Is there life after opiates? Yes, there is.

[readytobebetter]

Hi all,

I just wanted to take the time to give some moral support to anyone out there that's lying in bed, sweating, anxious as all hell, feeling like seconds are days, no will to live, no laughter, etc. etc. etc. know that it will get better.

I know. You want to scream "BS!" at me. But, here's the deal.

After three years on oxy, with my highest dose getting up to 300mg daily, I decided to stop. I was a pain management patient, but in hind sight, it sure as heck wasn't all about the pain. Oxy stopped my chronic anxiety, helped with the pain, and was the holy grail in terms of making me feel like all was right with the world.

But, anyone who's been on them long enough knows how the story progresses. You have to take more and more and then your body starts shutting down. You can't ???? and you swell and get all toxic.

At 32 I even stopped getting my period. The doc insisted it had nothing to do with the pills, but low and behold, as soon as I stopped my period came back like clockwork.

Anyway, I tried suboxone and got thrown into precipitated withdrawal. SUCKED! Not just that, but it made me feel cracked out and to top it off I was still showing withdrawal signs, so I stopped and went the cold turkey route.

I know how all of you feel. Trust me. It was the worst experience of my life. And it did NOT "get better every day."

I think that's the single most important thing to keep in mind. I thought that for sure I would never laugh, smile, live, stop tweaking out again. This went on for weeks and weeks. The depression feels like Dementors have sucked your soul.

But, don't panic.

I did. I felt like something was wrong... and I guess something was: all these extra opiate receptors screaming, my brain not squirting happy juice, my body purging all kinds of terrible things, etc.

It's physical and psycological and it needs to run its course.

I swear to God that today, I can look back and actually say that it was worth it and that I never, as long as I live, want to go through the Valley of the Shadow of friggin death that never comes, again.

You will live again. You will not always look and feel like a mole-creature. Very hard to believe, I know.

You can do this. Serve your sentence, it will take as long as it takes.

Remember, dependence is in the body, addiction is in the mind. You're fighting a war, but every day served is another day closer to freedom.

Do I still think about it? Of course. Heck, my husband told me he was leaving me on week 8...just as I was starting to feel like there was a chance that I might not feel like killing myself all day every day.

I had thought that for sure I would relapse if something big like this happened, but you know what? Eff it all. If there's one thing that I do have control over in my life it's the choice to fall back on a crutch that will lead to death or find another way to cope.

Once the sickness, depression lifts, it's still a daily choice, but at least it's black and white. There's no gray area. You either do or you don't.

You can do it. You really can. Believe in yourself and hold on to the hope that it will take time, but it will get better.

Took 8 weeks, and every one of those days felt like YEARS, before I felt halfway human. But 8 weeks isn't too long in the grand scheme of things.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

[Roxyhell]

Hi. I am definetly feeling the pain of my second day clean and sober, no outside influences. I'll start by saying that I have struggled with opiate abuse for the past eight years. But it has only been the last year that I started doing oxy. Which in my opinion is the belly of the beast. I was snorting 60-120 mgs a day. It is a well known fact that these things are expensive and the habbit gets really hard to maintain. This has left me and my sweetie little choice but to quit. I have been laying in my bed in my dark room just keeping my hands and mind busy on my keyboard. This is a great community to share your voice with others of like mind. This is a really tricky process because there is still a huge voice in my head that tells me to use again. But I know exactly where that will lead.. broke and suicidal!
I am fortunate to be able to lay in bed all day, I know lots who do not have this luxury. For that I am greatful, for this time is helping me more than I can put into words. One big question for those who have been successful, What do I do when the big bad cravings come? Or when life starts to be too much? I'll be honest, it is these two things that have caused me to relapse in the past. Wish all you poppers the best of luck! drink thera flu and put some cozy seats on like me. Love Roxyhell

[mike1530]

I am on day 12 of being off oxycodone. Im 20 years old and have been on blues for about a year and a half. It all started when i finished my first full year of college. I came home for summer break thinking it was going to be like any other summer. But i was definitely wrong. Basically me and my best friend were out partying one night and he had some pills. I knew exactly what they were. Ive heard about them and i knew what they could do to people, but i thought there was no way it was going to happen to me. Next thing i knew i was eating them everyday and i wanted more and more. So i started going to pain management clinics in south florida...Thats when it all started to get out of control. I was crushing up 10-15 a day and if i really wanted to have a good time at night I would be snorting 20 of them throughout the day.

My story isnt exactly like everyone elses i know back in my hometown. Alot of my friends have nothing going for them and werent in school or working. I go to a major university in Tampa fl and study biochemistry. I was able to go to school do all of the studying that was required, i was able to pass all of my classes with A's and B's. But i just felt horrible about myself and lying to my mom and grandma about where all my money was going. So to make this story short, i had had enough with being controlled by oxycodone and waking up in the morning and going straight to my desk to snort 3 of them just to get out of my house and make it to school. It was finally time to quit.

In my home town, there is some sort of opiate addiction specialist doctor and he and some guy came up with a medicine that makes your endorphin receptors "feel full" like you just got your fix. Its is injected into your upper arm via a shot. It is painless and the worst part of the whole process is sweating and minor hot/cold flashes. Along with the shot, they give you these lozenges that you put under your tongue. They are called Butro(basically the same as suboxone). However, they do not make you feel high like suboxone and for some reason, they dont make you want more and more. I havent had to use one the lozenges in about 8-9 days.

The hardest part of being off of these pills is the feeling of loosing my best friend. No matter how good or bad of a day i was having, i always knew i was going to have my pills with me to cheer me up. I have lost motivation in school and i just want to sit around and do nothing. This is the worst part of it all. I dont know what to do with my self. It seems like being sober isnt as great as it seemed. But i know in the long run it will be. I guess time is truly the only thing to make things better.

and by the way, sorry if this post seems kind of "rocky" trying to read through it. Im not the best of writers.

Best regards to everyone out there trying to quit opiates or any drug. It is by far one of the roughest rides i have ever been through.

[disabledleo]

I can HONESTLY say "YES" there is a life after addiction.... I just spent the GREATS hour I have had with my wife & daughter in all places...... * *****The GYM ***** I worked out so hard while my girls were getting their cardio in & then spent the rest of the time teaching my daughter the correct way to use the equipment in there & she has ALWAYS been 1 to listen to me & did exactly as I told her & she impressed me incredibly.....
Who would have ever imagined this???? I am in HEAVEN & not taking pills.
So to everyone out there YES THERE IS AN AMAZING LIFE AFTER ADDICTION!!!!
I am living proof.....

[JMAlv]

i'm glad to read this. today is my seond day off of opiates, first day on suboxine. i am depressed as hell. so far, being sober sucks. please tell me it gets better.

[disabledleo]

TRUST ME it is AMAZING!!!!!! Go back & read some of my posts & you will see just "PART" of the hell I have been thru & then read my last post.
You can do this & I am telling you it is worth it...
IT IS WORTH IT!!!!!!

[indigo415]

Thank you for this!! I have been through it too many times to even count, but this does make me feel better. I think I'm more ready to face the hell than I ever was. I'll probably be back to read this many times!

[disabledleo]

I can tell you I must have pushed a bit too hard too fast because I'm suffering today BUT can feel the pain from excersizing so all I would tell all of you once you get to where you can start do it slowly & let everyone know what your doing incase you need help. Now today I'm going along with my family to Bush Gardens & going to enjoy every second of it because they are who I went thru the hell I did for so its time to enjoy them. Will not be easy but they do understand. I can't wait to feel the rush from a roller coaster without pills.
God Bless

[mike1530]

Disabledleo, Do you live in tampa? Cuz thats where I go to school. Small world

[disabledleo]

Mike no I do not live in tampa...
But yes its a small world in many other ways.
Had a wonderful day with my wife all day. I had to really push myself hard & just about fell out & she had me sit down & rest awhile because she knows how hard I'm trying. I even left the house without any meds but she made me turn around to get something because she "KNEW" I would need something but pushed thru it not taking ANYTHING until the very end of the trip to be able to get everyone home safe. & even then just took a small piece of a 15 mg & hurt horrible the entire drive home but would not take anymore & still have not tonight. Laying in bed cramping up knotting up & pain shooting all over my body. The day spent with a wonderful women & my best friend was worth the pain I suffer.

[Ggeo]

Thank you. These are def the kind of posts that help people keep going to get through. I need it..and it helped ALOT!

[SLEEVES]

Hello to everyone that is fighting to get to the other side. Just alittle about myself, i'm a 50yr old male with an addictive personality. You might want to say that i'm addicted to addiction! I had herniated my two lower disc's in 1995 at work. Being a steelworker it's not hard to do. I was a worker's comp. Doctors dream. Cha-Ching! He kept me medicated with perc. 7.5's, 6 to 8 a day until my surgery in 2001. That is when the percs. should have ended. Instead my surgeon introduced me to oxycotin. Bad news, i loved them. Not on them very long. So I had to go back to my W/C Dr. and he put me back on perc's. 10/325's 6 to 8 a day with a nice little box of fentynal patches. I thought i was set up nice. WRONG. Over the next 10yrs. i have turned into the person that i did not want to be. I've detoxed 4 times in the past 2yrs. The 1st.& 2nd. in a detox center. July 2009 & April 2010. Both times i made it 30 day's after 6 days of detox. Not very encouraging. So i tried it on my own July 2010. 3 full weeks of hell, and made it 60 days. Getting closer Because of this site that i have found and been following, i went back to detox cntr. 4-11-11. I know this time im going to make it, because of what i've heard and seen on this site. Sorry for being long winded. Going into my 12th day clean, again. If ur out there Robert & Malinda thanks 4 the insperation. One day at a time.

[babystimp]

Sleeves, Just read your story and wanted to say that you are in my prayers, it's soo hard to conquer this addiction demon, but you can do it. I have only been off subs for two weeks now,and it's painful. I am living off ibprofen. I have also got hurt at work, have had an artificial disc put in my lower back, those BWC docs. can be just plain cruel. Had one tell me my pain was all in my head, I left that place crying. I was only 17 when I hurt my back, and it changed my life dramatically. I was also on oxy's, then fentanyl, so we kinda had simalar stuff going on. Anyway, good luck, and God Bless.

[SLEEVES]

Babystimp, You are also in my prayers. And yes we do have similar stories. BWC cut me off with no taper off time, I didn't know that they could do that. Sorry that it took me so long to respond back, I have been on vacation for 2 weeks. The good news is that I am on day 24 (opiate free). Please let me know how you are doing! God bless and Good luck.

[dadevilsdoing]

Just wanted to say thanks for your post....it really gave me some support when I needed it the most up to this point

[pinky2]

Sleeves, hey! Don't give up, you have come this far, you can go a bit further!! You know they say that relapsing is all part of recovery and I've done it three times. Each time gets worse too!! I have addictive behaviors, and have the genes for addiction on my dad's side and my mom's side. Never thought I would relapse because I swore that I didn't ever want to go through the horrible detox for pain killers!! How soon we forget when one is placed right in front of you and think that this one little pill won't affect me. Yea, right!! You have to go through this enough times to be able to hold one in your hand where it literally makes you ill at the sight of it and where you can almost" taste" the bad feeling, the aches and pains, the nausea, etc.and that is when you know you have reached a victory over these addicting little demons. It worked for me and to this day, just thinking about it makes me ill!!! I have my life back, feel normal again, just the fact that I can actually "FEEL" is monumental and exciting!! I can reminisce about those times and think out loud and say, "Thank God I am no longer in that "hell-hole" with a smile from ear to ear!! Take control of those demons; it is so totally worth it!!

[Hopeitsbetter]

Where do I begin I'm 19 and have officially hit rock bottom. Being sober would be complete happiness to me and getting there seems like sucha difficult journey. Tomorrow morning I will begin suboxone and I guess I'll take it day by day. No one deserves what opiate addiction does but it's good to know I'm not alone all sorts of people get into this mess. We all gotta be strong and win this battle because we can't let it claim our lives I know it has claimed mine for far to long. Both my boyfrien and I will be doing this together and honestly i dont know how it will affect us since we were always used to being high together. All I know is that I hope we can both do it and everyone else out there suffering from this torture. Feedback woul be lovely. Take care!