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25 Days & Counting-
  1. #1
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Default 25 Days & Counting-

    Morning everyone! I'm kind of new to the "Need to Talk" section of this forum and I couldn't be happier to find it! So many positive people on here- I guess this is where all the cool people hang out huh? I've been posting on the main page of Prescription Drug Addiction for sometime now- About 25 days to be precise- I found some great support/advice over there. Over in this section it seems there is even more support- Who couldn't benefit from more support right?

    For those that have not read my other threads I'll make this brief- 35 year old Dean of a middle school- Married and Father of 2 awesome boys- Very heavy opiate use for the past 5-6 years- Pretty much same story as most as I hid it very well from my family and each time I tried to stop it was by myself alone and in very deep holes of depression. Found this forum one day when I tried researching how to deal with opiate withdrawals- Joined my first day clean and been going strong ever since. It's been one heck of a ride- But one I refuse to get off of.

    The way I went about getting clean was a bit different than most. I used something illegal to help me with w/d and I do not recommend anyone trying it the way I did. For the first six days I used very small amounts of Mary Jane to help deal with the w/d. For those six days I took anywhere from 1-3 hits of Mary for the entire day. Never more than that- Most of those days was just one hit. For me- And strictly for me- It helped me out tremendously!! I was never able to stay away from the opiates in the past mainly due to the w/d. I'm sure that applies to most of us on here. Some go the Suboxone route- And with the help of Robert_325- Who by the way is an amazing individual- They are able to get clean. I chose not to go the Sub route for a couple of reasons- I read some stories on here about it that kind of scared me- I also did NOT want to face my DR and ask him for it. But again- That's just me. I fully recommend you find a way that works for you and stick to it!! As we all know the opiates can and will ruin your life- PERIOD!

    So here I am on my road to recovery- 25 days today and going very strong- For those wondering I have not visited with Mary in over 2.5 weeks- Don't need that anymore as it was strictly used to help me through the beginning. Another thing I did to help me get through it this time around was open up my story to a support group- On day 5 I confronted my wife and that made days 6-8 very rough. However- Since then things have been great between us and now I know I don't have to hide in my prison cell any more. I'm free and it feels great. Today we are celebrating our 9 year wedding anniversary and heading out to Montauk for the night. In the past I would NOT look forward to something like this because I felt I truly was not or could not be myself in front of her. Now I can be!! My biggest support group has been this forum- Once again I thank you all very much!!

    Sorry for Rambling-- Guess I just Needed to Talk--

    Thank you for Reading- Thank you For Posting-

    Keep Moving Forward-
    Peace-

    Mr_Dean

  2. #2
    ClassiqueMom is offline Senior Member
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    good on you!!! .. don't ever! wanna go there again, right?!!

    take what you have and run with it! and never, look back
    accept to rememember (and despise) the chains that held you!

    wishing you alllll my best!
    Classique MoM

  3. #3
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Mr. Dean,

    Congratulations to you on the 25 days clean! Awesome achievement! I certainly hope to be where you are right now at some point real soon. I'm doing everything I can to do so too. Thanks for your post. It just makes me smile even more! Blessings.

    Hugs,
    Karen
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  4. #4
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Thank You ClassiqueMom- You're right- I don't ever want to go back to that- I do remind myself daily what it was like and that keeps me moving forward- Away from the chains that held me.

    Mr_Dean

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    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strong Desire View Post
    Mr. Dean,

    Congratulations to you on the 25 days clean! Awesome achievement! I certainly hope to be where you are right now at some point real soon. I'm doing everything I can to do so too. Thanks for your post. It just makes me smile even more! Blessings.

    Hugs,
    Karen
    Thank you Karen- You WILL be there one day soon- I've read a lot of your posts and I can tell you are on the right track- Just keep on going!!!

    Mr_Dean
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  6. #6
    Crystalclear651 is offline Senior Member
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    Great job mr dean...didn't think Mary would help w wds...glad u got out of the cycle n r able to b open n honest w ur wife N u are clean!! Xoxo best wishes

  7. #7
    tf1
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    Thanks for sharing Mr. Dean. Glad you're going strong. Stick with it.

  8. #8
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crystalclear651 View Post
    Great job mr dean...didn't think Mary would help w wds...glad u got out of the cycle n r able to b open n honest w ur wife N u are clean!! Xoxo best wishes
    Helped out tremendously- But again- That was for me- I don't recommend others to try it as it may have adverse effects on different people- As we all know everyone is different and I would not want to recommend something that could possibly replace one addiction with another. I'm out of the cycle and I never want to go back to the prison I created for myself. It's better to be free isn't it?...

    Mr_Dean
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  9. #9
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Thank you TF- I'm sticking with it- One day at a time- This forum really has helped me out so much so anyway I can help please let me know.

    Mr_Dean
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  10. #10
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr_Dean View Post
    Helped out tremendously- But again- That was for me- I don't recommend others to try it as it may have adverse effects on different people- As we all know everyone is different and I would not want to recommend something that could possibly replace one addiction with another. I'm out of the cycle and I never want to go back to the prison I created for myself. It's better to be free isn't it?...

    Mr_Dean
    it IS sooo much better to be clean!
    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! i'm very happy that u get to ENJOY it sober!
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  11. #11
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Not only did I enjoy it sober but I had the absolute best time this weekend!! All Clean and Sober- It's amazing how I used to think I wouldn't be able to enjoy anything unless I was using- Now I can't even imagine enjoying it any other way but clean! Thank you all for the encouraging words- Got back yesterday evening- Today I get to spend the day with my 2 boys- My wife had to go see her grandparents in Pennsylvania- Each weekend gets better and better when living on the clean side of life- It truly does. Day 27 today and feeling like a champ!

    Remember--- Keep Moving Forward-

    Mr_Dean

  12. #12
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Default 28 Days!

    Morning everyone- Just checking in- I have to go back to more boring meetings but today marks 28 days of being clean! Feeling a little blue today but I should be happy as all h3ll shouldn't I? 4 weeks without swallowing a single pill- Of any kind- NOTHING! My wife lifted my spirits up a bit with a very nice text message while I was in first round of meetings. Had to jump on here to for another pick me up.. I'll be back on later- Thank you all for the support!

    Mr_Dean

  13. #13
    Crystalclear651 is offline Senior Member
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    Congrats on day 29!! Ur journey is so encouraging to so many others. Keep posting, so great to hear u are doing well!!
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  14. #14
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    so glad to hear from u! i'm sorry ur still feeling a little blue..
    but ur absolutely right! probably one of the BEST pick me ups for me is encouragement from the ones we love!
    just hold onto them..
    i always try and think...
    "would i have gotten this text if i were still using?"..odds are..probably not!
    don't forget to give YOURSELF a pat on the back sometimes too! i KNOW, I KNOW! easier said than done!
    but you deserve it!
    almost 30 days! woop woop!

  15. #15
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Thank you Crystale and Toni- I've been feeling much better since I got that text- Had a great day today even though it was another day of boring meetings. Just happy to be where I am and extremely thankful I to be where I am as well. How are you feeling Toni? We are close in days and battling this together- Hope you're doing well and in a good place. Bell just rang so I'm off on my journey home- A place I would procrastinate to get too because I used to love being in my office by myself enjoying my vitamins- Gotta say------------> I love looking forward to the end of my work day so I can go home to my family waaaaaaayyyy More than those days of sitting in my office by myself!!!! Life is good-

    Mr_Dean
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  16. #16
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    hey I found you! Thought you were hiding from us lol Man you are doing great so nice to see motivation and willingness. You have really turned things around and it only gets better. Congratulations on what you have accomplished> starting to find out you weren't such a bad guy after all? you hang tight man Dog. I know where you are now!
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  17. #17
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr_Dean View Post
    Thank you Crystale and Toni- I've been feeling much better since I got that text- Had a great day today even though it was another day of boring meetings. Just happy to be where I am and extremely thankful I to be where I am as well. How are you feeling Toni? We are close in days and battling this together- Hope you're doing well and in a good place. Bell just rang so I'm off on my journey home- A place I would procrastinate to get too because I used to love being in my office by myself enjoying my vitamins- Gotta say------------> I love looking forward to the end of my work day so I can go home to my family waaaaaaayyyy More than those days of sitting in my office by myself!!!! Life is good-

    Mr_Dean
    smiles! u get to APPRECIATE ur family time..isn't it funny? i thought i had a HORRIBLE relationship with my mom in the throes of my addiction..now i make sure to talk to her daily..and she is one of my biggest supporters. she has so much wisdom! who'da thunk it? i realize now that we didn't have a good relationship cuz we didn't have honesty...sad really. now i can be 100% honest..and actually feel good about myself after we talk! it's a beautiful thing..
    i'm so glad to hear that ur having a great day! ur tone seems lighter...not so blue anymore huh? i like it.
    my mood has improved too!
    we're (almost) like normies now..the good days and the bad ...lol.
    atleast now we can honestly say that we appreciate them BOTH though!
    life IS good isn't it?!

  18. #18
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    A big thanks is owed to you Dog-- Your posts made during the beginning of this journey for me really helped me out a lot-- You were one of the first to show support and it really made all the difference for me- And I'm sure it makes a difference for a lot on here-- I remember sitting in my office the first week of this journey hitting the refresh button just to see who read and who posted to my threads-- Yes I'm a bit impatient when it comes to certain things-- Was always a big fan of instant messaging because it was, well- Instant!

    I feel I really have turned things around and you are certainly right about "It only gets better".. Each day seems like a new one for me-- Like I get to open a new gift everyday- All the things I thought I would never be able to enjoy again with out the aid of a pill are all great again- Even the simple things like eating, sleeping, talking to people-- EVERYTHING!! My golf game is back into full swing as I've been playing much better the last few times out. That was one part of my life I thought would never be the same because some of my best rounds came when I was sneaking into my bag to pop a pill or two. It's so obvious to me now I don't need the aid of ANYTHING to enjoy this wonderful thing we call life! Genuine happiness is so much better than the artificial kind-- And all that time I thought I was happy when I was popping pills like they were tic tacs.. I'm at a loss for adjectives when trying to describe how much better I feel now as compared to those 5 years in my self-created prison cell---

    You never said much in your posts on my thread but the QUALITY of your words far outweighed the quantity-- All I can say to that is Thank You! I'm glad you found me and that offer of a round of golf when I visit South Carolina this August still stands if you're interested. We started going down there last year for the first time and Sadly one of my only memories of that trip was trying to get through the week with the stash of pills I had- Not getting caught by my wife- And How I was going to get some when I got back home. This year-- It's going to be so much better.

    Thanks again Dog- Thank you to everyone out there who reads/posts on my threads-- I never thought I would admire and be grateful to so many people without ever meeting them in person--

    Keep Moving Forward-
    Peace-

    Mr_Dean

    P.S.- Tomorrow will be 30 Days!!! Yea- I'm stoked!!!!

  19. #19
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by toni.s. View Post
    smiles! u get to APPRECIATE ur family time..isn't it funny? i thought i had a HORRIBLE relationship with my mom in the throes of my addiction..now i make sure to talk to her daily..and she is one of my biggest supporters. she has so much wisdom! who'da thunk it? i realize now that we didn't have a good relationship cuz we didn't have honesty...sad really. now i can be 100% honest..and actually feel good about myself after we talk! it's a beautiful thing..
    i'm so glad to hear that ur having a great day! ur tone seems lighter...not so blue anymore huh? i like it.
    my mood has improved too!
    we're (almost) like normies now..the good days and the bad ...lol.
    atleast now we can honestly say that we appreciate them BOTH though!
    life IS good isn't it?!
    Looks as if we were typing at the same time-- Speaking of honesty---- I've been nothing but honest with my wife and that was one thing I thought I would NEVER be able to do!! I hid so much from her and my family and that only made my prison cell more miserable-- Now she's my biggest supporter and she really lifts me up! Isn't that a great feeling being 100 percent honest? I became such a good liar through the years I used to think I was the master at it-- I was proud of it! Now I get to be proud for never having to lie to her or anyone again. Toni-- Life isn't just good---- It's GREAT!! Let's keep it that way!

    Mr_Dean
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  20. #20
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr_Dean View Post
    A big thanks is owed to you Dog-- Your posts made during the beginning of this journey for me really helped me out a lot-- You were one of the first to show support and it really made all the difference for me- And I'm sure it makes a difference for a lot on here-- I remember sitting in my office the first week of this journey hitting the refresh button just to see who read and who posted to my threads-- Yes I'm a bit impatient when it comes to certain things-- Was always a big fan of instant messaging because it was, well- Instant!

    I feel I really have turned things around and you are certainly right about "It only gets better".. Each day seems like a new one for me-- Like I get to open a new gift everyday- All the things I thought I would never be able to enjoy again with out the aid of a pill are all great again- Even the simple things like eating, sleeping, talking to people-- EVERYTHING!! My golf game is back into full swing as I've been playing much better the last few times out. That was one part of my life I thought would never be the same because some of my best rounds came when I was sneaking into my bag to pop a pill or two. It's so obvious to me now I don't need the aid of ANYTHING to enjoy this wonderful thing we call life! Genuine happiness is so much better than the artificial kind-- And all that time I thought I was happy when I was popping pills like they were tic tacs.. I'm at a loss for adjectives when trying to describe how much better I feel now as compared to those 5 years in my self-created prison cell---

    You never said much in your posts on my thread but the QUALITY of your words far outweighed the quantity-- All I can say to that is Thank You! I'm glad you found me and that offer of a round of golf when I visit South Carolina this August still stands if you're interested. We started going down there last year for the first time and Sadly one of my only memories of that trip was trying to get through the week with the stash of pills I had- Not getting caught by my wife- And How I was going to get some when I got back home. This year-- It's going to be so much better.

    Thanks again Dog- Thank you to everyone out there who reads/posts on my threads-- I never thought I would admire and be grateful to so many people without ever meeting them in person--

    Keep Moving Forward-
    Peace-

    Mr_Dean

    P.S.- Tomorrow will be 30 Days!!! Yea- I'm stoked!!!!
    Congratulations on 30 days! Dean i don't really know what to say other than thank you. Your kind words are appreciated more than you know. It is a gift to be able to offer help to to others, and a real treat to be able to watch you and others grow. And you have grown. I have seen so many lose so much, and I don't know anymore the number I watched die from this disease.
    If I had to sum up sobriety in a few words it would be quality of life, you are finding that quality. You have done more for me than I did for you and that goes to all the others I have posted to on this forum. To get out of self and care about others is something I didn't know I would ever experience. Spent a lot of years out there devoid of emotion because they were a liability, if one felt it got in the way of getting the" job" done.
    And would definetely shorten life expectantcy.lol
    This is a devastating disease that affects everyone that comes into contact with us, however our recovery can have an even more profound effect, ie your family. Your boys have their father back, you are a husband again instead of just physically being there. I firmly believe God puts us in the place He wants us and with the people we are supposed to be in contact with at that time. There is a purpose for us and we do not have to know what it is.
    Stop and think about this, a drunk doctor, a drunk stock broker was able to do what science, religion, psychiatrist, reformers and do gooders were never able to do do get drunks sober and keep them sober. Everything the Big Book of AA put forth as conjecture and theory in 1935 has been proven fact. If that is not Divinely inspired I don't what is. I am rambling now.
    Congratulations on 30 days and I wish you another 100 yeas of recovery Dog

  21. #21
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    May have to take you up on the golf, just too damn hot to play now down here. supposed to be 102 this weekend / Gettign old the heat used to not bother me, oh well getting old is not for sissys Dog

  22. #22
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by surfdog View Post
    Congratulations on 30 days! Dean i don't really know what to say other than thank you. Your kind words are appreciated more than you know. It is a gift to be able to offer help to to others, and a real treat to be able to watch you and others grow. And you have grown. I have seen so many lose so much, and I don't know anymore the number I watched die from this disease.
    If I had to sum up sobriety in a few words it would be quality of life, you are finding that quality. You have done more for me than I did for you and that goes to all the others I have posted to on this forum. To get out of self and care about others is something I didn't know I would ever experience. Spent a lot of years out there devoid of emotion because they were a liability, if one felt it got in the way of getting the" job" done.
    And would definetely shorten life expectantcy.lol
    This is a devastating disease that affects everyone that comes into contact with us, however our recovery can have an even more profound effect, ie your family. Your boys have their father back, you are a husband again instead of just physically being there. I firmly believe God puts us in the place He wants us and with the people we are supposed to be in contact with at that time. There is a purpose for us and we do not have to know what it is.
    Stop and think about this, a drunk doctor, a drunk stock broker was able to do what science, religion, psychiatrist, reformers and do gooders were never able to do do get drunks sober and keep them sober. Everything the Big Book of AA put forth as conjecture and theory in 1935 has been proven fact. If that is not Divinely inspired I don't what is. I am rambling now.
    Congratulations on 30 days and I wish you another 100 yeas of recovery Dog
    100 years?? I'd be 135-- That would certainly be fun-- I'd be around for the first flying cars- Alien contact- And all that other fun stuff we see in movies- Dog you can Ramble on as much as you like on my thread, or any thread for that matter Bro-- I literally get goose bumps when reading the things you post and I can feel the sincerity and support right through the computer screen!!

    Your the man Dog and one more thing-- It's never too hot for golf- Ever!! LOL- And you're only as old as you feel-- Gotta get back to work-- More I wanted to add so I'll do it later--

    Today is a new day- A new gift-- 30 Days clean today!!

    Mr_Dean

  23. #23
    Comeback Kid is offline Member
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    Congrats Dean. I can't believe it's been 32 days. I remember when you first came in search for help. I think you found the right place Keep up the good work.
    Quotes that keep me going:

    "Do you have another day 1 in you?"
    "If not now, when?"
    “When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”

    Clean as of 02.03.2012

  24. #24
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    Mr Dean!
    just touching base.
    how are u feeling? time for an update?

  25. #25
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Hey there Comeback Kid.. I remember that day very well- And I don't have another day 1 in me so therefore I'm doing what I can to never go back to that prison again. I also remember your strong words of encouragement during those early days and they were very helpful so I thank you again.

    Hey there Toni- Been so busy I haven't been able to jump on and post- Been done with work since Wednesday and I've been spending a lot of time with the family- Which has been awesome! The other day when I got out of the shower- After bathing my boys and getting them ready for bed a thought hit me- I had a flashback of when I was using how doing the mundane things were so much "fun" when I was high. Not sure where the thought came from and it dissipated quickly but it was just a reminder of where I was 2 months ago. Needless to say I enjoy this part of life much better than prison life-

    So 33 days of no more hiding in a prison cell- No more worrying about my stash- No more worrying if my wife will find my stuff- No more worrying about running out- That was always a big fear- Running out- It didn't matter how many I had- The thought they would run out eventually always crept into my mind- I once bought 200 7.5 mg vicodin for 50 bucks- Insane I know- They were gone within 2 weeks- Thank god there's no more of that- No more running to the dealer- No more sneaking away from my family to "run an errand" to visit the dealer- No more worrying if the neighbors called the cops at the dealers house because I was there so often for such short periods of time- No more thinking up excuses as to what I would say to the cop if I did get pulled over--- That list can go on forever as we all know-

    33 days and going very strong. I couldn't be happier- As I said earlier- Each day is a new gift for us-

    Thanks again for checking in Toni- And Comeback- You right Comeback- I did find something that worked for me and I'm sticking to it!!

    Keep Moving Forward-
    Peace-

    Mr_Dean
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  26. #26
    Comeback Kid is offline Member
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    So awesome to hear Dean! Keep up the good fight brother.
    Quotes that keep me going:

    "Do you have another day 1 in you?"
    "If not now, when?"
    “When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”

    Clean as of 02.03.2012

  27. #27
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Thanks Kid!! I'm doing what I can to win that fight-- So far I like to think I have the upper hand and I'm winning on the scorecard. Thanks for checking in bro!!
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  28. #28
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    off to work so just stopping by..
    just wanted to tell u Mr. Dean that i'm loving ur attitude!
    keep up the great work!
    yesterday was 30 days for me too
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  29. #29
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Thanks for stopping by Toni! That means today was 31 for you and 34 for me--- Isn't it great how fast time seems to fly when you're not High! Seems to be flying by for me as each day is better than the one before- For the first time in a long time I'm actually looking forward to being off of work- I don't have those bothersome worries anymore- The ones I listed in a previous post. There's no stash over here anymore!!

    Being home with my family these past few days have truly been awesome. I get to be me again- The REAL me again and it makes me feel that feeling I was chasing for the past five years---- Happiness! Not an artificial happiness-- Genuine Happiness!

    Mr_Dean
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  30. #30
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Morning Dean was just wondering if you had gone back and read you first posts, out of the depths of despair to flying with the bluebird of happiness.lol Great to see the change and perspective toward life you are growing in a lot of ways for the better. So good to see the motivation grow as well. We have to want it more than anything in our lives in order to have a life.

    Still too hot for golf though Sat 108 Sun 108 with heat index of 115-120 hard to breathe in this kinda heat.
    Keep it in the short grass Dog

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