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Addiction Poem
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    16

    Default Addiction Poem

    I’ve got 12 and I’m in pain
    4 left on day 10
    Then 3
    Then 2
    Day 13 there’s none
    Forgetting, gone, gone…but wouldn’t it be nice
    To have a few or one
    Wince softly and I got 30
    No need to worry
    My 30 turns into a month of isolated daily remedies
    Everyone has their reasons
    And wouldn’t it be nice
    But not….yet
    White lies and deep sighs
    And I got 30 times three
    Times the remedy by two and I float away…
    Times it by three – I’m breaking ties
    Times it by four – I don’t care if I live or die
    Times it by five – I forget the day, the time…
    Cheating, stealing, remembering…how…it was
    I lived before…
    Grieving
    Thieving
    So I up it by three plus caffeine
    To enable my legs to move….my head to nod, my hands to wave at those who don’t know me anymore
    Alone…
    So I up it by four
    And build walls between them and me
    Fake a fall, tempt the one who holds it all…to give freely from the script
    The lottery won – allowing my make believe to live on
    As I fall further down this rabbit hole
    Then lets see – I got 20 and 10 days
    2 per day won’t do – 3 …equals 6 days of a remedy
    Call in one – no profit, just criticism
    Then I float
    I got 5 more…taper, taper, taper
    Then withdraw
    Coldness, sharpness…anxiety
    Skin not made for me…the tingling…and no remedy
    Knees wobbly – self conscious
    What have I become?
    I’ve got none…
    It’s what you’ve got, what you’ve got, what you’ve got
    When you are everything you wish you were not
    Addiction.

  2. #2
    vduda is offline Member
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    Default

    Cool man! I like the way you expressed that sentiment.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    Default

    thanks...it represents the progression

  4. #4
    vduda is offline Member
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    Just like there is a progression to live life free from addiction, there is definitely a progression that leads to addiction. Addiction doesn't happen in one day and sobriety doesn't happen in one day. The process is so similar, yet so different.

    Here's a poem I wrote while in detox:

    I am the phantom hippie of the 21st century
    Tamed by dirty needles and empty promises
    Complain...so lame
    Where's the fame

    Broke, torn and battered
    I am the master of disaster
    Abandoned like a bastard
    Go faster

    Junkie's fly to touch the sky
    Why do you contrive
    Babel...so laughable
    Broken teeth it's tea time

    Left innocense at the door
    I'm bored...so I score
    Needles left threaded and lonely
    Absent substitutes

    Freedom comes from dying
    Lying and denying
    No I'm ok
    so I rage

    Youth speak the truth
    Letter of the law falls hard
    Like the back hand of a broken man
    So I rage

    Words I have drank
    Consumed the flames
    Went insane in my shame
    She left me in pain

    Body twisted...heavy melted mounted hands
    Forbidden to touch the master plan
    Catcher of lost souls
    Too many words to sow

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    16

    Default

    Thank you for sharing Vruda

    I feel like I'm still slipping down the rabbit hole. Trying to skid to a halt. Trying to outrun this thing, running out of energy.

    and just fyi -I'm a girl.

    God bless. And you should stay.

  6. #6
    vduda is offline Member
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    Default

    I always screw up on the gender thing. Sorry. But sometimes I even say "you know man" to my girlfriend or I'll call her "dude". It's the old hippie surfer in me.

    Keep your energy up. You sound like a great person and I know you can beat this thing. I know what you mean by "slipping down the rabbit hole". But no matter how far you slip, if you look up you can see the light. It is a hard road. I've been off the opiates 7 months and almost screwed up the other night. But my faith in God got me through the temptation. I will keep you in my prayers. And if you need to talk just let me know. Because of people like you I will stay and this time I will focus on the positive. Life is beautiful like rays of untidy waves washing over you lifting you up to the heavens to touch God's heart. God Bless.

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