[queenie2145]

Long story but i need some advice.
My husband ever since i met him was addicted to weed i ended up pregnant and told him he had to stop. He agreed but i constantly was finding it here and their. I would flush it and confront him about it. About a year later he was diagnosed with Leukemia and he fought and won it but it made his back pain hurt bad. So he says. The doctors were giving him vicodin 750 ES for the pain along with ALL his other medication. He than started doing Cocain and god only knows what else. He started to Steal from Me and other people, would lie about it like crazy and lie about almost everything. After about 2 and a half years of being in Remission we moved to a new state to help him get away and start fresh and the new doctor was still giving him vicodins and he meet new people and still was smokin weed. He ended up with pheumonia and almost died. So we moved to another new state closier to some family and not so expensive to live. The new doctor took him off the vicodin and just gave him a presription for Oxycodone. I dont understand why. With this being a more harder drug he become far more worst than EVER before.
He has stolen a credit card from a family member that let us into their home to live and helped us out. He ran it up to over $5000. Used it for months but no one knew. The police stepped in and he is being charged which i am glad because he needs to be. But the family member wont press their own charges the bank is doing it. He has continued to take from me. He takes my 3 year olds bank and takes all the change out of that. I have kicked him out numerous times but as his wife i try to help him and i feel bad becasue he has NO ONE but i know its his own fault because he has stolen from everyone. I dont know what else to do. These past 4 days he has taken over $400 to buy more pills because he takes his prescription in less than a week. I have told him that he needs to gove me his pills and i will give them to him as prescribed. He wont do it he fights with me. He about a month ago came to me and said he wanted to go to church and get help. He started but started to complain about it because i was going alot. 3 times a week. I got the pastor involved with our lives and he has come to our house to talk to us we have gone to dinner with him and he got my husband taken classes once a week. The pastor even goes with him to these classes but honestly nothing is doing it for him. Its like he is putting on an act just to make people think different. People ask me and i spill it and tell the truth and i tell it all.
Oh he also before the church thing and all got arrested for forging a prescription {changing the date to get it filled soonier} so they ceazed my car for a week.
I cant deal with this anymore. I keep giving him chance after chance. I am afraid that his actions could cause something for me to lose my son and i have told him this but he says it wont happen. They wanted to take me to jail when he was arrested for the forgery. I wasnt even with him i was at home and he was suppose to be out job hunting but it was a lie. He was doing this. Im scaried and in a state where i barely know anyone. His actions with the family member pushed the person out of his own home so their is no one here. I cant find work here but i am stuck here.
Any odeas from anyone. Im Lost and Confused. Im scaried to death. I just dont know what to do. He claims he wants help but i dont trust him in my house.
Please help me!!!

[Maxpower]

Trust is everything in a relationship. One thing to keep in mind is some addicts recover completely, some never recover and others bounce back and forth. Addition is a disease, and due to the stigma that surrounds addiction, everyone wants to keep it in the dark....OMG so and so is an addict?!! stay away from them.... Another thing to keep in mind is addicts cant get help unless they truly want to change. They need to seek professional help, and build support systems...ones that work for them. You can try going to Al-Anon, it is designed to help people that are in the same boat you are in. But unless he WANTS to change, there is no one who can help him until he hits rock bottom, and even then, addicts dont always recover. Best of luck to you, Ive been on both ends of your situation, and it sucks. Look out for you and your son, and offer help when he asks, there is no point in trying to help someone that doesnt want it,

[queenie2145]

He has been asking for help and i give it as much as i can but he always does something again. Im so sick of hearing the lies. Im afraid to allow him back into my home to get him more help. The only so called FRIENDS he has are druggies. So i know he wont get any help that way. I let him come back he will just steal again or do something again. I am lost. I was shocked when he came into church today. I was surprized he had a friend take him and drop him off. He sat by me I didnt speak one word to him. I think he thought i was going to let him get in my car for me to drive him somewhere or let him come with me but i didnt i just told my son "tell your daddy bye." Before he came into church my pastor came to me and asked where he was and i told him what happened. I know its the devil inside my husband and my husband isnt fighting him. But he did fight the devil when he came into the church and stayied. I do love and care about him and i want to help but i cannot take him stealing anymore money we dont have...

[Robert_325]

Queenie,

It's time to face reality. You are enabling him because you love him and want to help him. He is an addict and is in the worst of addiction. From here he has three places he can end up ... dead, jail, or in an institution/rehab.

You owe your children your best. Don't allow him to mess it up for your kids. Addicts act out as long as those around them will allow it until they reach absolute rock bottom. I know ... I have hurt my family before too. He is there and is taking you and the kids with him. If you love him, then get tough. To hell with being nice about it. You need to tell him to check into a rehab, and they have them for people who have no money or insurance if that is a problem. Don't listen to his BS. It is the drugs talking not him. He is lying out the a$$. That is reality.

I would insist he check into rehab, or else throw him out if he has to sleep under a bridge and you have to go to a shelter. It's better than getting arrested for junk that he does. You still have options for you and your kids. Those options don't need to include a husband/father who is doing all the things you describe. He is of no benefit to you or his kids like he is now.

I am not saying don't support him. I am saying support him if he will do what is best. If he won't then let him suffer the consequences. But you and your kids should not have to suffer anymore than you have. And always remember one thing. I mean this. You can drop me or any other real addict off on a country road in a state we have never been and we will find a way to get the drugs if we are in active addiction. A new geographical location is not the answer EVER. Moving does no good. Drugs are everywhere.

Make him get help or get away from you. He needs to be forced to decide if he wants to live or not and stop hurting everyone who loves him. Good luck to you, your poor kids, and your husband. And God bless!! Your faith in Jesus Christ can get you through doing what you have to do. It's what is best for everyone including your husband. All things are possible through Christ. That is a fact!! He will always be with you as you deal with this properly.

[ymccormack]

Originally Posted by Robert_325

Queenie,

It's time to face reality. You are enabling him because you love him and want to help him. He is an addict and is in the worst of addiction. From here he has three places he can end up ... dead, jail, or in an institution/rehab.

You owe your children your best. Don't allow him to mess it up for your kids. Addicts act out as long as those around them will allow it until they reach absolute rock bottom. I know ... I have hurt my family before too. He is there and is taking you and the kids with him. If you love him, then get tough. To hell with being nice about it. You need to tell him to check into a rehab, and they have them for people who have no money or insurance if that is a problem. Don't listen to his BS. It is the drugs talking not him. He is lying out the a$$. That is reality.

I would insist he check into rehab, or else throw him out if he has to sleep under a bridge and you have to go to a shelter. It's better than getting arrested for junk that he does. You still have options for you and your kids. Those options don't need to include a husband/father who is doing all the things you describe. He is of no benefit to you or his kids like he is now.

I am not saying don't support him. I am saying support him if he will do what is best. If he won't then let him suffer the consequences. But you and your kids should not have to suffer anymore than you have. And always remember one thing. I mean this. You can drop me or any other real addict off on a country road in a state we have never been and we will find a way to get the drugs if we are in active addiction. A new geographical location is not the answer EVER. Moving does no good. Drugs are everywhere.

Make him get help or get away from you. He needs to be forced to decide if he wants to live or not and stop hurting everyone who loves him. Good luck to you, your poor kids, and your husband. And God bless!! Your faith in Jesus Christ can get you through doing what you have to do. It's what is best for everyone including your husband. All things are possible through Christ. That is a fact!! He will always be with you as you deal with this properly.

Queenie:

Think about your child. If your husband finally manages to get you in real trouble...who will be there for your son?

It will happen. You will eventually end up in big big trouble because of him. Kick him out and don't let him back until you are sure he is clean....and then watch him like a hawk.

Make sure he completed a rehab program....it sounds like he needs professional help...in addition to a new set of friends.

Alanon is a good idea too. You need to get some friends you can rely on. You'll meet people who understand your situation in Alanon.

Good Luck

YM

[bill w]

it sounds ymccormack that u need to be honest with yourself. can u honestly change someone who steals from u. they steal bc they go to tha hood to buy crack and thats after they eat pills. In & out of rehab for more than 10 yrs is a waste of rent $$. Be real he loves the crack over u. He made that clear with the ppl he hangs around with. Remember jermaine?? He's a lost cause. Move on before u go down with the ship. Quit be so desperate to Live and hang onto the American dream of having a white picket fence and successful marriage. Watch A & E's Intervention. Your gettin played and hangin onto the the notion that he will change when he's never been locked up or charged with anything!!! Tough love is the only love..wake up..the 940 area code is a harsh reality..get away

[badhipps]

You might think he is his worst enemy but your dead wrong...you are... truth hurts but it's a fact....your as addicted as he is... your an enabler and just as sick as he is. as long as your around him he is always gonna use. instead of whining about how bad a doper your hubby is you need to stop feeding your addiction to being needed, grow up, and be a responsible parent to your kid. either this clown gets help or he doesn't your pretending to be mad then comming to the rescue everytime he slips is just playing your hero role. Intervention will work if you intervene with the intention to get his addiction under control not to satisfy your own need to be the white knight comming to the rescue...over and over and over and over and over....do ya see a pattern here?

[ymccormack]

Originally Posted by bill w

it sounds ymccormack that u need to be honest with yourself. can u honestly change someone who steals from u. they steal bc they go to tha hood to buy crack and thats after they eat pills. In & out of rehab for more than 10 yrs is a waste of rent $$. Be real he loves the crack over u. He made that clear with the ppl he hangs around with. Remember jermaine?? He's a lost cause. Move on before u go down with the ship. Quit be so desperate to Live and hang onto the American dream of having a white picket fence and successful marriage. Watch A & E's Intervention. Your gettin played and hangin onto the the notion that he will change when he's never been locked up or charged with anything!!! Tough love is the only love..wake up..the 940 area code is a harsh reality..get away

Bill W:

I actually agree with you more than you know...but another poster labeled me as a "man hater" for telling a woman in a similar situation to do what you are saying.

I agree that she needs to get the heck away from this guy -- but without knowing them personally -- I can't tell her that he is never going to be able to change or get his act together. I'd prefer to be optomistic...she can kick him out until he gets real help and decide from there if the siutation warrants taking him back.

Either way...there is no way i would let anyone, let alone my husband, jeopardize the safety and happiness of my children.

Queenie: Just wondering if you have managed to stay strong and keep him distanced from your family?

Let us know!

YM

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by ymccormack

Bill W:

I actually agree with you more than you know...but another poster labeled me as a "man hater" for telling a woman in a similar situation to do what you are saying.

I agree that she needs to get the heck away from this guy -- but without knowing them personally -- I can't tell her that he is never going to be able to change or get his act together. I'd prefer to be optomistic...she can kick him out until he gets real help and decide from there if the siutation warrants taking him back.

Either way...there is no way i would let anyone, let alone my husband, jeopardize the safety and happiness of my children.

Queenie: Just wondering if you have managed to stay strong and keep him distanced from your family?

Let us know!

YM

YM,
You are correct. It is not our place to give marital counseling. We are here to share our experience, our strength and hope. I agree with Bill that some tough love is due here just like I posted above. I think she should run his ass off too. But I would not lock the door to the possibility that the guy could come around at some point. I know how screwed up I was at one time. I don't find it necessary to live that way today. To assume that someone is doomed to fail forever is going pretty far, farther than it is our place to go.

[ymccormack]

Originally Posted by Robert_325

YM,
You are correct. It is not our place to give marital counseling. We are here to share our experience, our strength and hope. I agree with Bill that some tough love is due here just like I posted above. I think she should run his ass off too. But I would not lock the door to the possibility that the guy could come around at some point. I know how screwed up I was at one time. I don't find it necessary to live that way today. To assume that someone is doomed to fail forever is going pretty far, farther than it is our place to go.

Thanks Robert. I just hate to see these people get dragged down with their addicted partners - you know? If a man would write in about his crazy wife - I'd give him the same advice. And I worry about these kids. I am a firm believer in tough love...but I also like to hope that all people are capable of serious change.

YM

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by ymccormack

Thanks Robert. I just hate to see these people get dragged down with their addicted partners - you know? If a man would write in about his crazy wife - I'd give him the same advice. And I worry about these kids. I am a firm believer in tough love...but I also like to hope that all people are capable of serious change.

YM

I know what you mean. We have all seen addicts destroy their loved ones' lives. Some of us have even been the one who did the destroying. When children get involved it truly becomes life and death for them too as we can mess their little heads up so badly by doing some of the stupid things addicts do. It can be heartbreaking. But I, like you, still hope for the best. I am an optimist too. I just know that people who post questions are seeking advice. I would hate to destroy a family or a life if our suggestions were taken to the letter and we ruined it for someone who really was on the verge of cleaning up their act. We have to be careful what we tell people. We only know what is being shared with us ... and the person posting in these situations is usually in a very emotional state. There could be more to a story than what we always hear. That is not being directed at the first post on this thread or any particular post, just posts in general. I also like to hope that people are capable of major changes in their lives.

[disabledleo]

God isn't that the truth!!!!!!!!!! I too have been a problem for my family & wish I could take back the things "said" & done that came from me.. BUT those things once said & done can never be removed from the minds of the people closest to you & they are the ones that love us the most. All we can do is change & show them what we are all really about.

Again Robert GOOD POST!!!!!!

[jack2008]

i hope the following link will help you and it will save your husband.
if poissible try some alternative way.like yoga,med..
==========
jack
This is a comprehensive addiction portal focusing on topics of alcohol and drug abuse. http://www.alcoholaddiction.org

[stevejohn008]

Its very uncommon that most of them are drug addicted. I just hate to see these people get dragged down with their addicted partners.All we can do is change & show them what we are all really about.

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[brucely]

I will definitely help to you. Can you give me a full details about which problem you are husband facing.
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