[Robert_325]

If she is taking a bunch of percs that could keep her out of w/d when she doesn't have heroin available. But honestly the heroin is cheaper than the percs, so it makes more sense to use to the junk to a heroin addict. She is probably using percs and seroquel as well as the heroin.

The wedding is July 12. We are both looking forward to it. Thanks for asking. God bless.

[Lost83]

July 12th is approaching fast! So happy for you two!

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by Lost83

July 12th is approaching fast! So happy for you two!

Hi Lost
Thanks, I'm really getting excited...You know we are flying to Houston to get married and we are in Seattle right now...So it is really hard to plan things or get ready...
I will just say I owe Roberts sister BIG...bless her heart, she is my saving grace...

When your sweetie gets home I pray everything goes just the way you want it to...
You really have inspired me so much and he is so lucky to have you...
I know he knows that too...

Talk to you soon, Melinda

[Lost83]

Thank you Melinda, ya'll are perfect for each other. Nice balance between the two of you, you are always so positive and upbeat and Robert can be brutally honest to get his point across. Your efforts here certainly don't go unnoticed and as I've said before, I love your posts, everytime I see your name on my thread it's like a ray of sunshine, man I'm pretty corny this morning. Anywho, congrats again, I want to see pic's after the wedding.

[kathleen5hockey]

Addiction is cruel. Today she went to school and we went to see my mother at the mall. She got a few new clothes, mom paid more money than I would but hey, she is the grandmother and plus she gets discounts! Anyway, I find it hard to enjoy these times together. She even came to church with me (I am the bookkeeper) she helped with paperwork and was so lovely. It hurts so bad because yesterday the husband found a crack pipe and needle in an empty cig pack he was throwing away. Every day it is a new battle to try and control my feelings. Yes, I am doing better at it but wow, it's such hard work. Last night she came to me to ask me to quit smoking, I really have been trying, don't want to tell her the stress of drugs is making it hard but hey, we addicts all have excuses!

Well, that's my story for today. As always, thanks for being there for me.

[kathleen5hockey]

Hi Robert, last night she came home crying. She was all upset because her father has been sick and I told her he had a lung infection, it really is a sinus infection but hey, I don't listen to much of what he says anyway! She was freakin out that I lied, blah, blah. Bottom line, I told her he is on medication and why is she going nutty now, all afternoon while we were shopping it didn't bother her. The boyfriend swears (which means nothing) that she didn't do any drugs. She was with me all day and she was fine. What drug would make her get really emotional? Asked her if she was in w/d, she said no. It was weird. Have seen her act like this before. Eyes were not pin but were blood shot. As always, thank you for your help! You are truely a God send!!!

[Robert_325]

I can't say that is a sign of any drug. Only drug I know of that might make one extra emotional would be X or ecstacy. I am not accusing her, there isn't enough to go on to know if she took something. God bless.

[SMG1979]

Depending on the circumstance, when I was on heroin, it made me emotional. Especially if I was coming down off of it. I can't tell you how many times the littlest thing made me cry. Just thought I'd give you my input.

SMG1979

[kathleen5hockey]

I think you are correct SMG, her face is all broken out again and beneath her nose is bleeding. She is shooting and snorting, probably heroin by the look of her face. This is getting to me again. It is so hard to back off. She actually went to school this morning, 3 more days left of me driving every morning. Can't tell you how sick I am of this. 45 min every day and during that time I am getting agravated. Not a good morning today. This weekend was ok but the husband and daughter are fighting. He found a needle and crack pipe, he told her next time he found that he wouldn't talk to her again. So now he's not sleeping, she's a pissy and I am loosing my mind! Don't know how much longer I can live like this. My life is passing me by without any fun. Just want to pack and leave but really don't want to leave my whole life behind. Drugs suck!

[Eha1215]

Kathleen,
I hope your days have gotten better since your last post. I think the most difficult part after making the decision to let go is actually staying true to the decision. It's very difficult for me to stay out of the way and just let the person do what they want when it hurts me to see them like that. I cant imagine how frustrating it is for you to have to deal with controlling yourself and your impulses while all of this is going on in your own house! If only it was that easy to just go away somewhere and start brand new... I just hope you are strong and pray that your days get better. It seems as if the thing about this process is just letting time do what it has to do...and for someone as inpatient as me it's the hardest thing! But I'm sure we'll make it through :-)
Take care!

[kathleen5hockey]

Well today we went to the doctors, she had to have a procedure done because of the last pap smear. Dr. says it's some form of STD, will find out more on Mon. She was supposed to go for a blood test right after but didn't want to go. Dr. told me the boyfriend knows he has something although doesn't know what. He told her to take better care of herself, if someone even thinks they has an STD use a condom. Oh well, another day in He--.

I run a volunteer radio station in town where many teens work for school mandated community hours. Today a girl that daughter went to school with since kindergarden came to the house for me to sign papers. This girl is beautiful, smart and kind. I cannot help but think "where did I go wrong?" Why isn't my daughter like she used to be. Instead of volunteering we go get Std tests.

Just been a bad day and to top everything else off my hair is falling out, really bad. Will this ever end?

[Lost83]

Kathleen,

I haven't commented much on your thread because I can't imagine being in your position because the addict in my life is my husband and I choose to be with him.

Have you ever heard of the book named "Codependent No More, How to stop controlling others and Start Caring For Yourself"? ITS AWESOME!!!! I understand she is your daughter and you want nothing but the best for her. I will reitterate, I cannot imagine being in your shoes, I am only 26 and my son is coming up on his 2nd birthday (OMG, I can't believe it).

This book, in my opinion, is the best therapy I could have right now. From what I have heard about the Naranon meetings, this book is almost like working the steps for codependents. There are activities at the end of each chapter in which they ask you write about different situations and behaviors. I have almost an entire 5 subject notebook filled with my entries. I go back and read them almost daily before I start a new activity. I am done with the book but the activities take me a long time to complete. They have helped me more than I can express. Plus it's something I do for me, for my recovery. Addiction is a family disease that affects everyone around the active addict. I know you like to horeback ride and garden but I can promise you if you can't make it to a meeting or counseling, this book will help. I have tried several time to go to a Naranon meeting. It just hasn't worked, I show up and it ended up being an NA meeting in which I knew several people that were there because I used to attend them with my husband. ANother attempt there were only 2 older women outside, no cars in parking lot, I left because I just wanted to observe for my first time. Long story well, as short as I can make it is you need some recovery for yourself. Forgive me if I've missed something in your posts, perhaps you are in some sort of counseling or attending meetings. I am just very pessimistic when it comes to counseling, I am not an outgoing person by any means but this book is AWESOME!!! Man, I should be a spokes-woman for Melody Beattie. It's a great read even if you don't do the activities.

My heart breaks for you every time I read your posts. The disease of addiction is absolutely evil and I would never wish it upon my worst enemy. I pray she finds her way and that you and your husband don't lose yourself in the process.

By the way congrats to your son for going to college, that in itself should be a sign to you and your husband that you did well raising your children. So props to the both of you, he is being responsible and successful, praise him for it (as I am sure you do) and I know you are proud.

Okie dokie, I am out of words for tonight but I just wanted to stop in and share some suggestions with you that have helped me although our situations are different. Good luck to your and your family.

[Eha1215]

Kathleen,
I recomment the book that Lost was talking about, I bought myself not too long ago when I was beginning to go through this and it's helped me a lot!

[kathleen5hockey]

Thanks for the book recomendation, will go get it today. Thank you to both Lost and Elha I appreciate your concern for my family and me. Today is husbands birthday he is very crabby. Daughter actually bought him a card! He is just down because of the circumstances, last yr we were in court so today is better already! We will survive this but at what cost? I am tired of seeing husband mope around the house, daughter swearing at me and the cost of my son's life is the worst. He is going to summer classes which is great! I am very proud of him, I thank God he is here, at least I did something right.

Lost-I stayed home 14 yrs with my kids, they were the best 14 yrs of my life!

[Lost83]

Wow 14 years! My goodness, I took 3 months maternity, went back to work for 2 months, company went bankrupt and was home another 4 months going stir crazy. Baby talk all the time, I don't think I could do it if even if I were in the position to. I love my son and spending time with him but work is my time away from the hustle and bustle in the house.

Happy birthday to your hubby. Hope it gets better for him. He needs an outlet too, maybe ya'll can read the book and each do the activities on your own. Just a suggestion, hope you guys have an enjoyable day.

PS I just reread my post from last night and I'm sure you realize I meant horseback riding not horeback riding, I got a chuckle out of that this morning.

[kathleen5hockey]

I didn't even notice the mis spelling. Yep, it is definately Horse back riding! Will be going again Thurs. Yeh, 14 yrs is a long time but I got the childhood I never had and was old enough to enjoy it! Funny, the kids don't remember much of what we did but I do. They thought tag sales were stores, how funny, I would give them 4 quarters and off we would go tag saling, what fun! I also found all free stuff, like when the museum was free admission etc. Baked cookies, canned my own food, pasta from scratch. Wow! No wonder I don't cook anymore!

Thanks for being here for me, you will never know how much it helps.

[kathleen5hockey]

Here is an update. The daughter went to the last day of school! Had to push her but it had to be done. Yesterday she was pretty good for dad's birthday, showed up late to sing HB song but she did show up. My inlaws were over, my father in law just adores my son. They were talking about accounting and his summer classes. It is so cute. Daughter actually gave him a bd card and a shirt. Son bought a few shirts and even bought one to give from the dog! What a blessing he is. Well, summer starts. The idiot boyfriend let her take his car home to our house, she doesn't have a license. Told her it was not right but hey, she does what she wants. That's one of the things I notice most, no respect for authority, the rules are all for someone else, not her. She even took all of my cigs last night. Now that is rude. Found a crack pipe again. Will this ever end? Will she ever see the light of what she is doing? I understand it is hard, I am having a really hard time with the cig thing but I function. Stupid as this is to say, if she was a functioning addict I wouldn't mind as much.

[Eha1215]

I'm so glad she actually showed up and all! I'm glad that your son can make your day a little better with his details and good behavior :-). I hope you had a good time despite your troubles and that your hubby enjoyed himself too. I totally understand about the functioning addict part though! If they were functioning addicts (your daughter and my ex) , we'd only be concerned about their health as opposed to their poor choices, nasty attitudes, and disregard for rules! But dont worry, God is good and great and things will gradually get better for you. I can't say for your daughter (as much as I would love to) because it's her life and choices...only she can bring herself to see the light and change her ways...but let's hope that someday she does. Hope you have a great week! Hang in there!

[kathleen5hockey]

Thanks, I try to remember wayyyyy back when I was a crazy teen. We
all do really stupid things and hopefully learn from them. I hope she will learn from everything. My problem with her is she doesn't have any self pride. She has learned how to get what she wants from men. Only she can change.

[kathleen5hockey]

Hi, well she is smoking crack again, can tell by the way she swears at us. Can you imagine she told her father to suck her dick? I cannot believe my ears. My once beautiful, articulate daughter talks like a whore.

Robert, why does she change into the slut from hell? I know you told me crack was worse than heroin but why does it make her so nasty? If these drugs are so great why is she so miserable?

[kathleen5hockey]

On another note, I was watching a Christian TV show last night and a singer from the band Corn was on, wow, he is scary to look at but was very insightful to listen to. Anyway, what is this guys name? I watched the end of the show and they never said. He did say he has an album out and wrote a book. Would like to hear his music. I think his cd is Deliver me from myself and washed in my own blood. Cannot be sure. Thanks!

[Lost83]

So their are 2 members of Korn that went Christian, the 1st Head actually left the band, the one I think you saw on TV was Fieldy, he recently co-authored a book named Got the Life: My Journey of Addiction, Faith, Recovery, and Korn. Head wrote Save Me from Myself: How I Found God, Quit Korn, Kicked Drugs and Lived to Tell My Story. I am not sure of the album you speak of, maybe google it and see what you can find. I heard numerous radio interviews with Fieldy and his book does sound intriguing and scary at the same time, he told a story of how he was abusive towards his wife in a hotel room and she was so scared that she locked herself in the bathroom. I totally forgot about that interview, I too want to read that book, sounds like something I would dig.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey

Hi, well she is smoking crack again, can tell by the way she swears at us. Can you imagine she told her father to suck her dick? I cannot believe my ears. My once beautiful, articulate daughter talks like a whore.

Robert, why does she change into the slut from hell? I know you told me crack was worse than heroin but why does it make her so nasty? If these drugs are so great why is she so miserable?

Hi Kathleen
I'm not Robert but I have to tell you Thats what drugs do to people...
They numb every feeling you have,My oldest son tried to explain crack to me.He tried it once.
He said it felt like pure evil and at the same time felt so good you just had to have more.
he said it was like being with satin himself,but it was pure pleasure...
Kinda scary...
The drug just takes over the chemicals all change in her body.so your right it's not your little girl...
My heart just bleeds for you...
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you...

The other day you were talking about how she has know self worth.
I was like that at that age and drinking and drugging covered that up for me.
my oldest son called me a Cuunt one day and I slapped his face and he turned me into cps and when they called me i told them you bet I slapped his face and I will do it again if he calls me that again.but they told me they would have done the same thing...

Try to remember all things will pass and things change, I just pray for you that things will change for the good.
In the years to come you my get your little girl back and you can put this all behind you...
You will be in my prayers...
Melinda

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey

Hi, well she is smoking crack again, can tell by the way she swears at us. Can you imagine she told her father to suck her dick? I cannot believe my ears. My once beautiful, articulate daughter talks like a whore.

Robert, why does she change into the slut from hell? I know you told me crack was worse than heroin but why does it make her so nasty? If these drugs are so great why is she so miserable?

Crack is the one drug that I've seen person after person become someone that didn't even resemble themself. They will sell themselves for drugs, they live like they are all the anti-Christ, they have NO respect or concern for anyone including themself. They become solely consumed by the addiction. I freakin hate crack so bad.

I saw one guy that I grew up with who was a great guy, cared about people, was good to everyone. He ended so bad on crack that he was arrested after breaking into a church and they found him kicked back sitting in the baptism tank smoking his glass pipe. Can you believe that trash! Sitting in the baptism water like it was a goofy hot tub smoking his crack pipe. He was on parole already after getting out of prison from crack arrests. Needless to say he went back. The good news is that today he has about eight years clean and is a Christian. He was saved while in prison. God is amazing, He never turns His back on anyone. Your daughter's soul is STILL just as important to Him as yours or mine.

I don't have a solution for you or your daughter. I could package it and sell if I did, lots of people would want to buy it. I will say that I never said that these drugs are "so great" at all. I said they suck, someone else may say they are great. They are the devil, pure alive and in the flesh. Hang in there. God bless.

[kathleen5hockey]

I didn't mean you said the drugs were good, the addicts who think they are good. Is it the feeling? I guess Mel said it best. Thank you for telling me what your son said. I too believe it is the devil at work, destroying our youth along with the parents. I pray everyday. Will go to church later and pray some more. My heart still breaks everyday even though I am trying to let go. I love her but hate her at the same time.

Robert or Mel - is crack cheeper than heroin?

[kathleen5hockey]

Weekend update: Fathers day was good, she made him a card and gave him a small gift. Sat. night she was awake until 3 am, then last night she had terrible headaches and throwing up. What is going on? Is this w/d? Will see how she is today. Found out she has a yeast infection and a virus in her uterus. Went for blood tests for HIV and other STD's.

Robert, my Reverand would like to know what turned you to God? We are thinking of an outreach for addicts and need info on what it takes for addicts to find God.

Also, you said your mother stood by you. What did she do to help you? I am trying to find the way to help her without hurting her. Cannot figure it out. If you can shed some light on the subject it would help me.

Thanks

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey

Weekend update: Fathers day was good, she made him a card and gave him a small gift. Sat. night she was awake until 3 am, then last night she had terrible headaches and throwing up. What is going on? Is this w/d? Will see how she is today. Found out she has a yeast infection and a virus in her uterus. Went for blood tests for HIV and other STD's.

Robert, my Reverand would like to know what turned you to God? We are thinking of an outreach for addicts and need info on what it takes for addicts to find God.

Also, you said your mother stood by you. What did she do to help you? I am trying to find the way to help her without hurting her. Cannot figure it out. If you can shed some light on the subject it would help me.

Thanks

Kathleen ... I am really not a good example of what it will take to lead most addicts to God. You've got to remember that I am older than lots of these people's parents on the forum. What works for someone in their 20s vs someone like me is usually different.

I was totally lost, the end of my life was quickly approaching. So for me I had NO place left to turn. I had exhausted all other sources. God was the only thing left that I hadn't tried. Addicts are self-destructive and will usually take the easiest route first. Becoming a Christian isn't easy even for someone not using drugs. It's a HUGE change for an addict. I had to realize that my end had come, I had to change or die. It was only then out of desperation that I became willing to give God the time of day. It's strange how the obvious answer is so often the last option we try.

The best way to approach a faith-based recovery program would be with Celebrate Recovery. We do it in our church too and have a group that includes people from age 20 through the 60s. Celebrate Recovery addresses challenges for addicts as well as those living with addicts. It addresses different types of addictions, not just drugs. Celebrate Recovery is a really good program, probably the most effective faith-based recovery program available. It's not that difficult to start a Celebrate Recovery program in your church.

Yes my mother stood by me. But at age 17 I was not in a place where your daughter is at. I was an honor graduate in high school, I played three sports each year, was on student council, all that stuff. So my parents weren't faced with the exact same situation as you. I excelled in school, I was active in sports and other activities, I was never addicted to drugs at that age. My worst vice at that age was selling a few bags of pot to my friends. I really don't know what my mom would have done if the situation was the same as yours. I think she would have cut me off with support at some point especially when I was really endangering my life. A parent can only go so far and my mom had limits too. Wish I could be more helpful to you. If I had a solid answer for you I could bag it and sell it. Lots of parents would buy it. Sorry I can't help you more. God bless.

[kathleen5hockey]

Thank you Robert. You always are a support to me, you really don't know how much I depend on you. I will talk to the Rev about Celebrate Recovery. I just feel so lost. I am watching my child die in front of my eyes and cannot stop it. We will go to court on Friday, am hoping that God intervenes and something good comes out of this. If there are any other parents out there please send me advise. I don't want to be a co-dependent but she is my baby girl, just want to cry. Thank you.

[kathleen5hockey]

Update: She slept until 4:30 pm on Monday, can you believe it? Thurs she woke up at 1 pm we went to the farmers market and she was sick so had to bring her back to sleep again! Is this w/d? She has been throwing up, slight fever and sleeping. Will go to court today.

[Robert_325]

Sounds like she has been trying to clean up enough so that when she goes to court she won't have drugs in her system. That's just my guess so yes she would be experiencing w/d going through that process. God bless.