. Don't just discard their advice, assuming it won't work for you. What you are doing right now is NOT working, and it can't hurt to try something different.

    Simply stopping the drugs is a HUGE first step - but that is not all there is to recovery. In fact, that's only one part of it. I think you have the wrong perception of NA or AA. These groups are not simply social gatherings, and certainly not the hotbed of drug activity that you suspect. The basis of NA or AA is the PROGRAM of the 12 steps of recovery, not the purely social interaction.

    The 12 steps are an essential ingredient to fully recover from addiction. Fully recover, meaning NOT just physically - but also emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially. EVERY aspect of our lives is altered tremendously by drug addiction. Our attitudes are altered. Our coping skills are altered. Our parenting skills are altered. Our relationships are altered. How do we re-learn healthier ways of dealing with life? Via the 12 steps. I am not exaggerating to say that the program itself (the 12 steps) is transformative.

    It would take me forever to explain "how" or "why" this program works. Suffice to say this: My daughter was 8 years old when I went into treatment and began my recovery. (I loved her madly, but oh my, yes, she got on my nerves - that's normal!) I had weak parenting skills, and had exposed her to all my insanity during drug use. I thought I'd ruined her for life. Today, that little girl is 28 years old - and is a well-adjusted, happy young woman, who proudly claims me to be her "hero." She has no issues with drugs or alcohol. Ask her when her life turned around, and she'll tell you that it happened when her mom got help when she was 8.

    Don't short-change your recovery by trying to do it all alone. Our best thinking got us INto drugs; our own thinking won't get us OUT of that nightmare. When we're lost, as you are right now - we don't even realize what it is that is missing. I've been in your shoes, hon - and I'm offering you a life line.

    God bless,
    Ruth
    FrustratedAndTired likes this.

  9. #9
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    The lonliness you are feeling alot of people feel, not just x-addicts. We all want someone to love us. I have felt like you, have made bad choices that I regret. My advise is find a church. They will have religious education for your daughter and you will meet very nice people. Do not dwell on what your daughter will think in the future. Concentrate on now. Take walks, go to the play ground. Yes, people do talk, they will talk less and eventually forget when they see you living a healthy life. Feel proud of the massive steps you have already taken!!! Listen to Ruth's advise, she is a wise woman. Please know that many people are here for you. Stand strong and be comforted that you are not alone.

  10. #10
    newyorkgal is offline Platinum Member
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    Along with listening to both Ruth and Kathleen, I strongly suggest you see a psychiatrist. It sounds like you might be suffering from a panic disorder (I used to get panic attacks and they feel like you are going to die or something horrible is going to happen). You are also suffering from severe depression. That is very clear. Meetings would be your best option also. Aside from working the steps, you do meet people you have something in common with who are not using.

  11. #11
    misspeppermintblack is offline New Member
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    ok, so i will try going to a meeting. you are right, it cant hurt. things upset me easy and i find myself angry about things that maybe should not upset me. i have to work 3 double shifts in a row, but im off this weekend and i will go to a meeting. i'll let you guys know how it went.

  12. #12
    doc.rose is offline Advanced Member
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    Welcome to the forum. Everyone gave you wonderful advice, so follow through with some of the suggestions given. You are in control of your happiness, so start being pro-active in your recovery and slowly but surely you will dig yourself out of this funk you are in. You will get tremendous support on this forum, so keep posting. And I think NA should be something you attend as often as you can. Keep attending different meetings until you find one that you are comfortable with. Take care!!

  13. #13
    newyorkgal is offline Platinum Member
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    Just to reiterate... You need to see a psychiatrist or at least a regular doctor also. You may be suffering from panic disorder and are certainly suffering from severe depression.

  14. #14
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi, have been thinking about you. Hope all is well. I have found thru experience that until you love yourself it's hard to have someone else love you. When you least expect a partner to walk into your life. Concentrate on your daughter and you, the rest will fall into place.

  15. #15
    HenryNCBA is offline Advanced Member
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    Default Opinion from a guy

    Hello misspeppermintblack!

    Here is a little feedback from a guy.
    First: You are not a loser so never think that! You have enough sense to get off the drugs, care and look out for your daughter, are willing to reach out for help as you have done here on this forum, see the difference between right and wrong, and you are taking the steps in the right direction. That doesn't sound like a loser to me and in fact has all the makings of a real winner and you are well on your way and that step you took to get off the drugs is a huge accomplishment and you have every right to be proud. I commend you on your accomplishment.

    Second: You may have physical issues be it the condition you have, chest pains, feelings of impending doom, etc.. You are never the less attempting to deal with this issues and correct them to the best of your ability. Sure you may feel that you have no choice but in reality you do have a choice. You always have a choice but you chose to do something about it. I would recommend you get yourself physically checked out to rule out anything physically wrong and as the others stated most likely it is just the after effects of coming off the drugs. Different drugs affect different people differently as also does getting clean and the after effects. It takes time to heal physically and mentally. If you smashed your thumb with a hammer but stopped after hitting it say twice does the pain stop instantly? No it does not. The pain is still there until the thumb heals. Same thing with your body, mind, and emotions. You are sensitive, caring, considerate, and compassionate and those are very good qualities to have.

    Third: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your past is your past but what counts is today and what you are going to do tomorrow. We drug addicts are unique in many ways and also in many ways far better people than so called normal people. Why? Because we have all been there and done that and know first hand. There is a saying that goes “Freedom has a price and comfort that the protected will never know” holds true. If people look down on you so what! You know why? Because they are jealous of what you are doing! You have the guts and determination to fight and do the right thing. What the heck do they know about what you have been through. You have been to and through hell and yet here you stand a bit beat up from your journey but YOU STILL STAND!!! It is all soooooo easy for ignorant people to point fingers and put blame on any one of us including you. Look them in the eye and just say to yourself “you poor ignorant moron. What do you know!” You are by far way better than they are. I can prove it right here and here is how. You said you were in the “business”. You were on drugs. Now take a step out of yourself for a moment and take you out of the spotlight here. People you know no longer know you or your past. You come along into town and no one knows you or even if they did they don’t know your past. Do they look down on you? Lets take this one step further. Say you made up a story and told them you were an astronaut in training. There would be many “ooohs and ahhhs” Does that make you anyone different that who you were when you walked into the room? No. You are still the same person the only difference is their perception or you. So moving on lets say that they hear through someone else that you are not an astronaut in training but rather was lets say a chief engineer for that oil rig that blew up. You were one of the many responsible for millions of gallons of crude oil contaminating the gulf. Now peoples opinion of you change from astronaut in training to a person somewhat responsible for a disaster. Does that still change who you are when you walked into the room? No! You are still you. Bottom line is you are a good person that is caring all around. You have what it takes so don’t worry about what others will say or think. They are going to say or think what ever they want to and it seems human nature likes to be negative so unless there is some juicy gossip to spill about you they don’t care. They all want to hang out with so called important people and basically like to be name droppers. The also like to talk smack about people and for those trying to do the right thing they like to put their foot on you and keep you down. Why? Because humans are like any other creature of habit. They are comfortable with what they know, who they know, how they treat others be it good or bad BUT, and here is that key, BUT, as long as it benefits them in their own mind that is how they think it should be. Myself being a guy and having seen a lot, done a lot, and experiences what I think is a lot I don’t see anything wrong with you. You are honest and sure you have a dark past but who doesn’t? You don’t know my past right and unless you told me yours I don’t know yours so no harm done right? What I am saying is people are going to think what they want to think. Just stick to the truth and doing the right thing and the rest is up to them. They can either take it or leave it and if they chose to leave it then so be it just move on because you don’t need people like that anyway. You are better than them and don’t let anyone tell you different.

    Fourth: Listen to the others here. I was on this forum from middle of last year then took a leave for a while then got back on. During my absence I learned a lot and these folks here are good people. They talk to you because they care. They don’t judge you for any negatives but praise you and accept you for your positives. Many are much more experienced that I am so for me I listen to them and take their advice because they know better than I do. Does that make you ignorant? NO! There are many things you know that none of us know right? So you too have things to contribute and you too can help others and that makes for a great team. Those on this forum are light years ahead of those out there that are quick to draw conclusions based on their limited and ignorant knowledge. Most of society would look at me and say “oh another druggie. I am not going to talk to him” yet there are many that do not know my history and praise me but I know their opinion of me would change in a second if they knew. That doesn’t mean I am going to tell them but I won’t hide it either. If they find out they find out and if they turn their backs on me for it then I view that as their loss.

    Fifth: Never give up. Nothing is perfect and just because one thing doesn’t work doesn’t mean others will not. Sure it gets depressing when you try and try and seem to be going no where but you have to remember that each person is different and what works for one may or may not work for another. We each have to find our own key that unlocks our own door but listening to the others here sure helps take away all those extra keys I need to search through. You can make it and you have taken many big steps already. That sounds like a winner to me =)

    No retreat no surrender. Live life not based on what others say for you will be judged by what you do going forward. 10 years from now no one is going to remember anyway so plan for the future without all those negative folks trying to keep you down. Forget about them you deserve better.

    Hang in there and keep posting!

    Henry

  16. #16
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    Very well said Henry. Remember we are never alone when we have Christ in our lives.

  17. #17
    misspeppermintblack is offline New Member
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    Angry things just keep getting worse

    the other day i went to work. it was a normal day. i got off work, and went to pick my daughter up from a friend of mine who was babysitting for me. i hung out there for a few hours and had some drinks. when i was ready to go, my daughter was not. we left anyway. when we got home i ordered pizza. i layed down and told her to let me know when the pizza came. she was mad cuz came home. so when i layed down (maybe 20 minutes or so), she called the police on me. i hear a knock at the door, i asume it is the pizza, so i open the door. next thing i know i got 50 cops handcuffing me. they said i was neglecting my daughter by being intoxicated around her. my mother didnt answer her phone so they took her away. I went to jail. now they say i have to get on anabuse (which i heard terrible things about), i have to blow and drop daily, go to meetings daily,go to treatment, and pay for all this. even though i was inside my own home and i have no record. now the people say i can only see my daughter twice a week for 2 hours with supervision. This is crazy. All this costs like 1900 dollars a month. I only make 1100. plus i got rent, utilities, ect. nobody cares. a set up for failure. how can this be?
    Last edited by ddcmod; 06-12-2010 at 05:32 PM.

  18. #18
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    hey,

    i can only imagine what your daughter is goin thru right now then. she obviously had enough, and maybe didnt realize exactly what would happen after the cops arrived. poor kid.

    do you think you have a problem with alcohol..?

    antabuse can be a good tool, i have a friend who is on the methadone, valium, and used to drink a lot as well. her case manager put her on antabuse, and she reckons it was the best thing she could have done.

    hope things pick up for you, have you reached out to ANYONE for some help, like NA, AA, counsellor, doctor, friend, sounds like you need to talk to someone, and get some actual help. specially if now your daughter is,,,, where is she now anyway.?

    get some help girl,
    sometimes we just gotta do it

    cheeky

  19. #19
    jammymommy is offline Senior Member
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    MissPep'
    My heart is breaking for you! How upsetting for the police to take your little girl away!
    Please see this as an opportunity to GET HELP! Do it for YOU & your daughter.
    You need to reach out now, please.
    Please keep us posted. God loves you & will hear you if you call out to Him for help.
    Love,
    jammy

  20. #20
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Default "When it gets dark enough, we can see the stars"



    This certainly looks like an impossible situation from your perspective, I do understand. But, from my perspective, being in recovery and working with newly sober women who are in treatment, I see God giving you a precious gift. That is the "Gift of Desperation" - and oftentimes, that is what it takes for us to turn our lives around.

    You are just 24, with a young daughter who needs (and deserves) a stable mother. I'm amazed that she could find the way to call the cops, at her young age. That's a mature little girl - who is telling you, very strongly, "This is not right. This is not a safe situation for me to be in. I need someone to help me deal with this." Don't blame her, don't think she was just trying to get back at you - it doesn't matter. What she did was reach out for help that she needed. Now you need to do the same!!!

    As I'd sensed when I wrote my first post to you, you have continued to use other drugs or alcohol, after stopping the crack. This is where you set yourself up for failure, hon. [I'm not judging you, I'm only explaining! I did the exact same thing!] Addiction is addiction is addiction, whether the substance is crack or booze or pills or any other addictive drug.

    Alcohol was the culprit keeping you lost in depression, isolation and full of paranoid fears of "impending doom," after the crack was gone. There is no recovery until ALL addictive drugs are out of our bodies and out of our lives. It sounds like too much to handle life without a drug for a crutch right now; I do remember that feeling all too well. But it is what you need to do - for your own sanity and serenity - and for your daughter, who is depending on you.

    The simplest suggestion: Get help. Get as much help as you possibly can. This disease of addiction is complex - and a powerful monster to overcome. You need as much help as you can muster right now. If you can't find the courage or the incentive to do it for yourself - do it for your daughter. Oftentimes, in the midst of drug addiction, we stop caring about ourselves - and can't pull it together enough to do anything for ourselves that would be help us. BUT... and I used this excuse often, early on... we find we CAN do it, when we do it for our innocent, precious child. Then, as you gain some time truly clean from all drugs, you will grow to care about doing it for yourself, as well.

    If you have the opportunity now to get into any kind of treatment, please, please, please - grab that opportunity and run with it. That will give you a strong education on this disease, and great foundation for on-going recovery. It's what I had to do (6 months inpatient!) - and it was the last thing I wanted to do - but, somehow, somewhere, for the sake of my daughter, I managed to go. And once I was there, I started to see all the pieces that were missing. I started to get to know myself; I came to forgive myself for what I'd done when I was using. My self-esteem and self-respect began to grow, when I had NONE before. I can not begin to tell you how much treatment can help you right now.

    In the meantime, regardless of anything else, force yourself into an AA or NA meeting as often as possible - at least once a day. Personally, I prefer AA, as I tend to find folks with longer term recovery there, who really have some wisdom to share. Also, I've never found any "drug dealing" in the AA setting.

    In addition, find a counselor, preferable well-versed in addiction. Go to her and spew all that is bothering you - as often as you can see her. It's time to be completely honest - with yourself - and then with those who can help you. The keys to overcoming this disease are the acronym "HOW:" Honesty - Open-mindedness - Willingness."

    When things look the worst, that's our beginning. In a short time, you'll come to see how much of life you were missing out on. There is happiness and joy in recovery that is better than any "high" from drugs. Honest.

    God bless,
    Ruth

  21. #21
    misspeppermintblack is offline New Member
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    Default dear ruth

    im sorry but you are wrong about me. i dont hardly ever drink (maybe once a week or something like that) yes i did take a nap but it was midnight and i had up since 4 am (cuz i gotta go to work) the only reason i can say that she called the police on me is that she wasnt ready to come home. i can remember one time after i first got her from her dad, she told me that he told her it was okay to call 911 on me if she didnt like something i said. i talked to her about why you're not suppose to call them unless its really an emergency and the conversation never came up again. i never in a thousand years expercted this. that next day i was off and was going take her swimming along with some of her friends.i dont think i need anabuse cuz im not a big drinker. i offered to breathalize that night but the cops wouldnt let me. that would have proved that i was not drunk. true i had 3 drinks, but i was not drunk and im not a bad mother. i think this is a way to get money cuz in my city they are building a stadium that nobody wants and need to pay for it. a friend of mine got a 500 dollar jay walking ticket a few weeks ago. this is the land of petty s**t you go to jail for. and this is a VERY racist town. it is no secret.

  22. #22
    Anonymous Guest

    Default

    peppermint,

    couple of questions--

    1. where is your daughter now.??

    2. you said you got your daugher back, in an earlier post, was she taken away
    coz of drugs.??
    (this would be on your record)

    3. were you expecting a 6 year old to answer the door for pizza AT MIDNIGHT.?
    while you were sleeping off the booze. (i know it was ONLY 3, but your daughter
    is only 6.)

    "they" dont come into someones house and take away their kid because "they"
    need money, i know its hard, but you have to stop blaming everyone and
    everything else, you have to take some responsibility here.
    you have taken the first step here, by asking for advice, this is a chance to get it sorted out once and for all.
    please, for your daughters sake, try and be honest with yourself about how much you are drinking, it is obviously an issue for your daughter, or she wouldnt have rung the cops on ya.

    only YOU know how much you drink, or not, but blaming the stadium no one wants, or your mum for not answering the phone, are all just excuses .

    own it, and you will have taken a massive step to get better. own it.
    i wish you all the best mate,

    cheeky

  23. #23
    doc.rose is offline Advanced Member
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    Default

    very well said Cheeky! No need to elaborate on that one. YOu covered everything I was thinking.

  24. #24
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Default

    I "ditto" Cheeky's questions here, and finding myself having many more. This isn't sounding like we're being given the *FULL* story. You said you hung out for "a couple of hours" after work - and now, the story is that it was midnight? What is a child of that age doing up, waiting for pizza - while Mom sleeps off *3* drinks?

    Cops can't just come into a house and grab a child because a parent has had 3 drinks... and then order a great assortment of testing and supervised visitation, etc., etc. This had to go before a judge - and you had a chance to tell your side of it, else they can't just hold the child on a hunch that she was being mistreated.

    I don't care how big the stadium is - or how racist the community is - because it is a part of the USA, you have civil rights, and they can't just bypass those and do as they please.

    Part of the denial of addiction/alcoholism is that we lie to ourselves, as much as we lie to others. We feel the need to minimize how much we're using, to keep from seeing the full picture of what we're really doing. It's high time to get completely honest with yourself - about any and all drugs or alcohol, and how much.

    And the *ONLY* way you'll overcome addiction AND regain permanent custody of your child is by owning up completely to your role in all of this madness. As long as you blame... your mom... the cops... the racism... the stadium...or anyone else, you don't stand a chance of recognizing your own responsibility here.

    I'll keep you in my prayers. We are not JUDGING you here, even though our questions may appear to be harsh. Quite the opposite. Those of us responding with questions are also addicts, so we easily recognize the signs of addictive behavior, denial and blame. We are trying to HELP you, by showing you the full picture. To stay silent and go along with what you've been saying would be of no help, and would only enable you to continue on this dangerous path.

    God bless,
    Ruth
    (Another addict AND alcoholic - just in recovery!)

  25. #25
    Hellweek is offline Member
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    Apr 2010
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    Default

    Before you can get any true help you have to be honest with yourself.

    There is allot of help and good suggestions provided to you here. None of it will matter if you are not willing to help yourself.

    You will find it very hard to lie yourself and others on this forum. The reason for this is clear, one addict can not fool or lie to another addict. They have been or done many of the same things as you.

    Before you can help and take care of your daughter you must first help yourself. Please do yourself a favor, stop making excuses and get some help.

  26. #26
    jammymommy is offline Senior Member
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    Default

    Where are you, friend?
    What are you thinking?
    What are you doing?
    Please talk to us so you can get better.
    I'm new here, but I've seen how wise & caring the people are.

    jammy

  27. #27
    misspeppermintblack is offline New Member
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    Default first of all

    [deleted swearing]
    Last edited by ddcmod; 06-15-2010 at 09:52 PM.

  28. #28
    misspeppermintblack is offline New Member
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    Default oh yeah

    [deleted swearing]
    Last edited by ddcmod; 06-15-2010 at 09:53 PM.

  29. #29
    misspeppermintblack is offline New Member
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    Default update

    after my dramatic night last year, i got a felony child neglect charge. i my daughter was taken away from me and i got put on several programs. soon after i lost my job(there just weren't enought hours in the day to do everything c.p.s. and probation wanted me to do while working and catching the city bus to all these places. not to mention i was getting only abou 5 hours of sleep per week.) in spite of all that, i completed all the c.p.s. requirements, i got my daughter back-again, i found a newjob,and everything was doing o.k...until, 4 days after getting my 6 month review (and a 50 cent raise) i got fired. unbelievable, huh? oh so true though. i was falsely accused of threatening someone at work. i filed for unemployment but was denied. i filled an appeal and a discrimination suit. we went to court. i won! and was given $2,500 and unemployment for a year. since the last time i posted my daughter and i have moved into our first house (not apartment), we have a pet turtle (whose name is "agent t"), the "people are out of our life, and it's back to business as usual. although i get unemployment and can continue to get it for several more months, i want to go back to work and am looking for a job. maybe i'll try the ste new stadium...it's finished, and they are hiring like crazy. a friend of mine just got a job there. if i dont find work soon i plan to sign up for the accounting and book keeping class. this are looking up for now. i just hope they stay up. pray for me please, i still need it!!!
    OXYmom and ClassiqueMom like this.

  30. #30
    ClassiqueMom is offline Senior Member
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    Default

    hi misspeppermintblack

    i had never seen your post before tonight and i think it's so awesome that you came back to update the forum here.


    back when you first began posting there were some things you said, that (had i been following your thread at that time) i would have wanted to respond..


    i want to be a good mother, and a good person, but i worry. what kind of example am i to my daughter 'mommy doesnt have any friends. mommy is always sad.' i have lost my joy and am existing instead of living. and the killing part is that i thought getting off the stuff was my problem, that's when my problems began. there is a hugh 'something' missing from my life and i dont know how to find it cuz i dont know what it is. i feel like loser. and im just as unhappy as i was when i was on crack. how is that possible?

    you really did get some good advice here, and now that you're back, maybe? i can add a little to that..

    i just thought sometime you might consider reading the

    Book of Proverbs,

    there is alot of wisdom there in those 31 chapters..

    again, thanx for coming back with the good update! I'm glad things are looking up in your life.. it has been a long road for you.. but all of life is a journey..

    journey well, misspeppermintblack

    you asked for prayer and i wanted to let you know, i will be praying for you, -and your daughter..



    all my best,
    Classique MoM

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