[kathleen5hockey]

Heather, you probably were a confused kid, not a bad kid. Thanks for your support. It is so hard because Amy is Jekel and Hyde. Must be the drugs. Life goes on. Pictures tonight!

[Robert_325]

[QUOTE=kathleen5hockey;259603]She went to court yesterday with her father. They were denied a public defender, guess I got lucky last time. The court says she needs a lawyer. Well guess what? I am not going to pay for a lawyer. Period. So, Nov 19 I go back to court. What can they do? They can't make me pay for a lawyer. Anyway, Amy says her bf has a friend who is a lawyer. She says she is taking care of it. So be it. She called me a f'n witch. Yep, guess I am. We are having a family photo taken tonight at the church. Am working 11 hrs today straight thru, yeah I'll be looking great for the photo.

Next, this Thursday she gets expelled from school. Great week.

Robert: Do people get high from Suboxone? Is this why she is selling them?[/QUOTE]





Kathleen ...... some people get high on subs but most heroin addicts will keep suboxone around so that when they run out of their drug-of-choice(heroin) they can use the subs to keep themselves from getting sick from w/d. Heroin addicts buy lots of subs on the street. Makes sense if you think about it. Heroin w/d is a drag regardless how expensive the subs are.

Hope you guys are getting through all this okay. I know it surely sounds like it's been hell. I don't know for sure how I would handle everything that's happened but I would NOT allow my drug addict child (regardless of loving my child) to come between my spouse and myself. That is Biblical. God is #1, your spouse is #2, the kids are next unless someone is being abused or something comparable. Your family is in my prayers. God bless.

[kathleen5hockey]

Pictures went ok. Well, I looked good, the family are a bunch of idiots. I worked 11 hrs went home to change and was still ready before them. The son had an attitude and was rude to the Reverend. The daughter looked wacked out and the husband is just a pain in the caboose. The dog was really sick last night, have been telling the hubby to take him to the vet, he's over 165 lbs, way to big for me to handle. Maybe the drug problem happened for a reason. I was always the person who held the family together, put up with stupid things. Now, it's about me and holding myself together. I will survive.

Oh, almost forgot. The daughter asked if bf could come in and watch tv. What nerve! Told her NO! He is not allowed here.

Robert, hope you are feeling better. You have been a guiding light in my darkness.

[kathleen5hockey]

My son just called to say he was sorry for acting like a jerk. He hates being around Amy. Told him he has to go to church with me and apoligize to the Reverend. He said ok. The principal called and we had a conference call regarding Amy. He stated that instead of meeting tomorrow with the lawyers from the state maybe we could come to an agreement. Ok. Here is what they have decided. She is expelled. She will have a private tutor for the rest of the yr. At that time she is free to take her GED test. They are no longer responsible for her. I agreed with them. She will never last another 2 yrs in school. This is better for me to throw her out of the house. So things are working out.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey

Pictures went ok. Well, I looked good, the family are a bunch of idiots. I worked 11 hrs went home to change and was still ready before them. The son had an attitude and was rude to the Reverend. The daughter looked wacked out and the husband is just a pain in the caboose. The dog was really sick last night, have been telling the hubby to take him to the vet, he's over 165 lbs, way to big for me to handle. Maybe the drug problem happened for a reason. I was always the person who held the family together, put up with stupid things. Now, it's about me and holding myself together. I will survive.

Oh, almost forgot. The daughter asked if bf could come in and watch tv. What nerve! Told her NO! He is not allowed here.

Robert, hope you are feeling better. You have been a guiding light in my darkness.

Kathleen ... this is NOT about you or the time about you holding things together yourself. This is when you lean on your Savior to do what you can't do for yourself. Just a thought. Hope it helps.

I'm going through something right now that has me so frustrated I can barely see straight but I can't control it. I have to rely on my faith to get me through as I can't properly affect it on my own. On my own I will only make things worse. God bless.

[kathleen5hockey]

I agree Robert. My faith has gotten me thru this so far. I believe that God has a plan and he will take care of Amy. Sorry to hear you are having problems. I am here for you as you were for me. I know that God is here for us. It is hard to let go sometimes, a work in progress I guess.

[Eha1215]

Hang in there Kathleen...put everything in His hands...He's smarter than we are and He knows what's best for us...He doesn't put us through anything that we can't handle...
You're in my prayers...

[kathleen5hockey]

God is really testing my strength. Last night the police called looking for my son. Apparently a car was broken into and the people said it was him. I don't believe it but the stress level went up again. The guy who said son broke his car windows is the same person who broke into son's car 2 yrs ago, he is a heroin addict. Told Amy that I can not deal with any of this anymore. They both have to get out.

[ddosher]

Oh Kathy honey...I am so sorry for all this and what you have to go through. I have a situation myself right now that I am just terrified of and scared. Fear is a killer. But just reading these posts and having Robert once again remind us that what we cannot control we must put in God's hands brings me back to center. Humans have such a tendancy to want to "fix" everything and everybody. We can't. Plain and simple and if we go down with all this ******** around us...well what good have we done? I hit my knees this morning and asked for peace and answers. They will come, just not maybe the way I picture or in the time I want. I do trust that God has a plan for each and every one of us.

Remember everytime you feel out of control to just focus on the moment...baby steps one at a time..."business as usual". We're all gonna be ok. God bless and keep posting.

Donna

[kathleen5hockey]

The principal of the school was just at my office for me to sign papers. Amy will be given an education until June '10. After that she is on her own. The alternative was for her to be expelled then next yr become a junior again. Would not work. Turns out that the principal did NOT have Amy arrested. He is going to talk to the police. I explained to him that the arrest does not hurt Amy, it just hurts me. I have to go back and forth to court, the courts want me to pay for a lawyer which I will not do. Hopefully he can have the charges dropped. Again, not for her but for me. What a day, my nerves are shot.

[Robert_325]

Kathleen .... I can hardly believe all the problems you've had. It almost makes one believe the old saying that says, "Parenthood isn't all it's cracked up to be" (at times at least). I know it isn't funny but it's either smile and bear with it or cry.

I don't even know what to say except you've had your share of challenges since I've known you. I think you guys deserve a break. God bless.

[Eha1215]

Hey Kathleen,
hope you're doing well...I keep prayin' for ya ;-)

[ddosher]

Hey Kathleen:

How is it going? Been wondering about you and how you are coping. Just check in when you get a chance. Thanks.

Donna

[melinda7.5]

Hi Kathleen
OK, well I have been wondering how you are doing also...
Let us know how it's going when you get some time...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[kathleen5hockey]

Finally have a minute. I work elections so very busy. Amy is being taught to pass the GED. Still have to go back to court w/o a lawyer. Can't afford one and can't get a public defender. Oh well, check in more tomorrow. Man, I hate elections!

[ddosher]

Hi Kathleen:

Yep...I'm sure it can be challenging getting everybody to understand the voting process. I hope you are practicing some self-love and being kind to yourself. Focus one minute at a time if you have to, and put it in God's hands what you cannot control. My horoscope said the other day "focus and do what you can do, and leave the rest". I have been saying it over and over in my mind since then.I have financial issues right now and I tend to constantly beat myself up because there is never enough to go around. I want to blame myself instead of looking at the bare bones facts that the ecomony sucks and what I sell is considered a luxury item. I do beautiful work. I have such passion. I believe if I just stay focused and do what I can it will come.
We are all the same here Kathleen. Some have bigger challenges than others, but we are basically fighters that want to learn how to navigate the obstacles. It is natural to feel regret, anger, bitterness. But if I let myself stay in that place, I figure I might as well throw in the towel. That is such a negative place to be and frankly most of the circumstances I am in were a product of my choices.
I hope you can bring yourself to a place of peace and trust. I believe your daughter will find her way and soon. I am praying for that and I am praying for you as well. Have a wonderful day!

[kathleen5hockey]

Well I survived Election day. Wow, from 5 am til 10 pm it was non stop problems. Am really tired. I got a call today from Amy's cell phone which we turned off when she got arrested. Can you believe that she had the phone turned on without us knowing?! We confronted her when she came home and she doesn't see anything wrong with it. This kid has no remorse or feelings about anything. Of course she is yelling how much she hates me, I'm the worst mother in the world, it's my fault she does drugs, etc. I am not getting upset or buying it. What nerve!!!! Just told her if she doesn't like our rules to move out. It is really hard to stay in the good groove to get by. I am working on it. She will not beat me down anymore. Her father is really upset. We just cannot believe that she doesn't see anything wrong with it.

Oh yeah, her eyes are pins - she did heroin again.

[Robert_325]

Kathleen ..... you really shouldn't be surprised by any of this mess at this point. I don't mean that to criticize you .... I hope you know that.

You've seen the same things repeatedly and you're still letting it get to you. I realize it's difficult with her being your own child, that deep inside there is that natural "hope" that Amy will come around before it's too late. You know there comes a point in some people's lives where handcuffs can be life jackets in disguise. I hope she survives her decisions/choices and know that is most important to you too. It's just all very sad.

Just keep her in your prayers as there isn't really much more than that you can do. I surely wouldn't know what else to suggest and I'm usually pretty good with suggestions. She has me baffled too, don't feel like the Lone Ranger. I just don't know what to tell you anymore.

Her life is in God's hands. That is the bottom line, nothing else you can really do that I know. I have prayed for her many times and will continue. God bless.

[ddosher]

Kathleen:

You have to remind yourself that the girl on drugs...well she really IS NOT the girl you raised. She IS in the throes of addiction. I know the frustration and the hurt and the anger for you are still the same and it is so valid and REAL. The girl that speaks to you with such disdain...that is the drugs talking. Remembering that is essential for you right now. The girl you raised without the drugs would not be doing this to you. I am NOT making any excuses for her here. I can't. She is wrong, dead wrong and if I could I would rip her up one side and down the other trying to get through to her. Since I am a recovering addict myself, I can see both sides so clearly.
You and your family are being challenged right now. All I can tell you is to tread as softly as you can on yourself and this too shall pass. I am saying lots of prayers for you throughout the day.

Donna

[kathleen5hockey]

Thank you Donna and Robert. I understand all the things you say. This is my daughter, I gave birth to her and no matter how much hate and misery I get from her I will always love her and hope for the best. The worst part of this is my marriage. It has suffered. Will continue to work on it. Continue to tell the husband we NEED to get away for a night. He won't budge. Keep us in your prayers. I do pray every day for us. Hopefully God will take care of her and us soon. I look in the mirror and a stranger is there. An old stranger, a person with wrinkles and no hair. Now that is depressing!

[ddosher]

Hi Kathleen:

What I would say to your husband is that if you guys don't get away for a night and lighten this load for you both, then your daughter wins. You have to stand up against her and her disease TOGETHER, or you're right your marriage may deteriorate till it is too late. I'm not an expert in therapy, but I do know there is always enough blame to go around. That has to stop. Positive effective strategies to handle this situation can only be planned and executed with a united front. I don't know your situation, but if I was you, I'd get some advice on how to get through to your husband and stop putting all your efforts into your daughter. As much as it may feel hopeless, you are a fighter and you are really full of hope. Muster the strength my friend and stand up for your marriage. I wish you the very best of luck!!!
Donna

[Lost83]

Hi Kathleen,

I was just catching up, haven't been around much lately. I agree with Donna, figure out a way to get your hubby to go away with you, if even just for one night. You deserve to have some alone time with your hubby even if he resists, put your foot down, leave him no option. Easier said than done I know but sometimes we have to make those executive decisions if they are in the best interest of our relationships. Good luck, I hope he comes around and you can both enjoy each other without the hustle and bustle of Amy's madness.

[JWOOD33]

The best way i can explain it is that as an addict i look back there are two lives lived the person and addict really is and the addict. Drugs do alter realities in my experience i have done every drug in exisistance. And one of me screwed up everything i touched and the other me created greatness to screw up i have perfect children by no fault of mine due to drugs i was never there but they learn from it i lost my train of thought ask someone else. Drugs..................

[kathleen5hockey]

Yesterday my husband and I were home to take her to school. No, the bf was taking her. Of course she never made. We keep telling her that bf doesn't want her to get ahead. He was alot of the problems at regular high school. Oh well, this morning on my walk/run talked to God and asked him again to help her. This problem makes me think of my wild days. I turned out alright after being a total idiot, so my hope is that when she finally grows up she will be ok too. It's in God's hands.

[kathleen5hockey]

Hi Lost, hope all is well with you. I have a question for all. How fast does w/d come on? Today while I was painting the house Amy was with me washing windows, talking, etc. Next thing I know she has her winter coat on and is shivering inside. Are w/d that fast?

Our Reverend has asked Amy to meet with her. Hope she can get thru. Amy has completely lost touch with reality. Today she asked when her graduation party would be. She wanted to know because the money from the party she wanted to get a boob job. I almost fell of the ladder. Told her she has been expelled therefore no graduation and no graduation party. She just couldn't believe it. It seems I live on Mars.

I am missing $10 from my wallet. It's so sad that I have to hide all my money, what little there is. Stupid me to think I could have 10 bucks in my wallet. This life stinks but she will be 18 soon!

[newyorkgal]

Kathleen, I've followed your thread for quite awhile and it is a heartbreaker for sure. I would say the husband is in a total state of depression and understandably so. Is it possible to get him to talk to someone outside the home, either a therapist or a pastor? Your marriage can be ruined beyond repair because of the stress of an addict daughter but you can't let it. Amy obviously needs major help but sadly it has to come from her. You can't force it. The boob job, graduation story makes me think she is really out of touch with reality. I know you will always love her but the important people right now are your son and your hubby, and most of all, yourself.
I have a close family member who is 14 years old, female, started smoking weed, drinking, becoming sexually active, cutting 9th grade classes. All the classic signs. She was just sent from one parents house to the other (from Va. to Texas). Pray for her too.

[kathleen5hockey]

Hi all. Amy was a joy to be around today. She raked leaves and washed the garage doors. How can this be? Is this her on Suboxone or heroin. Usually with heroin she is really nasty. The Sub seems to make her normal. She is playing a terrible game with these pills. Can't think that using heroin and subs is good for her. Have tried to tell her how to wean herself but to no avail. For me I have realized that I have been depressed these last few weeks. Feel good tonight, finished painting the front of the house. Decided that I need to move more. Have invited the family to our home for Thanksgiving. Yep, 30 of them! It's my holiday, we all have one. Last yr hubby and I were in Vegas for our aniversary. Really we were hiding. Anyway, I'm back. Plus I make a wicked good turkey feast.

[melinda7.5]

Hi Kathleen
after my surgery I went on subs for a short amount of time and yes some people can catch a buzz off subs, I was one of them it's not like the high you get off opiates, It's more of a sence of well being...I think from what your saying it is the same for amy...
wishing you the very best...
Melinda

[kathleen5hockey]

Here is an update on daughter. I took her shopping for a new pair of pants - she is a size 0 now. So thin. Anyway, we had somewhat of a good day. The next day I look at my bank statement and see a charge that I did not make. The ungrateful daughter stole from me AGAIN! After I bought her new clothes. Somehow she got my debit card used it and put it back in my wallet. She also stole hubby's $2 bill. Had it out with her again last night. Told her that when she wants to change we will be here but will not tolerate her stealing from us. She then starts with "I want my cell phone turned on or I will sell it". Told her to do what ever she wants, we have no control over her. She then goes on to say it's hard to change, blah, blah. I understand it is hard to change but when you have a family that loves you and is there every step of the way it should be easier. I have read on this forum about brave people going thru w/d alone and conquering the devil. I have so much admiration for them. Oh, I went to court yesterday to try and get a public defender for her. The man told me next week go an hour early and we can get one. That's good news for me. Have a great weekend. Me, going for more dental work and probably a few shots of vodka tonight to ease the pain.

[kathleen5hockey]

Another update. The b__ch stole my check NOT my debit card. She took a check from the middle of my check book. I am sooooo mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!