[going overboard]

Someone please give me some good advice....I am seriously addicted to opiates and I think I have finally hit rock bottom. I have been on narcotics for 4 years now. I have degenerative arthritis and just had diskogram done several months ago and found out I have a tear in the fibers around L5-S1 and the center nucleous is leaking out...(herniated disk). I am a patient at a pain clinic and am now on Methadone. My doc wants me to have an IDET but my insurance wont cover it and I think I am too young for a fusion...Im not even 30 yet and really couldnt afford the surgery anyway. For the past year I have been going through the cycle of running out of meds early and trying to figure out how to get more to get me through. Recently I was involved in a car wreck...well it was a road rage incident....guy with big stuffed duck tied to front end of flatbed utility truck ran me off the road passing me, i blew horn and he slammed on brakes and reversed into me causing 5,000 dollars damage to my car...broke my husbands foot and then he waited for cops to get there....needless to say I have been in extremem pain since then...I took extra methadone( I only take 30mg per day), so I ran out. My brother just had back surgery and he was taking percocet....he had a refill of vicodin left at the drug store and I called it in and picked it up.. I really didnt think he was using it anymore, and he wasnt, but he ran out of his percocet early and tried to get his refill just 4 days after I had already picked it up. I know I really screwed up, and he knows the truth now b.c I told him...he was mad but understood that I was desperate...going through withdrawels for 3 days and in pain and knew I could get my meds for 5 more days....the problem is now his workers comp is involved and is filling a police report. I am wondering if anyone has been through this kind of thing before.....I am hoping that by the grace of GOD that I wont be recognized on the surveillence tapes at the store. The pharmacy told him whoever picked it up cam in the store so they will be going through the tapes with the police soon....I didnt really go in the store, I went through the drive-thru not in my car and with dark shades on....the store doesn'thave camerras that show tag numbers, just the car through the window...I am hoping that because I was driving a super-raised truck that they wont be able to identify me...and my brother isnt either......PLease give any advice you can..... I know I messed up, but I am really a nice person, loving mom, devote Christian, but I gave in to a weakness and know I am so truely ashamed. My husband doesnt know how bad my provblem is. What should I do???????

Thanks for any advice.

HElp_me_im_drowing!!!!! And i dont want to go to federal prison....

[mpvt]

You have to face the fact that your an addict and you can either go on living this way or you can do something about your addiction.30mgs of methadone a day is a very low dose for pain control.My suggestion to you would be to go to a methadone clinic and tell them you are addicted to your pain meds and your abusing them and buying off the street when you run out.Do not tell them you are there for pain as they will not treat pain patients.I can garuntee you that once your on a proper stable daily dose you will be amazed at how your life will turn around.
The other option you have is to try suboxone (buprenorphene). This ia an exellent partial antagonist opiate that works wonders for addicts.It takes their withdrawls and cravings away while leaving them clear headed and feeling normal to carry on with their lives.
The only problem with this is it's not really intended for pain control which is why I thought the methadone would be the way to go.
There is pain killing qualities to suboxone,I just don't know if it would work for you.I guess the only way to find out would be to try it.
Personally I have been on methadone for pain\addiction for 5 years and my life is the best it's ever been.I'm alert and my pain is under control.I abused demerol\morphine\dilaudid for 23 years before I finally reached my bottom and went to the clinic but it was the best decision I ever made.
So you need to decide what you want to do???Running around trying to find your next pill is already catching up with you and believe me it will not get better until you make a comitment to do something about it.As the old saying goes "I've been there and done that".So good luck to you and let me know how you make out.
Don't be afraid as there is lots of help out there if you want it......Dave

[going overboard]

I am a patient at a pain mngt clinic but I am afraid I am going to be in jail before I can ask for help. Do you know if people who do what I did at the pharmacy normally get caught. This is what I am really afraid of. I am going to ask my pain doc about upping my methadone dose. I think if it was just a little higher dose that I would not feel like I do, and feel the need to do illegal things to get my pills. I do not buy them off the street, I just called up the pharmacy and had my brothers refill filled thinking he wasnt using it anymore....but know workers comp is filing a police report and i am afraid I am going to get caught with a federal charge...any advice on that, or do you think I might get away with it by the grace of God?? My brother has already said he wasnt going to press any charges....I really was just desperate. I knew it was wrong and I felt sick doing it, but I just couldnt stop myself...I couldnt face the fact that I might be out of pain meds for 5 days....without the methadone or Norco, my pain level stays at a 7-9 and I cant function without them. Does this make me a horrible person?

[gerstner23]

it does not make you a horrible person to do what you did, it makes you an addict like most of us on here. as for 30 mg of methadone for pain control that is a very low dose, i am on 120 mg a day for pain control and it works great. most people on methadone for pain control need 80 mg to 120 mg a day to get the proper relief. as for your brother pressing charges it wont be up to him because if the police know you filled his script without his permission it is a felony. but i answered one of these posts before, because it is your brother and not a stranger and your brother standing up for you in court also being a addict, you will get probation and have to probally go to rehab. assuming you have no prior record. hope this helps brad p.s. i would not go to a methadone clinic because they usually run about 8 to 12 dollars a day and most insurance companies will not pay for them, tell your doctor and like i said i take 120 mg a day and it costs me 35 dollars a month with no insurance. alot cheaper than a clinic also alot more privacy and not having the stigma of going to a methadone clinic.

[going overboard]

Well, here is the deal...my brother has not told them it was me and they might not even find out. They are looking at the surveillence videos and they said that whoever picked it up came into the store because the little strip you sign was on the books by the cash register.....I did not go into the store.....and I was not driving my normal vehicle, and I had on dark glasses so I am hoping and praying that I just might get by with it. I know it is a slim chance but my brothers not going to rat on me. He is just going to support me. I have been on my knees praying for the past week......this happened last week and I havent heard anything yet from the police, pharmacy or anyone. My brother said they just talked about filing a police report yesterday, so I am praying that GOD is going to somehow protect me in this. Like I said, I have been on my knees praying and I swear if I do get away with this (or not) I am going to get help and I swear I will never do anything as stupid as this again. I think if I can get my doc at the pain clinic to up my methadone dose I will be fine. I am only taking my 3 pills a day now, and I was doing ok until we were involved in that car wreck/assault w/a deadly weapon.....but you are right, the 30mg a day just isnt getting it....I am already arousing suspision at my pain clinic by trying to get scripts filled early...so mabey they will see that I am not a bad patient or drug abuser....I just am not getting the pain relief I need....I stopped getting "high" while taking these drugs about 2 years ago....now, they just help the pain, but if I dont have them, I am sick and cant work or take care of my children....so I get really freaked out if I run out early. I never thought it would come to this, I never thought I would be an addict, I guess it is time to go ahead and have the disk fusion done and get it over with....mabey then I can finally get my life back on track......I cant even begin to fathom what will happen if I do get caught out on this.....I will never be able to look my husband in the eyes again, let alone the rest of my family....I would seriously rather DIE than go through getting caught...I guess I should have thought about that sooner though right.......Please pray for me. Thanks for your advice cause I have NO ONE else to talk to.....you are a GOD send!!!! Thanks again!

[boonpamm]

Try Suboxone. I am a heroin addict, and have been taking it for over 2 years now. It's a wonder drug!!! I also know someone who is prescribed Oxycontin for a car accident, and she sells her oxy's and buys Suboxone, says it takes care of the pain as well.

[tyloxrox]

I'f you have no felonies on your record you probably won't even go to jail. Don't listen to the police if you do get caught as they will try to scare the hell out of you. refuse to answer any questions at all without a lawyer. The police will tell you that answering there questions is your chance to help yourself out. It's really there chance to make there case against you stronger. Please take my advice as I went to college to be in law enforcement and I too was addicted to pain pills. Halfway through school I got busted with 64 grams of cocaine which I was selling to fund my pill habit. I was facing 20 yrs. in prison. But due to my knowledge I refused to plead guilty so they had to offer me a plea bargain and I was sentenced to 9 months in jail with work release. whatever you do don't plead guilty right away because they will offer you a plea. keep in mind your offense is far less serious than mine. Best of luck and let me know if this helps at all!

[Grace1954]

Panic never solved anything, and just pause long enough think about the facts. You didn't forge a prescription, you didn't break into someone's house to steal the drugs. You were honest with your brother,and if it was the first time, you will probably get a slap on the wrist and mandatory outpatient drug treatment which might be the best thing you could have. Drugs change us into people we don't want to be, sick people, so stop judging yourself. There is a local sports announcer in MD who broke into his next door neighbor's house (an 85 year old cancer patient) to steal her pain meds, and that was less than a year ago, and he's back on TV. Unbelievable, eh? First stop thinking of drug addiction as a character flaw and start understanding it is a disease that left untreated is progressive, incurable and fatal. Wherever you live there is an Intergroup office which serves as a gatekeeper for where and when AA or NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings are held. Start going to meetings every day, get a sponsor, and start working the program of 12 steps. You will be on your way to recovery, and it will go better for you if a courtroom situation actually materializes. It will be okay.

[animal lover]

I am new to the forum, my first post so I don't know what I am doing!
Let me start by saying you had the guts to come clean, there are so many people out there that have done illegal things to get drugs, me included. My problem started in 1991 with my first hern. disc, surgery. Did great for 2 yrs., then second hern. disc in 1996, more surgery. Except this time it left me in so much pain. That's when the doc's came in and put me on Percocet, ect. I was on them for about a year and then they did not work. They tried every drug and nothing helped. I went through PT, I tried everything. Finally, I think it was 2000 the worst thing happened. The doctor put me on OXYCONTIN, I thought It was my wonder drug. It worked great until I started taking to many of them and started running out of my drugs before my doc visit. I did not ever know what OXY was at that time. NEVER heard of it, the doctor did not advise me of it nor tell me that it would cause withdrawls without it. Then my third back surgery came, and then the last, the 4th. I was so addicted to this drug. I was so sick, I was in so much pain and then this drug stopped working. I was on 6-8 80mg daily plus 60 10mg of percocet monthly. I do not know how much pain you are in but if you are like what happened to me and that is your drug habit is worse than your pain do this. It took everything in me to go to my pain mgt doc and ask him to take me off the drug, he advised me not to. He said that I would suffer w/o it. I left there and made an appt. with a dr that was able to write SUBOXONE, that saved my life. I am not kidding, I still am in pain but believe me not the kind of pain of throwing up, the runs from ****, the worst withdrawls u could ever think of. I WAS SO SO SICK. Suboxone has saved my life. Know I have been on sub for about 32 days. My next plan is to get of this stuff. I have a daughter, a nice house and all kinds of loving animals. Please find a doc that can write SUBOXONE, I will give you my promise it will give u your life back, as far as the script you stold, did you sign anything? If you did not sign anything I don't think they can prove anything!!! Dont worry, that is easy for me to say but if you did not sign anything u r OK, Your friend, been there. Animal lover

[tjkel]

Oh honey, I am so sorry for your troubles. Have you considered a methadone clinic for your addiction? I know the media has painted methadone in a bad light here lately, but it has saved so many people's lives who have addiction issues, and most deaths associated with methadone haved been mixed with other drugs, which they usually leave this tidbid out. Go to this site~ AT Watchdog.org, post your problem and they will help you with it. Go to the main forum and post your topic. They are really helpful with issues such as this. Good luck. Kel