Hey everyone, I'm new here buthave been reading for months. I just wanna vent a little first and tell you my story. I am 21 and up until march all i ever did was drink, did some other stuff in high school but it ended there. No opiates ever. 2 years ago got a script for 20 vics for pulled wisdom teeth. Took those and they made me feel good but that was it and never thought about getting anymore. I live in a small densely populated working class city with a very serious
oxycontin and heroin problem. Since 2001 there have been over 15 deaths from oc's and heroin. Most of them were the age group above me. It made me sick to even think about doing them. I really couldnt imagine it in a million years. From age 16 to 20 i was around ALOT of oc's and never thought about going near them.
So, after a brief background,here is my downfall. I have been with my gf for 3 years now and we had some problems, but i love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. Well starting in late 08 she kinda seemed disintersted in me. and by january and february at least once a week she would go out and then I wouldn't hear from her again until the next morning. I finally got sick of this and by march I was trying to move on but would still talk to her a couple times a week at least. i was with her for almost everyday for 2 and a half years. So back in high school I didnt give a damn about anything except drinking and having fun. I drank pretty much everyday during the summers and a couple times a week during the school year. Stupid I know but were just city kids having fun. So anyway my best friends have now been addicted for over 4 years and in march when i wanted to go out and drink and have fun they pretty much just sat in and did oc's. I still don't know why til this day but one night i asked for a bump, and felt a surge of good feelings and a feeling of not caring about any of my problems. Anyways 7 months later I was now doing 1-3 80mg's a day. i got pretty close to rock bottom and i am now getting clean. This is where the problem comes.
10 days ago I got some
suboxone and subutex. took about 10mg's for the first four days and the fifth day took about 7. I was kinda uneducated about suboxone and thought it would take care of the pain from the oc withdrawals and then after a week or so i would need the suboxone anymore cuz i only took them for a week. Well i read online thats not how it works and read numerous people say stop suboxne now. So i did, i jumped off from 7-10mg and went cold turkey. But i have been reading about the thomas method and heard the success stories so i tried that. Stupidly i took about one 2mg
xanax (wanted
valium or
klonopin but that was all i could get) for the first 3 days on the suboxone instead of saving them for when i stopped. So after day 3 of suboxone i realized i should hold off on the xanax. So i started suboxone on sunday and by friday i decided to stop and started taking about 2-3mg of xanax plus some multi vitamins i got at gnc. well the xanax did really help get me thru the days, I still hurt pretty bad but nothing absolutly horrible. They did nothing for helping me sleep though as I've gotten probably 3-4 hours of sleep a night since thursday.
Well last night i fell asleep around midnight and woke up at 3am like usual, tossed and turned until 630 but somehow unlike the other nights i managed to fall back asleep. Now for the last 3 days i have been taking less and less xanax and yesterday took less than 2mg and saved just a tiny piece for today. So i got up and thought the sleep would do be wonders but it actually made things worse. i woke up feeling panicked, rushed hot and cold full of anxiety and like my body was being zapped and i was gonna just pass out. So i had to go to work at 9 and got here and was really having a hard time, breathing keeping my foucs and staying calm. i took immodium cuz i had already gone the bathroom twice by 9 and when i took immodium like 4 days ago it really seemed to help. i also took the tiny peice of xanax. and my multi vitamin plus 4 ibueprofen. about 45 mins after i got to work i started feeling much better. I'm really hoping it was just that my body, once it got back to sleep, just refused to get up, but i had to. Or that it was just my stomach acting up from the diareah.
Well right now i feel pretty good except for the awful hot flashes but
my two main questions are was it a good idea to stop the suboxne or should and i have tried taperng for a couple more days. And my second is i have used .5-3mg of xanax for 8 out 10 days I am just praying that i didnt feel like that this morning becuz of not taking xanax. but like i said i only took about .5 mg and along with the other stuff plus a protein milk drink feel 100 times better. I was having the worst panic attack so I was seriously contemplating calling a detox place and seeing if i could do a outpatient cuz i really dont wanna do inpatient. I feel much better now just wanna see what people think of the 2 questions.
Sorry for such a long post but I also want this to be a cautionary story to anyone out there thinking or about trying or just recently starting or any non users just seeing what we have to say. PLEASE I urge you to stop while you can I stopped in late march early april with one day of minor withdrawal symptoms and that was it. I so badly wished i just altogether stopped cuz i did for about a week then went right back in and never looked back til recently.
I just wanna say no matter how bad ur problems opiates will make things 1000 times worse. if ur having girl problems just watch, 3 or 4 months later u will be broke, still have no girlfriend and have a extremely serious addiction.
Luckily for me me and my girl are tryin to work things out and shes actually been with me most of the time. she cant understand why i did this and doesnt really know how to handle it nor have too much compassion for me but she cares and is trying to help.
Thanks everyone.
Almost there, need some help though. 
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