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About to start Suboxone and am WORRIED
About to start Suboxone and am WORRIED
Ok this is my very first post here so I hope the community I have been reading is kind to me too. I have used oxycodone. 50-90mg per day, for about 5 or 6 years. Its kinda sad I don't even know how long its been. Well despite having an addiction, I have never really hit rock bottom. I managed to finish college and get a Master's Degree. I have never stolen or lost a job. I have always had enough money to spend 50 plus bucks a day on this stuff without any help or parent's money. Well I am searching for a permanent teaching job (I know I am scum) and it looks like I am going to be hired, but I am sure once I do I will need a drug test. Plus, I have been wanting to stop for a while, but the few times I have quit, I have relapsed within a 1-3 months. I just get BORED and lonely. I think I have some sort of depression/anxiety or whatever and I need some sort of euphoria to get by. Anyways, I realized I need to get off it so I have an appointment to start suboxone/subutex on Friday. I am excited to do it, but I am worried that I am not mentally ready.
The doctor wants to keep me on for a minimum of 6 months, and I know many especially Robert are against that. I think the point of it is to learn to live sober and that's the allure of Sub in my opinion. I need something to help me learn how to live sober and I don't think it can be done for me in 6 weeks. Honestly, if I did the 6 week thing that many of you talk about, I probably would relapse. With that said, I am worried about the withdrawals later on. My doctor is a former user and addictionoligist and he says that he will taper me EXTREMELY slowly which I find comfort in. Will I still feel bad withdrawals? Will the Sub totally stop my cravings? I really want a normal life with my own place, a dog, heck, to get my girlfriend back (broke up a couple weeks ago, she doesnt even know I use and I have been with her for 2 years). I'm 25 and I have matured to a man and never learning how to live sober! I am afraid that I dont know how and missed my opportunity to learn. I just hope I am ready for this and I really could use some support since NO ONE knows I use. Its a secret life that has pushed me away from EVERYONE. I could also use some tips. I want this to be the last time I get clean. Instead of using all my money on OXY, I am using it all on this doctor and Sub. Hell, I am broke too and he is taking a chance on me allowing me to PAY HIM BACK! He feels I am worth the risk as long as I can cover the first visit (and pay him back the next 3 visits since they are all within 2 weeks). Please, my ears are open, let me listen.
A role model who needs to look in the mirror.
My advice to you is to start attending NA meetings ASAP.. There are many aspects to recovery, so if you are only doing a sub taper, the odds are gonna be against you my friend. You need to devote 100% of yourself to your recovery. I am proud of you for reaching out for support on the forum and also coming to the conclusion that you need to stop using. Have you ever tried cold turkey?? Just make sure you do your homework on subs. Suboxone is a powerful powerful drug. If you decide to take the sub route. Make sure you are in meetings also. You should find a sponsor also to help you work the steps of recovery. Good luck!!
I have done cold turkey and was "successful" twice but it only laster 1-3 months because of the reasons I mentioned. I plan on staying on Sub for as long as it takes because I want to learn how to live sober before its forced on me. My doctor says the success rates are much higher if I am on it for a minimum of 6 months. I am embarassed to go to NA meetings in all honesty. I dont know what to say or what to think. if I taper off sub extremely slowly like my doctor wants will the WD by painful. I can deal with everything EXCEPT the insomnia!
I am not qualified to answer that question, because I am not an addict. I come on here to learn about drugs and addiction because I have family members that are addicts. i also come on here and lend my support to people when I can. Lately I have not been on as much because I have so much going on. I am trying to post more often and getting caught up on my posting. I am sure Cheekysod and NYGal will chime in here, they have experience with the sub taper. So give them some time to read your post.
You should not be embarassed to attend a NA meeting. That is the disease of addiction talking you out of going to a meeting. The meetings are confidential. No one gives their last name. And if you do not want to talk, you don't have to. But I am telling you, your odds of staying clean and sober will greatly improve if you are actively working a program and working through the 12 steps with a sponsor. I am currently attending al-anon meetings and I love it!! So much support. I have to find a sponsor and work through the 12 steps too. Please reconsider getting into a program. Ask the doctor who is prescribing your subs if he/she thinks you should attend meetings of some sort. I bet you they say you should absolutely attend some sort of support group.
Thank you for your reply. I do need other's tapering advice on the best was to get off when the Sub is going to be used for 6+ months. I worry because my life is so busy right now that I wont take the NA seriously. I know it is what I probably need, but again, this is why I say I dont feel I am mentally prepared for this. I have only spoken with my doctor over the phone, but he seems to be extremely caring and I am sure that he will set me up with a plan that is best for me. It just feels so good to have a doctor take a chance on an addict with no insurance, bad credit, ect. I dont remember the last time I have been worth that, and it feels good.
Again, thank you for the reply and any other's preliminary advice before I go on Sub would be great. Also, right not I am taking about 80mg of IR Oxy a day, is it ok if I stop like 19-20 hours before induction? Is that enough time? Thanks!
It's taken me (literally!) thousands of meetings and years away from drugs to learn "how" to live a sober, happy life - so I doubt I can sum it all up in a few handy pointers! I work in a treatment facility with newly sober women, who have committed 6 months of their lives to beginning the foundation to their recovery. In other words, there are no quick answers!
Addiction is a complex disease, and, sadly, the odds of recovery are stacked against us. The way we increase our odds is to take the suggestions of those who have succeeded in overcoming this disease before us. First suggestion, get as much help and support as you possibly can. NA or AA are absolutely the best places to turn. If you need to go to another town for meetings, to be assured more privacy, then do so. These are not simply "group therapy," as you may suspect. There is a 12-step program to these fellowships, that are the basic steps to living a sober life. The 12 steps are where the growth and transformation occurs.
Basically, when we begin to abuse drugs or alcohol, we stop growing emotionally. So, that means, when you stop using - emotionally, you are back to whatever age you started. The process of re-learning what we failed to learn during our "using" years is not a quick one - or something we can easily master alone. If you don't avail yourself of NA or AA, then find something - a church group, a counselor, a pastor - something to help you with the process of growth. It's nearly impossible to do that on our own.
This, I suspect, is what has tripped you up in the past - and kept you from continuing beyond a few months of recovery. Getting physically detoxed off the drugs is only the first step in recovery. After we deal with the physical aspect of this disease, we are left then with the emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of this disease. That's the real work. That's what decides if we will sink or swim.
You are completely right in saying, "Its a secret life that has pushed me away from EVERYONE." That secret is keeping a wall between you and others, including your girlfriend. If you allow the secret to come out - to someone you trust - you may be amazed by the relief - and closeness - that you've prevented yourself from experiencing. It's a lot of work to keep up the pretense of 'having it all together' - and I've found that I can't keep up pretenses any longer, since getting clean. I have to be completely true to myself on the inside and the outside, for me to have the peace of mind that recovery offers me.
I can tell you this: Addiction is a disease, not a sign of moral weakness or a character flaw. There is an actual physiological difference in how an addict processes drugs from a non-addict. Once we learn more about addiction and accept that it is a disease, the sense of "shame" and "guilt" are dramatically lessened.
Personally, I disagree about the long-term suboxone use, but that is just my opinion and certainly, you can do as your doctor suggests. Do not begin the subs until you are in "full-blown" withdrawal - that is how it works. Read the suboxone thread in this forum for more information: http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...apy-50887.html
I hope you'll continue to post - there's lots of support here. I'll keep you in my prayers...
Thanks for the reply. I am trying to get mentally prepared for the Sub as well as search for NA meeting to start. I'm trying to take off in my life and today things came crashing down. I am trying to be a teacher and its impossible to find a job. The one place I got contacted for a job (30 applications sent out) declined me today. Also, my EX I mentioned before, last told me she wanted to try again a few days ago (its been 10 days since we broke up), but today I found out she has been messing around with some guy. I was with her for over 2 years, and 10 days is all she needs! I feel worthless for that reason.
Ok I know that's alot of stupid stuff, but it is really taking me out of focus of the plan I had. I keep thinking "what's the point?" Yet, I know its the wrong way to think, I am still starting Friday, but now I feel more unprepared than ever. I feel like I'm in too much emotional distress to get through this right now. I feel like I am being a baby, so I'll stop here. I guess I'm looking for some support, I dunno, this seems like the best place for it.
Meetings are once a week on mondays. Only 1 a week?
Maxter159, My name is Steve and am also known as Intelmetal. It is very important to do the induction right. Do not let your doctor talk you into taking a high dose to start your journey. This would be a HUGE mistake. Tell your doctor that you would like to be inducted on the lowest effective dose ( no more than 8mgs MAX. ). It would be a good idea to start with maybe 4mgs and wait 90 minutes to see how you react. If you are still in withdrawal, take another 2mgs and wait 90 more minutes. This should do the trick. Just do not take over 8mgs the first day no matter what. Suboxone is super strong, but is deceiving. You should not try to feel high, but just try to get comfortable. Remember "lowest effective dose". Yes, it is that important. Many doctors will start you off on 16mgs without even trying a lower, more effective dose. Please trust me on this, I am sure Robert would agree with most of what I am saying.
Originally Posted by maxster159
I am not some ignorant person trying to preach. I have been through this whole process, from super high doses of methadone to a 75 day sub taper. My addiction to opiates lasted about 11 years without ever missing a day. I do understand how you feel right now, but it is soooo important to do this right. Tell the doctor how you feel about not being over medicated, it will serve you well in the long run. I'll check back to see how things work out this weekend.
Wishing you the best of luck !!!