[out_of_my_head]

Hello everyone. I will start off by saying that I haven't slept in close to 48 hours. This God-awful stint started 3 months ago (i know, not long by most standards) and I have got to stop - my life is depending on it. After much hesitation on my part, I was prescribed 10 mg. of ritalin a day in september of 2008 for adult add. I always took it as prescribed. It seemed to work okay, I never felt "high" or anything, maybe a little shaky for a couple hours and eventually was put on 10 mg twice a day about 4 months ago. Then one night, I caught my husband sniffing something in the bathroom. He said it was my ritalin. I was furious, couldn't believe he would do that. Long story shorter, I tried sniffing it this last august and loved it. I felt so good, so accomplished, everything had clarity. I of course didn't realize this feeling was so short-lived. So one thing led to another and I found I was doing it all the time. When I ran out, I found other places to get it until I could see my doc for a refill. When I stepped on the bathroom scale a month ago and realized that I had lost 35 pounds in 2 months, I was shocked. I'm 5'6'' and weigh about 105 pounds now. I decided right then and there to stop - dumped what i had left in the garbage & wrote out a detailed plan on how to get back on track. Within hours I could only think about ritalin. After almost 12 hours without it, i dug every slimy, dirty, loose pill out of the garbage. And (is the term 'railed'?) 30 mg. Felt better. I've tried to stop twice since then, once cold turkey and one tapering. Both times I fell into such a deep depression & felt so freaking desperate. Once I even loaded a 9mm clip into the gun and put it in my mouth. I know it's horrible, God I don't want to be like this. I was never like this before ritalin. I didn't think this was physically addictive - it's not an amphetamine, right? It's a neuro stimulator from what i've read. I just don't know what to do or who to turn to. I am fairly new to this area, within the last 2 years and I'm divorcing my husband and I have 3 kids (two are teens). I have tried calling the 1-800 numbers for addiction in the phone book and either it's a recording or I hang up, afraid that if I try to get help, my kids will be taken away. I am a good mom. Other than this, I have never done anything. Please, somebody, help me to get to a good place. I've never been so scared and alone in my life. I want help. I will do whatever it takes. I just don't know what it takes. Thank you all for listening.

[PhoenixRising16]

Hello!

Well first thing first, as I’ve seen many times in the past, you took the first step by posting. That means you are serious about wanting help and getting clean. Ritalin can be habit forming…especially if you get into the habit of snorting it. Did that start because of your husband or was that after you decided on the divorce? Either way it seems like the right idea to be rid of him…having an influence like that around you can definitely hamper your recovery. You do not seem like a bad person. Just reach out for support and I would honestly start a taper plan. I do not know much about that, but there are plenty of wonderful people on this site that are willing to help you there. There are many success stories on this site you should read about to give you inspiration and hope that you will need to get clean. I wish you the best of luck and keep posting!

[cheekysod]

hiya out of my head.
firstly im a sub user, tapering down, got off the methadone, now tapering off the subs.
i have tried ritalin, and lucky for me i couldnt see the attraction. but i have a lot of friends who abuse it, snort it, inject it. anyway, it seems to me they go all scatterbrained like some heavy crystal meth, and when i was doing that big time, a great thing i did, was video myself, while i was in my scattery brained binge of speed. hell, that was an insight into my crazy behaviour.
you mentioned your kids, they might notice when you are on the rit.
alls i know, is ive told my pals that they are noticeably scatterbrained when theyve had ritalin, and they think people cant tell. we can.
can you start by only taking them orally.? is that possible.
i know when i took my methadone orally i was all good, then i started injecting it and that was a downward spiral for sure.

take baby steps, maybe stop railing it. only swallow them.
then you could try tapering your dose. do it slow.
hope that is some sort of help for you. like i say im probably very very lucky my only time trying it, i didnt like it. yay. thats a first as i have a very addictive personality.

good luck
and get back into your head pal
cheeky

oh and p.s even though its not an amphetamine, "normal" people as in not adhd or that stuff, seem to get a kind of speedy buzz off rit, thats why they take it.
you havent been using for tooooo long, so take this chance, go for it, go for your life kiddo.