22 days clean. how to deal with mental part?

[nadina]

Wow its 22 days Ive been clean you guys! It was a tough day today I didnt think about pills that much and today was really down on myself,depressed and unmotivated.Couldnt force myself to do anuthing Even the workout didnt help much The w/d are gone Im just feeling sad a lot and I know I need to engage in any kind of activities and I do but Im not sure I can do it on my own anymore.I worked out every day,joined joga classes,I eat very healthy and try to take care of my body.Today I had a very stressful day and I used to take pills to cope with stress so the urge was immense Also Ive been doing weight training and the pills helped me with the soreness and tiredness so today I was in a lot of pain in my shoulders and neck it was killing me.But Im glad I didnt give in to my weekness Especially cause my dealer contacted me He was probably wondering what happened to me 3 weeks went by.That didnt happen in a while.
So I told him Im done with that stuff. Someone mentioned here about cognitive therapy so I have this amazing book that actually was a reason I quit the first time.so I kept reading and reading posts here and forced myself to get moving and I think Im ok now.Tomorrow I want to check out N/A and A/A meetings MY question is how do I get started with a counselor or private therapy? Is that expensive? I dont have insuarance now I will have it next month but I do not really want to go through that cause its really hard to get it on your own with my health history as it is .I dont want to have an addiction on my re

[nadina]

This is my story and even if I dont get replies I just want it to be out there.I know people are reading and maybe someone will find it helpful. I am at a 27 day mark today.When it was my 23 day though I had a moment of weekness and took 1 perc.The day after that was pure hell.And I just want towritet it here while it still feels fresh so I would never in the future experience such a turmoil.I psyched myself so much that I though I got sick again with the w/d and I got really scared Id have to do this all over again.Maybe I did have the w/d My mental state was much worse I was repulsed with myself.The thoughts of taking it again were revolting.After all I started thinking;"This is too high of a price to pay for having 5 min of pleasure from a pill.I dont want to be sick anymore.I want my health back".
It didnt come to me right away but the thoughts about the pills after this last time are not the same anymore and visit less and less often.If they ever come back I need to read this here. Im finally ready for a change.I like this saying:
"People change when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing".
And being on the painpills was the biggest pain for me,ironically.

[caughtagain]

Nadina.... simply put... It happens, now dust yourself off and keep on keeping on! Don't beat yourself up, it is over and done and you realized something very important... It just is not worth it.. Yepp. the mental part, the looking for that ONE pill.. It can paralyze, it sure did me.. I would go on what I called "treasure hunts" more times than I would like to admit just to find that one pilll. UGG not worth it, so now that you know it just is not worth it..... Each time you feel the craving, come on here and post. Before you know it, that craving will be gone. Hang in there. Reid

[Comeback Kid]

Im on day....uhh like 97 or something. Anyway, I can attest that some of those pains will slowly subside and you will be in less pain than you actually realized while on opiates. Good luck, and don't let that one pill set you back. Just keep on fighting. It's truly worth it in the end.

[ARTIST658]

Nadina,

After that slip, I think it's terrific that you came back here and got honest about it. Too many times, we're so ashamed of our mistakes that we don't tell - and we're left with a secret that can lead us into private shame. This is a disease, and you don't need the guilt or shame; the honesty is a great sign of how much you want to get better.

Please do get yourself to meetings - it's a little ironic that you posted your plan to check out NA or AA meetings "tomorrow" - and that "tomorrow" ended up with you caving in for a pill. That tells you something! The time to get help from NA or AA is NOW - not tomorrow. The 12-step program is what will help you most with that "mental part" of this disease. Let that single pill be the motivation to get the help you need and deserve - now!

God bless,
Ruth