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11 years of numb....
  1. #1
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    Default 11 years of numb....

    hello. I originally posted this in the suboxone treatment sub-category forum, but it doesn't appear to get much traffic so hopefuly by posting here more people can see. I copied & pasted my original post below:


    Quote Originally Posted by systolic_suckerpunch View Post
    hello, I am new here and this is my first post. I have been lurking and reading a lot over the past 4 or 5 days. I have been on suboxone for a very long time. It came after OCs led to >>>>>> led to subs briefly led to methadone, and finally back to subs.

    I am a 32 year old mother of 2. I've been taking 8-12 mg per day for over 2 years, down from 24-36mg prior to that.

    I've realized that I don't feel feelings anymore. This week was the first time I've cried in over a year. Some things I've read here have touched me in ways I didn't think were susceptible or accessible any more. I believe that my constant medication has made me content with living a pathetic and mediocre existence.

    I need for something to change-- I am pretty sure I want off, that life will be on hold and unfulfilling until that happens. The last decade has been lived with fear of withdrawal being the basis for all else. I don't know what to do.

    I don't know who I am without drugs, be they illegal, prescribed, or otherwise.

    I know there are many people here who have been thru similar experiences. This is me trying to reach out, hoping for guidance, and wanting more than ever to stop existing and start living. My life has been on hold for far too long.

  2. #2
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    perhaps I was wrong about there being more traffic here... anyway, here is the link to the thread in the suboxone treatment sub-forum for anyone who might be interested:

    http://www.drugs.com/forum/suboxone-...tml#post411654

  3. #3
    Sharks fan is offline Advanced Member
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    Here is a link to the taper plan most of us have used to get off subs

    http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...apy-50887.html

  4. #4
    dreamingfree is offline Member
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    Hello and welcome. Sorry I am not familiar with subs so I can't offer anything in the way of advice other then to say if you read a lot of the threads here follow people on their journey of sub tapering...and all that I have read have used the link mentioned above.

    I can also imagine that whatever drug we are trying to get off the mentality of it is similar, it takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Personally I am not sure I have ever gone through something as difficult as this journey of addiction. That being said it can be done, there are so many beautiful stories on here of people who are no longer in the active phase of their addiction.

    I would say the first step is be ready and determined, want it like nothing you have wanted in your life. Then educate yourself and come up with a solid plan and then just do it...no excuses.

    This site is an amazing source of support and so much education to be gained. There are times that its a bit slow, people get busy and what not. When its slow I just read read read, old threads new threads...I read them all!

    Good luck and keep in touch!

  5. #5
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    I can't remember what initially got me to these forums, probably a google search, but I ended up on an 80+ page thread about a mom Kathleen dealing with her daughter's >>>>>> addiction. I spent days and days reading it, got to page 45ish and still fascinated to see what happened.

    Honestly, reading that was what brought up all of these old hidden feelings, and I guess was the final push I needed to realize that the subs were my problem and that it needed dealt with. I saw what an awesome support system is available here, and felt like I wanted to be a part of it.

  6. #6
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    SSP.. Glad you are here and glad you want to start or continue your process. Have faith in the process and follow the link SF posted. Don't give up and keep a journal of what you are going through. People will stop by and comment. Remember, this journey is about you, not how much traffic you get.... The comments WILL come. Be honest, and know there are great people here. Welcome! All my best, Reid

  7. #7
    numbOne is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by systolic_suckerpunch View Post
    I need for something to change-- I am pretty sure I want off, that life will be on hold and unfulfilling until that happens.
    Just a forewarning "Pretty Sure" isn't gonna cut it. Addiction is much more powerful then that and will wreak havoc on any part of you that isn't 'completely sure'

    Just read and re-read the sentence you wrote prior to what i quoted...there is enough right there in that tiny glimpse into your life. I know many of us addicts are gluttons for punishment, but hopefully you have suffered enough and this will be it for you.

  8. #8
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    For the sake of simplicity, I am going to only keep one thread going. The one under the same name under suboxone treatment. The link is posted toward the top of this page. Thank you to all who have replied. If you wish, I would love to continue talking on the other thread. Sorry for the confusion.

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