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05-04-2009, 06:01 PM
| | Platinum Member | | Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,425
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Hi Kathleen
Just give it some time to sink in I'm sure my mom said the same thing when I came home.
My poor mom had three druggies in the house at one time...oh man I would have died...
have a good cry and rethink another plan...your just upset right now...
You think you hate kids right now, But when that baby comes and you see it your going to think different...
I really am trying to give you some hope...but I know your world is crashing in on you...hang in there...things will work out...
Melinda |
05-04-2009, 06:05 PM
| | Diamond Elite | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 8,690
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey  The world keeps crashing in on me. Yep, she is pregnant, birth control pills on her night stand. At first I was supportive as she was crying. After she regained control she said it is her and her boyfriends decision. Well, no more babies in my house. I hate kids now. Cannot even stand to look at them anymore. Used to always love kids. Now they make me ill. I cannot take this life anymore, heading for a breakdown.
I think it's great your mom helped you. So many mothers would. Me, I have nothing left to give. 2 yrs in hell has killed all of my emotions as well as most of my love.
She just doesn't get it. She is using drugs, cannot even get up in time for school, no license. Nothing but years of bad decisions. I did think maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe she would straighten out. What about the child, good chance harmed from all the drugs already.
I've got to get out of drug world! It's killing me and I don't even get the high. |
kathleen .... you don't hate children. You know that and I know that. You would have already given up if that were the case.  You're experiencing the worst of nightmares for a parent but you don't hate children.
I know you're a Christian. Remember that God never puts anything on our plate that He won't give us the strength to deal with if we stay focused on Him. I don't want to sound like I have the answers as I have none. I know that if you keep focused on Christ that you will get through this. Try to stay away from reacting in the flesh as difficult as that is right now.
I don't know what to tell you about the baby. Knowing that I'm also a Christian you likely know my feelings. But it's not for me to say what you all should do obviously. I have prayed that you find the strength and direction from above to make the right decisions at this time. God bless. 
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05-04-2009, 10:24 PM
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Kathleen,
I try not to give advice on your thread because I am only 26 and have no clue what you are going through as a mother of an addict. However, as a VERY NEW person to believing in God, I can only say what Robert has also said; you do not HATE children. I know you don't wish to be in the position you are in and I agree if she CONTINUES to use that the baby has no chance.
Please just let me share with you my experience. I fell deeply inlove with my husband at 17, we started dating when I was 15 but it wasn't until I was 17 that I could acknowledge the fact that I loved him. He started to express interest in starting a family when I was 20. I told him NO WAY! I was way too selfish and loving my life to want a child holding me back. By the time I was 23 I was begging for a child and we were unable to concieve. Fertility dr.'s wouldn't even assess me until we had been trying for 1 year. Thank God the month I was supposed to start a fertility drug (clomid) almost to the date we had tried to concieve, I refused the drug and we wound up pregnant. However, had we not been able to conceive naturally, I would have adopted, as I was adopted (my Mom's sister, still counts). I won't go any further and preach, that is not the intention of my post.
This may be a prayer being answered, I pray that it is, it may not be.... I can't say, I am not there and her track record isn't great BUT, just remember, there is another life at stake, and if this is the reality check she needs, her rock bottom, the true meaning of life being put in her hands FIND EVERY ABORTION PICTURE YOU CAN, give her a real reality check of what decision she is faced with. Obviously, my post has given you my opinion on this life changing predicament she has put herself in. I agree that IF she continues on this path her child has little quality life should she decide to carry him or her full term but it COULD (and yes I have seen teenage pregnancy turn the Mothers life around) bring her to grips with her own mortality and could potentially be her "bottom" therefore giving her the drive she needs to clean up her act.
Fight her on this and she will rebel, educate her and it may save her life and that of the baby. My advice, find every video, picture etc. of addicted infants that you can (and abortion). Don't allow the nonsense of this boy coming into her life unless it involves a recovery program. Allow her the room to think on her own but dont give her the opportunity to screw up. I understand you can't be there 24 hours a day and I can't even suggest what you should do; I wish I could. This shocking revelation is not the end of the world although you may see it as so. It may end up being the best thing that ever happened to her if she is given the proper education and supervision (and takes to it, you know it can't be forced). I am not trying to be condescending or judgemental and I hope you don't take my post that way. I just pray that she will come to the realization that her life isn't the only one at stake right now.
As for you, take a minute to absorb the shock of this situation, try not to act out of anger and hostility and realize that your daughter is at a very crucial point in her life that she NEEDS her Mom for. She needs your support and the more you fight her, the more she is going to resist. I'm 26 but I remember vividly the way I resisted any advice that came my way that didn't fit in with what I wanted to hear.
My heart breaks for you and I can't imagine myself being in your position so please forgive me if my words have been too harsh and opinionated; please trust me, my words come from seeing these situations from my own 2 eyes. I resented God for a long time for losing some of my near and dear friends and family to addiction. Now I see the reason for their demise; that's to say the reason God chose to take them for their own personal hell and I am no longer angry about it. I pray for your family almost daily that you don't have to experience that and just wanted to give you another perspective without me being fake so I truly hope I didn't offend you and if I did, I apologize but I believe in all the posts I have here, this one is the most heartfelt posted to date. I know you will keep us all posted and please take my post with a grain of salt, it's just my take on things and of course, none of us are there so we can't understand (well, I can't) what you are going through and our hearts break for you; I can't imagine. Keep the fight going, her life is worth saving. Please keep us posted.
__________________
"I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it." |
05-05-2009, 12:48 AM
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Hi Kathleen,
What an awful shock; I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. I'm sure you feel completely at the end of your rope right now.
I too am a Christian, but it is not necessarily apparent to me that it's a good idea for your daughter to have a baby. I think what you need to do is take some time to catch your breath and get calm. You are seeing a therapist, yes? Maybe schedule a few extra sessions with her/him. I know you will be supportive of your daughter, but you need to take some time for yourself right now, too. And don't feel guilty for how you feel: I think anyone in your position would want to explode right now. Just take some time to regroup.
I think showing your daughter pictures of abortions is an absolutely ghastly idea. I think you really need to take some time to think and talk and pray, and also to try to understand what your daughter has in her mind. Most 17 year-olds have no notion of what it means to be a parent. And you've said your daughter is really more like a 14 year-old. Ultimately, it's all going to be up to her. But you're both going to need to be as open as possible with each other, and deal with as much trust and honesty as you can muster.
I'm praying for you and your family, Kathleen.  |
05-05-2009, 08:22 AM
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MaisieC,
Ghastly, ABSOLUTELY!! There is nothing about that procedure that wouldn't be considered ghastly and personally something I could not live with however this thread is not an abortion thread, just sharing suggestions... to each their own.
__________________
"I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it." |
05-05-2009, 08:55 AM
| | Member | | Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 390
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We are both home today to recoup from the news. Her boyfriends family said they will support any decision she makes. We are both confused. I am a Christian also, that is why this decision is so hard. It's her life we are dealing with. Yes, there is another, but it's her life that will change. Maybe for the good, who knows. I see a 14yr old in a woman's body. Her cannot even take care of herself. We are talking and I will talk to my pastor. I know what she will say. She has been using so many drugs. If she wasn't a drug addict I might look at this differently (maybe), but the reality is she is and has been using for a few years. Thank you for all the posts, they do help. I need to hear both sides to help her make the decision. |
05-05-2009, 04:35 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Chicago,Il
Posts: 736
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Hi Kathleen,
I just read your post that your daughter is pregnant I know you have so much going on your head is spinning. I'm so sorry your family has to go thru all this . How far along is she?
I understand you do not want anymore kids...she will be 18 so she doesn't have to live with you...maybe she will grow up now since she is pregnant and stop using .
I don't know how old is her boyfriend? Do they want the baby ? I hope she now realizes she has another life in her that she is killing by doing drugs .
I'm praying for you all.
Pam |
05-05-2009, 07:19 PM
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Posts: 390
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I am so upset now. Went to talk to her boyfriends parents. We all know these 2 are idiots. He is 24 but acts 14. I don't know how this will play out. I think there is something wrong with the kid already, she is having terrible pains and looks very pale. My life sucks! I never wanted to be in drug world. I think the Devil is having a great time right now. |
05-05-2009, 07:35 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Chicago,Il
Posts: 736
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey I am so upset now. Went to talk to her boyfriends parents. We all know these 2 are idiots. He is 24 but acts 14. I don't know how this will play out. I think there is something wrong with the kid already, she is having terrible pains and looks very pale. My life sucks! I never wanted to be in drug world. I think the Devil is having a great time right now. | What did his parents say when you talked?
What the heck is she doing with 24 yr old ...thats was one mistake ...
Where I live that could be statutary rape...How old was she when they started going out...if he has been with you daughter for awhile I'd throw his A** in jail.
Your life will get better stay strong I know you feel the whole world is closing in on you ....You need to take care of yourself too ....You can only do so much.
You are still a good mom you just have to stand up now no matter how much it hurts ...you can not keep this up.
I'm praying for you
Pam |
05-06-2009, 12:22 PM
| | Member | | Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 390
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In our state after the age of 15 the girl is free game. His parents are very nice people, we have talked before about the both of their drug problems. They met while doing heroin, how romantic. I know what needs to be done, most on this forum don't agree with me. I will do it and take the penalty from God later. This kid doesn't have a chance in H--l. The daughter refused to get out of bed again this morning for school. Told her she needs an education to move on with her life, she said she can flip burgers.
We had a fight this morning because I didn't clear it with her to talk to the boyfriends parents! Told her yesterday again, it's time to turn the corner of life. She is the only one to do it, I can help that's it. She said again "it's her life for me to butt out". This is after I spent 3 hrs in the doctors office, 2 hrs at the clinic for Suboxone and really tried to confort her. So of course my mouth got in the way and told her that if it's HER life why does it effect MY life? Told her it's time her father and I sold the house and moved on.
If she was a different person, responsible, yes, I would stand by her. But she is shooting heroin and smoking crack along with whatever they do. She has Hep C. among other issues. She has brain damage - or maybe just acts like it.
Don't judge me, I'll have my judgement at the pearly gates. You have to live this life to understand. Life looks very different on the other side of the needle.
Last edited by kathleen5hockey; 05-06-2009 at 12:24 PM.
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05-06-2009, 12:55 PM
| | Diamond Elite | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 8,690
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It's pretty sad that a 15 year old little girl is open game for predators anywhere in this country regardless if she is an addict or not. It sucks as a matter of fact!  I'm not sure what I would do with him if she were my fifteen year old daughter. I have been known to be a little radical in my life.
For what it's worth I would never judge you for the decisions your'e having to make at this time Kathleen. It's not my place to judge anyone. I will continue to pray that God provides you with the direction and comfort your family so desperately needs at this time. God bless.
__________________
I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern. |
05-06-2009, 01:44 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Chicago,Il
Posts: 736
| | I understand
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey In our state after the age of 15 the girl is free game. His parents are very nice people, we have talked before about the both of their drug problems. They met while doing heroin, how romantic. I know what needs to be done, most on this forum don't agree with me. I will do it and take the penalty from God later. This kid doesn't have a chance in H--l. The daughter refused to get out of bed again this morning for school. Told her she needs an education to move on with her life, she said she can flip burgers.
We had a fight this morning because I didn't clear it with her to talk to the boyfriends parents! Told her yesterday again, it's time to turn the corner of life. She is the only one to do it, I can help that's it. She said again "it's her life for me to butt out". This is after I spent 3 hrs in the doctors office, 2 hrs at the clinic for Suboxone and really tried to confort her. So of course my mouth got in the way and told her that if it's HER life why does it effect MY life? Told her it's time her father and I sold the house and moved on.
If she was a different person, responsible, yes, I would stand by her. But she is shooting heroin and smoking crack along with whatever they do. She has Hep C. among other issues. She has brain damage - or maybe just acts like it.
Don't judge me, I'll have my judgement at the pearly gates. You have to live this life to understand. Life looks very different on the other side of the needle. | Hi Kathleen I would not judge you in any choices you have to make at this time and I mean it .You do what has to be done and God will forgive you .
I'm sure it has effected her brain in some way but the sooner she stops it can heal ....the bad part is she using heavy and her brain isn't able to develop as it normally would ...which is why she acts like that...I know that she refuses to stop ....she needs to hit rock bottom then she will rethink .
I'm sorry but after everything you have done for her and my child said "It's my life but out" I would have stopped dead in my tracks smacked her and showed her the door . Yes harsh but pampering will not cut it.She knows she has you wrapped around her little finger.....
My oldest son started like that to and to this day he still not 100% but he does live a full life...I had to send him to Georgia to get him to clean up after he ran away which I mentioned in an earlier post but he isn't totally normal and has issues.
I can't believe your states laws when it comes to children. May I ask what state you live in...I will understand if you rather not tell me also.
When you say sell the house and move would that be with or without your daughter?
I which I could talk directly to you just to talk ? I'm here if you would like to talk ouside forum.
Take care Kathleen
My prayers are with you and your family.
Pam
Last edited by tired2; 05-06-2009 at 01:53 PM.
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05-06-2009, 01:46 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 868
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Kathleen,
I'm going to say what most people will think makes me a terrible person, if it was my daughter I would take her to get an abortion and it would be the hardest thing I would ever do in my life. That simple yet that complex. OK, let the stones start flying. Sorry if I have disappointed anyone but that's my opinion. |
05-06-2009, 01:57 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Chicago,Il
Posts: 736
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom4me Kathleen,
I'm going to say what most people will think makes me a terrible person, if it was my daughter I would take her to get an abortion and it would be the hardest thing I would ever do in my life. That simple yet that complex. OK, let the stones start flying. Sorry if I have disappointed anyone but that's my opinion. | Freedom no stones from me so yes I will be stoned also |
05-06-2009, 02:00 PM
| | Member | | Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 390
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We live in CT. The laws here basically suck! Parents don't have many rights. Do you know that when I take her for Suboxone I cannot stand in line with her because of confidentiality! I can stand outside the door and watch people walk in.
I am tired and confused. She will have an abortion. Is it right, no. It has to be done. If I hear one more time how it's her life I will scream!!!!
Get me out of this life. I thought God was a forgiving God. What my family has been thru and the pain we continue to endure is terrible. Am having a talk with God. What's up?
My son gets out of college next week, have to find him an apartment, he cannot live here anymore. The daughter just makes everyone's life hell. Since her addiction he is a different person, he really hates her. You know parental love is different than sibling love. As parents we take more than a sibling will. He always says that heroin sucks the soul out of the addict then they go for ours. I think he is right.
The good child always suffers. I want out of drug world. |
05-06-2009, 02:27 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 868
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Kathleen,
I hear you. Your heart is broken but you have to keep moving forward. That is a fact. Keep things simple and control the things you can. You have to realize that has hard as you try and as much as you love her you may not be able to save your daughter from herself. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have obviously gone above and far beyond to do what you can. Sometimes baby birds fall out of the nest. I think it's time you start to focus on the parts of your family that are whole. You need to work on things to keep you and your husband strong. No guilt. You can't have guilt. I don't know all the details but it may be time to let her go and hope for the best, or maybe commit her somewhere for her own safety. I don't know what is available to you. Look at the positives. You have a son who is going to graduate from college. Maybe it's time to throw your support and focus on him. Why should he have to adjust where he will live because your daughter is making everyone miserable. Stop letting the squeaky wheel get the grease (easy for me to say I know). Try this prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference |
05-06-2009, 02:29 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Chicago,Il
Posts: 736
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey We live in CT. The laws here basically suck! Parents don't have many rights. Do you know that when I take her for Suboxone I cannot stand in line with her because of confidentiality! I can stand outside the door and watch people walk in.
I am tired and confused. She will have an abortion. Is it right, no. It has to be done. If I hear one more time how it's her life I will scream!!!!
Get me out of this life. I thought God was a forgiving God. What my family has been thru and the pain we continue to endure is terrible. Am having a talk with God. What's up?
My son gets out of college next week, have to find him an apartment, he cannot live here anymore. The daughter just makes everyone's life hell. Since her addiction he is a different person, he really hates her. You know parental love is different than sibling love. As parents we take more than a sibling will. He always says that heroin sucks the soul out of the addict then they go for ours. I think he is right.
The good child always suffers. I want out of drug world. | I know life really sucking right now ....I'm not condeming you on your choice...I truly understand . I live in Il are laws a so different ....it blows my mind about CT laws for kids. No wonder kids get away with so much.
Back when my kids were younger you could punish them now everything is child abuse and we get in trouble for what our kids do....and they want to know why kids are the way they are
I would start to consintrate on your son coming home ...you need to get your mind in a better place.
Like I said you can talk if you want anytime
Pam
Last edited by tired2; 05-06-2009 at 02:31 PM.
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05-06-2009, 03:11 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 657
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I can't imagine being in your position, my heart breaks for you and your family, I hope all turns out for the best.
__________________
"I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it." |
05-07-2009, 10:01 AM
| | Member | | Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 390
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She was with her boyfriend yesterday at counceling. Don't know what they have decided. She is having a pity party. You are correct in saying it's time to let it go. Had a real heart to heart with God yesterday. I'm am trying to change. No more all about her. I have tried my best to save her, reality is I can't. I will quit smoking, get healthy and move on with my life along with my husband and son. Drugs will not destroy MY life anymore.
Thank you for all support.
Robert, I know you don't agree with my decision about her situation but reality is she is using. |
05-07-2009, 04:54 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Chicago,Il
Posts: 736
| | never doubt your choice
Hi Kathleen If it was me I'd let your daughter have her own pity party ....she has played you every which way and she knows it....like I said before she will have to hit rock bottom which is sad to say .You have done so much to help her and things just get worse .
Stay strong and yes God will get you thru this even your daughter however that one will take awhile longer I'm afraid.
You have to thing of yourself and the rest of your family...remember your son needs you to .So do what you need for you now....don't worry you are not being selfish .
Take care of yourself God Bless
Pam |
05-08-2009, 11:03 AM
| | Member | | Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 390
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She went to school today. On the drive there I told her that I will always be there for her support will NOT control her anymore. From now on she must wake herself up for school, tell me when it's time for Suboxone, etc. I will not tell HER anymore. Time to step up and turn the corner. She says "Mom, I need you". Re-stated that I will be there to help but no longer control. Will be talking to my Reverend today, was supposed to re-affirm my faith on May 30. Don't want to anymore. My faith is being tested daily, time for God to throw me a bone.
Her councelor at school told me that maybe having a child would straighten her out. Asked her if my daughter can live with her and is she willing to raise a heroin addicted baby? If so, daughter can move in this weekend. This is not an easy decision to make, we both are having a hard time with it. The bottom line is I have been a terrible mother to have raised a heroin addict. Will not take the chance to screw it up again. |
05-08-2009, 09:47 PM
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Posts: 390
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Today they switched her to Methadone without consulting me. Was I pissed. Talked to the doctor and her councelor, they are both air heads. She tested positive for THC, nothing else, which is good news. We had a fight then a long heart to heart. My daughter is hurting, yeah, she plays me too. It's hard to see the difference. Hopefully our talk will help her get her life together. What a long road we have. Even though I would love to run away and hide I can't because she is my daughter. She still has not decided what to do about the pregnancy. I will support her decision. |
05-08-2009, 10:02 PM
| | Diamond Elite | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 8,690
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kathleen ... I totally understand you being furious with them changing her to methadone without telling you. Hear me out for one second if you would on this subject. I think if nothing else during the time you and I have spoken to each other I feel as though you've come to respect my knowledge of drugs whether we agreed about an abortion or not. And you know deep down inside that I DO have your daughter's best interest at heart. I think you know that.
Believe it or not if she is going to carry this baby then she and the baby are both better off with her being on methadone than fighting these other battles. It's really safest for the baby to have the mother on methadone IF SHE WILL BEHAVE. Babies today can be slowly weaned off methadone safely. I'm actually happy to hear they made this change. It's one of the first things I've heard them do that I agree with for what it's worth to you. God bless.
__________________
I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern. |
05-08-2009, 10:29 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Chicago,Il
Posts: 736
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I'm sorry Kathleen but the" mom i need you."..how many times has she said that or something close to that ....I'm sorry she's in a jam and playing you .
If she can do drugs and get pregnant then she needs to grow up take responsiblity...
You'd be surprised what she will be capable of duing when she has no choice. Right now she knows you will take care of it b/c mom always does.
Pam |
05-08-2009, 11:40 PM
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Posts: 868
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I agree with Robert on this one. I have seen alot of studies on it. Stay strong Kathleen. You are in my thoughts alot. |
05-08-2009, 11:48 PM
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Posts: 390
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Robert, you've been correct many times before. Thank you for always being here. During our talk she said that she is depressed, we know that but now she knows that. How can I find a good psyk dr? What questions should I ask them?
Pam, I am worried she played me again. Trust has to be earned, that's why I am still awake. It just breaks my heart for her to cry but I told her again she has to start taking steps not me forcing her. She has to re-learn what most kids her age know. The brain damage is real. Wish people knew how bad heroin is, they just think they know. |
05-09-2009, 08:32 PM
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Posts: 162
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Kathleen,
First let me apologize for not posting very recently. I felt like I did not have anything to offer as I am only 24 myself. I am not a mother, and I am not familiar with your struggles. Also, I have been working on putting my life back together and getting back to work after getting a DUI thanks to my meds and losing my job because of the DUI at the end of last year. I am starting a new temp job during the daytime, and I am starting a full time job working 3rd shift as well. I hope to be working 2 full time jobs once I get settled in. Enough about me, I just wanted to mainly apologize for my absence.
I have read through everything that has been posted since we last communicated, so I am up to date. The pregnancy must have been a huge blow to your entire family. Talk about getting kicked while you are already down. I don't know that there could be much worse circumstances surrounding your life right now. You deserve a lot of credit for continuing to fight. I know that it's definitely not easy for you, and I know you have said you are tired of fighting. But actions speak louder than words, and you are still here. Still asking questions and still trying to find ways to help your daughter.
There was one line that really bothered me in a post. You said that, "The bottom line is I have been a terrible mother to have raised a heroin addict. Will not take the chance to screw it up again. " I am not trying to point things out or to make you hurt. Actually the opposite entirely. Your daughter picking up was not your fault.
Any addict that will blame someone else for their addiction is an addict that is still in denial and still needs help. I know that this is not necessarily something your daughter is saying to you. I would certainly hope that she would NEVER have the audacity to insinuate that you were all or part of the reason that she picked up or that she continues picking up.
As far as these being your feelings. I think that every parent of an addict has experienced these feelings at some point. However, how can you blame your parenting when you used those same parenting skills to raise your son. You must be doing something right. I can tell you from the addict's point of view that my parents had no impact on me deciding to take pills to get high. I took pills because I wanted to take pills. I avoided my parents when I would take them because I didn't want them to know that I was messed up. Knowing that I was high would cause them pain, and I never wanted to cause them pain. Of course, the addict way of thinking, I still wanted my drugs. I couldn't live without the drugs, so I avoided my parents. Normal people would avoid the drugs. It brings tears to my eyes to know that you are sitting there feeling like this is all your fault or that you played even the smallest part in your daughter's descent into addiction.
You are in a position that no one here envies in the slightest bit. It's easy for others to say what you should do including myself because we don't see the whole picture. It's nothing we are doing wrong or not doing, it's just not possible on the forum to understand everything. Your family is certainly facing a number of difficult decisions right now. I will not offer any advice on the pregnancy whether to go with an abortion or to not go with an abortion. It's not my decision to make, and I cannot say what decision I would make if I was put in your position. I do hope that things will work out in whatever way is best for your family and your daughter. That is my only wish with this situation. That things will work out as well as they possibly can given the current cirumstances.
I don't even have any advice re: the methadone/suboxone treatment. I went cold-turkey. I do know from research that the methadone is better should she decide to carry the baby to term. But, I have other feelings on methadone that are better kept off of this board. I was given meth for other reasons previously, and I had a bad experience. I do not think that they should have changed her treatment without your approval. Or even mentioning the idea to you before doing the switch. I can't believe that there are some states that are so hands off when it comes to someone who is not legally an adult yet, and there are other states that a 17 year old cannot do anything medically without parental consent. In PA, you would be more involved than you would want to be with your daugher's treatment. I always thought that this was a federal thing. I learn something new every day, I guess.
So, I guess I seem to have written a book of really nothing. I hope that this post does not mean "nothing" to you, though. I really did put a lot of thought, effort, and time into what I was going to say to you. I sincerely hope that my post and my thoughts/insights offer some peace to you. That is my intention. If there's anything that causes offense, please know that it was not meant that way. Everything that I have written is 100 percent from the heart and from the perspective of a daughter that is realizing the pain she has caused her own mother. The worry, the heartache. I cannot take it back, but perhaps I can help someone else with my knowledge. I want to help you if I can.
Jean
__________________
1 is too many, and 1000 is never enough
Freed from my own personal hell since 03/24/2009 |
05-09-2009, 11:16 PM
| | Member | | Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 390
| |
Thank you. I use this forum to understand. Getting both sides really does help me. The daughter is very sick from the preg. She went out to get me a mothers day gift 5 hrs. ago so of course I am worried. Our friend came over to visit she has been a friend of my husband and me since childhood. Was great to see her. At least we had some laughs tonight.
Thanks again, I really needed your input. |
05-09-2009, 11:22 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 868
| |
It is wonderful how just a little laughter during tough times can make you feel better! Sounds like a great friend sent to see you when you really needed it. |
05-10-2009, 02:13 AM
| | Member | | Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 162
| |
Oh, I am so glad to hear that you got to have some laughter in your house tonight!!! I know that was something that was sorely needed. Normally, I am a pretty funny person myself. Unfortunately this is not usually the place to share that side of me.
If what I wrote helped you in any way, then it was worth writing it. I would write a million posts if it could help you at all. My heart aches knowing the pain that you are feeling each day. I wish that there was more that we could do. Please excuse my next thought. I was going to erase it, but then I thought why should I erase it? It might make you smile. You never know...
We should plan the very first internet intervention. We can do the whole thing over Skype!
Okay, moment of indescretion over. Really, though. If there's anything that we can do, please don't hesitate to ask. If there are any questions you have, no matter how weird, trivial, or personal you may think they are don't feel weird asking them. I know that I will answer them at least to the best of my abilities. And if I don't know the answers, I will find the answers. It's the least I can do. I want to help. And if I have to, I will arrange a road trip to CT to kick her butt myself. I am in PA, it's not too terribly far away
Jean
__________________
1 is too many, and 1000 is never enough
Freed from my own personal hell since 03/24/2009 | | |
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